will be 22 in 10 mins + gained access to old laptop

tbh i was gonna write a most likely lengthy angsty post abt aging and how i don't want to and how i don't feel 21 or 22 but like a 12 year old, 14 year old, 17/18/19 year old girl and how if i at least became skinny and pretty it wouldn't feel so bad but rn i'm a little too tipsy/drunk to care. i mean i still care but i'm not abt to enter another crying spell like i did at least 3-5x times since 1-2 or 3 am this day when i pulled an allnighter. right now tho my stomach is feeling sick in a way like i ate too much food. i drank some irish cream liquor, then my straw-ber-rita (97% as of writing this post) and then a sip of this margarita strawb mix i added into macari(bacari?) alcohol that still tatses like ass and then another sip of irish cream liquor. i think i might actually be drunk. rn it's 11:53 pm i have 7 more mins of being 21 years old lolz. i didn't do much today bc i woke up at 12:22 pm to an earthqwuake (previously woke up at 10 smth) and then spent the morning looking at phones with my mom and then went shopping with her to costco and walmart. i ate a lot of samples at costco and counted that as my breakfast+lunch (brunch)

when we finally got home after the walmart trip (where i seemed out of it possible due to my vyvanse) i went tinto my closet to look for my zebra striped backpack bc i saw it in one of my 2020 tiktoks from 2020(edit: meant september) and thoguht it might hold my old gadgets - and i was right!...abt the laptop. anyway i went thru it and it was like a fresh wave of nostalgia. (after i managed to find out the P***D (Amazoano16 .. thank you daddy) i'm gonna connect it to some sort of icloud for ASUS laptops so i can access the files. might move them over to my laptop, but i still have to get he data extracted from my macbook. 

"but i'm unbroken, my colors show through, and you will never understand"

"how can you stay inside? there's a beautiful mess inside"

edit: adding photos for thumbnail

"in spite of how the world decides to see my life.. will i still have the chance for us to say goodbye? over and over again,,.."