july 1 - july 12 ~ july 31

july 1

-

july 2

-

weigh-in(i believe it was the 2nd but could also possibly be the 3rd, or even the 4th?): 196.8 with clothes in the morning, 195.8 naked but after consuming liquid(?)

july 3

july 4

- 

-

july 5

- i took a tiny bit of 🍃🍬 but didn’t feel anything 

- at least one white claw in the evening 

july 6

july 7

- peach

- peanut brittle(?)

- got high, which led to me wanting to drink as well, drank 3 white claws throughout the latter half of the day which is doing waaaay too much, alongside sips of stella rosa and a large sip of some margarita my dad bought. lowkey loser activities 

was a constant back and forth bc i hated that my buzz/high was wearing off so i’d debate taking extra portions of the edi and also drinking more alc

july 8

*fasting* goal: 48 hrs but knew i’d break for hangout w/ friend

- danimals / or was is yogurt? yea i think it was yogurt, isk if i had danimals too but i allowed yogurt as a “liquid”

•ended up breaking prematurely 

- honeybun(previously fought the urge but gave in anyway)

- 

july 9

*fasting - 48 hrs goal*

- taste of pb

- tall matcha(still unfinished)

- smallest spoon sip of clam chowder(no chunks)

fast successful✅

night weigh-in: 199.8 (i’m getting pissed)

july 10

july 12 (@ csuci town center)

- 2 whiteclaws

- tortillas burrito

july 19

- hard ribs

- coke, wine, beer

- burger

- bite of better rib, cookies, 

- 2 edibles

- 

july 20

*fast-ish* ~ to make up for picnic gorge

- morning: sbux matcha, seafood city: grill city chicken bbq (took an unnecessarily long amt of time bc if disorganization, and their chicken was hard af anyway)

july 21

*no vyvanse day*

- dad’s unfinished sausage egg biscuit

- 

- SHITTON of sunflower seeds throughout the afternoon & evening **

- salmon

- 

- honey bun (2x)

- 3 bagel bites + whole plate of grapes & strawberries (STILL had cravings after, smh)

- whole bunch of watermelon (still, cravings). **

- small cupful of frosted flakes (wasn’t very good)

- hot dog w/ ketchup

- 

july 22

- lean cuisine, popsicle

- grape

- nature valley

- 4 bagel bites

- frosted flakes(?)

- 2 shrimp tempura 

- banana

- noodles 

july 23

- 2 bagel bites, nature valley, apple

- bagel w/ pb, 2 boiled eggs, grapes

- pineapple cup

- 5 saltine crackers

july 24

*plan*

lunch: banana + oatmeal, 2 eggs - 355 cals

snack: none

dinner: french bread pizza - 390 cals

--

didn't stick to plan, forgot abt it lol

- 4 or 5 bagel bites

-

-

- mom's bday dinner: pasta + chicken parmesan, bites of pasta from other family (lasagna, regular red pasta, long noodley red pasta lol) bites of choc?/brookie sundae, like 3 sips of parents' drinks total

july 25

weigh: 195.8... knew i'd be gaining after this day

- 

july 28

eat every hour plan

hour 1: 27ish carrots with tbsps of pb - 198 cals est.

hour 2: 2 eggs - 160 cals

hour 3: plum, 10 sunflower seeds - 70 cals est.

hour 3/4 | 3.5(?): salmon - 150 cals + sprite - 140 cals

* i think i waited so much time between "feeding" periods that i basically skipped a full hour, tried to ea the plum but it was too soft, forgot i had also planned sunflower seeds, was chewing on spoon pretty diligently from like 1 or 1:30ish to 2ish

- @ night post-10pm: mandarin & nectarine, still sipping on sprite, 2 sunflower seeds

july 29

july 30

june 19 - june 30 | hex color code: purple

june 19

- egg sandwich

- noodles

- 2 slices of pizza, 1 pc cinnabon 

- 1 bite of chicken from the chicken rice bowl

- 1 pc cinnabon (2 total, mini tiny size btw)

- 2 tiny bites of chicken sides

exercise: morning walk w/ parents (only 1 round), evening walk (only planned on going/went up to the light stop as i left too late)

june 20

*plan*

lunch: avocado toast (300 cals), bowl of strawberries & grapes(~64 cals?) 1 1/2 water bottle OR 2 cups of tea

- ate toast with burger bred cuz it was all that was available, did not do the tea or bottled water bc there wasn’t any. i however did drink water from seven leaves, does that count? [~344 cals]

--outing-- 

7 leaves: 1 pm to 5 pm (left at 4:30)

vyvanse @ 4pm

9pm: chicken bowl + 2 pc chicken sides from yesterday (if ur appetite returns, continue fast if not) - {ate after i returned home so around 5pm, finished just before vyvanse could kick in} [~380 cals]

- chewed on spoon later in night to counteract cravings even while still feeling the vyvanse. was thinking how i could do a “meet halfway” method by implementing light doses of stimulants + chewing fidgeting for craving suppression 

extra: peanut brittle pieces[~160] i nabbed from dad’s livingroom, vyvanse kicked in just as i was about to start snacking on them lol, took a bite of one after i felt it but knew it was over… ate the pieces later at night tho, diet pepsi

total: ~884 /600-1,600

impromptu weigh-in after scale’s batteries were replaced: 204.6(?) in dad’s living room, 207.6(?) in grandma’s bedroom. both clothed after eating lunch

how far i’ve fallen :/

june 21

*plan*

lunch: banana oatmeal, 1 boiled egg

in b/t meal: chew spoon as fidget ✅

snack: chicken rice bowl OR pb & j

in b/t meal: chew spoon as fidget 

dinner: 1/2 grapefruit + lean cuisine OR tuna & crackers

in b/t meal: chew spoon as fidget 

9pm: grapes & strawberries, apple OR tangerine(if one of the fruits isn't viable)

in b/t meal: chew spoon as fidget 

--

weight: 201.6 (-3.0 or -6.0 if u wanna count the weigh-in in dad's living [not accurate tho lol...unless?] )

execution:

lunch: banana oatmeal (195)✅

went to church with parents for father's day so ofc i'm going to blame that for me ruining my plan. started getting cravings around 2pm-ish? knew i wouldn't be home for some hours since we were going to visit chidi. next time to plan, i'll either take vyvanse/a strong coffee, or bring packaged food to eat with me. or i'll actually try to white knuckle it or even utilize visualization.

- rice w/ meat (basically ate like an animal), meat pie (~400-500)

- fanta soda (~100)

- peanut brittle (~200)

- hot cheeto fries (150)

- 3 pcs of bacon (~100)

- stella rosa wine cup, tiniest bite of edible gummy (around 2.5 mg? feel nothing as i'm writing this + ate "5"mg... still nothing as of 1:44 am) (~100)

dinner(8:50ish-pm): pb & j w/ burger bread (~260+)✅

chewing on spoon✅ helped mitigate some cravings. should do after every hour "snack"

[skipping grapefruit, lean cuisine, tuna & crackers, and possibly egg and fruits due to being "thrown" off track]

~emergen. plan to rest of night: 10pm: apple (80)✅, 11pm: 20 grapes, 12am: boiled egg(?) - combined/traded in for scrambled eggs with ketchup (~180), 1am(go to bed): 

exercise: evening walk

total: ~1,570-1,670/600-1,600

june 22

*plan*

library by 11am(visualize to get motivated) stay till 4:00, take vyvanse @ 3pm

lunch: none except for water

snack: none

dinner/other "meals": \/

-     tuna & crackers

-     2 "scrambled" eggs

-     lean cuisine (if i still have one)

-     some other snack available in the house (must be 3 hours after last eaten, normal portion and NO SECONDS, use visualization to help you) | possibly slice of pizza?

how to day went: ate some of mom's custard in the morning, ate like 1 slice of cold bacon, went out and bought 2 cookies from jersey mike's :DDDDDDD, then was gucci for abt an hour as i waited for dad to drive me to the library where i stayed for a little under 2-3 hours, took vyvanse at 4 i believe (forgot abt the 3 plan, but i went too late anyway) got home and ate a ham sandwich, which i followed with a small bowl of pasta. vyvanse kicked in at this point so i didn't eat the meat. i also didn't eat for the rest of the day thx to the appetite suppression, lucky me.

exercise: walking

june 23

weight: 197.6 (7lbs down in 3 days wootwoot)

semi-planned

lunch: tuna w/ crackers, grapes

snack: leftover meat from yesterday's pasta, peanut brittle, apple (implemented "slow eating habit" by taking a bite of peanut brittle every 5 minutes, helped with managing appetite and slowed down my eating even when my cravings were present. started to eat peanut brittle at normal pace towards the end) 

dinner: plan - 2 boiled eggs, tangerine OR drank a danimals, had stale/expired cheerios, then went ahead and ate some jello too

9pm: plan - ham sandwich w/ mayo(a little late)

extra: extra crackers after snack cuz dem cravings dawg(funny considering minutes before i was upset over how my body looked while sitting in grandma's bed), more crackers, ate edibles (7.5 mg - before 9pm meal), coffee (only drank like half), pb & j as an extra meal to bring me to 2,000 cal day(after laying in bed w/ cravings for quite some time, more peanut brittle, ordered oreos(rlly just wanted more peanut brittle but didn't wanna make a noticeable dent in it.. was not satisfying, mainly munchies) some waterfall of wine

june 24

- ordered starbucks basically as soon as i woke up: cheddar sausage & egg sandwich (damn good) + grande vanilla sweet cream cold brew to manage appetite for hopefully the rest of the day(they didn't seem to have nitro cold brew, which used to get me right) it gimme tummy aches

- coffee suppressed appetite for s decent while, not the whole day, ended up not drinking leftover coffee from yesterday cuz gross and also i couldn't msuter up the motivation to

- after 4pm, maybe even 5, i ate about 8-10 ritz crackers in the walmart

- ice cream drumstick

- popcorn shrimp w/ ketchup

- peach

- sausage & potato

- juice

june 25

*plan*

Library(don't forget desktop earphones): 1:30 pm - 6:30 pm

add-don't-subtract

planned foods to eat:

- nature valley

- yogurt +

- 2 boiled eggs +

- apple +

- 20 grapes + 

exercise:

total: /600-1,600

---

diet format (ignore)

♢

june 20

current weight:

lunch: avocado toast (w/ burger bun bread), strawberries & grapes - ~350 cals

snack: none

dinner: small chicken rice bowl - ~400 cals

total: /600-1,600

extra:

exercise:

week goal:

month goal:

#ddc2fc

bruh

 son

april 15 - april 25

wegovy - day 1 (weight: 196.6?)

weigh-in after taking wegovy: 197.40 on rm's scale (naked), 198.60 clothed | 200.8 clothed on personal scale, 196.6 naked | 197.60 on rm's scale again naked (flashed 197.00 for a second)

no noticeable change so far by 3:41 pm, appetite still present and lowkey going strong

felt a bit of a gurgly feeling around 30 min - 1 hour after taking it, but nothing intense

pretty much back to normal afterwards, we'll see tmrw

march 31 - april 10 + apr. 11 - apr. 14 (OMAD plan) | lowest weight this period: 194.80

march 31

- small bowl lucky charms + fruit bowl: pineapple, watermelon

april 1

?OMAD? (+vyvanse)

- ate spicy cali sushi roll

~vyvanse~

- ate cheese ritz 2x during and after practice 

- pb& j sandwich sometime between 11pm-12:30 am

- sunflower seeds late at night to curb cravings (worked, need to figure out a workaround for less calories tho - pair it with spoon and low cal jelly, carrots, & cucumbers?)

april 2 - weight: 196.6 lbs

?OMAD?

- considered getting food and almost did but vyvanse licked in

-

april 3

?OMAD?

- nutter butter mini cookies, americana turkey burger

* vyvanse kicked in *

- twix

~

- strawberry shaped japanese ice cream

- like 5 sunflower seeds

april 4 - weight: 194.80 @ 9:40pm ish naked

?OMAD?

- cafeteria: snickerdoodle cookie, sliced sausage(?), rice & beans, chicken, potato bite thing?, coke zero

april 5

april 6

april 7

april 8

april 9

- red vines (most likely)

april 10

-

april 11

- vending machine: mixed hot chips, 

- coke zero

*vyvanse*

-

april 12 - weigh in (either this day or the 11th): 197.00 lbs

- smallest bowl of chicken (alfredo?) & broccolli pasta + fruit bowl: grapes, honeydew, peaches/nectarine, pineapple

*vyvanse*

- boxed tuna salad w/ 5 packaged crackers + 5 additional saltine crackers

- ice cream bar

april 13

- americana turkey burger + snickers ice cream bar

~vyvanse kicks in~

- majority of sunchips @ like 11pm

april 14 - weigh-in(after eating 1 soft taco): 195.60 lbs

- 1 singular sun chip, 1 tootsie roll

-

stimulation diet (+ possible outing w/ fiber & protein weekends)

- vyvanse in the morning, coffee or other source of caffeine (at least 150 grams but 200g is ideal) @ around 4 pm, exercise to counteract any extreme "tightness" feeling.

- possibility of doing this 3-4/7 days a week, while spending the weekends(which are 4 days for me but i can have off days) doing outings and "protein and fibermaxxing" aka trying to get in as much protein i can and also consuming small amounts of metamucil all day till it adds up. (half a spoon like 4-5x a day) ---> this would also prevent building up a tolerance to the caffeine and becoming too reliant on the vyvanse, as well as mitigating any effects i'm worried it'll have on my health and heart (and brain)

- point of this is to live my fantasy of "restricting with no cravings" just being free to eat (or not eat) how i would choose and be "anorexic" in peace. only issue is that when i'm on the stimulants, it makes me lazy and not try or think abt my diet as much. i need to stay connected and really revel in the lack of appetite and think of it as a superpower i have over everyone else, make planned meals (whether i decide to eat them or not) track my intake, and avoid compulsive snacking just bc it wore off a little. this helps me put in less mental effort on restricting but i can't completely let go because i still won't lose weight.

ningning 41 kg queen. so triggering. her and giselle, who clearly loves being anorexic and underweight.

march 20 - march 30 (+ started OMAD)

 

march 20

*plan* ~vyvanse~

- jello (90 cals)

- nectarine (63 cals) it tasted bad so i ate a tangerine instead (40 cals + estimated 12 from nectarine so = 52 cals)

- plum (30 cals)

- strawberries & yogurt (104 cals)

- avocado toast w/ egg (380 cals) replaced w/ slice of pizza @ bowling (300-400* cals)

- honey bun (220 cals)

exercise: evening walk walking around mall, bowling 

*~*~

extra: 1/2 david protein bar (so like ~200 cals? considering the lawsuit and the lies), sample meat toothpick, bite of rice with slight bean in it

- lemon water

- cracked due to cravings: pizza w/ ranch, cheerios [bc i was still craving more pizza but didn’t want to eat another slice… didn’t rlly help in the end] ‘nother pizza w/ ranch [yep, i ended up eating another slice anyway :/ ]

planned total: 887/900

act. total: 792(so far) ~1,592-1,900*/900

march 20

*plan*

- avocado toast w/ egg (380 cals)

- 2 tangerines (80 cals)

- 

march 22

- recipe (several portions)

march 23

* vyvanse *

- doritos (first meal) --> vyvanse kicked in soon after

- coke zero (eventually)

- avocado toast

march 24

* vyvanse *

+ bed @ 1:50 am after talking to b for almost 2 hours then moving files on dad's laptop THEN packing

+ woke up @ 5 am and took uber @ 6 am and she had candies and gum in her car that i barely noticed after 40 mins

- 2 caramels, 2 jolly ranches, 1 mexican watermelon candy

- [back at dorm]: ferrero rocher, sushi (vyvanse kicked in and i didn't finish both till later in the day)

~

- rice crispie @ practice that took me a while to eat

- sunflower seeds

- several rice cake chips (the jalapeno cheese flavored ones)

total: ~1,300-1,800/800

march 25

* vyvanse + caffeine "maxxing" plan *

 

march 30

23:1 | OMAD ATTEMPT

* made it to eating window

- meal: small pieces of gnocchi? fries w/ ketchup, chicken/curry + some rice and some chickpeas, pizza(didn't finish)

- tried to fight cravings for rest of day, was mostly successful until like 11pm.... i -believe- i ate a pb&j sandwich.

—

library / tiktok ed pro-ana spam (+ mobile uploads)

 https://www.flickr.com/photos/204369626@N07/with/55157388601

tonguelol

march 9 - march 19

march 9

weight: 199.80(fully clothed, after gym)

~~fasting / 31 hrs~~

*vyvanse*

plan: gym(20 mins elyptical, 25 x2 leg press, 10 mins treadmill or arm leg swing, 50 x1 arm pull ups) after waking up, then shower

--> if desperate to eat, c&s | grocery shop some safe foods

///

exercise: gym - 15 mins elliptical, 25 x2 leg press thing, 20 min treadmill, forgot about arm pull-ups

- mostly water

~

- 7:50pm-ish: coffee + hazelnut creamer, half&half pouch, packet of sugar

- little less than half a stick of gum

weight @ night before bed: 198.80 (w/ clothes, iktr)

march 10

weight: 196.80 (half clothed after eating some dry snacks)

- broke fast around 12:10 pm: cheeto puffs

-

-

march 11

- poke bowl + peach shaped japanese ice cream

-

-

- gold fish

march 12

- sbux: matcha latte order

- didn’t eat till 5 pm (no appetite and didn’t even think abt it :3 ) sun salsa chips(?)

- hot cheeto fries

~ 

- (hangout w roomie) 3 slices of pizza, 3 1/2 white claws,

- another slice of pizza, hot funyuns, sunflower seeds, 

march 13

- sbux: matcha order / brekkie: clam chowder w those hexagon crackers

- 2x bueno choc bar

- sunflower seeds

- 2 square dark choc

- rice w/ stew

- rice w/ BEEF stew

- sip of wine

march 14

- hot dog + oatmeal raisin cookie from farmers market parents got me

- 1 square of dark choc 

- honey glazed ham

- peach shaped ice cream + bueno choc bar

- bites of mac & cheese 

- bite of gluten free cracker

- maybe a few sunflower seeds?

exercise: mild walking, ICE SKATING!!❤️⛸️❄️~

march 15

-

march 16

-

march 17

-

march 18

-

march 19

-

considering doing this:

or this (could be ideal for a campus diet):

 or simply eat 1,300 cals until my grad date. fun fact: if i eat 1600 cals on non-vyvanse days and 400 cals on vyvanse days (alternate day diet plan) my average would be 1,000 cals total

feb. 27 - march 8 | 199.0 lbs as of Feb. 28 (154 by First Show, 149 by Grad)

feb. 27

- bite of remaining tomato egg noodles

- ferrero rocher?

- sunflower seed madness (couldn't stop eating while i was supposed to be getting ready to go study)

* vyvanse @ library *

   --> was thinking to myself how i wanted to go grab food for some time but was "procrastinating" whilst eating sunflower seeds, but decided i needed to get to the library since i was running late and took forever getting ready after showering. still, at the library i wanted to eat smth and told my friend i might get some food at some point but the vyvanse kicked in and thus my appetite relinquished

~ possibly yogurt (?)

- possibly nature valley(?)

- possible pineapple cup (?) -- some day this weekend, not sure which day --

feb. 28

- lunch: cheese-filled ravioli pasta w/ a looot of sauce lol, fruit bowl: cantaloupe, watermelon | tea = ~600-700 cals

- ~struggled but abstained from food w/ help of oral fidgeting until after 6~

- bueno choc bar = 240 cals

- cafeteria: more saucy ravioli, these really yummy cheesy potato things + pork sausage slices? they made the ravioli taste like 99c store brand in comparison | fruit bowl: cantaloupe + tea i think? could be misremembering

-

march. 1

- (too big lunch): fruit bowl: pineapple, cucumber | scone, pizza slice, 1/4 nother pizza but ate only the cheese, fries w/ ketchup, bites of chicken  = ~1,000 cals

*vyvanse*

- 2 eggs after 9pm 

total: ~1,160/800

march 2

- sushi from sub union

- ferrero rochero

post interview: poptarts (sundae flavor?) = 

~intended to fast until 9 pm, was doing good but completely forgot while even acknowledging how i'd gone some time without eating~

- noodles = 530 cals

- bueno bar = 240 cals

~

- honey honey mccripsy from McD's @ like 3:30ish am .. i broke my no ordering streak 🥴the cravings and lack of home food got to me and i cracked 😞

march 3

weight: 199.80 lbs

- few sunflower seeds (like 3-4)

~

- yogurt bites = 80 cals

~

- granola bar = 100 cals

- nature valley pb protein = 200 cals

- yogurt strawb bites 2x = 160 cals

- large ham & cheese croissant w/ jalapenos from rolling pins, left like 1/4 (didn't finish)

~

- pink lemonade from in n' out at around 11smth - 12ish

- a couple of oreos

total: /800

march 4

- remaining ham & cheese croissant + like 2 oreos

- remaining fries (hard) w/ ketchup

- nature valley(?)

- cafeteria: bow pasta, mashed potatoes(left a little), fried chicken (didn't finish), bites of cornbread, bites of cookies n cream cake (not ice cream), 2 vegan chicken nuggies, sips of sprite & fanta

- store: watermelon gummies, poptarts, diet pepsi

- protein chicken bites w/ sauce(similar to chic fil a sauce? wingstop? old af by now i should toss it)

- sips of atkins shake(?)

-

march 5

weight: 200.80 (or 200.00 / 200.70, didn't properly memorize it) - not bad for how i ate yesterday and possibly how i ate the day before (tho i think i was still in a deficit)

* vyvanse *

- cafeteria smores tart thing (didn't finish, mainly ate the marshmallows) + few bites of cafeteria tray: chicken, pasta, onion rings

- 2x yoggies

- small portions of each item from tray ^

- remaining pasta

- sips of atkins shake(?)

march 6

- tall iced white matcha latte w/ vanilla cold foam + brown sugar syrup (regular milk) + onion rings

- poptarts = 370 cals

-~

- 2 slices pepperoni & sausage pizza w/ ranch (some parmesan flakes)

~

- other two slices

- green apple

march 7

weight: 200.00 lbs

- remaining white rice + chicken w/ sauce

- pineapple cup

- cafeteria: cookie, mashed potatoes(unfinished), steak meat thing (bits), self-made tostada: rice, beans, meat, lettuce, cheese sprinkle, salsa, diced tomatoes (kinda mid unfortunately)

- several icebreaker mints

~ looong period of no eating thanks to *la vyvanse* & also intense focus on editing

- remaining atkins shake

march 8

- cafeteria: bites of - marshmallow choc brownie, scone, sugar sprinkled muffin | meatball pasta(small portion), fish w/ creamy sauce and peas, cold fries w/ ketchup, hard garlic bread, small soft nachos | banana, cucumbers | small cup of sprite

- ~

- cafeteria: pepperoni pizza slice, cheesy garlic 1/2 bread loaf thing, cheese pizza slice, teriyaki chicken bits 2x, 1 potsticker

- tall iced matcha latte w/ brown sugar syrup, oatmilk, & cold foam (no classic syrup)

~~ fast start @ 10:00 pm ~~

   ---> gum chewing & oral fidgeting w/ bottle cap and fork body

--

other this week(not sure which days): icebreaker mints, some sunflower seeds here and there,

weird oral stimming (current) + avoidance methods to cut back on snacking

 - sunflower seeds ☀️(requires work in the mouth, as of feb. 25 i actually find myself craving them and fantasizing abt eating them) + chew gun afterwards if craving smth sweet

——> other snack foods to consider alongside seeds: tangerines (peel + eat), grapes, carrots, cucumbers (keep in close proximity)

- hold item/utensil in mouth (satisfies oral fixation, distracts from cravings [still needs further testing as i took vyvanse today]) / sensory chewing toy

- activate gag reflex (could possibly reset cravings bc of brain reaction, similarly: fake fall and trigger jumping reaction) -> try in morning to avoid immediate eating upon waking

- re-discover liquid cals in terms of satisfying brain cravings in addition to holding/chewing item 

seen on reddit: 1. place apple in front of you when doing activity. when appetite hits, look at apple and think if you would eat that. if answer is no, you supposedly should be mindful enough to not eat craving

2. when craving food, walk to store without money to see if they have it, then walk back to “retrieve” purse but ideally you’d be too tired to want to go back for craving and craving should have passed.

——> getting outside of house/dorm (obvious one) for hours a day, at least 6 hrs. preferably 8. try above methods when out and test to see which are the most effective.

feb. 9 - feb. 26

feb. 9

feb. 10

- avocado toast w/ egg from coffee bean

- stroopwafel

- lunchables

feb. 11

feb. 12

feb. 13

- milk chocolate bar

feb. 14

-

feb. 15

*vyvanse 2x*

- nutty buddy(i believe)

~vyvanse effect~

around 5ish: burger at cafeteria

*2nd vyvanse kicks in*

no food for rest of day

feb. 16

* 8 hours outside the dorm (chose the 3rd floor of the Del Norte Hall)*

- cinn. alm n/v biscuit

- (eventually-) americana turkey burger from sub union

~4 hrs no eating~

- apple @ around 4:39-40

~left hall @ 8 pm~

- 2 takis

- 2 tortillas w/ 1 chicken and 1 pork(?) + extremely spicy salsa + cold half cookie i didn't bother to heat up properly (would've slapped if i did)

- nature valley (mid)

~gym abt 20ish mins, didn't really feel "worked out" no burn or sweating, i could've gone harder~

- egg 'salad' sandwich = 2 eggs w/ mayo smashed w/ 2 slices of bread

- 

-----

feb. 20

- otto's kitchen ramyeon w/ cheese

feb. 21

feb. 22

- heineken

feb. 23

- tangerines

feb. 24

- banana

- sunflower seeds

- girl scout cookies

- lean cuisine (270?)

~~no food till 6pm *planned*~~~

dinner: 2 eggs, 1/2 grapefruit, nature valley | (400 cals)

total: /800

exercise:

---

feb. 25 *plan*

leave after waking for how many hours until 12 pm didn't, procrastinated

vyvanse day + meal

lunch:

~

dinner(@ 6 or whenever you feel up for it):

possible gym?

leave again if time before 9-10 pm(to avoid snacking)

use mental rehearsal/rumination/affirmations to keep away from food, can also use mio drops, chew toy, gaming, meditation, fidgeting, breathing, metamucil, etc to calm cravings. if desperate, chew sunflower seeds and drink copious amts of water

total: /800

exercise:

---

feb. 26 (keto day? just an idea)

~18 hr fast

-

---(new jounal)---

1500-1600 + vyvanse 2x a day? alternate + IGNORE 100 CRAVINGS (in a row) | meal diary

feb. 4

morning-before 12: 2 tbsp of metamucil - cafe: bowl of fruit (honeydew & cantaloupe) mid pb&j

- turkey burger

- 2 packs of gummies

- takis + cinnamon almond n/v bar

~gym: elliptical for 25 minutes until 8:58(or 8:59)~

9pm dinner (pushed it to 11ish): lean cuisine (270), strawberries & yogurt (104) - total: 374 + 3 takis(35) = 409

- 

---

feb. 5

morning mini-walk (purely on a whim, i had the mental energy/desire to while listening to 2016 tunes)

lunch: avocado toast(230), cinn alm. n/v bar(190) - total: 420 + 3 takis = 455

snack: pt1: x pt2: 2 oreo thins (70), tangerine (40) - total: 110

- chew granola bar

- 1 (or 2?) packs of small gummies

~went to campus party after practiceand that's where shi gets crazyyyy~

- 2 white claws, one natural lime, the other raspberry

- 2 soft pork tacos w/ onions, cucumbers, radishes & too much spicy sauce (cilantro on the side but i didn't really eat it, just tasted it after i finished my tacos)

- 2 oreo thins

- some wine, sip of ulta

- budlight at r's dorm, half of buzzball i shared with vivi, sips of 2nd budlight i was handed

- back @ my dorm: small bowl of takis and oreo thins

and then i at some point went to sleep after i was drunkenly (and somewhat high) watching TDI ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(new) atomic habits plan | day 3

 current atomic habit goals:

- visualize 1 scene 2x (brought down from 5 minutes cuz i would procrastinate)

   * can also be supplemented with mental triggering reminders (just added this rule since i sometimes struggle to conjure up a strong mental image)

- 3 crunches or leg lifts

- don't eat after 10 pm

  * considered a "drink more water" habit focus, but decided to not stack too many habits on top of each other

---

day 1 - jan. 14th

visualization 2x ✅(?) - can’t remember if i didnit twice but i believe i did [generic skinny visualization]

3 crunches ✅(went over)

fast after 10 pm ❌(genuinely forgot)

day 2 - jan. 15th

visualization 2x ✅

3 crunches ❌ weirdly kept putting it off and forgetting, did extra the next "day" though

fast after 10 pm ✅

day 3 - jan. 16th

visualization 2x ✅

3 crunches ✅/⚠️ - did 1 set for the previous day, but also did the current one past 12 am so i technically did it twice in one "day" (went over both times as well)

fast after 10 pm ✅

day 4 - jan. 17th

visualization 2x ✅

3 crunches ✅

   —> both after 12*

fast after 10 pm ✅

day 5 - jan. 18th

visualization 2x ✅

3 crunches ✅

fast after 10 pm ✅

day 6 - jan. 19th

visualization 2x ✅

3 crunches ✅

fast after 10 pm ✅

day 7 - jan. 20

visualization 2x ✅

3 crunches ✅

fast after 10 pm ✅

day  8 - jan. 21

visualization 2x ✅

3 crunches ✅

fast after 10 pm ❌ | broke @ around 2 am ish

day 9 - jan. 22

visualization 2x ✅/⚠️ - kept putting it off till i came to bed (basically rn)

3 crunches ✅

fast after 10 pm ✅

~ i can tell my mind is starting to not care abt this atomic habits thing, i’m losing focus and becoming more susceptible to temptation. i almost decided to say f it to not eating after 10 today as well but i decided to just see it through.

jan. 1 - jan. 10 + extra days cuz i failed after new years lmfaoooo

jan. 1

weigh-in: -midday- 194.4 (again, ack!)

* attempted to fast but it was too premature/i didn't prepare myself properly + i was experiencing actual hunger pangs lmfao. i didn't care too much abt breaking the fast bc i was already restricting consistently plus i technically fulfilled my goal of fasting into the new year so i was gucci with it

- fast break: cheese off of 2 pizzas, pepper soup w/ meat (got seconds0

--> at this point, i started to wonder if i accidentally broke my keto/ketosis at some point, or if it was just a combo of the ill-timed fast + eating hyperpalatable pizza cheese + sauce(which may or may not have had carbs) and soup .. and also possibly breaking my "ketosis" because the cravings hit me like a freight train/sledgehammer. i also forgot to take my vyvanse in the morning before church, and took it sometime around like ~3pm and it took 3 hours to kick in, so after finish my 2nd bowl of soup, i was seriously contemplating just full on breaking keto for the day bc i was really craving that pizza. i ended up not rlly eating anything at first (i cant remember if i ate a 3rd portion of pepper soup or not? maybe just ate the 2nd portion later?) but what finally did it was me going thru my xmas present and rediscovering that i had candy canes, which i almost immediately ate. 

- 3 candy canes, total.

i ate one at first, and then part of another a littler later but then the vyvanse FINALLY kicked in, so it was a little later until i ate the 3rd once. just pure sugar. but i wasn't really craving food that strongly, i was just eating to eat kind of. a little later i experienced a little cravings and ate more, and then after that i experienced more sliiightly stronger cravings and snacked a bit before i ended my day

- hard pizza slice, hard oatmeal cookie eaten slowly, tiniest tangerine ever (appetite not really moved by this lmao)

~

- cashews, 2-4 tortilla chips, small bites of caramel cheesecake, 1 small spoon of melted cookies&cream ice cream 

exercise: not much tbh, pacing

total: /800-1,600

----

jan. 2

weigh-in: 192.0 (-2.4[?])

lunch: tuna w/ mayo, spam (eaten around ~1pm)

snack: --

dinner: beef patty

extra: like 5 more cashews… beginning of the end, pork rinds || hours later, i decided to break my keto due to cravings: 2 candy canes, like abt 20.5-21 roasted chews total 

—

jan. 3

- more roasted cashews

- snickerdoodle cheesecake

-

jan. 4

- 3 slices of bacon, 2 boiled eggs 

- snickerdoodle cheesecake slice

- 

-

-

- 2 ice cream cones

---

jan. 7 (nat bday)

-

-

- 4 gyoza

- 2 cookies

--

jan. 8

--

jan. 9

- chic fil a grilled chicken

-

- spam w/ 2 eggs + hot sauce

(successful keto after days of break)

jan. 10

-

-

(broke keto after 1 good day)

--

jan. 14

- 4 oreo ice cream sandwiches

jan. 15

- sushi, 3 macarons, others

- fish (stopped eating after 10, leftovers)

jan. 16

- protein snack pack (150)

- banana (120)

- ~ vyvanse~

- 5ish: bites of salmon, then went on walk, then came back and finished salmon (took a bit) then eventually ate one of the eggs (prepared 2)

- bj's pizookie + ice cream (stopped eating after 10)