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Posted 16 March 2018 - 06:30 AM
I was totally normal until I joined the army and was in basic training. I suddenly felt like I couldn't eat any of the food because my stress levels were so high. I became anorexic due to the extreme stress, not to mention there was a rapist in our squadron that they were trying to find, no one knew which male it was. He would sneak into the females barracks at night and rape girls in the laundry area. It was awful, waking up at 4:30am, grueling exercise all day long, no breaks, yelled at constantly, then staying up all night afraid of a rapist!?? It was a nightmare, how could I possibly eat? I lost 40 lbs in 3 months...
Then I went to my advanced training, which was in San Antonio, I met my soon-to-be first husband who is now my ex. My PTSD (I hate calling it that, I feel like it takes validity away from soldiers who have experienced much worse) pushed me to find a bad boy, anyone who could hurt me. I found him and he did. By the point I was back to a healthy weight and eating relatively normally. He changed that. He called me all the abusive things, but it had the opposite effect and I started binge eating. I ate and ate and ate til I was 20 lbs overweight.
Then I got pregnant. He was even more abusive. He called me fat ass and ugly, he would cheat on me in our living room while I was throwing up in the bathroom. He refused to drive me to the hospital when I went into labor, I was in labor for 12 hours because he refused to get out of bed and drive me. I ended up needing and emergency c-section because my daughter had become so exhausted from the contractions that she stopped moving
He left me 3 weeks after I had my daughter, telling me it was because I was fat and lazy. I literally could not walk or sit upright because of the c section!
I lost 70 lbs in 5 months from restricting. Some days I only ate 1 piece of dry bread and an apple, most days I ate nothing. My daughter was beautiful and healthy. I spent every dime of my paychecks on her food and formula <3.
Eventually I tried to start eating again because I was told I'd get reported to my NCO (my boss) if they suspected I was restricting, then I'd be put in psych. I was terrified of that.
That led to me gaining 100 lbs I left the army under honorary conditions, then tried dieting and low carb, weight watchers, keto, vegan, raw vegan, nothing worked.
I think I've fucked my metabolism up so bad from being underweight to being obese back and forth so much, that now I only see weight loss when I literally eat only 500 calories a day. And that's fine, I dont care. If that's what it takes, I'll do it. I miss seeing my bones and muscles.
Currently restricting to 646 or less calories a day, exercising 1 hr a day of 30 minutes of HIIT and weight lifting or running.
Then I went to my advanced training, which was in San Antonio, I met my soon-to-be first husband who is now my ex. My PTSD (I hate calling it that, I feel like it takes validity away from soldiers who have experienced much worse) pushed me to find a bad boy, anyone who could hurt me. I found him and he did. By the point I was back to a healthy weight and eating relatively normally. He changed that. He called me all the abusive things, but it had the opposite effect and I started binge eating. I ate and ate and ate til I was 20 lbs overweight.
Then I got pregnant. He was even more abusive. He called me fat ass and ugly, he would cheat on me in our living room while I was throwing up in the bathroom. He refused to drive me to the hospital when I went into labor, I was in labor for 12 hours because he refused to get out of bed and drive me. I ended up needing and emergency c-section because my daughter had become so exhausted from the contractions that she stopped moving
He left me 3 weeks after I had my daughter, telling me it was because I was fat and lazy. I literally could not walk or sit upright because of the c section!
I lost 70 lbs in 5 months from restricting. Some days I only ate 1 piece of dry bread and an apple, most days I ate nothing. My daughter was beautiful and healthy. I spent every dime of my paychecks on her food and formula <3.
Eventually I tried to start eating again because I was told I'd get reported to my NCO (my boss) if they suspected I was restricting, then I'd be put in psych. I was terrified of that.
That led to me gaining 100 lbs
I left the army under honorary conditions, then tried dieting and low carb, weight watchers, keto, vegan, raw vegan, nothing worked.I think I've fucked my metabolism up so bad from being underweight to being obese back and forth so much, that now I only see weight loss when I literally eat only 500 calories a day. And that's fine, I dont care. If that's what it takes, I'll do it. I miss seeing my bones and muscles.
Currently restricting to 646 or less calories a day, exercising 1 hr a day of 30 minutes of HIIT and weight lifting or running.
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