Finally out of the 50's club

Posted by helium, 02 April 2021 · 164 views

I finally got the chance to buy a new scale yesterday. This morning I weighed myself and even though I hadn't had a bm in a week my weight was 49,8 kg. A few hours later I actually managed number two, but I didn't weigh myself afterwards since I had already had lots of water so the weight wouldn't be accurate anyway.

But!!! I'm no longer stuck at 50 kg. I am probably 49,5 (guessing from poo lol tmi). So relieved I haven't gained now that I'm being forced to eat.

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She triggers me

Posted by helium, 19 August 2021 · 197 views

I've just started making friends with this new girl at school. Turns out she doesn't eat. It's a boarding school so everyone has breakfast, lunch and dinner together in the cafeteria and I noticed that during breakfast we're both sitting there with a cup of tea/coffee and no food. I asked her yesterday if she had morning nausea aswell and she said yes.

But then I noticed that she barely eats anything during lunch or dinner either. She's just picking and cutting her salad into small pieces. It's so frustrating because it feels like a competition, like I can't eat more than her because then I'll get fat. And I don't want to eat anything in the first place but I have to when my boyfriend is sitting with us cause he knows about my eating disorder. Gosh, it's so frustrating. I feel like I don't want to sit with her anymore because she makes me feel like shit but on the other hand, she hans't really done anything wrong. I don't know what to do. And my boyfriend's concerned again because I'm kind of relapsing and he told me that if I'm gonna let the eating disorder win, we won't have a future together. Because he is in love with me, not ana. The only time I eat is when he's there and the only reason I eat is so I won't let him down. But he wants me to recover for me. Which is hard because I don't really want to recover. Not right now.

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LightShelter

Aug 19 2021 01:23 PM

Phew, that's a tough situation. Have you considered to ask her more directly? Maybe she has very similar thoughts and tries to eat less in order to compete with you. Maybe she has an eating disorder or just tries her best to become friends with you by acting similar, so I'd really recommend to just talk with her, maybe even explaining your feelings and struggles.