- Accountability access
- 1911 posts
Advanced Sage
Posted 19 August 2017 - 05:25 PM
So I recently found out that mineral oil is a painless and more body friendly substitute for laxatives. I don't normally get on the lax train due to trying them once or twice and being in the worst pain of my life all night, but I thought this would be a fun experiment since mineral oil was so cheap and I didn't have any plans this weekend.
I took about a table spoon or so with some water last night. Nothing all day.
So I took about half a cup with water tonight. Go big or go home right?
WRONG.
Pro: NO PAIN!
Con: It felt like a normal fart. I swear. It didn't feel liquidity. I thought for a couple minutes nothing was wrong.
But then the smell lingered longer than your average fart I decided to reposition myself AND THAT'S WHEN I FELT SOMETHING SQUISHY. I looked down to see I had totally shat the couch! You also could clearly see it was oily. I completely panic because this couch is brand fucking new. So I jump up (thankfully wearing spandex pants so that kept anything from sliding down my leg ew) and instantly get some soap and water to scrub. I *think* I might have saved it. We'll see when it dries.
Once I'm done with that I run to the restroom and take off the pants. They're smeared up to the front. Fuck. Yup, you guessed it, I got oily poo residue in my vajayjay. That can't healthy.
I start to wipe but it's so oily I just say fuck it and jump in the shower. I have long hair so I have a drain cover. Well the water turns a murky green as expected from my rinsing but then I notice little pieces of LETTUCE FROM MY SALAD LAST NIGHT getting stuck in the cover. Once the water ran clear I had to pick out the pieces of my body rejected lettuce from the cover.
My biggest worry now is wondering if my half a cup was the reason for this blast and it worked pretty instantly OR if it was the little from last night finally taking effect and I'm in for a bigger shitshow (haha) later. 
Eating Disorders are just so fucking glamorous.
- dana000, takngcontrol, Skinny_dreams_await and 8 others like this
- Like This
No comments:
Post a Comment