Spring of 2019 will mark my 5th anniversary of this hell...and I have not lost an inch.
I currently sit at around two hundred rn due to water and food weight.
I was here in Jan. and managed to get down to the 180s just because of the lack of food in the house.
I've lost almost all motivation to even try anymore.
But, I still want to be thin.
I still want to see that small number on the scale.
I still want to take that walk at dusk, wearing a flowing white or black dress that hangs off my thin body, listening to echoing, soft music, feeling the universe through my skin and veins
To feel like a goddess. A fairy. An angel. A witch. A princess. A ghost.
To feel magical and otherworldly
And I'll be damned if I don't achieve this.
So, I promise, and this will be the last time. That I will fucking do it. I'll lose the weight
I WILL get to my goal of 105 lbs.
I WILL achieve amazing grades.
I WILL learn how to sing
I WILL learn how to play piano
I WILL dust off my dancing skills.
I WILL get the nice, healthy, and beautiful hair I've always wanted.
I WILL fix my skin.
I WILL make more friends and go out and do all the things I've always wanted to do.
I WILL become the girl I've always wanted to be.
Quitting is not an option.
It's currently winter break and my sister is coming today so I won't be able to exercise as I please, which means I need to do intermittent fasting. But I promise you I will be transformed by May 24th, 2019. And I will take that walk and be happy for once and stop dwelling on the past.
And when I get there, I'll look forward to the future.
