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#95 
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Posted Today, 02:27 PM
babybels777, on 21 Jun 2022 - 03:33 AM, said:
Reached a new goal weight today and I don't know how to feel
Congrats! I'm so happy for you. I've been following your accountability thread for a while and I'm always impressed at how you manage to stay below your daily calorie limit. To be honest, I was wondering how the diet is going and reading this update made me very happy. I'm proud of you! ^^
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#96
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Posted Today, 07:08 PM
Marilyn.M, on 21 Jun 2022 - 2:27 PM, said:
Congrats! I'm so happy for you. I've been following your accountability thread for a while and I'm always impressed at how you manage to stay below your daily calorie limit. To be honest, I was wondering how the diet is going and reading this update made me very happy. I'm proud of you! ^^
Thank you so much, really appreciate it! x
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Posted Today, 07:12 PM
Sorry for being MIA.
It has been a shitty time.
Mainly because I've been a bitch from hell. I'm so overwhelmed with everything.
I've been blowing up at minor inconveniences. It's stupid. I know I need to cool my jets
I know what I'm doing is wrong but it's like I can't fucking stop myself. How dumb is that.
I just can't shake this bullshit that started during the vacation. Although I do now have my wifes
old fitness tracker so that's nice I guess. But we've had this puppy for the last week and it's like everything
that was easy about my life and the way I spent my time is now totally fucked. It's like I can't sit down and
do anything for myself. Every ounce of my time and energy is for the puppy, kid, or wife, or house chores. I have not had a single moment to just get on the laptopa. And currently I'm avoiding a mountain of laundry from the last nearly 2 weeks. I just feel like mentally I'm in hell. Then throw on the fact I started my period yesterday and I'm so fucking over everything. I want this shitty upset attitude to fucking go away.
I want to be peppy and upbeat, and happy. I don't want to be this ugly person that I am. I just feel like I'm failing at everything across the board right now.
Wife. Mom. Weightloss. Myself. just fucking everything and every one.
But it's like it's been one thing after another and another and another. Now my car windows wont roll down and so we need to take it to the dealership. So that's more money to spend and I don't feel like I deserve to have any money spent on me or my things. That's why I just settled on using her old Garmin instead of buying me a new one. I just feel like I don't deserve one. I'm such a bitch, and I don't do anything to deserve anything. I'm feeling very upset and down in the dumps. I've tried talking about it to my wife and as always just met with a "well go talk to someone about it then" so like basically that makes me feel like she doesn't care to listen and would rather pay for me to talk to someone as opposed to talk to her. When I say that, I'm met with a "you're being dramatic, that's not what I meant" blah blah blah.
I just feel like everyone would rather just see me in therapy and drugged up than talk about anything with me. Or even just listen. I want people to listen to me without being paid to do it...I want people to care. How selfish is that? I mean it's whatever. I just feel awful. However even as ugly and I've felt here lately. As upset and everything I've felt. I haven't even remotely binged. So I mean I guess that is at least one small win. I haven't even wanted to sit down and just eat myself stupid. Haven't logged anything. Not steps / calories / nothing. Except I have been weighing myself. Here over the last week I've bounced between 227.8-229.5 so I mean I feel like I can officially say that I'm out of the 230's. SO I guess that's a bonus. I was really wanting out of the 220's by the end of June, but the way everything is. Hell fuck it. I just don't want to binge and I just want to at least stay the same I am now.
I made california rolls the other day. Was surprisingly shocked how well I did. Rice was a bit stickier than I would like, I like it sticky, but a dry sticky? Anyways decent for the first time.
I guess I'll try my best to get on here all the time, but once again I find myself putting MPA on the back burner when my world gets too busy and fucked up.
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