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Posted Yesterday, 05:19 AM
oh
my
god
i just got a call from the doctor to talk about my bloods results. firstly i am anaemic but getting more iron in my meals (which i've been doing since the last blood test) has apparently really improved it and i just need to keep doing that, so that's good. i don't want to go back on iron tablets.
secondly, i told her about my ED. i said that my therapist was going to get in touch and that i was concerned about how much weight i've had to lose in such a short period of time, and that getting to 130 lbs by end of august is quite a tough one. she seemed concerned that i wasn't able to lose the weight so i told her that i've lost >28 lbs so far (she was v impressed, which is nice) and that i'm not at all struggling to lose weight. i said that i had a history of disordered eating and that losing weight this quickly has been more difficult on me mentally rather than physically.
she was... so unhelpful. like she was nice, don't get me wrong, but just unbelievably unhelpful. she said "what type of disordered eating do you think you have?" and "what would you diagnose yourself with?" and i was like "well i don't purge, i struggle more with eating enough food, so i suppose atypical anorexia based on my weight right now". that was so embarrassing to have to say that. and then she was like "do you feel worried that you'll want to end up underweight? do you have any history of that?" and i was like "i don't want to end up underweight, but i'm worried about how to stop losing weight when i am a healthy weight. i want to not be afraid of food. i really want to learn how to maintain a healthy weight without wanting to lose more."
she asked me what i'd like to do going forward and i asked her if i could have access to a dietician or access to eating disorder services to help me to work through the fear of eating too much and/or could we move the date for the blood sugar check closer so i don't feel quite so under pressure and she said that a dietician wouldn't be useful to me because they don't deal with the psychology of eating (fair enough). she was reluctant to move my blood sugar check-in date.
then she suggested that she refer me to the weight management team and said that might help. this is when the kill bill sirens started going off. she was like "this service is for people over BMI 25 so it might be quite relevant for you" and she was being really friendly but it was like... horrible. and then i asked what this service was and she said that it was "a service that dealt with the psychology of weight more than a dietician" which... didn't tell me anything... so i asked "is it more about how to lose weight then?" and she was like "yes... well it's actually really relevant for you because it's specifically advice on how to lose weight to avoid a diabetes diagnosis" and i was like "ok. i don't think that'll be hugely useful to me since i don't have any trouble losing weight. that's the one thing i can be sure i'm able to do" and yeah i was starting to get a bit upset at this point but i'm fairly sure she won't have heard that in my voice. she was like "i know you're not really needing help with losing weight but it might be a good place to find out more about the psychological side of it" and ok what no?
THEN
she was like "there is a service for people with eating disorders but this is actually more for individuals with more serious conditions, and serious anorexia"
so
i don't really know what to do with that. in the end i convinced her to let me book the blood sugar check in earlier than august but what's the fucking point honestly
like i know i still have so far to go but this is EXACTLY what i was afraid of. when i tried to say "it's a lot of weight to lose by the end of august, it's just been quite hard on me mentally to need to get down to 130 lbs that fast" she was like "hmm ok" like she didn't even acknowledge that that was hard. it's so hard, i don't understand
and then when i asked her for the third time could i please bring the date of the blood sugar test closer, she was like "i think that would be fine. if you really have lost 28 lbs since february then i'm sure your blood sugar will be better"
that just made me feel like she thinks i'm a liar but why the fuck would i lie? we wouldn't have to do this if they just agreed to see me in person
anyway, that's the end of that. i'm done talking to the doctor about this, i can do it by myself
i asked my therapist to not send the letter if she hasn't sent it already. i'm humiliated enough as it is
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#449 
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Posted Yesterday, 05:22 AM
i wish i hadn't said anything to anyone
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#450
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Posted Yesterday, 05:37 AM
and i cannot believe drs told you that losing weight will help anemia how does that even work
i am SO sorry you had such a shitty call with the dr/nurse (sorry i cant remember who you said rang!). people sincerely dont understand how fucking damaging it is to say crap like “thats for people with much more serious issues” do they not understand how that can translate? thats a recipe for someone to think ah ok so im not ill enough so lets get worse. also to assume you were lying is so disgusting. the dr wants you to lose 40lbs in 6 months but when you say youve made progress they dont believe you ????
i am so glad you have your therapist to be able to discuss this with. it is hard enough to explain to professionals that you are struggling with an ed to then have not an ounce of concern is absolutely disgusting and i am so sorry. people are so uneducated on how damaging eating disorders can be mentally and physically, regardless of weight. but when you arent underweight/lower end of healthy all people ever assume is that losing weight is only gonna be a benefit, no matter how fast it is. the weight youve lost already has been really fast, and its so shocking that no one is concerned by that, especially when you are expressing its been achieved via restriction. i cant believe we are in 2022 and this is the education medical professionals have ffs
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#451
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Posted Yesterday, 05:41 AM
tilldeath, on 22 Jun 2022 - 05:37 AM, said:
i hope you and earthgirl feel better soon!!!
and i cannot believe drs told you that losing weight will help anemia how does that even work
i am SO sorry you had such a shitty call with the dr/nurse (sorry i cant remember who you said rang!). people sincerely dont understand how fucking damaging it is to say crap like “thats for people with much more serious issues” do they not understand how that can translate? thats a recipe for someone to think ah ok so im not ill enough so lets get worse. also to assume you were lying is so disgusting. the dr wants you to lose 40lbs in 6 months but when you say youve made progress they dont believe you ????
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thanks so much love, i'm so humiliated, i wish i'd not said anything now honestly. i think she was meaning that losing weight will help me with diabetes, thankfully the anaemia's on the mend. but still, you're so right that she had no reason to doubt my weight loss, i have NO idea why she thinks i would lie?? like it's just another reason not to engage with doctors about it
#452
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Posted Yesterday, 05:45 AM
earthmoon, on 22 Jun 2022 - 05:41 AM, said:
thanks so much love, i'm so humiliated, i wish i'd not said anything now honestly. i think she was meaning that losing weight will help me with diabetes, thankfully the anaemia's on the mend. but still, you're so right that she had no reason to doubt my weight loss, i have NO idea why she thinks i would lie?? like it's just another reason not to engage with doctors about it
i added a bit more to my response sorry i didnt think youd see it so fast hahahah
amazing about the anemia tho, that must be a pleasant feeling to know its getting better!
i feel like people assume people that are bigger have no self control or understanding of weight loss. i could understand why someone who has never been overweight would assume that, but a medical professional assuming that when they should understand the copious amounts of reasons why people can become overweight and the fact that we have had months upon months of lockdowns which has contributed to a lot of people gaining weight is absolutely insane to me like what the fuck do they teach people
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#453
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Posted Yesterday, 05:56 AM
tilldeath, on 22 Jun 2022 - 05:37 AM, said:
i am so glad you have your therapist to be able to discuss this with. it is hard enough to explain to professionals that you are struggling with an ed to then have not an ounce of concern is absolutely disgusting and i am so sorry. people are so uneducated on how damaging eating disorders can be mentally and physically, regardless of weight. but when you arent underweight/lower end of healthy all people ever assume is that losing weight is only gonna be a benefit, no matter how fast it is. the weight youve lost already has been really fast, and its so shocking that no one is concerned by that, especially when you are expressing its been achieved via restriction. i cant believe we are in 2022 and this is the education medical professionals have ffs
tilldeath, on 22 Jun 2022 - 05:45 AM, said:
i added a bit more to my response sorry i didnt think youd see it so fast hahahah
amazing about the anemia tho, that must be a pleasant feeling to know its getting better!
i feel like people assume people that are bigger have no self control or understanding of weight loss. i could understand why someone who has never been overweight would assume that, but a medical professional assuming that when they should understand the copious amounts of reasons why people can become overweight and the fact that we have had months upon months of lockdowns which has contributed to a lot of people gaining weight is absolutely insane to me like what the fuck do they teach people
ah my bad, i was still moping about in here ahaha. thank youuu yeah it's actually really interesting to know that i can even make a difference by having more iron?? also i JUST got what you meant about my doctor wanting me to improve my anaemia by losing weight, you're RIGHT!!! that was SOO fucking ridiculous, i could write a shopping list of all the things i've been told to "lose weight" about
you're so on the money about how doctors think losing weight is always a good thing, like i really hoped that she'd hear me say i've lost this much weight and give me the go ahead to slow down or ask about my calories or something but it's just like you said, they think that my issue is not being able to lose weight. i can't imagine how ridiculous i must sound to them
anyway, at least i tried i guess /:
SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
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#454
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Posted Yesterday, 01:54 PM
Also sucks about the ED thing. I'm only with the Dietician because I'm basically too fat to be on the ED team as I'm not even under the obese BMI category. It took months until I got the help. I still like that I get this help but I feel like no one takes me seriously because I am bigger even though it's an eating disorder not a weight disorder and I'm pretty convinced that what I do is not normal and impacts my life.
You don't sound ridiculous at all. It's very hard to have an ED as they are very competitive in nature but please remember that your experience is valid regardless of what the scale says.
stats:
progress:
89kg 88kg 87kg 86kg 85kg 84kg 83kg 82kg 81kg 80kg 79kg
78kg 77kg 76kg 75kg 74kg 73kg 72kg 71kg 70kg 69kg 68kg
67kg 66kg 65kg 64kg 63kg 62kg 61kg 60kg 59kg 58kg 57kg
56kg 55kg 54kg 53kg 52kg 51kg 50kg 49kg 48kg 47kg
HW
LW
GW1
GW2
GW3
GW4
GW5
UGW
total loss: -12.9kg/-29.25lbs (23/6/22)
#455
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Posted Yesterday, 06:22 PM
omg omg omg!!
FIRST you are AMAZING!!! and BRaVE!!!
second your doctor should be reported for being unethical and just stupid. she makes me want to scream. and i know your blood sugar will be perfect.
i 1000000% understand your humiliation and frustration. that was so invalidating and it really shouldn't have been. yes, you really lost 28 pounds, yes you have anorexia ( i hate the atypical term ).....have you ever heard of Tess Holiday? she is a plus sized model with ANOREXIA https://people.com/h...-weight-stigma/ her disorder is real. your disorder is real.
EATING DISORDERS ARE ABOUT MENTALITY AND PSYCHOLOGY AND BEHAVIORS AND COMPULSIONS........NOT DEFINED BY A SIZE OR A WEIGHT
i hate people. i wish i lived on an island without stupid people (and without work).
your therapist is good though, right? talk to her about the stupid doctor. can she help you get REAL services? when you're ready?
i'm so sorry you went through that. try not to ruminate on it. do something extra kind for yourself tomorrow.
good better best never let it rest
until your good is better
and your better best
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#456
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Posted Yesterday, 09:40 PM
Thanks for stopping by my house and for the comforting comment <3 much appreciated. I enjoy keeping up with your accountability
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Posted Yesterday, 11:59 PM
elthebastard, on 22 Jun 2022 - 1:54 PM, said:
Yeah the doctor doesn't sound helpful at all and losing weight doesn't seem helpful for anaemia either. I know people who've been anaemic and that's not really helpful. In fact, my best friend was B12 anaemic and when she become better she actually gained weight from being underweight. I've heard this is a common thing for doctors to say to overweight/obese patients for problems unrelated to their weight.
Also sucks about the ED thing. I'm only with the Dietician because I'm basically too fat to be on the ED team as I'm not even under the obese BMI category. It took months until I got the help. I still like that I get this help but I feel like no one takes me seriously because I am bigger even though it's an eating disorder not a weight disorder and I'm pretty convinced that what I do is not normal and impacts my life.
You don't sound ridiculous at all. It's very hard to have an ED as they are very competitive in nature but please remember that your experience is valid regardless of what the scale says.
you are right on the money el, thank you for sharing this!! 💖 i've been told (when at a "healthy" BMI as well as overweight) to lose weight for rashes, dietary intolerances, etc. it's bullshit! i used to date a doctor and she was super fatphobic too but acted like it was "just science"
that sounds so tough with the dietician - of course i'm really glad you're getting support on the ED side of things but i wish they could just treat it normally without even suggesting a weight disorder - it's very clear you have a serious ed so like?? can they just help w that!!
thanks so much pal, i'm definitely feeling quite sort of 'spiteful' towards the doctor today but trying not to lean too much (a little is ok haha) into that feeling because the plan is working. sighhh
anitsirk2.o, on 22 Jun 2022 - 6:22 PM, said:
omg omg omg!!
FIRST you are AMAZING!!! and BRaVE!!!
second your doctor should be reported for being unethical and just stupid. she makes me want to scream. and i know your blood sugar will be perfect.
i 1000000% understand your humiliation and frustration. that was so invalidating and it really shouldn't have been. yes, you really lost 28 pounds, yes you have anorexia ( i hate the atypical term ).....have you ever heard of Tess Holiday? she is a plus sized model with ANOREXIA https://people.com/h...-weight-stigma/ her disorder is real. your disorder is real.
EATING DISORDERS ARE ABOUT MENTALITY AND PSYCHOLOGY AND BEHAVIORS AND COMPULSIONS........NOT DEFINED BY A SIZE OR A WEIGHT
i hate people. i wish i lived on an island without stupid people (and without work).
your therapist is good though, right? talk to her about the stupid doctor. can she help you get REAL services? when you're ready?
i'm so sorry you went through that. try not to ruminate on it. do something extra kind for yourself tomorrow.
anitsirk!!!! thank you so so much, i feel SO SILLY, but you're right the doctor is the stupid one. gosh i really hope my blood sugar is good after this. omg i also HATE the atypical term!! it's so invalidating! i didn't know tess holiday has it too, that's so fucking brave of her to say it publicly, i'd be terrified people were gonna make fun of meee
i wish that the doctors here had one SPECK of the knowledge about eating disorders that folk do here. it really feels like they want you to be at the point of no return before they help... it feels very weird.
yeah definitely i'm gonna chat with my therapist about it and have a cry hahaha. i think i'm just going to work my way to quasi recovery myself after i hit ugw and keep chatting to my therapist about the mental side of it
honestly, i appreciate you so much for being here for me, thank you 🌺♥️🌺
🐺 Wolf 🐺, on 22 Jun 2022 - 9:40 PM, said:
That's crazy how the doctor talked to you, I would be very upset if that had happened to me. It's really cool that you have the mental perspective to recognize this fast weight loss could have negative consequences involving your eating disorder. Very self aware.
Thanks for stopping by my house and for the comforting comment <3 much appreciated. I enjoy keeping up with your accountability
aw wolf thanks so much 💕 that's really kind of you to say, i feel like i'm walking a tightrope between doing the "right" thing and just diving headfirst into the relapse, but reading all your comments i want to stay on the right track. and anytime, just to say earthgirl is going through something very similar to you (although we're about four years down the line now) so if you ever need to talk i'm/we're here xx
#458
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Posted Today, 12:01 AM
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that! But, echo what everyone else has said, I’m so proud of you for saying something! Good on you for being self aware and trying to balance your mental and physical health. EDs aren’t as straightforward as just being bone thin… That’s ridiculous.
#459
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Posted Today, 12:08 AM
morning everyone!!
🍒 june 23 🍒
i chewed too much gum yday and now i'm bloated. got up on time though so i'll try my normal (difficult) workout and see if i can manage it!
feeling a bit rubbish still but it's a beautiful day and i want to try to have positivity
gonna start my period on my birthday this weekend (YAY) so i've currently got 2 lbs of water retention too, very uncool of my body to do that rn
intake
bfast: banana strawberry soya yoghurt and granola (169)
lunch:
dinner:
snack: popcorn (50)
total:
workout
hiit... 30 mins i hope
update: we're back in the game BAYBEEEEEE that was so fun/tough!! did 30 mins hiit, just the regular natacha océane vid and my push ups are defs improving!! it's amazing how quickly her vids change your body - you can tell she's properly backed them up with science (unlike 👀 certain other 👀 fitness youtubers' workouts)
i'll also need to cycle 10km today to see my pals get hitched officially! it's a casual town hall type one this time (they're having another big one this weekend) :3 not sure what to wear though, it's so weird being in between sizes
alright let's get it gang!
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SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
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#460
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Posted Today, 12:13 AM
make.me.tiny, on 23 Jun 2022 - 12:01 AM, said:
Sweet mother of pearl. That’s so messed up.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that! But, echo what everyone else has said, I’m so proud of you for saying something! Good on you for being self aware and trying to balance your mental and physical health. EDs aren’t as straightforward as just being bone thin… That’s ridiculous.
thanks so much tiny! that's such a cute phrase haha!!! <3 <3 at least i can say i tried, even if the doctor was a bum about it - i feel like it's a self-care milestone for sure. hope you're doing well love!!
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SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
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