February 7, 2023

MW: 

B: -- | hot lemon water - skipped out on lemon cuz i took vyvanse |

Cals: --

L: none

Cals: 0

S: gum whoops! vitamin gummies (ended up chewing gum anyway)

Cals: 5 | 15-20

D: vitamin gummies jalapeno patty w/ egg salad w/ ranch, tangerine, jalapeno patty burger, 5 strawberries

Cals: 15-20 467.5

9:00: none

Cals: 0

Total: 467.5/450

Exercise: walking, couch workout - 11.8k+ steps

Extra: none c:<

Week Goal: 199

Month Goal: 179-184

Overall Goal: 114

IDEAL EXERCISE GOALS:

off days - 1 walk in morning, jog in place 15 min 2x, 1 couch workout

work days - walk back & forth at job a bit, walk at sunset, jog in place 10 min 2x, couch workout

IDEAL DIET PLAN:

ideal ideal is alternate day fasting with 450 cal omad

"ideal" is 800-800-fast

ideal is 800 a day.

realistic ideal? straight up not overeating or going over 1,200 a day whatsoever smh.

family fight today. started w parents fighting with younger abt school, then later older sister lies abt her contribution and my + my little brother's supposed incompetence(not her words but that's how she makes it sound), little brother steps up out of anger and older sister and him get into huge fight both threatening to hurt each other. older sister threatened to call the cops and younger brother threatened to kill her.

pretty upsetting to witness my family like this, also upsetting to be lied on like i'm not a 20 year old adult. makes me fear for our future. also when i hear my parents talk about our lack of success, it makes me insecure and feel like i need to become successful fast to make up for everything. but i also fear money will make these issues worse as everyone will use it to further distance away from each other. i want my family to come together and have a heart-to-heart but i know everyone will be resistant to it. a small part of me wants to cry.

hugged and kissed my dad goodnight and my eyes are starting to water. i guess this is the first cry of 2023 but i don't think i'll let it escalate past this. scratch that, i cried a bit. i'm just really sad about this.