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#1 
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Warrior
Posted 07 March 2021 - 05:26 AM
hello, this topic is moved, as I would like to try something different, however I don't want the clutter
from march to be in the way. thank you for understanding.
#2
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Warrior
Posted 07 March 2021 - 05:37 AM
hours fasted : eight hours as of writing this post...
calories : 420
a.m. weight : 124. 8 lbs
p.m. weight : 127 lbs ???
water: 64 oz.
miles walked : 3.5 miles
workout : about 20 minutes of dancing
assignments : complete les miserables paper ☑, college placement math assignment ☑, delta math assignment ☑
to do list: clean room ☑, laundry ☑, wash work uniform ☑, help out at church ☑, practice trumpet ☐, cry in the shower ☑
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
I am so sad. I binged yesterday, because of like... seven different reasons. The first one being stressed because of my stupid thesis for literature (which is due tomorrow). Second of all, I am on my period, so I just feel so crappy and bloated. I want to fast today, and I will try my best, but honestly, no promises, because I am on my period. Sigh. Hopefully I'll have to update my diary entry. I also am hoping to walk after church with my sister, but honestly I have no clue. I hate being on my period, and I hate homework. I know as long as I keep busy and go straight to my room when I get home and call my boyfriend I'll be able to fast for hours. Anyways helping at the church took way longer than I expected it to, so I never really got to practice my trumpet. I did end up finishing all my homework, though. I'm also dumb and bought Quest and Luna bars just to throw them out. I saw a binge on my future, considering I'm on my period, so I didn't really want to risk it. I'm writing this directly after turning in my literature paper... worth thirty percent of my grade, and after my last paper I am NOT feeling too good about this one. I worked on it for over a month, though, and did it on Les Miserables. Do you know what a difficult read that was? Anyways, I'm pretty proud, I wanted to binge so badly, and I almost did. I almost said, "What is the point?", but then I told myself, "remember your goals, food doesn't control you, you control food."
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#3
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Warrior
Posted 08 March 2021 - 04:38 AM
hours fasted : 12 hours fasted
calories : 450
a.m. weight : 122.2
p.m. weight :
water: aw jeez... Like none
miles walked : 1.5
workout : none
assignments : deltamath ❎, econ ❎
to do list: school ❎, bring brother to karate ❎, clean out car ☐, finish quest in subway surfers lol ❎
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
I got this really bad stomach ache out of nowhere. It made it actually impossible to do anything after school... :/
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#4
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Warrior
Posted 09 March 2021 - 04:34 AM
hours fasted : 16 hours fasted
calories : 354
a.m. weight : 121.2
p.m. weight :
water: 32 oz.
miles walked : idk but I did walk
workout : not really one, besides walking
assignments : delta math ❎
to do list: school ❎, pep band ❎, after school walk
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
I did indeed clean out my car today. Though today was NOT a good day at all. So first of all my boyfriend was in kinda a mood. And I was like... This blows :/
So my sister, he and I went to Walmart and I went to pick out a boy's polo (very long story, it was for our basketball theme). I thought I'd fit into a boy's large, but my boyfriend thought a XL would be better and I might have had a small break down.
I left Walmart without saying goodbye and just drove straight home. Like, for what? Because I am not the size of a small child? I think I was upset because I underestimated my size, and thought I was smaller than anyone else thought I was. That's so embarrassing. I honestly don't think I'm ever going clothes shopping with other people again.
Anyways, after leaving the store I played with my brother outside. I thought about where I want to plot my garden and showed him all the seeds my boyfriend bought me. It was fun. We watched our chickens dirt bathe and it was lovely.
Then I felt really depressed so I took a nap. I didn't mean to fall asleep, it just happened. By the time I woke up I had fifteen minutes to get all the way to pep band, so I was freaking out! I was also late. It was my last pep band game ever and I don't know how I feel about that. Covid has really taken away so much that I didn't really care.
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#5
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Warrior
Posted 10 March 2021 - 04:34 AM
hours fasted : 16 hours fasted
calories : 360
a.m. weight : 121.0
p.m. weight :
water: two bottles wort
miles walked : 2.5
workout : none :')
assignments : deltamath ❎, plot line sheet ❎
to do list: school ❎, jazz band ❎, work on scholarship essay ☐, draw garden layout and budget ☐
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
I was so depressed when I woke up and saw I only lost .2 pounds. But then I was like... "I still lost, it's not like I gained .2 or anything. Progress is progress no matter how slow". I really talked myself out of something. I went on a nice morning walk. Oh my gosh, it was amazing, but I can't do that all the time, because I was only able to do it due to my sister needing a ride that morning.
I finally got to start finishing the photo frame for our band. My friend and I met up at youth group to do it. We got really far, we just need to glue on two more pictures! I'm so excited to see what the class of 2021 thinks about it...
Stuff with my boyfriend is getting kind of angsty, though. He found out I have only really been eating under five hundred calories and is so worried. I told him that I'm okay. I'm not skinny at all, and I'm barely underweight. He says my weight isn't the issue, it's my lack of nutrition. I don't know, but I know I'll be okay, and I hope he is, too.
#6
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Warrior
Posted 11 March 2021 - 05:41 AM
hours fasted : 18 hours fasted
calories : 600
a.m. weight : 119.0
p.m. weight :
water: two bottles worth
miles walked : six
workout : none
assignments : delta math
to do list: school ❎, work ❎, work on scholarship essay ☐, draw garden layout and budget ☐
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
Ugh I cannot believe I ate so much! I'm really disgusted. I had to skip doing homework, skip my gardening, and skip my essay in order to walk all the calories off. I feel far, and horrible. I'll be lucky if I don't gain three pounds tomorrow. I don't know what to do, but I'm so upset! Especially because the weekend is coming up and the weekend is always so difficult to restrict on. I don't know. Wish me luck, pray for me, thanks...
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#7
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Warrior
Posted 12 March 2021 - 04:32 AM
hours fasted : 15 hours fasted
calories : 581
a.m. weight : 119.0
p.m. weight :
water:
miles walked :
workout :
assignments :
to do list: school ❎, scholarship (12 days left) ❎, wash uniform and go to work ❎, after school walk ☐
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
#8
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Warrior
Posted 13 March 2021 - 06:08 PM
SATURDAY ... 3/13/2021
hours fasted : 11 hours fasted
calories : 1,500
a.m. weight : unknown, my sister was in the bathroom
p.m. weight :
water: like none
miles walked : two
workout : none
assignments :
to do list: work ❎
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
I should be upset, but I'm not. Saturdays are terrible for me. I always binge. Not like... 2,000 calories throughout the day. I'm talking like 3,000 calories in one sitting. So much eating that when I binge ate last Saturday I woke up nearly six pounds heavier. It was so bad. I cannot believe I only ate 1,500 calories today. I know it's a lot, and I will be taking laxatives and drinking water like crazy. I don't feel heavy, I'm not bloated. I had 1,500 throughout the day. Was this the plan? No, but it's so much better than it usually is. And I was going to binge, but I regained control. This. This is progress. I don't know if anyone is following my journey, but don't be shocked if I weigh a little more tomorrow. As long as I'm not my starting weight we're good! I can't believe I stopped a binge!!!
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#9
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Warrior
Posted 14 March 2021 - 06:33 AM
SUNDAY ... 3/14/2021
hours fasted : 14 hours fasted
calories : 485
a.m. weight : 120.4
p.m. weight :
water: a few cups, but i didn't count
miles walked : none
workout : none
assignments :
to do list: clean out car ☐, church ❎ , help bake bread ❎ , finally plant my liddle seeds ☐, start on boyfriend's birthday gift ☐
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
omg, nothing I had planned today happened! I'm so frustrated. I was only going to eat ice cream or a quest bar, but then I got a text from my mom saying that her, my boyfriend, his mom, and I would have to go to Olive Garden tonight. I was freaking out, so obviously I didn't get ice cream or a quest bar. Things were already bad, because I let myself have a k-cup coffee. Then I got home and my sister baked some strawberry bread, which was very beautiful to look at. However, my other sister made me eat it, and my boyfriend was around and was making me finish it. It was amazing, but I so did not want to have any of it. Then it was too cold to go on a walk, so I did virtually nothing all day!
When I went to Olive Garden I ordered the chicken gnocchi soup. I wasn't going to finish it, but then my boyfriends mom yelled at me for playing with my food, so I had to have all 230 calories worth of that soup. I feel so anxious. I guess I just need to do better tomorrow. I'm so scared I won't be back down to 119, though! I'm going to have to start really really restricting. Tomorrow is going to be so hard, because I don't have school and my sister wants to get Culvers with me.
#10
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Warrior
Posted 15 March 2021 - 10:55 AM
MONDAY ... 3/15/2021
hours fasted : 8 hours fasted
calories : 700
a.m. weight : 119.8
p.m. weight :
water:
miles walked : 1 mile... lol
workout : about forty-five minutes on this one machine? it said i burned 500 calories, i don't believe it
assignments :
to do list: uniform fitting ❎, boyfriend's birthday gifts ❎
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
I hate myself. So, I don't know if I'm able to go to school in person next year and it's actually making me super depressed. I just am thinking about how there will be no reason to get better. Like, I will have no need for energy other than work. Who cares if you're focused in class if you don't have to be there. I've done online school before, I know how it goes. All my friends are going away to schools that are allowed to be in person, besides one who I can't see, because her parents are crazy. Her and I are poor so we are going to community college. Which would be fine if we were able to show up to school. I've talked to people who have been online at this college and they said it's literally impossible to make friends. I don't know what I am going to do. I just see next year as dark, cold, and depressing, and I honestly would rather die than face it. I know that sounds dramatic, but if I lose all my friends I won't have anything to live for. I already lost my favorite class, my favorite sports, and all the things that motivate me. I can't take it anymore.
I went to the gym this evening, and I spent an hour and fifteen minutes there. Walking around the track and also on a machine. It wasn't an elliptical, I don't know what it was. I had the resistance set to 15, and I was going around the max speed, but I honestly didn't feel as tired as I think I should have. I don't know. It was rather nice being able to exercise. It got my mind off of some stuff. I put on my favorite vocaloid music, and just powered through. The uniform fitting I went to went well. Last year my marching jacket was 57 and my marching pants were 58. This year my marching jacket is 21 and my marching pants are 22. That's over thirty marching sizes different. Then again I have lost thirty pounds between now and the last time we were fitted for marching uniforms. Every year I lose some sort of weight, and I don't know. I thought I would have lost more this school year. I can't wait to hit my goal of 115, but I have no clue when that will happen. There's part of me that wants to give up solid foods for at least thirty days. I don't know why, but I like that number. Liquids always just feel so much more comfortable to consume anyways. However I might have to break it earlier than thirty days for my boyfriend's birthday. I don't know if my boyfriend knows too much about my habits, I don't want to lie to him... I might start being secretive, though. He's known me since I was my highest weight of 200 pounds... My parent's know too much, too. But last time I was weighed at the doctor's they told my mom that I was a healthy weight so they've been off my tail recently. I might have to just take that and roll with it. If I start the liquid fast/diet/whatever tomorrow I will at least get to complete 18 days, and then I might have to break it for the sake of my boyfriend's birthday. It's on Easter, so I don't know if we'd celebrate before, after, or on it. I guess only time will tell. Anyways, I'm figuring out what I'm going to do for this fast of 18 days. I'm kind of excited. I know that I always get excited during the planning stage of something... it's the execution that's difficult. I also find that if I'm in the house too much I get bored and eat. We have stupid girlscout cookies that I've been craving too much of recently. I may ask my mom to hide them from me. She understands, because I have a problem with waking up at three in the morning to just... eat. I don't know where the habit came from, but it always ruins everything. Like, my whole day, my self-esteem. I don't know, I'm a mess, and probably thought spilling. Maybe I'll use this accountability to track my progress with my three in the morning eating sessions. Well, I guess I should stop thought dumping, and actually figure out my rules and stuff for this fast, which I will be tracking here. I also cannot believe I am 8 days binge free. That is incredible. I think I will start tracking that as well.
( '͈ ꇴ '͈)੭⁾⁾·°˖liquid fast planning ✧˖°
So I think for the liquid diet I will allow k-cups, light yogurt and ice cream when I'm around people, so I can seem normal, coffee, diet drinks, smoothies for vitamins. I will also let myself have whatever protein shake is available and lowest in calories after a work out. I know I can get fair life and muscle milk ones in my area for around 100-150 calories depending on where I go and how much I am willing to pay. I think I will try to have my limit be 400-500 calories, but under is preferred. It might seem like a lot of dairy, but I just feel like I want to consume more protein than anything else, because protein is what I feel best on. I'll try to stay to the same routine and stuff everyday. Weekends will really depend on if I work or help out with the church, have plans, etc. Weekdays, though, I think I will walk in the morning after dropping off my sister, and then come back home, get my other sister and go to school with her. After lunch I'll probably hit the gym, and then go to work if I have that. If not I'll go home and do homework, or work on a fan fiction, or just do anything to keep myself from eating. If I don't have work I'll have something for dinner. The only day this might not work for is every other Wednesday, where I will just have to go to the gym after jazz band and my sister will have to come with. Which is fine, she is on her own fitness journey. Gosh, I'm just so done with being my current size. It's driving my crazy. I've lost 80 pounds, and I don't know when I will ever be satisfied. Also, my meal plan until will hopefully look like this; tuesday: b- kcup, l- yogurt s- protein shake, wednesday: b-kcup, l-ice cream, d-protein shake, thursday: b- kcup, l- smoothie, d- protein shake, friday: b- monster light, l- yogurt, s- protein shake, d- smoothie (I have a performance), saturday/saturday: b- kcup, l- custard, s- protein drink ... might have to make edits here and there, but that's the plan, I suppose#11
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Warrior
Posted 16 March 2021 - 04:52 AM
hours fasted : 18 hours fasted
calories : 350
a.m. weight : 119.8
p.m. weight :
water:
miles walked : two
workout : forty minutes on elliptical, twenty minutes on the bike
assignments : art ❎
to do list: school ❎, work ❎
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
liquid fast days done:
#12
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Warrior
Posted 17 March 2021 - 05:12 PM
WEDNESDAY ... 3/17/2021
hours fasted : 9 hours fasted
calories : 360
a.m. weight : 117.4
p.m. weight :
water: pfft.... what
miles walked : one
workout : none
assignments : choir ☐, civics ☐
to do list: school ❎, jazz band ❎ , therapy ❎ , practice piano ☐
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
Pretty sure the weight I lost was just water weight. I expect to be at like... 119 again, tomorrow. Anyways, I don't know why, but I feel like I'm failing at life. Everything is fine when I'm around people but as soon as I'm alone I'm not good enough. I have such a hard time opening up whenever I'm at therapy, because I feel like all of my issues are fake. Like I'm making everything up. Like, I'm not think enough to have a disorder, like I'm not anxious or sad enough. Like everything I say is a lie. I feel like nothing but a liar. I feel like I have no friends, and I feel like I annoy everyone I come in contact with. I don't know, but I hate being by myself, yet sometimes I can't bring myself to go anywhere. I go brr, my brain just feels dead, like it isn't working. I don't know how to explain it, I'm just so upset. Anyways, my family might be going out of town without me during spring break. They'll be visiting my aunt who lives in the suburbs, which is about three hours away. If I don't work I can come with, and I hope I can come with. I'm sitting in my room in the dark thinking about how awful I'll feel if I have to endure two-three days in my large, cold house by myself. I have five other family members so I'm almost never alone. It freaks me out. It's making me feel so sad to think about. I'm also so upset, because I feel like my boyfriend is reaching his limit with me. Today I told him about how I feel like therapy can't help me, and I might as well just let my eating issues kill me. Such a stupid thing to say, I have no clue why I said it. I need to start keeping these thoughts to myself. I tried convincing him that I was 126 pounds, and my BMI is perfectly healthy, because that is truly how I feel. I don't look thin, or even close to thin. My BMI is barely underweight, and I just feel like such a fraud. Such a walking joke. I put my friends and family through so much, I make them feel scared, and I still think I deserve calories. What an idiot I am. I'm so stupid and insensitive, I really do feel like maybe it is better if I let myself starve to death.
I don't mean to sound suicidal. I don't want to be reported and kicked off this site, because this is the only place I feel like I can really type out my feelings. I'm just thought spilling. It's not that I want to die, it's that I think I'm such a burden, such a faker. I don't deserve all the fuss that I get, and I wish I could disappear, because then everyone could focus their energy on someone who is worth it. I don't understand why anyone even bothers with me. I'm lazy, uninspiring, boring, and honestly just such a waste of space. This morning I slept through my alarm and was unable to workout or bring my sister in for school. And I still thought I deserved 360 calories, even though all day I was useless.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
liquid fast days done:
#13
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Warrior
Posted 18 March 2021 - 05:17 PM
THURSDAY ... 3/18/2021
hours fasted : 12 hours fasted
calories : 675
a.m. weight : 116
p.m. weight :
water: a cup idk
miles walked : two
workout : swimming for around forty minutes... i was so dizzy after
assignments : choir ☐, civics ☐
to do list: school ❎, bring in sister ❎, clean out car ❎
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
I had to eat more today, and I had to up my intake, because I wanted to workout with my sister and boyfriend, but I didn't want them to be sus... Well, turns out that was for nothing, because they never even came with! My sister was at the gym, but she wasn't my workout buddy, and I ended up swimming by myself. It was okay, but afterwards I wanted to walk three miles, but my sister was over it after I got to two miles, and I felt like such a failure. I'm going to weigh so much more tomorrow. I hate the feelings of solid food in my body. I feel gross, and my stomach is full, and I want to just... disappear. I bought protein drinks after my workout. Actually I'm kind of happy about them, because they come in cute bottles, and are 150 calories, and I was like... Holy cow. There's so much shake and so I just feel like maybe I'll vibe. I don't know. My sister has been pointing out things she thinks are high in calories, and if anything is 150 or above she thinks that there's a lot in there. Hopefully the idea that my sister thinks I'm consuming a lot will put me off of food for a bit. I don't know. I also (tmi lol) am very constipated. I haven't been able to go to the bathroom since Sunday, but I don't want to become reliant on laxatives. I think if I don't have a BM by the end of Friday I will take a laxative, just because I get scared of things being like.. stuck in me. This is all so gross, I'm so sorry for sharing this. Anyways, our house has been a mess, our dishwasher broke, but there are five of us living here at the moment (my dad moved out for a bit) and we all have the worst schedules. No one is doing the dishes. No one is cleaning anything. My dad came home for a little bit last weekend and he said our house smelled weird, and I feel like there's no wonder why! I feel like I'm rotting in garbage. It makes me feel repulsed. I can't stand it here, and I feel like a lazy piece of trash. I don't know, but I do know that if my brother wasn't the laziest person on Earth we'd at least have one clean plate. He literally gets home from school at 1:20 in the afternoon, and from 1:20 to the time he goes to bed he plays video games. Meanwhile I have to drive all my siblings to their events, deal with scholarships, homework, working out, therapy, taking care of my sisters, etc. yet somehow I feel like all of this is completely my problem alone. Everything is making me feel like going to sleep and never waking up. What sucks is my BMI is so so far away from being anywhere close to wondering if I'll wake up in the morning. I can barely believe the scale. I don't think I'm in the 116's. I took a body check this afternoon while I was in my swimsuit, and I can tell you guys one thing... I am huge. I think I must still be 126 pounds, I literally don't look any different... with how I ate today I'm sure I'm correct.
#14
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Warrior
Posted 20 March 2021 - 05:11 PM
FRIDAY ... 3/19/2021
hours fasted : 14 hours fasted
calories : 600
a.m. weight : 116.8
p.m. weight :
water: a cup idk
miles walked : three
workout : thirty minutes on the elliptical
assignments : choir ❎, civics ❎
to do list: school ❎[font=helvetica], football game ❎
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
#15
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Warrior
Posted 20 March 2021 - 05:27 PM
SATURDAY ... 3/20/2021
hours fasted : 12 hours fasted
calories : 1500
a.m. weight : 116.8
p.m. weight :
water: none
miles walked : three
workout : none
assignments : choir ☐, civics ☐
to do list: clean house ❎, laundry ❎, work ❎
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
#16
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Warrior
Posted 21 March 2021 - 06:28 AM
hours fasted : 17 hours fasted
calories : 900
a.m. weight : 117.4
p.m. weight :
water:
miles walked : none
workout :
assignments : choir ✅, civics ☐
to do list: work
✅, scholarships ✅, clean room ☐
♥*♡∞:. DIARY .:∞♡*♥
Work was rather fun today. I'd rather be there than at home. At home I am sad and anxious and lonely. At home all I would like to do is isolate myself and cry until my eyes are red, I try to watch Spongbob, look at memes, etc. when I'm alone. I listen to r/ videos. Anything to try and make myself feel better, but I always feel like a useless buffoon. Can't wait to not have to go to school next year so I can be trapped at home and feel like this all the time. I'm being sarcastic of course. It really does break my heart to think about how things will be next year. It makes me so tired. I'm so afraid to live it.
Gosh... I'm so sorry to anyone who is following this accountability. I'm such a fatty, I don't know what to do. My siblings were baking and everyone was like, "Lauren, try this, Lauren try that". And so I did in order to not hurt anyone's feelings. Oh why did I eat? They were pastries, so high in calories, I'm sure. I should have said no. Oh man, I'm freaking out. I'm sorry I'm such a failure. I'm sorry I keep saying I'll do things, and then I don't. I will get my act together, I promise. I just wanted to spend time with my friend who was over, and my siblings, because we were all hanging out. But I understand. The disorder comes first. I'm a fool to think I could handle restricting and having a fun time socially interacting with others.
#17
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Warrior
Posted 21 March 2021 - 08:02 PM
Monday-Friday
5:00- wake up and get ready
6:00 clock in at gym and work out until 7:00
7:00-8:00- buy a low calorie coffee and get you and sis to school
8:00-12:35- school
12:35-1:00 - either have a bowl of ice cream or a bowl of soup for lunch, and get sister home
1:00-2:30 - workout again
3:30-10:30 - after school activities or work
I think I'm going to edit my journal layout as well, but we'll see how that goes tomorrow.
#18
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 22 March 2021 - 01:40 AM
MONDAY . . . ❥ 3/22/21
ღbreakfast . . . hot chocolate (100 calories)
ღlunch . . . vanilla ice cream (90 calories), broccoli and cheese soup (230)
ღdinner
ღworkout . . . none
ღsteps . . . didn't count, might get a fitbit for Easter
ღweight . . . 118.6 
.· ´¸.·*´¨｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡.· ´¸.·*´¨
tasks. . .
- school ☒, work ☒, practice trumpet ☒, clean room ☐, get well card for cousin ☐, scholarship essay ☒
- ╰► homework
- late work ☒, civics ☐, choir ☒
- ╰►good deeds . . . my sister didn't have lunch so I brought some for her before track practice
- ✩•̩̩͙*ೃ˚.˚ଘo(∗ ❛ั ᵕ ❛ั )੭່˙diary ˚.*ೃ . . . I did not want to go to school today. I was so anxious about my weight gain, I didn't want anyone to see me, because my disordered brain told me that everyone knew I was fatter, and everyone hated me for it. I woke up and I just started crying, and I didn't stop until I few minutes into my first block art class. I begged my mom to let me stay home from school. I hate myself for letting myself eat a cinnamon roll and a cannoli yesterday. I cannot believe I did that. All I could think about was all the oil, sugar, and fat. How I'm such a failure. I let myself eat, because I had work, and I didn't want to suffer from brain fog. I also am stressing about the constitution test, and scholarships. I am not having a good time as a senior. I wanted to clean my room, but by the time I was off work and done with homework I found out that I simply don't have the time tonight. If I can't sleep at three in the morning then I may do some tidying up, but I really don't know what I will do. I decided I'm challenging myself to only eat a can of soup and a cup of ice cream everyday for forty-eight days. It's not a diet, and I don't know why I'm doing it, I don't know if I'll keep it up. It just feels safe, and comforting right now.
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#19
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Warrior
Posted 23 March 2021 - 03:43 AM
TUESDAY . . . ❥ 3/23/21
ღbreakfast . . . hot chocolate (100 calories)
ღlunch . . . vegetable and beef soup (210), chocolate ice cream (90)
ღdinner. . . milk (90)
ღworkout
ღsteps
ღweight . . . n/a
.· ´¸.·*´¨｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡.· ´¸.·*´¨
tasks. . .
- school ☒, practice trumpet ☐, clean room ☒, get well card for cousin ☐, practice piano ☐, study for test ☒
- ╰► homework
- late work ☒, piano ☐, civics ☒, choir ☒
- ╰►good deeds . . . tried to help my sister through a panic attack at school. suggested she talk to the teacher about her chemistry grade. she did and said that it made her feel like everything is going to be okay.
- ✩•̩̩͙*ೃ˚.˚ଘo(∗ ❛ั ᵕ ❛ั )੭່˙diary ˚.*ೃ . . . . . . I have to say, I know I'm only on my second day of trying to only eat one can of soup and a cup of ice cream, but I feel alright. Like, physically and mentally. I don't really have an cravings, I have a whole thing of ice cream cups in my freezer that I have access to at all times, but I barely want them. I almost skipped having mine today, but then I thought, "consistency is key, Lauren, just keep going." Soup is just very comforting right now, and because everything is prepared for me already I don't need to measure anything or think about it, really, and it's making me feel so much less stressed. I'm still having a lot of issues with trusting my scale, though. I think that as an added part to my challenge I will not weigh myself until day 24, and then again on day 48. Jeez, 48 days sounds like a lot, and I know that it's going to be hard, especially on the weekends, but if I can do this then I can do anything, if that makes sense. I hope I can make it 24 days in, because then it will be half way over. And I was thinking about it, an it's already been over 48 days since I joined this site, and if I had just started this plan and stuck to it I would have completed it already. I'm scared that once I'm done with that I will go crazy and eat everything in sight, though. This year I went on the Daniel fast, and once it was over my relationship with food and my body felt so surreal, and I hated it. I'm scared that that will happen to me again. But I've learned a lot since then. I do miss Daniel fast banana bread, though, haha. I kind of am excited to do it again when January rolls around. Anyways, I have been reading through challenges that were around forty or fifty days, and it seems that they go by so fast for other people. Though I doubt it was, it just always looks so short, because those people wrote down every day that they went through. And it's like... they just took it one day at a time, and I think that's the approach maybe I need to take. This morning I reapplied for college, and got conformation that my application was received. I applied for summer classes in hopes that I will be able to finish school in two years and move on to university, rather than three years. I've been thinking about studying abroad, it just feels like something I need to do. I don't feel at home where I am, and maybe I need to go find home. If I am able to afford and get into the program then I will be away from my home for six months, but I think that maybe an adventure will be really needed after a whole year on lock down, and then having all my friends leave... currently trying to come up with what I should put on my cousins get well card... Spoiler╰►forty-eight day soup and ice cream challenge ... days done ☛ two
#20
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Omniscient
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Posted 23 March 2021 - 04:36 AM
I am in the middle of reading. I want to say that I relate so much to what you are experiencing, the school, period, binged, stress. And...you do jazz band? That is amazing. I’m a classical concert pianist. I will keep reading. I think you are very brave.
This is something personal. I think 500 cal is too low to be sustainable. Diet is a change of life habit, or a temporary thing, because you will yo-yo back. However, when I first really lost a lot of weight, it was ABC diet.:one meal a day as well and I lost too much. Then, to not gain back, I was very careful and slowly ate my way to 1200 so I can lose weight very slow at 1200cal.
Good luck with all
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#21
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Warrior
Posted 23 March 2021 - 01:53 PM
reply 
Alice_in_Wonderland99, on 23 Mar 2021 - 04:36 AM, said:
Hello,
I am in the middle of reading. I want to say that I relate so much to what you are experiencing, the school, period, binged, stress. And...you do jazz band? That is amazing. I’m a classical concert pianist. I will keep reading. I think you are very brave.
This is something personal. I think 500 cal is too low to be sustainable. Diet is a change of life habit, or a temporary thing, because you will yo-yo back. However, when I first really lost a lot of weight, it was ABC diet.:one meal a day as well and I lost too much. Then, to not gain back, I was very careful and slowly ate my way to 1200 so I can lose weight very slow at 1200cal.
Good luck with all
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Aw, you're too sweet, I don't think I'm brave at all. You're probably right about 500 calories, but I don't know... I'm just trying things out. I will keep teh yo-yoing in mind and try to be careful. It is nice to know someone can relate to how I am feeling. I might be sharing too many personal things, haha 
And yes, I am in jazz band. I play marching, concert, and jazz trumpet. Not that it's an instrument switch, but a genre switch (and jazz can be a little tricky to learn, haha). It's very cool you're a pianist! I just started learning, and it is soooooo hard. If you have an tips you would like to share I'd love to hear them. I feel like I'm the worst musician in my piano class 
I see you have an accountability, too. I will check it out and try to keep up with how you are doing!
#22
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 24 March 2021 - 03:46 AM
WEDNESDAY . . . ❥ 3/24/21
ღbreakfast . . . hot chocolate (100 calories)
ღlunch
ღdinner
ღworkout
ღsteps
ღweight . . . n/a
.· ´¸.·*´¨｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡.· ´¸.·*´¨
tasks. . .
- school ☐, jazz band ☐, youth group ☐, scholarships ☐, colour get well soon card ☐
- ╰► homework
- late work ☐, piano ☐, civics ☐, choir ☐
- ╰►good deeds . . .
- late work ☐, piano ☐, civics ☐, choir ☐
✩•̩̩͙*ೃ˚.˚ଘo(∗ ❛ั ᵕ ❛ั )੭່˙diary ˚.*ೃ. . . . it's beyond weird to think that in two days I'll be on spring break. It's even more weird to think that by the time that Spring Break is over I will be two weeks into my little challenge. I feel like once I'm ten days I'm set, I'm good. It's always once I'm in the double digits that I go, "okay, so this is real", and just keep going. Very excited to hit day ten, and the only way to do that is to keep it up. I know I'll regret if I don't. Also, I had a very good moment yesterday. I wanted so badly to have a cookie, because my siblings were all having some, but I didn't, and now all the cookies are gone, and I feel no regrets about it. It's only six in the morning, but I've already done a practice test for the test I have today. Wish me luck! If I get a perfect score on it I can get seven extra credit points. I really hope it isn't that hard...
0
#1
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 25 April 2021 - 06:21 AM
❥RULES
no eating when at home
walk at least three miles every day, better to run them, though
if there's an excuse to not be home take it
weigh in every morning, no matter what happened the night before
diet drinks are unlimited, always, because they prevent binges for me
never eat breakfast
❥STATS
hw: 200
cw: 125.4
height: 5'8"
Well, guys, I am back. I am nine pounds heavier, because my family and boyfriend were worried about my state. But
I'm not letting anything else happen. I'm back, and I'm ready to get back to the life style I actually enjoy living.
#2
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Warrior
Posted 25 April 2021 - 06:47 AM
April 25th
weight ➥ 125.8 pounds
calories ➥ 1500 calories
exercise ➥ hurdle and long jump practice, plus 15 minute ab workout
steps ➥ 17,000...
tasks ➥ church, civics homework, choir homework, work
thoughts
trying not to restrict too hard, as I have been binging like mad. I just need to start gaining control again, and I think everything is going to be okay.
I'm Rambling and Planning
#1
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 30 March 2021 - 06:58 PM
oh gosh, i don't even know anything except for how sad and disappointed I am. I was 23 days binge free until tonight. I freaking ruined it. I ruined it trying to prevent a binge. I hate my life. I hate how consumed I am by food. That's all I think about is food. I'm constantly scared of eating. Scared of losing control if I do. I don't know what eating disorder I even have. My therapist diagnosed me with anxiety and a restrictive eating disorder, but I feel like I can barely restrict. I'm around my lowest weight (my lowest weight was 115), and when I was at my lowest weight I gained everything back so easily, because I spent the entire month binging. I can't do that again. I want to get to a new lowest weight. I need to have control over something, because I just cannot do this anymore. I wish I was the type of person who never binges, but I'm stupid, and sad, and not. I just took three laxatives at once, and I felt the water pour down my face and onto my bedroom floor, almost like it was reminding me of how gross and pathetic I am. I was doing so well. I'm so scared about food and eating, and it makes me feel crazy. But if I starve I feel dizzy and I have no energy. It's awful, I want to get better sometimes, but I know I don't deserve it. All I do is make people sad and upset. I just can't get into this cycle again, I can't. And it's sad that my remedy for this is... get this... I'm going to live in the shed until the end of spring break, and I'm not going to eat anything. I'm going to fast until Easter, and even then I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll let myself have an energy drink here or a diet soda there, but I'm done. I'm so sick of this. I live in fear in my home, because I have family members that need to eat, too. Well, you know what? I'm going to live in comfort all alone in the shed, where no food can hurt me. I don't know when I'll return to normalcy. I'm pretty weak willed, so I won't be surprised if I'm somehow convinced to eat lunch tomorrow, or something dumb. But for right now, I guess this is the plan;
Fast until Easter, where I will have to eat a slice of cake at my boyfriend's birthday party... I'll decide if I'm going to purge it later (AKA abuse lax, or exercise all of it off)
After that I am only drinking coffee with a little bit of low fat cream, and water. I don't care, that's what needs to happen. I will do this for a week.
Next, I will only eat two bowls of oatmeal a day for a week. After that I'll go to one bowl of oatmeal and two bowls of soup. I don't care about my physical or mental well being right now. I'm just so scared that I'm going to gain everything back and have to lose again.
Anyways, my shed doesn't have any service, and I'm going out there tomorrow, after I do some packing and cleaning (just trying to mentally prep tonight, it's getting late), so if you guys have any fun apps or movies you suggest I download lmk. Also, any good book to read, or things to do offline.
...
#1
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- 140 posts
Warrior
/(^ × ^)\ banana bones
#1
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 31 March 2021 - 12:34 PM
🍰💕🍰💕🍰𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒🍰💕🍰💕🍰
𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 5'8"
𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐖𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 200 lbs
𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 116 lbs
𝐆𝗼𝐚𝐥 𝐖𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 90 lbs
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#2
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 31 March 2021 - 12:48 PM
3/31/21
So I am very bloated in these from a binge last night. So angry at myself, as I was 23 days binge free, but I have to get back on the horse, I guess. Fasting until Sunday, AKA Easter and my boyfriend's birthday. I'll have to break my fast with a piece of cake because it'll break his heart if I don't. He purposely asked for the cake to be marble, because I love marble cake... Will weigh in on Sunday morning.
#3
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Advanced Sage
#4
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 31 March 2021 - 02:43 PM
Need.to.be.skinny, on 31 Mar 2021 - 2:32 PM, said:
You seem super sweet and you're body is TOTAL GOALS so I'm definitely following! Can't wait to see where this goes but also..worried about you because you're already thin!!
aw! that means so much to me, though I saw your post and I have got to say you're actually the one with the body goals!
I hope you are staying safe and doing well, your BMI is very low
#6
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 31 March 2021 - 08:27 PM
NewDart, on 31 Mar 2021 - 5:23 PM, said:
You don't look bloated at all! Your body looks really toned! Xxx
That's beyond sweet of you to say! It's very difficult to think that, after losing 84 pounds I have a lot of loose skin and still a lot of fat to lose. I'm a long way from where I want to be, haha...
Your stats are very, very low. I hope you are taking care of yourself... This disorder is just so heartbreaking, I really hope you're doing okay.
#8
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 01 April 2021 - 06:11 AM
Flying, on 31 Mar 2021 - 8:42 PM, said:
Congrats on losing 84lbs! If you are comfortable sharing, how long did it take you? Also, you look great!
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Thank you! it took a really long time. Ever since 2018 I lose about twenty-thirty pounds a year and keep it off, somehow
#9
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Warrior
Posted 01 April 2021 - 07:02 AM
Guys! The sour heads bang energy drink was actually really good. I was terrified to try it, but now that I have there are no regrets. ANywAYs, ignore my messy bed, I will clean and move today I swear 
Working After a Few Days
#1
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 31 March 2021 - 08:32 PM
So, I'm about 27 hours into a five day fast, and I'm wondering for anyone who does long fasts how they are able to function at work? Looking at my schedules it seems that on day three and four I will be working, a five hour shift on Friday and a four-and a half hour shift on Saturday. I will also be helping with the children's Easter Service at my church on Sunday. I'm grateful that I'll be busier during these days so I'll have less time to be hungry and fighting cravings, however I'm going to be extremely active during these days. Well, nothing like running a 5k, but I work at Culver's, and depending on my position, I might be on run/dine, which is essentially a waitress position, which means I'll really be on my feet. I'm even more scared of being the order taker, though, because restriction makes me dumb, and I'm nervous about entering an order incorrectly, or giving someone the wrong drink. As for the church service, I will be dancing and helping teach kids and take attendance, etc. I'm basically a teacher's aid. Anyways, I'm very nervous about feeling dizzy or faint, or looking stupid, because sometimes restricting really puts me out of it mentally. I also hear days three/four/five are super hard in terms of keto flu, hunger and cravings. Any advice or tips would be amazing! I'm also kind of cheating at my fast, and allowing other 0 calorie liquids besides water, so I don't know if that will make a difference in anything
#2
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Sage
Posted 02 April 2021 - 08:10 PM
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96 hour fast
#1
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 20 March 2021 - 08:07 AM
Hi, I'm starting a 96 hour fast. Longest fast I've ever done is 72 hours so I'm really trying to challenge myself here. Please leave any advice or motivation here! It would really be appreciated!
I'll be keeping up with it on my accountability thread. Have a good day
#2
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Advanced Member
Posted 21 March 2021 - 04:52 AM
#3
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 31 March 2021 - 08:36 AM
Oh my gosh, due to life I haven't been able to really start this until now, but I'm fourteen hours in! I'll probably be spamming this topic, because I find that ranting about hunger, cravings, etc. makes time fly, and also will give me something to occupy my time so that I run out of time to actually eat. Anyways, I'm super busy with Marching band, work, therapy, and Easter these next few days, so I'll be out of the house and doing stuff so I will not be surrounded by food so I think that this will be the perfect opportunity. I'm breaking my fast on Easter with a piece of cake
#4
- Accountability access
- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 31 March 2021 - 02:49 PM
I'm almost 24 hours in... just three more hours to go, and I honestly am very proud of myself for managing this for that many hours. I have to leave for marching band practice in an hour, and when that's done by the time I get home I'll be 25 hours in. I was planning on doing all my cleaning and packing today, but it took too long for the laxatives I took to wear off. I will sleep in the shed tonight though, and then figure things out tomorrow.
#5
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 31 March 2021 - 07:58 PM
woo hoo! Passed the 24 hour mark, and making my way to hour 27. Feeling a little light headed and tired, but fine otherwise. Going to drink some water and head to sleep pretty soon
#6
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Warrior
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#7
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 01 April 2021 - 06:07 AM
Urh0227, on 31 Mar 2021 - 11:44 PM, said:
I’m doing a 72 hour fast too I’m up to hour 19 - so about 11 hours behind you so interested to follow and see how you go.
oh, awesome! we're like fasting buds, haha. good luck,how are you feeling?
#8
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 01 April 2021 - 09:04 AM
#10
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- 184 posts
Warrior
- LocationAustralia
Posted 05 April 2021 - 02:20 AM
bananbröd, on 01 Apr 2021 - 06:07 AM, said:
oh, awesome! we're like fasting buds, haha. good luck,how are you feeling?
Sadly I ended up in hospital before I made it to the end.
#1
- Accountability access
- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 25 April 2021 - 06:21 AM
❥RULES
no eating when at home
walk at least three miles every day, better to run them, though
if there's an excuse to not be home take it
weigh in every morning, no matter what happened the night before
diet drinks are unlimited, always, because they prevent binges for me
never eat breakfast
❥STATS
hw: 200
cw: 125.4
height: 5'8"
Well, guys, I am back. I am nine pounds heavier, because my family and boyfriend were worried about my state. But
I'm not letting anything else happen. I'm back, and I'm ready to get back to the life style I actually enjoy living.
#2
- Accountability access
- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 25 April 2021 - 06:47 AM
April 25th
weight ➥ 125.8 pounds
calories ➥ 1500 calories
exercise ➥ hurdle and long jump practice, plus 15 minute ab workout
steps ➥ 17,000...
tasks ➥ church, civics homework, choir homework, work
thoughts
trying not to restrict too hard, as I have been binging like mad. I just need to start gaining control again, and I think everything is going to be okay.
#3
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- 140 posts
Warrior
Posted 26 April 2021 - 08:57 PM
weight ➥ 125.2 pounds
calories ➥ 714 calories
exercise ➥ one mile jog
steps ➥ 17,000...
tasks ➥ civics homework, choir homework, work
thoughts
I'm just sad rn.
#16
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- 7429 posts
Omniscient
Posted 16 March 2021 - 07:25 PM
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