hangry potter & the messier accountability
#1 
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Posted 29 March 2021 - 09:07 AM
5'9.5"
united states
undiagnosed ana, bp subtype + ednos ???
diagnosed major depression/anxiety
mid-high restricter
living home with mom + dad
love my apple watch + my treadmill <3
BMR: 1524
TDEE: 2076*
*calculated from iifym.com, but I will be using my Apple Watch to calculate deficit and rounding down
haven't weighed myself lately but if I had to guess I'm probably ~165 ish.
since I suck at keeping with one thread, I'm keeping things simple:
New Rules:
- drink 128oz of water a day
- no less than 30 mins of treadmill per exercise day
- at least 4-5 exercise days per week
- must eat under BMR every day
SW: ~165 (bmi 24)
GW1: 160
GW2: 155lbs
GW3: 153lbs
GW4: 150lbs (bmi 21.8)
GW5: 145lbs
GW6: 140lbs (bmi 20.4)
GW7: 135lbs
GW8: 130lbs
GW0: 124lbs (bmi 18)
UGW: 123
HW: 197.7lbs
LW: 138lbs
seriously this is attempt number like 11 or 12. I've fasted, low restricted, b/p, and everything in between but high restriction seems to work best for me, especially since I'm back home with my parents and not at school anymore AND I'm super active at work and going to school at night, so slow and steady wins the race.
edit:
I just booked a cruise with my boyfriend and I WILL get to my UGW before then -- scroll down for my visual countdown
#2
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Posted 29 March 2021 - 09:18 AM
FOLLOWING BECAUSE THE TOPIC TITLE MADE ME SPIT OUT MY LA CROIX
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#3
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Posted 29 March 2021 - 01:34 PM
mar 29 | day 1 | wt: unknown
dining hall:
- keto bread (330)
- greek yogurt (160)
- coffee creamer (100)
- premier protein shake (160)
- protein shake (120)
- fat bomb (90)
- almond cups (170)
quidditch practice:
- 30 min running
- 25 min strength training - shoulders
total: 1130
tdee: 2,160
deficit: -1,030
water: 85 oz
muggle ramblings:
hey guys, so yeah I guess I'm back. I started a thread back in like April 2020 and that failed obviously. At that time I had just gotten out of a relationship and I had covid weight + relationship weight to deal with. Welp, I got myself into another relationship and I gained back whatever I had lost. Since then, I'm also back at work physically and I started going to school at night, weeee.
So my boyfriend is M. (For those of you who know me, this is a different M haha). We loveeee to go out and eat on the weekends but I'm making him cook healthy for me more or I bring my own dinners to him since school is remote 2x a week. He doesn't know about my ED and he actually has no idea about nutrition lol. We've been together for almost 6 months, and he's the love of my life. The relapse wasn't even his fault, I just looked at our pictures and hated what I saw. My biggest problem is I binge everything. Food. Alcohol. Drugs. There's no moderation. So my only control is being back on MPA.
Technically I was high restricting last week but over the weekend we had a drinking bender with M's friends so I didn't want to make a new thread yet. I wasn't bad eating, I just drank alottttt of seltzers, no exercise, didn't count what I did actually eat so yeah.
I have off this week from work (vacay wooo) but I still have school. Tonight I have to go to campus so I included in my food what I'm gonna have when I go on break during class.
That's all I got for now, I'll add my deficit later <3
#4
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Posted 30 March 2021 - 11:03 AM
mar 30 | day 2 | wt: 166.6lbs
dining hall:
- keto bread (165)
- coffee creamer (70)
- premier protein shake (160)
- roasted chicken (130)
- tomatoes (18)
- mayo (35)
- chicken (165)
- cauliflower rice (40)
- shredded mozzarella (64)
- salsa (25)
- fat bomb (90)
quidditch practice:
- 30 min run
- 100cal wo (ps you don't actually burn 100 cals)
total: 962
tdee: 2100
deficit: -1,138
water: 72 oz
muggle ramblings:
hey babes <3 spent most of the day at my sister's house visiting my 2 month old nephew <3 ugh he's so precious I love him.
I have class online tonight so I gotta prep and go to my boyfriends house for class. He's making chicken & cauliflower rice so I can be with him when he makes it. I have to workout before I do too so lots to do but I wanted to update.
I actually got on the scale too, yikes. I guess it's kinda what I was expecting but I was hoping since I restricted it would go down a little more. I was hoping to go today -- but I have a feeling there won't be time -- I wanted to go to Aldi's and meal prep for the week, so maybe tomorrow.
Also, does anybody else get like...super defensive when someone comes near them while they're eating lol. Is it food aggression? lmfao
I was finishing up my lunch and my mom just came into my room and I yelled at her to get out lol.
No? just me?
lololol
ok ok ok
did my run, did this thing called the 100 cal workout. You don't actually burn 100 cals, that depends a lot on your body composition. But basically it's 40 jumping jacks, 30 crunches, 20 squats, 10 push-ups. I only did one round of it but my body is in SO MUCH PAIN LIKE 4 HOURS LATER.
also made dinner with my bf, I'm in class rn chilling while he's playing xbox with his friends...I love him.
I'm struggling rn because part of me wants to just eat way less calories this week since I'm not working and don't need the energy but I don't want to binge. I might have something later too but I don't really want to because I'm doing so well..
will update if I have something else x
#5
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Posted 31 March 2021 - 08:24 AM
mar 31 | day 3 | wt: unknown
dining hall:
- coffee creamer (70)
- keto bread (330)
- 79g tomato (14)
- 48g cottage cheese 4% (50)
- premier protein (160)
- 2.35oz chicken roaster (118)
- 10g mayo (23)
- greek yogurt (80)
- almond cups (170)
- fat bomb (90)
quidditch practice:
- none
total: 1105
tdee: 1977
deficit: -872
water: -- oz
muggle ramblings:
morning everyone~
no weigh in because I slept over my boyfriend's house. It's almost half past 11, and I'm finishing up my breakfast. I have alot of cleaning and crap to do that I swore I'd get done before vacation is over -___-
I haven't been drinking as much water as I said I would, but I'm not overly concerned yet -- about 2 weeks ago I bought this gallon bottle that marks off every 2 hours for drinking, it's so cool. I WAS drinking all 128 oz a day, but since I'm home I haven't drank as much as I do when I'm on the go I guess.
also my quads are on F I R E from my workout yesterday holy shit. I hope I'll still be able to workout later.
I'll update later x
3pm: so I actually got alot done -- I cleaned MOST of my room, did some laundry, folded towels for my mom, cleaned out my car (even used spray to clean out the coffee stains lol), ordered new contacts, prepped my school kit for class tonight..yet I feel like I still have a million and 1 things to do, and here I am eating lunch.
I should feel really good, considering I haven't cleaned anything in...a very very long time lol (ty depression) but I feel like every time I start cleaning, I find another 100 things I gotta add to the list.
I have alot of anxiety though because I have alot of personal decisions I need to make within the next few weeks regarding work, school, money..Just too much pressure right now.
10:01pm: just got home from school and I'm shot. My teacher is literally such fucking triggering inspo. She's my actual girl crush too lol. I'm screwed. On the plus side I avoided 2 cakes and pizza -- it was actually my teacher's birthday today.
feeling a little too tired to post more, I think I'm gonna sleep.
goodnight loves x
#6
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Posted 01 April 2021 - 10:30 AM
apr 1 | day 4 | wt: 165.2
dining hall:
- coffee creamer (70)
- premier protein shake (160)
- panera chicken noodle soup (170)
- panera half bbq chicken salad (260)
- chicken (165)
- cauliflower (40)
- cheese (80)
- white claw (200)
quidditch practice:
- none
total: 1145
tdee: 2005
deficit: -860
water: 32 oz
muggle ramblings:
hiiiii x
I’m currently at my sister’s house watching my 2 month old godson ugh I love him. She ran out to do 2 errands and her husband is here working from home.
Honestly it’s nice because I don’t feel hungry or bored that I’m gonna go into her cabinets and eat. I got on the scale and I’m down a little.
I just started watching Schidtt’s Creek and last night I watch Abzurdah on Netflix bc it was recommended in the forums somewhere. It wasn’t bad actually, a little too relatable.
It’s about 1:30 already so I’m just waiting for my sister to get home and I’ll probably head out. I want to exercise bc I didn’t yesterday and I know my boyfriend and I are gonna have a drink or two tonight which is 100cal per seltzer... so better to eat way less today too.
7:47pm: Ended up having panera at my sister's house unfortunately but no bread or chips. I'm at my boyfriend's for my class tonight. Right now he's playing cod with his friends so I'm just chilling. I'm gonna sleep here so no weigh in tomorrow. I'm actually not gonna be able to weigh in at all this weekend..maybe Saturday because he has work at 5am so I wake up and drive home but we'll see.
#7
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Posted 01 April 2021 - 05:46 PM
CRUISE COUNTDOWNS
a p r I l
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30
weight (lbs)
166 | 165 | 164 | 163 | 162 | 161 | 160 | 159 | 158 |157| 156| 155| 154| 153| 152| 151| 150| 149| 148| 147| 146| 145| 144| 143 |142 |141 | 140 | 139 | 138 | 137 | 136 | 135 | 134 | 133 | 132 | 131 | 130 | 129 | 128 | 127 | 126
a p r i l g o a l s -- (so far)
#8
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Posted 02 April 2021 - 06:43 AM
Following
We have very similar habits. I run and have a lot of rules written down as well. And I have financial goal!!!!! I will definitively look up to you
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My name is Bo
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Money=security+freedom
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#9
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Posted 02 April 2021 - 01:03 PM
apr 2 | day 5 | wt: unknown
dining hall:
- coffee creamer (70)
- egg white spinach turkey cheese omelette w. fruit (~650)
- 1/2 portobello chicken w. spinach & feta in tomato reduction (450)
- 1.5 pieces of bread w. olive oil (320)
- 1/2 red velvet cake (240)
- 2 glasses of Riesling (240)
quidditch practice:
- 45min running
- 100 cal wo x 2
total: ~1970
tdee: 2,522
deficit: -552
water: -- oz
muggle ramblings:
hey babes~ so this morning I slept over my bf's so no weigh in like I said. I'm actually typing this out quick at 4pm haha I gotta run back over there. This morning he took me to brunch and tonight he's taking me to dinner to celebrate our 6 month haha. I made him cupcakes and I'm proud of myself that I didn't taste the batter or icing at all. I wanted to get in a better workout today since I'm kinda going in blindsighted. I don't even know where he's taking me. He's so romantic but it gets me anxious when he does things like this obvs. At least I'll have a good TDEE. I'll update as soon as I can and reply when I can xx
welp that was an epic disaster if I've ever seen one. I have no idea how much are in the actual calories, I tried to overestimate. I know the piece of cake was pretty small and I probably ate less than half, but I'm upping it in case. Regardless, I know the max damage I could have done was maintenance for the day.
needless to say, I will not be weighing in tomorrow.
All in all, I had a really nice day with him. Now to get through the rest of the holiday weekend.
#10
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Posted 03 April 2021 - 03:33 AM
Alice_in_Wonderland99, on 02 Apr 2021 - 06:43 AM, said:
Omggg i laughed so hard at the title
Following
We have very similar habits. I run and have a lot of rules written down as well. And I have financial goal!!!!! I will definitively look up to you
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haha thank you! I'll check yours out, I love seeing other people reach their goals too x
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#11
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Posted 03 April 2021 - 09:30 AM
apr 3 | day 6 | wt: unknown
dining hall:
- coffee creamer (70)
- greek yogurt (160)
- almond cups (340)
- fat bomb (90)
- challah roll (320)
- vegan black bean burger w. avocado (390)
- 2 pretzel bites (230)
- mixed drink (170)
quidditch practice:
total: 1,750
tdee: 2,098
deficit: -348
water: 30 oz
muggle ramblings:
afternoon~
so last night went to bed at 10pm, came home at 5am, stayed up for a little, then passed out, woke up at 11am..I swear, it's like I can't ever have enough sleep it's crazy. I was hoping to be a littttttle productive but I guess not. And I should be going on the treadmill so why am I not yet I get annoyed that I ate so much yesterday lolol. Today I'm supposed to be going out with the girls from school for dinner/drinks (already anxious) and it kinda sucks because my boyfriend lives the other way so I wanted to see him after he gets out of work, I'll stay with him until I gotta leave, then go out, and come back to him after. I don't mind doing it, but I'd rather just stay with him honestly, not socialize haha. idk, I have too much going on in my head rn I thought I wanted to get it all out and type but I'm more anxious that I haven't been productive and he gets out of work in an hour.
so going out with my friends wasn't bad. I did the best I could, I don't even know the calories, I'm kinda just overestimating to be safe. They kinda made me take pieces from one of those big pretzels, I didn't want to but they were all egging me on and I didn't need to give them an idea that I had an ED so here we are. It was a vegan black bean burger on a challah roll with tomato and avocado, salad on the side. I had one drink and it was kinda small but again no idea what calories were. I didn't finish all the avocado, but I ate the burger for protein, thankfully no cheese on it. I was more so trying to prevent damage because tomorrow I will not be counting, I will just be completely mindful of eating (hahahahahahahahahaha, says the binge eater)
I had so much fun though honestly, I got to know the girls better, got to know my teacher, and even her boyfriend (he's a tattoo artist) so we were able to talk ideas a little bit, they're both super cool. Maybe one day I will get over my fear of eating out....
lol
#12
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Posted 04 April 2021 - 06:01 AM
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My name is Bo
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#13
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Posted 04 April 2021 - 08:01 AM
Alice_in_Wonderland99, on 04 Apr 2021 - 06:01 AM, said:
You are so little, and you seem to have a full day. I don’t think eating is bad. However, if you want to avoid food, just go to bed, you are exhausted anyway and sleep should come in easy. I do that when I want to eat and feel too tired to purge
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oh I wish I was little, I am not little at all. This week has just been alot of adulting, decision making...too much for me since I was on break from work for a week so I had some time off to relax. I don't get to take naps often, but I do that too when I can.
#14
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Posted 04 April 2021 - 07:52 PM
Happy Easter!! I spent the morning with my boyfriend’s family and then we spent the afternoon/evening with mine. It was such a nice day, and I didn’t binge eat like I normally do on holidays. Like my stomach isn’t super distended, I only had 2 glasses of wine, I didn’t take seconds for dinner or dessert and I worked out today (30 min running). Definitely no deficit, but I’m okay with it for one day.
My boyfriend and I also impulsively booked a cruise with my aunt, uncle, and cousins for next year, so I have exactly 357 days to get down to my UGW. I’m probably more motivated NOW more than ever and I’m going to come up with a more solid game plan for eating/working out....I still can’t believe we’re going. This is so surreal ugh
Hope everyone had a lovely day <3
#15
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Posted 05 April 2021 - 05:01 AM
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Money=security+freedom
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#16
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Posted 05 April 2021 - 07:14 PM
apr 5| day 8 | wt: unknown
dining hall:
- coffee creamer (70)
- greek yogurt (160)
- almond cups (170)
- fat bomb (90)
- cottage cheese (150)
- peanut butter (96)
- egg whites (34)
- protein powder (60)
- 1 reeses egg (170)
- premier protein (160)
quidditch practice:
- 30 min running
- 20 min strength training - chest/tris
total: 1,160
tdee: 2,678
deficit: -1518
water: 100 oz
muggle ramblings:
hi lovies~
today was a good day but it was my first day back at work and I'm exhausted already. It also doesn't help that the only thing on my mind is this vacation. I guess it's a good thing because it takes my mind off food and makes me more focused on my goal weight but it makes me dread work even more knowing I'm on vacation mode already.
decided on a workout regime from now until further notice:
monday - chest/tris + cardio
tuesday - back/bis + cardio
wednesday - legs
thursday - abs + cardio
friday - shoulders+ cardio
saturday - legs/abs + cardio
I haven't decided on an actual calorie limit for myself..I'm afraid of going too low, I can't faint at work or school, that's a HARD NO. As much as I'd love to restrict lower, if I faint in front of my students or my peers, it's game over.
I also have to be careful I don't drink TOO much water and flush everything out.
I was thinking of something like
monday - 1100
tuesday - 1000
wednesday - 900
thursday - 900
friday - 1000
saturday - 1100
sunday - 1200
but then a good part of me wants to do this
monday - 900
tuesday - 800
wednesday - 700
thursday - 700
friday - 800
saturday - 900
sunday - 1000
sos help
also gonna dedicate one of my previous posts (prob the april goals one) to general monthly goals up until the cruise, things I need to do or goal weights I want to reach by to stay on track.
keeping this short because im dead tired so goodnight <3
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Posted 06 April 2021 - 03:09 PM
apr 6 | day 9 | wt: unknown
dining hall:
- coffee creamer (70)
- greek yogurt (240)
- almond cups (170)
- fat bomb (90)
- egg whites (17)
- 1/2 chipotle bowl (200)
- twix egg (150)
quidditch practice:
- 30 min running
- 15 min strength training - back/bis
total: 937
tdee: 2,665
deficit: -1,728
water: 20 oz
muggle ramblings:
hiiiii~
so kinda mad I ended up having chipotle for dinner. I made cottage cheese with peanut butter and protein powder but I fricken left it at my house. I'm at my boyfriend's right now so we got chipotle. I got chicken (180) + cauliflower rice (40) + cheese (110) + salsa (25) but I don't trust the calories so I ate half of it...
I feel so tired today, I think the deficit is hitting me. I wanted to get on the scale but I'm so bloated from ovulating and not having a BM -___-
I'll probably have to wait a few days.
I'll post more later xx
#18
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Posted 07 April 2021 - 07:12 PM
apr 7 | day 10 | wt: unknown
dining hall:
- greek yogurt (160)
- oatmeal (120)
- fat bomb (90)
- cottage cheese (220)
- protein powder (60)
- peanut butter (101)
- chicken (112)
- Kit Kat (210)
- Reeses mini cup (44)
quidditch practice:
total: 1,117
tdee: 2,232
deficit: -1,115
water: 50 oz
muggle ramblings:
I don't understand how but with my high intakes, I'm still exhausted as all hell and feeling so low energy, because of this I had to take a day off of working out just to catch up, give my body a rest. I felt hungrier today, probably because I'm mid cycle period but I tried to stay under 1200. I just got home from school and I honestly still could eat but I haven't drank nearly as much water as I should have lately. W0rk's been super stressful but I'm so excited to be taking off Monday haha. I'm getting my hair done by my friend! I'm gonna model for her class so I can't wait to change it up, I haven't done balayage before on my hair so I'm excited AND I get a day off.
I also got a nice facial done at school tonight, it's so cool, I love doing real world stuff because then I get it done on me. Since my background is only makeup, waxing and facials are new to me but so far I love it!
I'm curious...what everyone else's deficits are...like do you worry more about how much you restrict or how much of a deficit you have? I know how it works CICO but I think mentally the more I restrict, the higher my deficit, the more weight I'll lose...so even though my deficits are pretty high right now, I still feel like I need to restrict more.....and I keep invalidating my ED.
I keep going through old pictures of me at my lowest, goddamn I want it so badly AND THEN SOME.
354 days until the cruise.
#19
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Posted 08 April 2021 - 05:16 PM
apr 8 | day 11 | wt: unknown
dining hall:
- greek yogurt (80)
- cottage cheese (160)
- protein powder (28)
- peanut butter (79)
- chicken (68)
- egg white (34)
- bell peppers (25)
- mustard (60)
- lettuce (45)
- small piece of yellow cake (~250)
- truly iced tea (100)
- snickers (150)
- coffee creamer (88)
quidditch practice:
- 20 min treadmill
- 20 min leg workout
total: 1,167
tdee: 2,583
deficit: -1,416
water: -- oz
muggle ramblings:
so tired today (what else is new) I did a leg workout, but I'm pretty sure I hurt my leg lol. I did do some cardio too, 20 minutes didn't feel like enough. sigh.
I also got to talk to my aunt more about the cruise, I'm so excited!! I'll update later when I'm home, I'm at M's right now so can't talk.
#20
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Posted 10 April 2021 - 06:48 AM
I think it is your cycle. I get the worst binge urge 1-2 weeks before period. I get constipsted and get bloated from constipation. I think that is what makes you low energy as well. Who want to move around knowing they have intestine full of poop. Sorry I’m too literal. I would use ballerina to get poop out. You can’t really get addicted. They do not cause diarrhea, just push my BM.
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My name is Bo
I am a happy monster
I will be rich one day
Money=security+freedom
My acccountability 🖤🖤🖤
https://www.myproana...ntability-an-bp
Reply to this topic
What's the difference between AN and atypical AN?
#1
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 11:19 AM
My doctors have read from my medical history to me before during appointments to double check some stuff, and they've mentioned "anorexia", so I genuinely thought this whole time that I had an anorexia nervosa diagnosis (bc before, they've said "atypical anorexia" too). Well, my ED ward stays' medical history was just finally made viewable to me, my lowest recorded BMI in the ward was 17.9 (less at home but they weighed me the day after I arrived so food/water weight after low res is, yk.. sw BMI 22.6), and my official ED diagnosis: atypical anorexia nervosa.
This whole time, I've been trying to maintain around BMI 18 after IP and not go lower thinking to myself "at least I have the validation of having been a 'proper' (THIS IS ED BRAIN I DONT ACTUALLY THINK THIS) anorexic patient before weight restoration" AND NOW 7 MONTHS LATER I FOUND OUT I NEVER WAS :)))))))
So yeah recovery is off because I gotta prove to my ED treatment team "better" that I have anorexia? Gonna go and maintain to low 17s until I have had and recovered from my surgery this year and then start everything back up because now I know that I have to get into the 16s to "count"?? lmfao I really honest to god thought I'd made it somewhere by losing 25% of my body weight in 8 months to an underweight BMI.
Like, actually, why do I not have AN? /genq I thought I checked all the boxes.
#2
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 11:21 AM
I think typical AN is usually classified as having a weight under bmi 17.5
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HW=155 lbs / BMI 26.6 LW= 84 lbs / BMI 14.4 SW For 2022 Relapse= 134 lbs / BMI 23.0 (Mar 1) CW= 120 lbs / BMI 20.6 (Apr 24)
Goal= Healthily (?) maintain a BMI in the 16s (93-98 lbs)
Diagnoses= AN-bp (2017, I've gained since then) + Bipolar + ADHD
MBTI= ENTP-T Enneagram= 7w8, sx/sp Enneagram Tritype=784
Years With ED= 6.6 (it started around September of 2015)
What a time to be alive.
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#3
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 12:16 PM
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#4
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 12:20 PM
Yeah yeah yeah I get it that if you're "underweight" you need treatment to weight restore. But that means... Not much in terms of the severity of your disorder. People have died at normal/overweight/obese BMIs from EDs
So this whole atypical vs typical thing grinds my gears. It's been found that atypical anorexics have similar rates of physical complications such as bradycardia and low body temperature and guess what? You can lose your period and get lanugo with atypical anorexia. And atypical anorexics have *worse* psychological measures as compared with typical anorexics.
It seems that the severity in terms of damage to the body of a restrictive ED correlates moreso with behaviors, percentage of body weight lost and how fast you lost the weight.
Sorry for the soapbox but it makes me so fucking angry that we delineate these arbitrary stupid cutoffs when say men may be under diagnosed with AN because of higher muscle percentage inflating weight. Or athletes. Or people who started at higher BMIs. Or just in general posing a barrier for everyone else with EDs who aren't emaciated sticks and sending the message that you don't deserve help if you arent a stick
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 12:38 PM
Scoobertishangry, on 19 Apr 2022 - 12:16 PM, said:
One of the things that landed me the atypical diagnosis was taking massive amount of lax even though I wasn’t binging, do you do something similar? If you’re a girl it might have something to do with still getting your period (if you did) but with the information you’ve given I can’t see why you would’ve been slapped with the atypical label, I’m sorry pal
I very much fit in with stereotypical an-r behaviour. I've never binged in my life, also not taking lax, not taking anything, actually. Just eating very little for the better part of a year until I was satisfied. The only thing I can think of is my not being more underweight... No periods but that's from another medication I take/I'm not supposed to have em anyway
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 12:44 PM
Chaos Muppet, on 19 Apr 2022 - 11:21 AM, said:
I think typical AN is usually classified as having a weight under bmi 17.5
There's no specific bmi criteria in the DSM-5 for anorexia nervosa, the criteria is "a significantly low body weight in the context of age, sex, developmental trajectory, and physical health. Significantly low weight is defined as a weight that is less than minimally normal".
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 01:06 PM
they make it up as they go along. people are given all kinds of diagnoses. two doctors can interpret the criteria very differently.
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 01:54 PM
kitn, on 19 Apr 2022 - 1:06 PM, said:
they make it up as they go along. people are given all kinds of diagnoses. two doctors can interpret the criteria very differently.
Still a huge trigger, now I'm hellbent on getting "unarguably" anorexic. There's gotta be a point where any ED doctor would look at someone and say it's AN no questions asked... :') I know it' s pathetic but my life goal (atm ig) is to get an AN diagnosis so let's goooooo
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 02:54 PM
jackalyvia, on 19 Apr 2022 - 2:21 PM, said:
An-r is low weight
Atypical weight doesn't matter you can be 300lbs
Isn't a BMI of 17.9 like, objectively a low weight tho (considering I started on the heavier side of healthy/wasn't "naturally slim")...? :|
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 04:53 PM
hide-yourself, on 19 Apr 2022 - 2:54 PM, said:
its not based on where you start its based on your body type and size, its a low weight for your body type, age, height ectIsn't a BMI of 17.9 like, objectively a low weight tho (considering I started on the heavier side of healthy/wasn't "naturally slim")...? :|
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 05:56 PM
hide-yourself, on 19 Apr 2022 - 12:44 PM, said:
assuming theyre not just using outdated diagnostics,There's no specific bmi criteria in the DSM-5 for anorexia nervosa, the criteria is "a significantly low body weight in the context of age, sex, developmental trajectory, and physical health. Significantly low weight is defined as a weight that is less than minimally normal".
there is a definition grading severity. BMI 17 or greater is considered "mild" not that I find that language helpful. 16 moderate, 15 severe, under 15 extreme. While I understand there are medical concerns when anorexia is complicated by emaciation, the invalidating nature of the language used to anchor severity of a mental health condition to a physical symptom causes unnecessary harm for exactly the reason you're showing: it motivates people to prove they're "sick enough." The idea that being medically underweight is still not "sick enough" causes unnecessary distress to patients. Medicine is constantly updating.. or at least it's supposed to.
A doctor's primary oath is to do no harm. The framework of AN diagnosis causes harm. I'm sorry the system failed you. I hope you address this with your doctor as a BMI under 18 does in fact make you medically underweight, and being medically underweight rules out the atypical diagnosis unless they changed your diagnosis because of recovery, and if that's what happened I hope you address with them how that's caused you harm so this doesn't happen to their other patients.
You're right. They fucked up. I'm sorry.
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 06:02 PM
fragile_fairyy, on 19 Apr 2022 - 6:01 PM, said:
Where I live we don’t use the terms “atypical” ana it’s all just anorexia now. Like I was diagnosed before I was even underweight.
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 06:05 PM
jackalyvia, on 19 Apr 2022 - 4:53 PM, said:
its not based on where you start its based on your body type and size, its a low weight for your body type, age, height ect
How would they figure out when underage? I got told I met AN criteria at IOP when I was 5’1” and like 90-93 lbs or something and 14 and a half yrs old. No major weight loss, i just gained til that point and then I wanted to stay at a bmi under 18.5, so I never gained again.
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 06:07 PM
hide-yourself, on 19 Apr 2022 - 2:54 PM, said:
Isn't a BMI of 17.9 like, objectively a low weight tho (considering I started on the heavier side of healthy/wasn't "naturally slim")...? :|
Personally, the difference in BMI of 17.9 and 18.5 for me is 4 pounds. I fluctuate that much in a day sometimes, depending on BMs, eating, dehydration, etc. Depending on your age and your build, that BMI can look very different; a 15 year old underweight individual will generally look and be much healthier (still underweight ofc) than a 30 year old at the same BMI. BMI is known to underestimate BMI category for Asian heritages, and tends to overestimate it for African heritages since it was based on Caucasian standards. Ultimately, BMI can broadly be meaningful to entire populations, but striving for it as a goal or the end-all-be-all is pointless and harmful. I don't want to make you feel worse, just trying to provide context.
To my understanding, removing the BMI req was a move to include people who don't fit the standard of teenaged white girls so they can get treatment when in danger. I think Atypical AN doesn't have the same refeeding concerns as AN nor the same immediate physical danger. It is STILL dangerous. It is STILL a valid diagnosis, you ARE sick whether or not you are AAN or AN. But glancing at a chart, someone can tell whether or not you need a tube stuck up your nose asap or vitals taken twice a day.
You were in residential. They don't stick just anyone there. You were at risk and they needed to stabilize you, to hospitalize you. Technicalities are for doctors and insurance, not for you. You are/were perceived as sick.
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 08:55 PM
Milianna, on 19 Apr 2022 - 12:20 PM, said:
This 100000%The difference between AN and atypical AN: the bullshit idea that EDs are worse at lower weights.
Yeah yeah yeah I get it that if you're "underweight" you need treatment to weight restore. But that means... Not much in terms of the severity of your disorder. People have died at normal/overweight/obese BMIs from EDs
So this whole atypical vs typical thing grinds my gears. It's been found that atypical anorexics have similar rates of physical complications such as bradycardia and low body temperature and guess what? You can lose your period and get lanugo with atypical anorexia. And atypical anorexics have *worse* psychological measures as compared with typical anorexics.
It seems that the severity in terms of damage to the body of a restrictive ED correlates moreso with behaviors, percentage of body weight lost and how fast you lost the weight.
Sorry for the soapbox but it makes me so fucking angry that we delineate these arbitrary stupid cutoffs when say men may be under diagnosed with AN because of higher muscle percentage inflating weight. Or athletes. Or people who started at higher BMIs. Or just in general posing a barrier for everyone else with EDs who aren't emaciated sticks and sending the message that you don't deserve help if you arent a stick
height: 160cm/5'3"
recent high weight (July 5 2021): 56.7kg
current weight: 52.7kg/116lbs @ April 2022
low weight: 49.3kg/108lbs @ March 2018
BMI: 20.3
goal weight: 45kg/99lbs
progress since 5 July 2021:
• 56.5kg • 56kg • 55.5kg • 55kg •
progress since 1 April 2022:
54.5kg • 54kg • 53.5kg • 53kg • 52.5kg • 52kg • 51.5kg • 51kg • 50.5kg • 50kg • 49.5kg • 49kg • 48.5kg
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 01:15 AM
oh_my, on 19 Apr 2022 - 5:09 PM, said:
Do you have a pre-ed history of being at the low end of healthy bmi? Because maybe it appears that you’re just a little below “on trend” according to your past weights
Idk, I was a chubby kid and then just healthy. Nothing recorded in the system though, my mom only took me to the doctor's I think two times throughout my entire childhood (child neglect), so they don't have a history of weigh ins at the GP's to pull from.
fragile_fairyy, on 19 Apr 2022 - 6:01 PM, said:
Where I live we don’t use the terms “atypical” ana it’s all just anorexia now. Like I was diagnosed before I was even underweight.
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Lucky you lol /gen
jpi332, on 19 Apr 2022 - 6:02 PM, said:
How do you see your medical records? I went to IOP and was told i had arfid and quote unquote, “met criteria for Anorexia Nervosa, technically”. So how tf do I see this? I think I was in the 17’s (got down to 16’s) but i was also only 14 at the time so would they have used child or adult bmi? How do they classify that? I’m interested in seeing. I didn’t lose a bunch, I just stopped gaining..
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I live in an obscure small European country, we have a government hosted digital system where we can log into via our national identification number and see our medical records (or "electronic health record" I think is how they put it).
What's the difference between AN and atypical AN?
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 07:01 AM
jpi332, on 19 Apr 2022 - 6:02 PM, said:
How do you see your medical records? I went to IOP and was told i had arfid and quote unquote, “met criteria for Anorexia Nervosa, technically”. So how tf do I see this? I think I was in the 17’s (got down to 16’s) but i was also only 14 at the time so would they have used child or adult bmi? How do they classify that? I’m interested in seeing. I didn’t lose a bunch, I just stopped gaining..
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You can most likely call your IOP and request medical records
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 08:43 AM
hide-yourself, on 19 Apr 2022 - 1:54 PM, said:
Still a huge trigger, now I'm hellbent on getting "unarguably" anorexic. There's gotta be a point where any ED doctor would look at someone and say it's AN no questions asked... :') I know it' s pathetic but my life goal (atm ig) is to get an AN diagnosis so let's goooooo
I fit the criteria for an-b/p but I'm dx with bulimia, no idea why but I'm not salty bc it means they're not on my case
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[Updated: April, 2022] CBMI = ~14.1 (dammit ~ was still in the 12s in January…I wanna die)
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 10:51 AM
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 11:31 AM
chasingcalm, on 20 Apr 2022 - 10:51 AM, said:
Are you/were you an adolescent? They typically (at least in the US) use percentile weight charts until you are 20 and as a teenager it is possible to have a BMI <18.5 but still not be considered ‘underweight’ on the percentile charts, which is <5%.
I was 20 in IP, 21 now lol
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Realistic expectation for a 100-day transformation?
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 09:22 AM
CW: 192lbs (I know I seem like a lost cause, but I’m so committed! & I’ve already lost 30lbs since December on a less strict diet)
Height: 5’8”
Currently, I’m restricting to 500 calories/day, walking a few miles/day, & doing toning exercises at the gym 3-4x week
GW: 110 but it’s impossible in this time frame?? So 120? 130? Please let me know what you think is doable!!
Can anyone advise what a realistic weight loss goal is for me in just under 3.5 months? Should I eat less? I know less is best but I work and can’t afford to faint, but maybe it’s worth it? If you have before & after photos or anything info/experience in a similar timeline, I would greatly appreciate it!
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 09:36 AM
idk, but based on an estimate using losertown, assuming you're a woman in her mid-20s (i'm just guessing here), you can expect to be around 140 at that time with light exercise 1-3 times a week or just shy of 130 with moderate exercise 3-5 times a week (idk if you'd classify those toning exercise as light or moderate intensity). but yeah i always use losertown to get a vague idea of what i'd weigh in the future (it's obviously not 100% accurate).
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 10:07 AM
also if you plan on increasing exercise at 500 calories id recommend you be careful with reactive eating since you're planning on doing it for a pretty extended amount of time
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 10:21 AM
ohmyoranges, on 24 Mar 2022 - 09:36 AM, said:
idk, but based on an estimate using losertown, assuming you're a woman in her mid-20s (i'm just guessing here), you can expect to be around 140 at that time with light exercise 1-3 times a week or just shy of 130 with moderate exercise 3-5 times a week (idk if you'd classify those toning exercise as light or moderate intensity). but yeah i always use losertown to get a vague idea of what i'd weigh in the future (it's obviously not 100% accurate).
Wow thank you, that’s so helpful! I hadn’t heard of this site! This is so encouraging, I could be happy at 135ish I think! Thank you!
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 10:31 AM
raehasissues, on 24 Mar 2022 - 10:07 AM, said:
i'm 5'7 and i went from 167 to 137 in 3,5months ish with low-medium restriction (300-800) and barely no exercise. i know it's not the same since you're way more active then i was but i hope it serves as reference?
also if you plan on increasing exercise at 500 calories id recommend you be careful with reactive eating since you're planning on doing it for a pretty extended amount of time
Thank you! This is so encouraging and helpful!
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 10:32 AM
VioletDetector, on 24 Mar 2022 - 09:36 AM, said:
Use losertown.org to see if you can hit your goal or not
Amazing resource, thank you!!
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 10:32 AM
ilse neumann., on 24 Mar 2022 - 09:37 AM, said:
i can’t speak from personal experience, but if you’ve already lost 30 lbs since december, i’d say you could probably count on losing maybe another 40-50 in 3.5 months with a lower intake and physical activity! so i’d aim for around 140, personally. wishing you the best of luck! you got this!
Thank you 🥰 I could be happy with that I think.
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 10:49 AM
jackalyvia, on 24 Mar 2022 - 10:25 AM, said:
Realistically You won't be able to maintain a 500 cal diet for long especially with exercise
I’m a little afraid of this but hopefully I can make it work. I may need to forego the exercise.
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 05:15 PM
bunnythighs, on 24 Mar 2022 - 10:49 AM, said:
there's a very high risk of a binge cycle and/or reactive eatingI’m a little afraid of this but hopefully I can make it work. I may need to forego the exercise.
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 05:18 PM
I use this to help me figure out how to hit my goals, it's a neat little resource!
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Stats/Diagnoses/Weight-Loss:
Height: 5'4.5 (65 in)
HW: ~200 (BMI 33.8)
LW: 122 (BMI 20.6)
CW: 177.8 (BMI 30.0)
GW1: 155
GW2: 120
What I'm diagnosed with:
~Depression - General Anxiety Disorder/Anticipatory Anxiety - Childhood Trauma - Food Restriction (EDNOS)~
Suspecting:
~Autism/ADHD~
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Weight Loss Rewards:
180- Shorter Haircut
170- Add Dye to Hair!
160- New Tattoo
150- New Binder
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120- New Bikini Bathing Suit
Accountability: https://www.myproana...-to-120-at-545/
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my accountability: https://www.myproana...6#entry77567487
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 06:15 PM
Try to start off sustainably, 3.5 months is a decent chunk of time to make progress if you can avoid reactive binges. When you're closer to the date, transition to eating very clean and watching carb and sodium levels; water retention makes a massive difference in how you look despite technically being the sameish weight. Practice eating clean beforehand and pay attention to what triggers bloat in your body, what seems to slim you down, and how quickly your body goes in either direction. For me, skipping dinner or eating it very early (5 at the latest) usually results in me being the least bloated the next morning. Late dinners bloat me up no matter what I actually ate.
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 06:44 PM
I know it's not the answer you want, but if he's The One then your weight doesn't matter.
But everyone elses' responses are good too. Just don't restrict too low, or you'll end up binging or overeating. Good luck!
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Posted 30 March 2022 - 09:36 AM
jackalyvia, on 24 Mar 2022 - 5:15 PM, said:
there's a very high risk of a binge cycle and/or reactive eating
Yes. I’m prone to this actually. I was treated for non-purging bulimia a longgg time ago, for using fasting or exercise to balance out binges. But I don’t know what else to do.
Today is day 9, I’ve only exceeded my goal once (yesterday, over by 389), and I’m forgiving myself for it since my net weekly average intake is still below my goal of 500/day (415 is my current average).
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Posted 30 March 2022 - 09:40 AM
surrealicity, on 24 Mar 2022 - 6:15 PM, said:
30 pounds should be doable. I think I lost about 30-40 in a similar time frame at the same height, but I BP a lot so my "diet" was highly erratic lol.
Try to start off sustainably, 3.5 months is a decent chunk of time to make progress if you can avoid reactive binges. When you're closer to the date, transition to eating very clean and watching carb and sodium levels; water retention makes a massive difference in how you look despite technically being the sameish weight. Practice eating clean beforehand and pay attention to what triggers bloat in your body, what seems to slim you down, and how quickly your body goes in either direction. For me, skipping dinner or eating it very early (5 at the latest) usually results in me being the least bloated the next morning. Late dinners bloat me up no matter what I actually ate.
Thank you, this is such helpful advice!! Yes, I’m already planning the end-of-term strategies to make the best presentation and avoid bloating. I’ll definitely be stricter as it gets closer. I’m so afraid to fail. I need to treat every day as if we’re meeting tomorrow.
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Posted 30 March 2022 - 09:46 AM
astrotea, on 24 Mar 2022 - 6:44 PM, said:
I know it's not the answer you want, but if he's The One then your weight doesn't matter.
But everyone elses' responses are good too. Just don't restrict too low, or you'll end up binging or overeating. Good luck!
Thank you! I disagree that he should like me regardless. I wouldn’t want to date someone who was fat; it’s hypocrisy to expect him not to have the same standards. I also googled the average weights and heights for women in his country and, as an American, I am beyond intimidated!!!
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Posted 05 July 2021 - 12:50 PM
entry 26
wake: 11AM
weight: 183.2 lmaoooo
breakfast : 12PM
"we don't have anything to eat"
"I just spent $300 on groceries the last month"
yeah but you didn't buy anything I can eat
+ apple (95)
+ mini pepsi
+ dr pepper cherry
+ vapin' like there's no tomorrow
+ unbearable lightness
total: 95
lunch: 1PM
+ a few kernels of popcorn from yesterday's bag (20)
+ pickles?
+ cherry tomatoes (fuck, idk, 70?)
+ miso soup packet (35??)
total: 125
snack
+ 2 boiled egg whites (34)
+ fiber one bar (70)
total: 104
predinner total: 324
dinner
+ we're going out so maybe a salad? (500)
++ I ended up getting steelhead and rice with veggies. My partner ate half of it for me!!
+ probably a drink (200)
++ I got a hot cocoa with peppermint schnapps <3
welp I've blown eating only 200 calories, I'll aim for 500 as a base, minus dinner. 
I can do this
I can do this
I WILL LOOK LIKE THIS AGAIN
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Posted 05 July 2021 - 01:40 PM
shopping list (taken from this thread)
Protein
- Eggs
- Egg whites
- Broth
- Tuna
- Plain yogurt cups
Fruit
- Grapes
- Apples
- Dehydrated Fruits
Vegetables
- Cherry Tomatoes
- Carrots
- Green beans
- Canned Vegetables and fruit - corn? pineapple?
etc
- Pam
- Shirataki Noodles
- SF Pudding
- Popsicles (between 20 & 40 cal)
- Rice cakes
- Zero cal drinks - diet coke/pepsi, sparkling water, ice tea, monsters, water syrups(?)
- Miso soup
- Marshmallow spread
- Seaweed
Cabbage soup ingredients
- 3 tablespoons
olive oil - 1/2 yellow onion chopped
- 2 cloves garlic minced
- 8 cups low sodium vegetable broth fine too
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
- 1/2 teaspoon black pepper or to taste
- 1/2 head cabbage chopped in 1 1/2" chunks
- 4 carrots peeled and chopped
- 2 stalks celery sliced thinly
- 14.5 ounces stewed tomatoes
safe foods I already have
- Sugar free iced coffee
- Carrots
- Rice Cakes - need more
- Miso - need more
- Eggs - need more
I will probably follow this diet for a while moving forward, except for when I have exams, have to go out with friends or family, etc.
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Posted 05 July 2021 - 01:49 PM
added this to first post
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Posted 05 July 2021 - 04:11 PM
gimme that
i cannot wait to have my body back 
#45
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 05 July 2021 - 04:15 PM
okay I'm going shopping for safe foods!!! I have major agoraphobia and diagnosed social phobia (especially related to crowds) so this is a BIG STEP.
Wishing myself some luck!!
I'm thinking about wearing HEELS out too oh boyyy
EDIT: I didn't get everything on my list but I got a lot of snacks and condiments! It was really stressful in the store but I put on my "bad bitch" persona and got through it. Yup, I need a persona to get through fucking grocery shopping. 
gotta get ready to leave for dinner on a BOAT.
EDIT 2: I just took some gabapentin to quell my nerves around getting on the tram, walking around a new part of the city, and going out in general. Getting dinner. Etc etc. I don't feel super well, I feel nauseous and like I have so much to do in regards to school and work. I'm also on period, so that's another hurdle. Ugh.
It'll be okay. Part of me knows it will be, but I don't feel like it. I don't know what to do to calm myself.
#46
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 06 July 2021 - 11:33 AM
entry 27
weight 184.2 (+1lb)
breakfast
+ lemon bar (70)
+ fudge pop (40)
+ earl grey tea (30)
total: 140
lunch
+ popcorn (50)
+ egg white (17)
+ brownie bar (70)
total: 137
snacks
+ pretzel sticks (110)
+ frozen raspberries (100)
+ chamomile tea (30)
total: 240
pre-dinner total: 517/700
shit.
planned dinner
+ (skinny mousse) sf whipped cream (20) with pudding folded in (60)
+ boiled egg white(17)
+ egg whites fried with pam (17) served with miracle whip (20)
+ popsicle (40)
+ popsicle (20)
+ whole egg fried with pam (70)
total: 264
not counted:
+ a shot of irish cream (175??)
+ an oz cod that my partner cooked up(50??)
whole total: 781/700
+ (uncounted)225? ..christ
post-dinner thoughts
- I'm getting these really awful stomach aches after eating. IDK if it's weight-loss related or just my period. It just sucks, a lot.
post-dinner snack ideas
earl grey tea
chamomile tea
chai tea
brewed coffee
instant coffee
edit:
I'm listening to "Unbearable Lightness" (I've read it before)
my favorite parts just happened!!
- Portia's brother accepting her sexual orientation wholly.
- Portia saying, "Merry Christmas, Portia." as she weighed in at 89lb
#47
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Posted 06 July 2021 - 01:39 PM
hi, i don't really comment much because i'm so shy haha! But i just want to say wow your accountability is so aesthetic!, i love it a lot!! Also i can relate to the social anxiety, i have suffered from it ever since i was a child and i also have to put on a "bad bitch" persona when i go out on my own, it's so nice to know i'm not alone! Well done you for getting out there you are killing it and i'm proud!! ❀❀❀
#48
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 06 July 2021 - 02:26 PM
loonamoon, on 06 Jul 2021 - 1:39 PM, said:
hi, i don't really comment much because i'm so shy haha! But i just want to say wow your accountability is so aesthetic, i love it a lot!!
Also i can relate to the social anxiety, i have suffered from it ever since i was a child and i also have to put on a "bad bitch" persona
when i go out on my own, it's so nice to know i'm not alone! Well done you for getting out there, you are killing it and i'm proud!! <3
YOU'RE SO SWEET!! Thank you!! Oof social anxiety is so tough, I really appreciate the kind words and I'm proud of you too for busting through that anxiety too!!
WE GOT THIS
#49
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 07 July 2021 - 12:03 PM
entry 27
weight: 182.2 (-2lb)
+ popsicle (40)
+ 2 egg whites (17)
+ coffee w milk (40)
97
+ lemon bar (70)
70
+ tuna (70) with mw (20)
+ rice cracker (35)
+ pretzels sticks 110
235
+ popsicle (40)
+ 9 baby potatoes!! cooked in pam with salt (180??)
220
OH NO me predinner total is 627/500 for the day it's okay!! I'll keep it under 800.
+ 2 slices of pizza
+ 3 pieces of cinnamon rolls
+ skinny tea
#50
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 08 July 2021 - 12:38 PM
entry 28
weight: 182.4 (+0.2lb)
+ coffee w milk (40)
+ brownie bar (70)
110
+ tuna (90) with mw (20)
+ rice cracker (35)
145
+ popsicle (40)
+ apple (90)
130
predinner total: 385
+ popsicle (40)
+ lemon bar (70)
+ (skinny mousse) sf whipped cream (20) with pudding folded in (60)
190
total: 575/700
#51
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 09 July 2021 - 08:55 AM
entry 29
weight: 181.4 (-1lb)
oh my god it's finally working,
honestly my stomach hurts ALL THE TIME (not out of hunger though) but this is worth it.
I finished Unbearable Lightness (again!) I love that book so much
Started Elena Vanishing
breakfast
+ coffee w milk (40)
+ popsicle (40)
+ brownie bar (70)
150
lunch
+ deli tuna mix (80) on a rice cake (30)
+ pretzel sticks (110)
220
snacks
+ seaweed (20)
+ seaweed (20)
+ popsicle(40)
+ brownie bar (70)
+ broth (5)
155
+ raspberries - 132g (70)
predinner total: 595/500
dinner - my partner is ordering Chinese food so...
+ rangoons
- I'm SO ANGRY, I've been submitting my university assignments without the proper file extension so now I have to resubmit and they're being marked as LATE. FUCK.
- My food scale came!!!
- I've been applying to jobs! I haven't heard back from anyone, but it's the weekend. I hope some of them respond with a phone call, I'm so unhappy in my current job and it just doesn't pay enough for my out-of-state tuition, my self-employment taxes, my dental care... and especially my awful shopping habits. It's just a rough time right now.
- I'm going to start recording my medicine intake from now on as well.
medicine
+ 400mg (maybe it's 800mg, these are very big pills lol and I lost the label) gabapentin
+ 1500mg acetaminophen
+ 800mg gabapentin (I was having a panic attack during work this morning)
#52
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 10 July 2021 - 05:48 PM
entry 30
weight: 181.6 (+0.2lb)
breakfast
+ pretzel sticks (110)
110
lunch
+ applesauce (50)
+ popsicle (40) - I don't remember eating this today but I'm pretty sure I did
+ smart sweets 12g estimate - (25)
+ gingin hard candy (15)
130
predinner total: 240/500
I feel like I MUST have eaten something else but I slept most of the day and can't remember.
dinner
+ biscotti (60)
+ amy's barley vegetable soup (180)
+ tropical punch kona spiked island seltzer
340
total: 580/500
medicine
+ 800mg gabapentin
We walked around a bit today, went to get my gabapentin reupped but my psychiatrist/hospital YET AGAIN did not fax my rx to the CVS near me!! I'm just completely infuriated with my whole IOP experience. ughhhhhhhhhhh.
I finally found a local store that sells Smart Sweets though, at like half the price that Amazon has them for!! I took them all out of their bags -- they're 100 calories for 50g.
$12 is fucking expensive for a pile of candy but it's sugar free and I will weigh it out and not be a piglet about it.
...piglet is the cutest name though. Reminds me of Yennifer, who is my idol tbh.
GOD SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL, in the show and in the game, but show Yennifer is *chefs kiss* I was Yennifer for Halloween 2019 and oh MAN I just want to be her every year. eVERY DAY.
Her whole transformation is such inspiration for me. I feel like I hate myself, and people look at me and see something less-than-human in their eyes, and I want them to STOP when they see me and move out of my way and ughghhhghuug I just want to be like... avoided because I'm so beautiful? That's very narcissistic but it's the aim tbh.
#53
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 10 July 2021 - 10:56 PM
Old pics of my at my LW. I was just as miserable but I miss this body
I miss being able to fit into children's clothes. I'm wearing a girls' dress on the right. My ex's petty sister once had this little snippy shit to say about it: I said, "I wonder if this might be a kid's dress, hahaha" and she was like, "Well, you're wearing it, so..."
As if my wearing it meant it couldn't be a kid's dress.
I can't believe I put up with that for YEARS. yikes.
I'd only shop in the children's section in Target. My favorite jeans were a size 14 in kids (I know, not stupendous or anything) and my favorite sweater was a 2T LMAO (I wore it like a cropped top and it fit me so well!!). So... it was some petty shit for sure to act like I could never fit into children's clothes at my weight.
ugh. I miss it. I miss wearing size 12 tights and thrifting in the kids section. I miss ordering clothes online and knowing they'd fit, even if they might be loose. I miss being able to wear anything in my closet. I want all of that so badly again.
#54
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 11 July 2021 - 04:40 AM
entry 31
weight: 181.8 (+0.2lb ... can't wait for my weight to whoosh)
breakfast
+ mini palmier (65)
+ 3 piece smart sweet candy (15?)
80
went back to sleep
weight 2: 181 (-0.8lb)
+ rice cracker (40)
+ bbq banana chips 1oz (130)
+ posicle (40)
+ 116g dragon fruit (35)
245
lunch
+ biscotti (50)
+ plant-based smart lite hot dog (50)
+ keto bun (50)
+ sf ketchup (10)
+ egg white (17)
177
predinner total: 502/500
+ 100g strawberries (30)
+ 50g dragon fruit (30 - ...uh? idk about that, one of these calculators is off)
+ 100g pineapple (50)
+ rice cake (50)
160
total: 660/700
I've been watching Harlots today instead of studying and OHHH I miss just enjoying something for the sake of it. I honestly need rest.
Other than that, I want to play persona and read a few chapters today out of my course textbook, and finish writing my algorithm.
I think we're going to watch a movie tonight and possibly go for cocktails, so no dinner. Hopefully.
Also, I've been having trouble sleeping ALL YEAR, and I think maybe weight loss is the thing that will force me to get some real rest. Weight loss and doing well in my courses.
Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay.
medicine
+ 800mg gabapentin
#55
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 12 July 2021 - 04:39 PM
entry 32
weight: 181.8 (+0.8lb ugh)
I'll be eating normally today as I have an exam tomorrow.
#56
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 15 July 2021 - 09:51 PM
entry 33
weight: NOT weighing in for a little while
Had a demo for work yesterday, have a demo for school tomorrow. It's all very... stressful.
I've been eating fairly normally, maybe a little bingey. Starting off my restriction again tonight with dinner:
breakfast (binge)
+ 3 rice cakes LOL (150)
+ a biscotti (60)
210
snacks
+ 2 meringues (30)
+ 1 thin coconut-mango biscotti (30)
+ 2 mini stroopwafels (60?)
120
lunch
+ keto buns (50)
+ deli style tuna (40)
+ pickles
+ cheese slice (60?)
150
dinner... this again lmfao
+ keto buns (50)
+ deli style tuna (40)
+ pickles
+ cheese slice (60?)
150
fucking Harlots. I'm on season 3 episode 4, and they did something SUPREMELY STUPID, and I'm not really invested in anyone's storyline at this point.
At least it's given me some pause to focus on studying again lol.
#57
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 17 July 2021 - 08:01 AM
entry 34
weight: ---
breakfast
+ mini stroopwafel (??)
+ a biscotti (60)
+ popsicle (40)
100
so sleepy, but excited for the weekend.
lunch
+ 6 mini hotdogs
+ curly fries
+ froze (frozen rose!)
700?
Went on a three hour walk around the city, it was really nice to get out and explore for the first time!
I'm also still on my harlots BULLSHIT
AND WILL
NORTH
MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS
#58
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 13 December 2021 - 07:02 PM
entry 35
weight: ---
Guess who's baaack. A lot has happened since my last entry. I got diagnosed with Bipolar. I'm off the Abilify and Zoloft!
I'm now on mood stabilizers, another anti-psychotic for my sleep-related hallucinations, and a few sleep medications.
My boss went from wanting to fire me (barely a month after I got out of the hospital for depression-related stuff) and now they don't want me to leave.
I lost 10 pounds by the end of October, probably from not being as hungry?? Abilify made me ravenous.
Though I probably gained a bit back over thanksgiving and this holiday season and getting used to my new meds.
I'm not actually looking to catalog anything ED-related this time. I hope.
I do sometimes practice ED-behaviors, aaand can still be a little cruel to myself, but it's nowhere near as bad as things were during the Summer.
This place is my comfort zone, honestly. At least this thread is, when it comes to food stuff, shame, etc. I feel like I can be honest here.
breakfast
+ yasso cookie dough popsicle (100)
100
so sleepy, but excited for the weekend.
lunch
+ 45 cal bread x2
+ tuna packet
+ miracle whip
+ orange
+ saltines
365
exercise
+ 30 min jog
-260 according to machine
I think I've eaten other stuff but I can't remember D: but damn that workout covered a lot of my lunch. Not bad! but I did have a few saltines just now. Eep.
I kind of want to convince my boyfriend to go for pizza, since we didn't get to last night (I forgot my vaccine card and ID, what a dweeb.)
Also, I should really go get my medicine and pick up a few packages. Just wanted to unwind from my first jog in ages, and think about things.
The new year is coming up... I would like to lose as much weight as healthily possible, maybe (maaaybe, maybe) quit smoking, and really commit to vegetarianism. I was reading this thread on reddit where people were talking about scary science facts that a lot of people don't know and it just got me in a really introspective mood. With COVID, I'm just scared of stuff like sickness and prions, so I feel like eating really healthy will help me avoid as much as I can of those kinds of dangers, personally. I was also reading about how when you hit thirty (as I have) your ability to regenerate heart cells just... declines. Diabetes can really hurt your heart too, and my Dad (who's been pretty big all my life) was diagnosed in his 40's so. Time to think about things.
edit -- Back from Pizza and drinks and boyyy oh boy do I hope I burned off enough to make that dinner okay to have. My stomach hurts
#59
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 16 January 2022 - 02:25 PM
entry 36
weight: ---
Watching Spencer and heeere I am.
#60
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 17 January 2022 - 02:15 PM
entry 37
weight: ---
goal: 800 calories
losertown : 01/02/2023 - estimated 105
get lower than my ex's stupid sister - 97lb
Breakfast : 7AM
+ 2 waffles - 160
Lunch : 1PM
+ Chicken salad - 300
I luckily have a wellness stipend through work so some things I'm thinking of getting:
- Food scale (I feel like I have one already)
- Bullet blender
- Water bottle
things to get me through the hunger:
- light a dessert candle instead of eating something high calorie
- play games
- code
- clean
- dance
- journal
- write to myself
- watch/read/listen to disordered stories
Anyone find the "anorexia/bulimia personality type" school of thought kind of BS?
#1
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 21 March 2022 - 02:53 PM
So there's this school of though among ED therapists that I've seen pop up in a lot of books and scientific papers on the subject- most notably I recently saw this in Almost Anorexic (which I already have issues with). Basically it goes that people who exhibit purely anorexic behaviors (aka AN-R) are the type-A, perfectionistic people who excel in everything and understand delayed gratification, while the people who exhibit purely bulimic behaviors are the type of people who are impulsive risk-takers who may have comorbid BPD, self-harm or been sexually abused as a child. (I'm not making that part up BTW.) What, then, are the people who exhibit both behaviors? Well, then they must have both sets of behaviors!
I find this incorrect and potentially problematic because I know a lot of people who don't fit this mold. I for example, exhibit both anorexic and bulimic behaviors but I am every bit type A and should by that standard "just" restrict. Similarly, I've met bulimics in treatment who were also type-A, and anorexics who were impulsive. Plus let's not even get into the fact that so many people don't fit into the strict AN-R or BN boxes. The majority of anorexics do binge at some point, and that's not anything to do with personality type, but rather the fact that the body just can't handle being so hungry. Many anorexics purge as well. And a lot of bulimics "started out" anorexic or at least restricting, and again the bulimia was just a response to the anorexia. Many if not most people will have two or more distinct ED patterns throughout the course of their ED.
Plus let's not even get into BED and other eating disorders! What personality type would those people have, by that logic? I get that clinicians have probably noticed patterns in their patients and are trying to point out potential trends, but I think it's harmful because it spreads the misconception (which I fell for hook, line, and sinker in my ED, in fact it's probably the reason my ED started) that anorexics are soooo "in control" and people with BED/bulimics are fat greedy pigs who can't handle themselves with food, when in reality EDs have nothing to do with that at all, it's all about how your body responds to food restriction/disordered eating.Ultimately everyone with an ED is giving into an addiction when they engage in their behaviors, and that has nothing to do with "willpower" or personality type at all.
But I may be incorrect. I'm not a doctor or anything so take everything I say with a grain of salt.
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Diagnosis: Atypical anorexia nervosa with some b/p
Been in recovery for over two years now- kind of relapsing idk
I also have OCD, GAD, major depression w/psychotic symptoms, Autism Spectrum Disorder
HW: 208 lbs (I don't even wanna know)
CW: Unknown, I haven't been weighed since I had a mental breakdown finding out I was at my HW. I hope I'm below my HW.
LW (April 2018): 115 lbs (16.98)
GW1: 110 lbs (16.24)
GW2: 100 lbs (14.77)
UGW: 90 lbs (13.29)
It's always best with the covers up
I am the pick in the ice
Do not cry out or hit the alarm
You know we're friends till we die
I don't even know her, but I hope that she comforts you tonight
Wish away the nightmare
Wish away the nightmare...
#2
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0kcal cat
Posted 21 March 2022 - 03:04 PM
yeah there was some research into it I find it really interesting and can personally relate to it but like anything it can be oversimplified and that's dumb bc people are multifaceted. it definitely seems like there's a lot of cross over traits though in people with restrictive ed's and even just all ed's in general so I agree with you it shouldn't be seen as this thing that is set in stone. for example I fit the stereotype pretty well except I'm not impulsive at all even though I b/p daily I've never had issues with impulse control or other addictions. but people also tend to have comorbids so that further complicates the issue (for me that would be autism).
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#3
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Sage
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Posted 21 March 2022 - 03:13 PM
I think it is a problem when people try to create general 'formulas' for behaviors or disorders in general. it completely overlooks the individual person. I think personality, combined with many other factors such as environment, past trauma, stress, cultural influence, upbringing, etc can be related to if/what type of ED a person develops. But the same factors can manifest themselves differently in different people. there is no 'one size fits all' formula, and I wouldn't waste my time talking to a therapist who thought they could figure me out with a textbook theory. if that was possible I would have done so myself by now, thank you.
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#4
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Advanced Warrior
- Locationthe line between anorexia and bulimia
Posted 21 March 2022 - 03:15 PM
I cannot speak for everyone, but as someone who experiences both anorexic and bulimic behaviors, it's very accurate for me since I exhibit both sets of associated behaviors. I'm an extreme perfectionist that also happens to be very impulsive, have bpd, and struggle with self-harm.
So, while probably not accurate for everyone, it's definitely accurate for some.
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#5
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Posted 21 March 2022 - 04:15 PM
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✧˚₊‧ Kez | 16 | ENTP ‧₊˚✧
I like listening to music, writing and fashion
diagnosed anbp, e-bpd, c-ptsd, adhd
╭────── stats · · · · · ♡
153cm
HW: 53kg, bmi 23
CW: 33.8kg, bmi 14.4
╰━━━━━ ☆ ━━━━━╯
in op treatment
vents | accountability | recipes
#6
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Advanced Warrior
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Posted 21 March 2022 - 04:35 PM
adding on to that, the other thing that i think is unsettling is that it sees weight loss as the only goal of someone with ed and likens b/p to self harm, as if restriction weren't a way to sh too.
and to quote what was said on mpa by other people, there's the people who use eds as a means to an end and the ones who use it as an end to a mean. it doesnt matter if you're BP or restrictive or ednos.
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i vow to never see myself at my highest weight again
HW: 80kg (oct '20)
SW:77.5 (feb '21)
GW: 52kg
UGW: 48kg
#7
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 21 March 2022 - 05:24 PM
I highly suspect her to be an-r, and she’s so studious and neat, always with straight As and always badgering me to study
Meanwhile I’m some type of ednos, a procrastinator and messy and just way less “put together” as a person so to speak
sigh#8
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 21 March 2022 - 05:50 PM
raehasissues, on 21 Mar 2022 - 4:35 PM, said:
i hadn't heard of that theory but from what you explain it makes me very uncomfortable for 2 reasons: it makes it sound like people with an-r are the 'successful' ones within the disorder because they can control their weight loss perfectly.
adding on to that, the other thing that i think is unsettling is that it sees weight loss as the only goal of someone with ed and likens b/p to self harm, as if restriction weren't a way to sh too.
and to quote what was said on mpa by other people, there's the people who use eds as a means to an end and the ones who use it as an end to a mean. it doesnt matter if you're BP or restrictive or ednos.
Agree 100%, it creates a hierarchy among people with EDs- many normal-weight restrictors like myself often see themselves as "failed anorexics" and anorexics are the "successful" people. And yes, restricting is absolutely every bit as self-harm as b/p or other ED behaviors.
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Diagnosis: Atypical anorexia nervosa with some b/p
Been in recovery for over two years now- kind of relapsing idk
I also have OCD, GAD, major depression w/psychotic symptoms, Autism Spectrum Disorder
HW: 208 lbs (I don't even wanna know)
CW: Unknown, I haven't been weighed since I had a mental breakdown finding out I was at my HW. I hope I'm below my HW.
LW (April 2018): 115 lbs (16.98)
GW1: 110 lbs (16.24)
GW2: 100 lbs (14.77)
UGW: 90 lbs (13.29)
It's always best with the covers up
I am the pick in the ice
Do not cry out or hit the alarm
You know we're friends till we die
I don't even know her, but I hope that she comforts you tonight
Wish away the nightmare
Wish away the nightmare...
#9
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 21 March 2022 - 06:40 PM
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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#10
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Posted 21 March 2022 - 06:41 PM
Quote
The majority of anorexics do binge at some point, and that's not anything to do with personality type, but rather the fact that the body just can't handle being so hungry. Many anorexics purge as well. And a lot of bulimics "started out" anorexic or at least restricting, and again the bulimia was just a response to the anorexia. Many if not most people will have two or more distinct ED patterns throughout the course of their ED.
Absolutely. I've had traits of every ED under the sun and don't think my personality has changed throughout all of that.
There was a clear period when I went from b/p, to exercise bulimia, to heavily restricting, then to a kind of (?) orthorexia with a Keto obsession after I was caught and forced to stop my restriction
EDs are a wild ride and my line of thinking definitely went all over the place, but I don't think you can un-BPD yourself in the middle of ED behavior. You can learn coping skills, but you don't magically go from BPD to non-BPD type-A when you go from purging to complete, severe restriction. Maybe I'm thinking this is more specific than it is though, it sounded like the thought could be that a person is comorbid type-A with BPD?
That's all self-diagnosed so idk how valid my assessment of the ED behaviors I've had is.
I've been misdiagnosed with BPD in the middle of a manic phase before, and my behaviors can be SO different with Bipolar phases, so idk how a theory like this would even take something like that into account lol
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#11
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Omniscient
- LocationUK
Posted 22 March 2022 - 02:09 AM
Personally I can relate to it a lot. When I was at school, I was the stereotypical high performing perfectionist student who would delay food and all fun until I got my work done and I was very ambitious and driven, that's still true to an extent today although it's less extreme
#12
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Posted 22 March 2022 - 02:19 AM
i think it's bullshit in a general sense because there are so many exceptions to the rule and it's a great way for people with ED to feel invalid eg "I can't have real anorexia because I'm not a perfectionist". Which isn't true.
That said, I do also fit into the AN/R personality trait box and there are a lot of other people do as well. My personal view is that having a certain set of traits can make you more vulnerable to developing one illness or the other, but it's waaaaayyyy more complex than that and I do worry that people with EDs are likely to use the whole thing to fuel the disorder. Also there are a lot of people who swing between different EDs through life- it's just so much more complex than "just a personality trait thing".
Your ED is valid even if you don't fit in the boxes!
#14
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- Locationin my bed feeling existential dread
Posted 22 March 2022 - 06:30 AM
it could make sense for a lot of people, but it shouldn't prevent someone from getting the right help/feeling valid/etc. if it is different
because reality is indeed that people are all different and mental health issues exist on a spectrum
for me it doesn't really fit because I'm a perfectionist yet restriction is...not something I'm '''good''' at
#15
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Posted 22 March 2022 - 11:27 AM
kitn, on 21 Mar 2022 - 3:04 PM, said:
yes yes yesfor example I fit the stereotype pretty well except I'm not impulsive at all even though I b/p daily I've never had issues with impulse control or other addictions.
It makes me mad when some shrinks want to label me bpd because I have constant derealization for years now and they claim that this indicates "feeling empty" and the dossociation criteria at once lol. Then my eating behavior is "impulsive" which it is definetly not - I follow a regular schedule and would never go over my maximum out of my planned binges (which are highly related to my ocd and always on the same days). Also I have not a single other "impulsive" behavior. And then they try to find something else like when I lived for a year with my family (Not out of choice lol) and I was fighting to move out again one lady saw the aggression in there. To this day my mother is probably the only person I argue with (What might say more about her) and this includes all of my relationships which were calm, stable and secure - Maybe even a bit distant, but for sure not the bpd stereotype. Even though bpd is such an umbrella term as well today.
The irony is I can't even show how this is triggering me as I would probably just confirm my fighting attitude. God, some people make their living of crossing checklists and have no clue how much harm they can do with it.
Got the label twice - Once by a dr which I saw two times and once by a therapist with whom I only had a single meeting (But I could see it in the app by my insurance company that he billed them for a bpd diagnosis).
It makes me so sad when I see how many of the students arround me take the diagnosis so seriously. I love psychodynamic and humanistic ideas. Psychotherapy should help people with struggles they bring into the office and not just treat diagnosis with textbook intervention 1fitsall
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Posted 22 March 2022 - 11:41 AM
Zeroquel, on 22 Mar 2022 - 11:27 AM, said:
yes yes yes
It makes me mad when some shrinks want to label me bpd because I have constant derealization for years now and they claim that this indicates "feeling empty" and the dossociation criteria at once lol. Then my eating behavior is "impulsive" which it is definetly not - I follow a regular schedule and would never go over my maximum out of my planned binges (which are highly related to my ocd and always on the same days). Also I have not a single other "impulsive" behavior.
I never got that diagnosis but I've been evaluated for it several times bc I have autism (common for asd women to be diagnosed with bpd bc of the overlap in symptoms).. I saw a video the other day of a girl saying her therapist told her that some therapists will straight up diagnose someone with bpd just bc they have dyed hair or piercings/tattoos lmao :') apparently it signals to them an unstable sense of self. and in my experience being in the system and knowing ppl with the diagnosis it seems psychs are trigger happy with personality disorder diagnoses esp in people who have ed's or are neurodiverse in other ways. the criteria seems way more non-specific and open to interpretation unlike other mental disorders. here in the part of the uk I live it seems like all mental health services are personality disorder based now. you literally struggle to get treatment for any other disorder bc there are no resources. that's how you know something is being totally overdiagnosed imo.
#17
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Posted 22 March 2022 - 11:45 AM
Everything has some truth to it but it’s not 100% like that for everyone. Generally it makes sense but stuff can overlap.
#18
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Posted 22 March 2022 - 01:04 PM
This is my biggest problem with ED documentaries/TV shows/movies, etc. Plenty of "pure anorexics" hate school, drink, have sex, and take drugs. Plenty of bulimics "behave" and appear to be in complete control of their lives (my favourite example of this is in "The Secret Life of Mary Margaret" which is based off a real woman's experience of bulimia). People oversimplify EDs so much. I started off bulimic, and when I started I was a literal child, but I was "in control" when it came to the rest of my life, but I still had to deal with TV and movies and documentaries telling me I was out of control and implying I was somehow a "failed anorexic".
Also, the intelligence stereotype winds me up too. Bigging up having anorexia makes it sound like all anorexics are geniuses and their only weakness is their ED and if they didn't have an ED their life would be perfect. Firstly, I've only met one other person diagnosed with anorexia and, while she met the stereotype perfectly, she had tons of other issues. Secondly, it makes other ED sufferers sound "dumb" or like they're somehow worse people just because they're not anorexic.
As someone who is technically diagnosed anorexic, but is actually EDNOS, I've found that the stereotypes and lack of understanding have been one of the hardest parts of suffering from an ED. It's so hard to recover when your therapist (or other mental health professional) doesn't know how to help you because you don't fit into the neat little box they were prepared for. They expect one type of person and seem to be "thrown" when they end up meeting someone completely different.
Idk, I'm rambling, but basically I agree, and sorry if you all that.
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Anyone find the "anorexia/bulimia personality type" school of thought kind of BS?
#21
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Posted 22 March 2022 - 05:10 PM
jpi332, on 22 Mar 2022 - 1:10 PM, said:
same!Dang, the ability to delay reward thing makes sense. Even back to being a little kid, I’d always save my favorite part of dinner last.
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#22
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Posted 22 March 2022 - 07:33 PM
But on the other hand, as a scientist, putting things in boxes is the best we can do sometimes.... Unless there are commonly shared characteristics, you can't label distinct people as having the same disorder. And to treat it, you need to know those shared, common characteristics even if some outliers don't have them. Some of these generalizations are grounded in actual changes in brain function; anorexics tend to have higher reward (dopamine release) from restriction and weight loss, while binge eating tends to go the opposite in a more classical addiction pathway (dependency and sensitization). While not all bulimics have impulse control issues, a significant portion do and if you are learning about EDs, you'd learn about the general aspects and assume them to be the case before deciding they are not relevant in this situation. When I do research, not a single sample usually fits the average, but averages are the best I can do to make a prediction on what is happening. I certainly don't tell my mice their diagnosis and influence their results lol. (Sorry, I'm imagining telling a mouse it's depressed because it stopped swimming early during the Forced Swim Test and it gets super mad at me saying that it just has fibromyalgia)
Idk, I think the big issue isn't listing general characteristics of a disorder, but rather medical professionals refusing to acknowledge that these are meant to loosely guide treatment initiation and are based on population characteristics, not individual traits. But unless it impacts my insurance coverage or treatment, I don't care too much what I'm labeled, especially when it comes to a mental disorder.
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Posted 23 March 2022 - 07:39 PM
kitn, on 22 Mar 2022 - 11:41 AM, said:
this is not +1, but +endlessI never got that diagnosis but I've been evaluated for it several times bc I have autism (common for asd women to be diagnosed with bpd bc of the overlap in symptoms).. I saw a video the other day of a girl saying her therapist told her that some therapists will straight up diagnose someone with bpd just bc they have dyed hair or piercings/tattoos lmao :') apparently it signals to them an unstable sense of self. and in my experience being in the system and knowing ppl with the diagnosis it seems psychs are trigger happy with personality disorder diagnoses esp in people who have ed's or are neurodiverse in other ways. the criteria seems way more non-specific and open to interpretation unlike other mental disorders. here in the part of the uk I live it seems like all mental health services are personality disorder based now. you literally struggle to get treatment for any other disorder bc there are no resources. that's how you know something is being totally overdiagnosed imo.
I am studying psychology now - against all of the evaluations and judgements made by the mentioned practitioners. The decline of psychodynamic based therapies here in Germany makes me sad. Borderline from a psychodynamic point of view is totally different from the messy pool that results from the current (and even more) former criteria of DSM and ICD. I don't doubt the fact about dyed hair. Seriously I was dressing extremly nice and behaving more appropiate and polite than normally just to prevent such a judgement (Even if in my case it was more based on my environment and enforced lifestyle than on dyed hair). I always thought of myself as a self questioning and reflective person and this is a quality which was more than once confirmed by others. I honestly don't think I am unreflective or impulsive and it makes me so mad when I become a part of that overgenerelization. But yes, bpd gets the most attention, so even if you admit you might have another personality disorder (Which in my case is like close to 100% schozoid) you will get the bpd label since no one will question the therapist for giving it and it is the best known one.
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Posted 23 March 2022 - 11:48 PM
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 08:30 PM
kitn, on 22 Mar 2022 - 11:41 AM, said:
i don't doubt this story. I don't know about mental health care in the uk, but over here in Germany you have better chances to receive longer treatment with a personality disorder as well. So it has some advantages, but anyway, it's a weird and kind of sad situation, because basically while we are empowering diversity in our society in the mental health care system it's still a sign that you are sick. That's why I see myself as following humanistic approaches. Our courses meanwhile focus on short treatments for the worried well (Like super slim manuals for the treating of specific phobias, but also - and that worries me - extremly short and cost-efficent ptsd therapies). The truth is that these are often tested with psychology students as we receive course points for participating in studies. And some of us are just faking anxieties and phobias to receive easy and fast credits - In the end they are completely "cured" so the therapy is labeled as a success and insurance companies are happy to pay for just a few hours and see this as the new standard. It will make it harder and harder to receive a larger amount of hours covered by your insurance and I feel incredibly lucky that I just got a letter that my insurance is paying for at least 160 hours which is ... A lot and I am so looking forward to work and transform without always worrying about running out of time.I never got that diagnosis but I've been evaluated for it several times bc I have autism (common for asd women to be diagnosed with bpd bc of the overlap in symptoms).. I saw a video the other day of a girl saying her therapist told her that some therapists will straight up diagnose someone with bpd just bc they have dyed hair or piercings/tattoos lmao :') apparently it signals to them an unstable sense of self. and in my experience being in the system and knowing ppl with the diagnosis it seems psychs are trigger happy with personality disorder diagnoses esp in people who have ed's or are neurodiverse in other ways. the criteria seems way more non-specific and open to interpretation unlike other mental disorders. here in the part of the uk I live it seems like all mental health services are personality disorder based now. you literally struggle to get treatment for any other disorder bc there are no resources. that's how you know something is being totally overdiagnosed imo.
#26
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Posted 25 March 2022 - 05:19 AM
Zeroquel, on 24 Mar 2022 - 8:30 PM, said:
Our courses meanwhile focus on short treatments for the worried well (Like super slim manuals for the treating of specific phobias, but also - and that worries me - extremly short and cost-efficent ptsd therapies). The truth is that these are often tested with psychology students as we receive course points for participating in studies. And some of us are just faking anxieties and phobias to receive easy and fast credits - In the end they are completely "cured" so the therapy is labeled as a success and insurance companies are happy to pay for just a few hours and see this as the new standard.
that's one thing I also heard some types of therapy which were originally developed to treat mild and non-complex issues like phobias for example are being used to treat complicated chronic disorders.. and a lot of the reason behind this is due to cost effectiveness because we have state healthcare (not saying it's bad overall but it's one of the negative aspects). I have heard the uk mental health system is very similar to germany but I'm not sure how accurate that is.
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Posted 25 March 2022 - 08:27 AM
I think it's weird how people try to classify eating disorders by putting them in such nice neat boxes when in reality, most people with eating disorders have wildly different symptoms and the majority of people don't fall into the clean-cut categories of ana-r, ana-bp, or bulimia
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Posted 25 March 2022 - 08:32 AM
I think it's fine from an objective point of view. Statistics are useful, and a powerful tool when trying to do any kind of prevetion work. That said there will always be cases of exception and that's 100% valid, so even though the majority will fit in one category or the other that doesn't have to mean you do. It's just more common
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Posted 25 March 2022 - 06:32 PM
kitn, on 25 Mar 2022 - 05:19 AM, said:
It's one of the negative consequences of such umbrella terms as ptsd or different types of anxiety disorders. People vary a lot in their need for treatment, but it's a current trend to manualize and unify it all. I'm a bit biased as well, but as already stated, I love psychodynamic and humanistic orientations for their individualistic treatment approaches.that's one thing I also heard some types of therapy which were originally developed to treat mild and non-complex issues like phobias for example are being used to treat complicated chronic disorders.. and a lot of the reason behind this is due to cost effectiveness because we have state healthcare (not saying it's bad overall but it's one of the negative aspects). I have heard the uk mental health system is very similar to germany but I'm not sure how accurate that is.
We have a dual system - Most of it is state funded, but some people (All who are state officials which includes teachers, police etc. And all who are self-employed as well as most rich individuals) have a private insurance. Many high ranked and popular physicians with a good reputation and titles choose to accept only private insurance customers. But the same goes for doubtful treatments such as homeopathic therapists who can't bill public health insurances. In general I think our system is okay, but I guess I would prefer one insurance for all with the option of additional plans according to need.
#31
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Posted 26 March 2022 - 01:21 PM
in theory, it should be dumb
but I definitely have the stereotypically chaotic, irresponsible, pleasure seeking personality of someone with BN / AN-bp
and the vast majority of the people I met in treatment had personality types that matched their diagnoses
HW=155 lbs / BMI 26.6 LW= 84 lbs / BMI 14.4 SW For 2022 Relapse= 134 lbs / BMI 23.0 (Mar 1) CW= 120 lbs / BMI 20.6 (Apr 24)
Goal= Healthily (?) maintain a BMI in the 16s (93-98 lbs)
Diagnoses= AN-bp (2017, I've gained since then) + Bipolar + ADHD
MBTI= ENTP-T Enneagram= 7w8, sx/sp Enneagram Tritype=784
Years With ED= 6.6 (it started around September of 2015)
What a time to be alive.
𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝖌𝖎𝖋𝖘 𝖎𝖓 𝖘𝖕𝖔𝖎𝖑𝖊𝖗
Anyone find the "anorexia/bulimia personality type" school of thought kind of BS?
#21
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Posted 22 March 2022 - 05:10 PM
jpi332, on 22 Mar 2022 - 1:10 PM, said:
same!Dang, the ability to delay reward thing makes sense. Even back to being a little kid, I’d always save my favorite part of dinner last.
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#22
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Posted 22 March 2022 - 07:33 PM
But on the other hand, as a scientist, putting things in boxes is the best we can do sometimes.... Unless there are commonly shared characteristics, you can't label distinct people as having the same disorder. And to treat it, you need to know those shared, common characteristics even if some outliers don't have them. Some of these generalizations are grounded in actual changes in brain function; anorexics tend to have higher reward (dopamine release) from restriction and weight loss, while binge eating tends to go the opposite in a more classical addiction pathway (dependency and sensitization). While not all bulimics have impulse control issues, a significant portion do and if you are learning about EDs, you'd learn about the general aspects and assume them to be the case before deciding they are not relevant in this situation. When I do research, not a single sample usually fits the average, but averages are the best I can do to make a prediction on what is happening. I certainly don't tell my mice their diagnosis and influence their results lol. (Sorry, I'm imagining telling a mouse it's depressed because it stopped swimming early during the Forced Swim Test and it gets super mad at me saying that it just has fibromyalgia)
Idk, I think the big issue isn't listing general characteristics of a disorder, but rather medical professionals refusing to acknowledge that these are meant to loosely guide treatment initiation and are based on population characteristics, not individual traits. But unless it impacts my insurance coverage or treatment, I don't care too much what I'm labeled, especially when it comes to a mental disorder.
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Posted 23 March 2022 - 07:39 PM
kitn, on 22 Mar 2022 - 11:41 AM, said:
this is not +1, but +endlessI never got that diagnosis but I've been evaluated for it several times bc I have autism (common for asd women to be diagnosed with bpd bc of the overlap in symptoms).. I saw a video the other day of a girl saying her therapist told her that some therapists will straight up diagnose someone with bpd just bc they have dyed hair or piercings/tattoos lmao :') apparently it signals to them an unstable sense of self. and in my experience being in the system and knowing ppl with the diagnosis it seems psychs are trigger happy with personality disorder diagnoses esp in people who have ed's or are neurodiverse in other ways. the criteria seems way more non-specific and open to interpretation unlike other mental disorders. here in the part of the uk I live it seems like all mental health services are personality disorder based now. you literally struggle to get treatment for any other disorder bc there are no resources. that's how you know something is being totally overdiagnosed imo.
I am studying psychology now - against all of the evaluations and judgements made by the mentioned practitioners. The decline of psychodynamic based therapies here in Germany makes me sad. Borderline from a psychodynamic point of view is totally different from the messy pool that results from the current (and even more) former criteria of DSM and ICD. I don't doubt the fact about dyed hair. Seriously I was dressing extremly nice and behaving more appropiate and polite than normally just to prevent such a judgement (Even if in my case it was more based on my environment and enforced lifestyle than on dyed hair). I always thought of myself as a self questioning and reflective person and this is a quality which was more than once confirmed by others. I honestly don't think I am unreflective or impulsive and it makes me so mad when I become a part of that overgenerelization. But yes, bpd gets the most attention, so even if you admit you might have another personality disorder (Which in my case is like close to 100% schozoid) you will get the bpd label since no one will question the therapist for giving it and it is the best known one.
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Posted 23 March 2022 - 11:48 PM
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Posted 24 March 2022 - 08:30 PM
kitn, on 22 Mar 2022 - 11:41 AM, said:
i don't doubt this story. I don't know about mental health care in the uk, but over here in Germany you have better chances to receive longer treatment with a personality disorder as well. So it has some advantages, but anyway, it's a weird and kind of sad situation, because basically while we are empowering diversity in our society in the mental health care system it's still a sign that you are sick. That's why I see myself as following humanistic approaches. Our courses meanwhile focus on short treatments for the worried well (Like super slim manuals for the treating of specific phobias, but also - and that worries me - extremly short and cost-efficent ptsd therapies). The truth is that these are often tested with psychology students as we receive course points for participating in studies. And some of us are just faking anxieties and phobias to receive easy and fast credits - In the end they are completely "cured" so the therapy is labeled as a success and insurance companies are happy to pay for just a few hours and see this as the new standard. It will make it harder and harder to receive a larger amount of hours covered by your insurance and I feel incredibly lucky that I just got a letter that my insurance is paying for at least 160 hours which is ... A lot and I am so looking forward to work and transform without always worrying about running out of time.I never got that diagnosis but I've been evaluated for it several times bc I have autism (common for asd women to be diagnosed with bpd bc of the overlap in symptoms).. I saw a video the other day of a girl saying her therapist told her that some therapists will straight up diagnose someone with bpd just bc they have dyed hair or piercings/tattoos lmao :') apparently it signals to them an unstable sense of self. and in my experience being in the system and knowing ppl with the diagnosis it seems psychs are trigger happy with personality disorder diagnoses esp in people who have ed's or are neurodiverse in other ways. the criteria seems way more non-specific and open to interpretation unlike other mental disorders. here in the part of the uk I live it seems like all mental health services are personality disorder based now. you literally struggle to get treatment for any other disorder bc there are no resources. that's how you know something is being totally overdiagnosed imo.
#26
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Posted 25 March 2022 - 05:19 AM
Zeroquel, on 24 Mar 2022 - 8:30 PM, said:
Our courses meanwhile focus on short treatments for the worried well (Like super slim manuals for the treating of specific phobias, but also - and that worries me - extremly short and cost-efficent ptsd therapies). The truth is that these are often tested with psychology students as we receive course points for participating in studies. And some of us are just faking anxieties and phobias to receive easy and fast credits - In the end they are completely "cured" so the therapy is labeled as a success and insurance companies are happy to pay for just a few hours and see this as the new standard.
that's one thing I also heard some types of therapy which were originally developed to treat mild and non-complex issues like phobias for example are being used to treat complicated chronic disorders.. and a lot of the reason behind this is due to cost effectiveness because we have state healthcare (not saying it's bad overall but it's one of the negative aspects). I have heard the uk mental health system is very similar to germany but I'm not sure how accurate that is.
#28
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Posted 25 March 2022 - 08:27 AM
I think it's weird how people try to classify eating disorders by putting them in such nice neat boxes when in reality, most people with eating disorders have wildly different symptoms and the majority of people don't fall into the clean-cut categories of ana-r, ana-bp, or bulimia
#29
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Posted 25 March 2022 - 08:32 AM
I think it's fine from an objective point of view. Statistics are useful, and a powerful tool when trying to do any kind of prevetion work. That said there will always be cases of exception and that's 100% valid, so even though the majority will fit in one category or the other that doesn't have to mean you do. It's just more common
#30
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Posted 25 March 2022 - 06:32 PM
kitn, on 25 Mar 2022 - 05:19 AM, said:
It's one of the negative consequences of such umbrella terms as ptsd or different types of anxiety disorders. People vary a lot in their need for treatment, but it's a current trend to manualize and unify it all. I'm a bit biased as well, but as already stated, I love psychodynamic and humanistic orientations for their individualistic treatment approaches.that's one thing I also heard some types of therapy which were originally developed to treat mild and non-complex issues like phobias for example are being used to treat complicated chronic disorders.. and a lot of the reason behind this is due to cost effectiveness because we have state healthcare (not saying it's bad overall but it's one of the negative aspects). I have heard the uk mental health system is very similar to germany but I'm not sure how accurate that is.
We have a dual system - Most of it is state funded, but some people (All who are state officials which includes teachers, police etc. And all who are self-employed as well as most rich individuals) have a private insurance. Many high ranked and popular physicians with a good reputation and titles choose to accept only private insurance customers. But the same goes for doubtful treatments such as homeopathic therapists who can't bill public health insurances. In general I think our system is okay, but I guess I would prefer one insurance for all with the option of additional plans according to need.
#31
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Posted 26 March 2022 - 01:21 PM
in theory, it should be dumb
but I definitely have the stereotypically chaotic, irresponsible, pleasure seeking personality of someone with BN / AN-bp
and the vast majority of the people I met in treatment had personality types that matched their diagnoses
HW=155 lbs / BMI 26.6 LW= 84 lbs / BMI 14.4 SW For 2022 Relapse= 134 lbs / BMI 23.0 (Mar 1) CW= 120 lbs / BMI 20.6 (Apr 24)
Goal= Healthily (?) maintain a BMI in the 16s (93-98 lbs)
Diagnoses= AN-bp (2017, I've gained since then) + Bipolar + ADHD
MBTI= ENTP-T Enneagram= 7w8, sx/sp Enneagram Tritype=784
Years With ED= 6.6 (it started around September of 2015)
What a time to be alive.
𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝖌𝖎𝖋𝖘 𝖎𝖓 𝖘𝖕𝖔𝖎𝖑𝖊𝖗
Share your most recent body checks pt. ✨4✨
Posted by on 23 December 2021 - 10:58 AM in Selfies
Late October:
Yesterday:
#76759511Share your most recent body checks pt. ✨4✨
Posted by on 23 December 2021 - 10:48 AM in Selfies
katherinexx, on 23 Dec 2021 - 01:27 AM, said:
this morning
Geez you look so good. Is it weird if I'm jealous of your belly button
12 votesShare your most recent body checks pt. ✨4✨
#2281
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Posted Today, 02:28 AM
Bleak Cucumber, on 28 Apr 2022 - 12:58 AM, said:
You are GOALS omfggggg! <3 And your hair colour suits you so welll!!
You're too nice! Thank you ❤❤❤
StarvingLlama*-*, on 29 Apr 2022 - 01:57 AM, said:
I still remember you from a few years ago and I'm sorry you're on here again but also kinda happy to see you again! Hope you're doing okay<3
Also you're absolutely tiny and your legs look amazing!
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Hi there I also remember you. I have mixed feelings about seeing familiar faces here too. It's so nice to see you but also like fuck, I wish you the best and I don't want you to still have an ED
I'm doing fine, thank you. I hope you're taking care of yourself
And thank you so much!!
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#2282
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Posted Today, 02:31 AM
stonescold, on 28 Apr 2022 - 11:20 AM, said:
currently have covid and my mom won’t stop feeding me / too scared to weigh myself
You're tiny. Please, take care of yourself
Wysłane z mojego SM-G955F przy użyciu Tapatalka
#2283
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Posted Today, 02:34 AM
Wysłane z mojego SM-G955F przy użyciu Tapatalka
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#2284
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Posted Today, 10:00 AM
These look like before and after but they were actually taken seconds within each other
how the heck do I look incredibly huge in one and then barely acceptable in the other. I can’t believe I actually thought I looked good for once in these pics. How embarrassing.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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#2285
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Posted Today, 11:45 AM
pahdme, on 27 Apr 2022 - 1:33 PM, said:
legs are still looking so big, I hate being stuck at this weight, I’m never coming off that 19.0 BMI
also bloated because it’s 10:30 pm but I’m just tired of this
You look freaking WONDERFUL!
#2286
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Posted Today, 11:49 AM
stonescold, on 28 Apr 2022 - 11:20 AM, said:
currently have covid and my mom won’t stop feeding me / too scared to weigh myself
As a momma with an ED, listen to your momma. If you can, please, please eat enough, even if it's still low cal, at least to pull you through COVID. Get well first, worry later. You're not doing anything wrong by helping your body heal. ❤️
#2287
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Posted Today, 11:53 AM
DistressedOrange, on 28 Apr 2022 - 11:36 AM, said:
I was talking to a friend today and somehow the topic got onto weight & body image. He was talking about how he wants to gain weight and tone up, and gain more muscles because he's too skinny. Anyway for some stupid reason my ED brain made me ask him if he thinks I'm thin... and he said no, I look pretty average
then he got his friend to come up to me and call me Thick Thighs Don't Lie and then run away laughing. I want to kms but it was my fault I asked.
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Nothing about that says friend, even if you asked. As everyone else has said, you are clearly emaciated, obviously so even with layers and layers. You borderline have no thighs and are beyond far from "average", honey. Please, be safe. ❤️
#2288
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Posted Today, 02:49 PM
On another note here is Some pics of me with some cows I love outside my house. I think about them all the time. They're beef cows so I'm terrified of the day they're gone :/
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Losing gained weight and more 5’8.5 SW:130 CW:123 GW:115
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Warrior
Posted 25 March 2022 - 07:47 AM
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Posted 26 March 2022 - 06:11 PM
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Posted 15 April 2022 - 05:49 AM
eccegratum, on 13 Apr 2022 - 9:57 PM, said:
Hang in there! Are you working out at all? If so 800-900 may not be enough
EG
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I am just walking to class like 3 times a week at most or so haha maybe burning 150 Cals during those times so not much. But according to my official rmr test I burn like 1700???? Which I’m not sure I trust but eh… thank you for your concern tho!!! I appreciate you~ <333 and I will try my best!
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Posted 15 April 2022 - 05:51 AM
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Posted 16 April 2022 - 05:21 PM
This is a before and after of me from 150 lbs to 125 lbs!
Pls don’t quote I will probably delete maybe.
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