6
pink in the night 。
#2 
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Posted 23 April 2022 - 11:58 PM
stats:
160 cm
cw:58 kg
gw1:55
gw2:50
ugw: 47
(i just crave that underweight 18.4 bmi to feel like my suffering was worth it and i promise i will calm down)
body measurements:
idk but i'll do it when i'm in the right mood
why am i doing this:
i need some routine and stability and comfort bc future is so unclear it makes me SICK.
#3
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 05:35 AM
⁎24.04⁎
gonna just write down my daily menu without calories (for now)
will add some pix before i go to bed too xoxo
breakfast:
- one banana
- ice coffee w/ milk
snack:
- dried apples cause this is my fav food ever i run on this shit idc if it's sugary calorie madness it is my home okay
-chopped carrot feeling like a rabbit
lunch:
- multi grain crisps
- gianduia ice cream (85 g)
dinner:
- 3 slices of easter bread
- ice coffee
snack again:
- fruit jellies
idc feeling pretty good! but i know i was just snacking and desserting all day and should probably include more ACTUAL meals in my menu
#5
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 09:18 AM
#6
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 11:50 PM
hey y'all good morning mwah mwah mwah!
my godfather and his wife are finally leaving after staying at my place for almost two weeks. what a relief. i love them, don't get me wrong, and the time flew fast and more smoothly than i though but DAMN i missed being all alone. gonna walk around the room and blast some music and talk to myself in peace. and eat whatever i want at the kitchen without anyone interrupting!!!꒰ა he-a-ven ໒꒱
#7
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Posted 25 April 2022 - 12:08 AM
⁎25.04⁎
breakfast:
- coffee
snack:
- apple puree ( homemade and sugar free )
- an orange
lunch:
- dried apples
- coffee w\ milk
dinner:
- sugar free caramel flavored crispies
- coffee w\milk
coffee is my bestie
#8
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Posted 25 April 2022 - 04:18 AM
ꕥ(i'm so mad????)ꕥ
A R A N T
my fat ass godfather ( his beer belly is huge and his neck in nonexistent and i'm not being mean it's a medical fact bc he ruined his health when he was doing drugs and abusing alcohol in the 90's lol)
who seen me struggling with food and being extremely picky and shading on his gross high calorie junk food low quality cheap disgusting meals
just came over to me and gave a ted talk on how i should start doing sports and be more active and athletic or i will gain an exptra kgs on my ass after sitting at home all day
ok. a lot to unpack
1) why do you care about my ass
2) if i'm eating like i do which is better than what you eat i will not gain any kgs
3) wtf dude you can't even walk upstairs without hyperventilating why would i listen to health advice from you
ugh i hate hate hate the hypocricy of old people
it's not like he's caring abt my health
no
HE'S JUDGING ME
(and he also invalidates my religious beliefs bc he's an orthodox and i'm lutheran he thinks he's better than me... what an a-hole!!!!!)
anyways i'm skinnier than him and I KNOW i will always be skinnier than him even when i'm 50 bc mom and dad gave me good genes and they're both still very skinny!!
my ed might come in the way tho but still i don't drink i don't do drugs so i'm gonna look much much better anyway!!
#9
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Posted 25 April 2022 - 06:24 AM
food in here got so expensive it’s insane. I literally cannot afford buying more than the basic goods. and I also have only two shifts a week now so my pay check is way smaller than I’m used to.
gonna try to turn this period of my life into abstinence chic and crisis couture
cause the only way to survive it is to glamorise it
#11
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Posted 25 April 2022 - 12:45 PM
my mom just said:
" you know what darling i'm reading a book about ikigai now and it says that it's best to eat small amounts of food cause our body and our mind ages faster when we overeat. so you are doing everything right "
i think there's is a big difference between my disordered eating and what that book probably tells about.
but i cannot lie i do see some beauty and philosophy and meaning in restricting and limiting yourself. just a little.
#12
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Posted 25 April 2022 - 11:10 PM
I’ve been spending MOST of my time scrolling through mpa for the last couple of days it’s crazy. I try to justify myself saying that maybe in the future I’ll do a project or a research of some aspects of eating disorders in digital era or some shit and I’ll use the info and inspo (not thinspo tho) from here.
But honestly I’m really fascinated by what is going on here.
#15
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 04:14 AM
lazurebird, on 26 Apr 2022 - 04:11 AM, said:
Are you guys talking? Maybe you have a chance.
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#16
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 04:24 AM
FernBoi, on 26 Apr 2022 - 04:14 AM, said:
Are you guys talking? Maybe you have a chance.
we kind of do. sometimes we talk non stop and it's soo sweet and natural and right. and sometimes one of us, or both of us, just dissapears for like a month ( self isolation is my coping mechanism and it might be the same for him too lol)
but i do have hope. maybe we're just slow slow slow burners and need alotta time to figure things out.
#17
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 04:56 AM
lazurebird, on 26 Apr 2022 - 04:24 AM, said:
we kind of do. sometimes we talk non stop and it's soo sweet and natural and right. and sometimes one of us, or both of us, just dissapears for like a month ( self isolation is my coping mechanism and it might be the same for him too lol)
but i do have hope. maybe we're just slow slow slow burners and need alotta time to figure things out.
Don't give up that's how me and my girlfriend started. We're a couple for almost a year now.
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#18
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#19
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 12:37 PM
went on a stupid walk for stupid mental healthtm and ended up feeling even worse bc the sky was grey and gloomy and it was cold and people around looked kinda sus and also i've read news and they ofc were bad so by the time i got back home i've lost all hope in my future.
and all of that just for the price of 6530 steps.
#20
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 11:54 PM
good morning starts with a good old c\s session
my mom baked a whole tray of bread puffs but the dough was a bit off so they're not very good, not enough that i would want to swallow them. however they have the perfect texture and even taste to chew them (bc you know the taste when you chew it and when you swallow it is drastically different sometimes)
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