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Posted Yesterday, 11:50 PM
So close to my gw of 65kg!! Even if I don't reach 65kg tomorrow I'm still happy with the result
Reaching 58kg feels possible now!
#195 
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Posted Today, 02:19 AM
I'm motivated now
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#196
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Posted Today, 06:46 AM
Cursed Doll, on 29 Apr 2022 - 02:19 AM, said:
congrats!!After my run the scale showed 64.8kg. I know this means nothing, but seeing this number just made me realise how close I am to my goal and that I can reach it. And this number was closer to 60 than 70...
I'm motivated now
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The failures biography~Cigs Keep Me Going
#101
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Posted 16 April 2022 - 03:49 AM
4/15/22 PM Entry
Tonight was chill. I watched videos on youtube, bought some stuff on amazon, and was on mpa for a bit. I took .5mg of xanax and started drinking around 11pm and then finally ate around midnight. It was a little too late to be eating for me, but whatever. I hadn't eaten all day and I can't keep eating super low most days. I'm still in a deficit, and I worked out so it's whatever. I'm not stressing it too much. It's probably cause of the xanax and alcohol that I'm mellow about 1100, lmao, I hope I don't freak out about it in the morning-especially if my weight is up.
I do feel really bloated though. My stomach is like bulging because I normally don't eat this much and keep it down or take lax afterwards lol. I hope my weight isn't up tomorrow because of this. 
I haven't posted my workout schedule for the weekend yet, so I guess I'll do that after this. Since I worked out for the first time today after....idk 2 weeks (?), I wanna take it easy tomorrow. I'll just go for a 30 minute light walk and do some yoga in the morning and evening. I'm gonna be deep cleaning the room as well, so that should burn some calories, without pushing my muscles too much.
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Posted 16 April 2022 - 04:03 AM
Weekend Workout Plan 4/16/22-4/17/22
Saturday 4/16/22-Rest Day
Morning Yoga
30 minute light walk
Nighttime Yoga
Sunday 4/17/22
10 minute warm up
40 minutes cardio- 15 minutes running, 25 minutes brisk walking
Calisthenics- 2 sets of: 60 second plank, 20 lunges, 15 mountain climbers,
10 5lb overhead tricep extensions, 20 squats, 15 sit ups,
20 donkey kicks w/ 5 pulses at 11ct, 10 laying down leg raises,
20 supermans, 20 crunches
15 minute cooldown
#103
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Posted 16 April 2022 - 10:24 PM
4/16/22 Entry
Weight: 135.8 Yay, finally hit 135. I wish I was closer to being out of the 130's but whatever. 6lbs to go and I'll be in the 120's.
Planned Intake: >1000? (took a shit ton of adderall today, so didn't plan anything)
Actual Intake: 690
- Smart Ones Chicken Parm-280
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- Truly Margarita-110
- Truly Margarita-110
Planned Fluids: 192 oz
Actual Fluids: 176 oz
- 3 30 oz water bottles-90
- 28 oz Powerade Zero-28
- 2 17 oz cups of tea-34
- 2 12 oz truly's-24
16 oz Body Armor-16Thought I had one, but I guess I'm out of them atm.
Workout: 2/3 Completed, but spent 8 hours cleaning instead of 30 min walk
Morning Yoga
30 minute light walk
Nighttime Yoga
PM Entry: I'm writing this a lot later than usual. It's 9:50pm lol. I woke up around noon and took 15mg of adderall. As I waited for it to kick in, I did my 30 minutes of yoga. After the yoga, it just was nonstop cleaning up until about 9pm. Throughout the day I've taken a total of 45mg of adderall. That's the most I've ever taken, and I'm pretty fucking spracked, but at the same time I feel it wearing off. My last dose was around 4:30/5.
The cleaning I did was intense. I was deep fucking cleaning everything, reorganized my closet and clothes...I got a lot done-from 1pm-9pm, I was non stop cleaning. I still have stuff I want to get done in the bathroom, but 8 hours of cleaning is enough for me haha. But overall, today was a very successful active rest day in my opinion, even though I didn't go for the walk.
I'm currently waiting for the adderall to wear off more, so I can have my beers and take some xanax. My heart was racing and my chest felt very tight not too long ago, so I can't wait to just be mellow and relaxed lol. After I take the xanax, and feel it fully, I'll probably have a smart ones or something. We'll see what I end up eating later I guess haha.
I haven't had anything to eat today so far, and am kind of behind on my fluids. I've only had one 30 oz water bottle and the Powerade Zero. Before I take the xanax around 11 I'll finish another 30 oz water bottle and have a cup of chamomile tea. For now, I'll just watch America's Next Top Model while I wait for this adderall to wear off more and catch up on my fluids.
PM Entry Pt 2: I'm too tired to write too much, but basically the xans and the beers really mellowed me out. I didn't have much of an appetite before I started eating but once I had a bite of the chicken parm my stomach was like...damn girl we hungrrry. I was tempted to also have a Halo Top Light Ice Cream Fudge Bar (100 calories per pop) but I don't want to. I want the number to be down tomorrow. Met my fluid goals (except for the body armor but that's because I thought I had one left and I was wrong lol) and stayed under 1000, so I'm not displeased with how today went.
Tomorrow I'll be working out in the morning, but other than that I'll be relaxing. I can handle cleaning the bathroom on a weekday before I have work. Okay, I'm sleepy. Goodnight peeps. <3
#104
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Posted 17 April 2022 - 03:21 PM
4/17/22 Entry
Weight: 135.7
Planned Intake: 1040
Actual Intake: 1040
- Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Cold Brew Vanilla Iced Latte w/ Almond Milk-260 (that's calorie count for milk, not w/ almond milk sub but still counting as 260)
- 2 eggs-140
- 28g shredded 4 cheese blend-110
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- ?g Banana- ~110 (I'll know after I weigh it)
- Smart Ones Turkey & Mashed Potatoes-170
- Cinnamon Apple Sauce-60
Planned Fluids: 202 oz
Actual Fluids: 2o2 oz
- 3 30 oz water bottles-90
- 16 oz Coffee-16
- 28 oz Powerade-28
- 3 17 oz cups of herbal tea-51
- 17 oz cup black tea-17
Workout: Completed
Distance: 2.26 miles |Aerobic Calories Burned: 250
10 minute warm up
40 minutes cardio- 15 minutes running, 25 minutes brisk walking
Calisthenics- 2 sets of: 60 second plank, 20 lunges, 15 mountain climbers,
10 5lb overhead tricep extensions, 20 squats, 15 sit ups,
20 donkey kicks w/ 5 pulses at 11ct, 10 laying down leg raises,
20 supermans, 20 crunches
20 minute cool down
AM Entry: I woke up and didn't want to take any adderall today so I'm just gonna have a decent amount of caffeine. I got some coffee from the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and just finished it. It was pretty good.
I'm about to head to the gym. After the gym I'm gonna have my Koia Protein Shake and my black tea, then deep clean the bathroom. After I clean the bathroom it's shower time. 
I might do some laundry today, I might not. Since my body is pretty accustomed to having adderall for energy and motivation I'm not as energetic as usual, although the coffee is providing enough. I think working out will give me a boost too.
But I really just wanna chill out today. I might take some xanax once I'm out of the shower, or I may just have a beer or two (which will up my calories...so idk). That's about it though, today's gonna be pretty laid back for me.
I'm gonna try and eat around 1000, maybe a little more, just because the past few weeks my calorie intake has been pretty low. A few days of eating around 1000 should keep my metabolism from flatlining lol.
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#105
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 01:46 AM
4/18/22 Entry
Weight: n/a woke up right before I had to go to work, no time
Planned Intake: no time to plan, just went with flow
Actual Intake: 1100
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- Light String Cheese-45
- Light Yakult-25
- Olipop Orange Dream-45
- White Claw-170
- Truly Margarita-110
- Spicy Nacho Doritos-150
- Flamin Hot Cheetos-170
- Annie's Mac n Cheese-160
Planned Fluids: again, n/a
Actual Fluids: 169.2
- 2 30 oz water bottles-60
- 12 oz Olipop Tonic-12
- 3 17 oz cups of tea-51
- ~1/2 30 oz water bottle-15
- 12 oz truly-12
- 19.2 oz white claw-19.2
Entry: I woke up literally right before I had to leave for work so I couldn't weigh myself, plan my intakes or anything. I had no energy today and frankly I'm exhausted. Today was just an average day. I'll talk more about it tomorrow, along with uploading my workout plan. I'm scared my weight will be up because I didn't hydrate enough with the two beers, had a decent amount of chips/sodium, and I'm still waiting for my period to come which all equal bloating. If my weight is up...then I'll be pretty depressed about that. But whatever. I'm off to bed.
Sorry for the shit update for today.
#106
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 11:10 AM
Weekly Workout Plan 4/17/22-4/24/22
Sunday 4/17/22
10 minute warm up
40 minutes cardio- 15 minutes running, 25 minutes brisk walking
Calisthenics- 2 sets of: 60 second plank, 20 lunges, 15 mountain climbers,
10 5lb overhead tricep extensions, 20 squats, 15 sit ups,
20 donkey kicks w/ 5 pulses at 11ct, 10 laying down leg raises,
20 supermans, 20 crunches
15 minute cooldown
Monday 4/18/22 Rest Day
Tuesday 4/19/22
5 minute warm up
25 minutes cardio- 15 minutes running, 10 minutes walking
Calisthenics- 2 sets of: 45 second plank w/ side dips, 10 5lb overhead tricep extensions,
20 squats, 8 leg raises, 20 donkey kicks w/ 5 pulses,
12 laying down leg raises, 20 crunches
15 minute cooldown
Wednesday 4/20/22 Active Recovery Day
30 minute Morning Yoga-strength orientated
30 minute Nighttime Yoga-stretch orientated
Thursday 4/21/22 (Therapy at 11am, needs to be a shorter workout )
5 minute warm up
20 minutes cardio- 10 minutes running, 10 minutes walking
Calisthenics- 2 sets of: 30 second plank w/ side dips, 30 second squat pulses, 20 crunches,
7 5lb hammer curls, 20 donkey kicks w/ 5 pulses, 12 side leg raises,
20 butterfly kicks, 20 churchbells
10 minute cooldown
Friday 4/22/22-Active Recovery Day
30 minute Morning Yoga-strength orientated
30 minute light walk
30 minute Nighttime Yoga-stretch orientated
Saturday 4/23/22
10 minute warm up
40 minutes cardio- 20 minutes running, 20 minutes walking
Calisthenics- 3 sets of: 30 second plank w/ side dips, 8 5lb overhead tricep extensions,
20 squats, 8 leg raises, 20 donkey kicks w/ 5 pulses, 10 side leg raises,
20 crunches
20 minute cooldown
**Also deep cleaning bathroom, and light cleaning bedroom**
Sunday 4/24/22-Light Active Recovery Day
30 minute Morning Yoga-stretch orientated
30 minute Nighttime Yoga-stretch orientated
#107
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 11:48 AM
4/19/22 Entry
Weight: 139.4 
I knew it was gonna up today but like...up 3.7 since sunday-2 days!?!? What the fuck.
Planned Intake: 495
Actual Intake: 605
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- Red Velvet Power Crunch Protein Bar-215
- Yakult Light-25
- Cherry Vanilla Olipop Tonic-45
- Body Armor Light-20
- Unplanned: Truly Margarita-110
Planned Fluids: 197 oz
Actual Fluids: 209 oz
- 3 30 oz water bottles-90
- 16 oz Body Armor-16
- 3 17 oz herbal teas-51
- 28 oz Powerade Zero-28
- 12 oz Olipop Tonic-12
- Unplanned: 12oz Truly-12
Workout: Completed
Distance: 1.9 miles |Aerobic Calories Burned: 216
5 minute warm up
25 minutes cardio- 15 minutes running, 10 minutes walking
Calisthenics- 2 sets of: 45 second plank w/ side dips, 10 5lb overhead tricep extensions,
20 squats, 8 leg raises, 20 donkey kicks w/ 5 pulses,
12 laying down leg raises, 20 crunches
15 minute cooldown
AM Entry: What the fuck is up with my weight????? UGH. Like, ok...I only worked out two or three times before the dumb shit with my hand happened and had to pause, so I'm basically starting my workout regimen now. That could account for some bloating. My period is also due any time now, it's 5 days late, but it's irregular as fuck so I'm not surprised. I also ate a lot of sodium/junk yesterday, and drank without proper hydration. I haven't eaten enough to have actually gained anything. Although the past few days, I was eating around 1100 and my body isn't too used to eating that much. AND right after I weighed myself and drank 15 oz of water, I had a pretty decent sized bm (sorry tmi) so there was probably a fair amount of food weight included in this weight. I couldn't weigh myself after the bm cause I had just chugged water lol. Guess we'll see where my weight is tomorrow-as long as my period doesn't start ha.
Other than that, it's been a good morning so far. I got my workout done and really pushed myself. Despite not "burning" as much, according to the treadmill at least, I ran for 15 minutes straight. I normally do 5 minute intervals but wanted to see how far I could push myself and went for the total 15 minutes I had planned. My triceps are so weak, and I worked through the burn on those tricep extensions. Hopefully after a few months my arms are nice and toned. 
Took a nice cold shower afterwards and did some self care for my body (hair mask, lip mask, exfoliated...). I was planning on going to the grocery store but said fuck it and ordered instacart. So glad I did, because it probably saved me about 40 minutes. And as we all know, my morning time is always jam packed with shit to handle before work lol.
I'm just gonna tidy up my room, do my makeup, pack my lunch and hopefully there's time left before I have to go to work so I can kick it on the forums.
#108
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 02:17 AM
4/19/22 PM Entry
I'm fucking exhausted. I'm behind on my fluids and tbh that's the only reason I'm awake right now.
I'm stressed as hell about my weight tomorrow. My period is playing games with me man, I'm cramping like it's here but there is no...flow. Lol. I had a truly margarita, and wanted another one but fought the urge. Tbh pretty bummed I had it, an extra 110 to my intake.
And that beer has me hungry. My boyfriend was eating chips in front of me and the temptation was REAL. Then my basically mother in law made microwave popcorn and the smell was just adding to the tempation to eat. But I fought it, and it's passed. I just wanna get my fluids down and crash.
Tomorrow morning my plan is just chill, do my yoga and do two loads of laundry. I wanna kick it on MPA most of the morning.
Idk, I'm tired. Just gonna browse the forums while I meet my fluid intake and call it a night.
#109
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 12:00 PM
4/20/22 Entry
Weight: 137.1 
Planned Intake: 885
Actual Intake: 235
- Koia Protein Shake-190
Annie's Organic Mac n Cheese-160Kind Blueberry Almond Supergrain Bar-140- Body Armor Light-20
- Yakult-25
Smart Ones- ~250 (not sure which one I have in the freezer atm)Halo Top Ice Cream Bar-100
Planned Fluids: 174 oz
Actual Fluids: 123 oz :'(
- 3 30 oz water bottles-90
- 16 oz Body Armor-16
4 17 oz herbal teas-68- 17 oz herbal tea-17
Workout: nope
Morning Yoga-strength orientated
Nighttime Yoga-stretching
AM Entry: I'm getting so frustrated with my weight. And I know it's because I just started working out and my period is still fucking with me-like it's just haunting me. Been having PMS for almost 2 weeks, and yet still nothing. But I'm bloating like I'm on my damn period. I just want to be out of the 130's. It's been a month of just high 130's. I don't get it. I've been in deficits almost every damn day. Just gotta keep with it, as fucking frustrating as it is.
I'm so exhausted today. I was supposed to get up at 7:30 to do laundry and yoga and get ready and all that shit but I slept until 10:50ish. I have no energy today, and I even took 15mg of adderall. I'm not doing the morning yoga, but I'll for sure do the nighttime yoga.
My job is putting me in massive sleep debt. I get home around 10:30pm and that gives me like no time to relax after work if I want to get 7 hours of sleep and wake up early. I'll have to give up my nighttime relaxation so I can get stuff done in the morning. I guess if I'm asleep by 12:30 that should be enough to be up at 7:30 every morning. I'll have to come up with a nighttime schedule.
I'm gonna get ready for work now.
PM Edit: I was so tired this morning I forgot to do my Wednesday body check. Hasn't changed at all since last week though, look exactly the damn same.
#110
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Posted 21 April 2022 - 03:42 AM
4/20/22 PM Entry
Ugh. I am so tired. I should not be awake right now, but I handled a lot of necessary shit after I got off work. I finally got car insurance (took like 3 hours b/c I was comparing multiple options for best value), and renewed my registration. Took forever but it was worth it.
Work was shit today, I was with the slowest person ever and my numbers and personal performance were effected. So irritating but I'm not gonna dwell on it.
I cancelled my therapy session tomorrow. I am just not really feeling it. I am so goddamn sick of having to run around every fucking morning rushed. Plus, I don't think he's a good fit for me. I'm not gonna increase my workout time though, my muscles are pretty achy from my workout on Tuesday and I should do a lower intensity today-especially because I didn't do my nighttime yoga and it is way to late for that. But also I want to just have more time to relax in the morning tomorrow. I am fucking burning out.
Currently hungry as hell, barely ate today, and I have some mac n cheese that I really want but I won't eat it. My weight has been fucked for a month now, pretty sure it's a plateau at this point. So if I were to eat now, at 3:40am and weigh myself at 7:30am...it'll definitely cause it to go up-again. Plus my fluids are low and I am not staying up to meet my goal.
I slept in today, so hopefully that extra sleep helps with waking up early tomorrow.
Fuck I gotta get to sleep man. I got 4 hours til I gotta be up. :'(
#111
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Posted 21 April 2022 - 12:25 PM
4/21/22 Entry
Weight: 135 
Just can't get past 135. It's my lowest weight so far...but by -0.7
Intake: 1415
- Annie's Organic Mac n Cheese-160
- 2 packs of Goldfish-240
- Light string cheese-45
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- Smart Ones Chicken Fettucini-300
- 1/2 cup shredded cheese-220
- Yasso greek yogurt mint chocolate chip ice cream bar-110
- 1 oz bag Spicy Nacho Doritos-150
Fluids: Didn't track them cause I'm a fuckup.
Workout: Also fucked up and failed.
AM Entry: I fucking slept in way too late. I have no time to update this. I'll do my intakes and everything tonight. I obviously didn't workout because I woke up 20 fucking minutes ago and have to leave in 20 minutes, so I guess I'll workout Friday and Saturday in a row. I'm not missing a workout this week. I have to go to sleep early tomorrow night. It just sucks because by the time I get home from work I'm not tired.
#112
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Posted 22 April 2022 - 12:47 PM
4/22/22 Entry
Weight: 135.4 UGH-it's official, I've hit a plateau.
Planned Intake: 590
Actual Intake: 2050 (yes, ik I'm a nasty bitch)
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- Zone Perfect Protein Bar-220
- Aloha Coconut Protein Drink-160
- Body Armor Light-20
- Unplanned: Car's Jr. Gold Digger Burger-590 (says 490, but adding 100 cause I don't trust ppl lol)
- Unplanned: Carl's Jr. 9 pc Jalapeño Bites-760 (yes my fat ass ate them all, and adding 100 again)
- Unplanned: Truly Margarita-110
Planned Fluids: 158 oz
Actual Fluids: 136 oz
- 2 24 oz cups of water-48
- 2 30 oz water bottles-60
- 2 17 oz cups of tea-34
- 16 oz Body Armor-16
- 12 oz Truly Margarita-12
Workout: This fat bitch didn't do shit
AM Entry: Really short on time, have to leave for work in 10 minutes, it's been a busy morning. I'll write about how yesterday and today went tonight. Will also update my info for yesterday (didn't log fluids, but calories came in at 1400 something ish.)
#113
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Posted 23 April 2022 - 12:04 AM
4/22/22 PM Entry
Honestly I've been pretty fucking emotional/mentally all over the place the past couple of days. This hasn't been a good month for me.
I'm unbelievably frustrated that I'm plateauing. My weight has not budged for a month. I know I just need to wait it out and push through it but holy hell it's hard to stay positive. I JUST WANT TO SEE THE NUMBER GO DOWN-FUCK. I'll come up with a plateau plan and post it tomorrow.
My period is late as fuck, but I'm cramping like I'm on it. I have a yeast infection from all those antibiotics I was on. So even though my hand is mostly healed, I still don't feel good a lot. And then today at work I was on a machine that wrecked my hand. I had to hand tighten 1500 tiny little caps, and a massive chunk of skin on my pointer finger is hanging off. It's all swollen and red and there is also a giant blister forming. I just want to feel better already and it feels like the universe is just shitting on me.
I got my federal tax returns and I have to spend most of it on my car. I've already spent 600 on getting car insurance and renewing my registration. It sucks I can't use this money to buy myself something nice, but in a way I also am doing that by maintaining and protecting my car. I need new tires, an oil change, and my clockspring is broken. (The clockspring is behind the steering wheel and it controls the horn, handsfree phone usage/electrical stuff on the steering wheel, and the airbags) So like I can't fuck it off, my maintenance appointment is tomorrow morning.
Idk my moods have been weird. Nighttime is usually the worst for me. Like last night I came home and just laid in bed until midnight doing nothing-no tv, no phone, just staring at the cieling. Then I took some xanax and felt a little better, and around 2am I got really hungry and said fuck it and ate. I was still in a deficit, but I felt super guilty. But since I'm plateauing, it's probably better I ate that much anyway. 
I desperately want to get out of my relationship and out of his families house. I don't like him and I don't like his family. My boyfriend is on muscle relaxers for his back and he's just a giant dick because of them. He's had the past two days off because of back issues and I've been working. Whatever, I don't have a problem with that at all, he needs rest. My issue is that I wake up, either rush to work or rush to get a bunch of shit done in the morning. Then I come home and I can't even use the fucking TV in our room after a long day at work because he's playing video games on the tv now-WHEN HE HAS A MONITOR FOR THEM. Like tonight I got home and his stupid, racist, idiotic brother that I hate is sitting in my room, on MY SIDE of the bed, watching my bf play dumb GTA. So I can't even lay down atm. I'm in the bathroom writing this cause I hate his brother so much I don't even want to be around him. He is literally a white supremacist, misogynistic, POS and I loathe him. He once told me "my people" (the Jews) are ruining this country and he wants us all to leave. Honestly, I could write a 30 page essay on why I hate him but I don't want to dwell on it. I just don't want his negative energy in my room. And my boyfriends mom is really irritating me. I bought myself these halo top fudge brownie ice cream bars (4 for 6.99) and she ate them all. She bought me a replacement box yesterday, and she's already had 3/4 of them. The gesture was nice but it's like...fuck lady, stop eating my only fucking safe sweet snack. That's another thing I hate about living here, my safe foods aren't safe. Like my safe foods are expensive and I work hard for them and they all (his two brothers and his mom) just eat them whenever the fuck they want-even when I label them "DO NOT EAT". I'm gonna talk to my dad about moving back in with him, but he lives in a 2 bedroom w/ my brother so I have to wait for his lease to end so he can get a 3 bedroom.
Idk, I just have a lot going on mentally and externally. I'm trying to get in touch with my spirituality again to try and feel more balanced. I ordered a really nice crystal set on Amazon earlier this week, and have already cleansed them. I set the intention in my raw amethyst and it's in the room to absorb negative emotions and promote healing. But I haven't set any other intentions for my other raw crystals or tumbled crystals. I hope to get a few set up this weekend. But going back to his family real quick, they all think crystals are demonic cause they're psycho Christians, so even though I pay 1/4 of the rent I have to hide my crystals and spiritual side.
I wish I could lay down and watch TV, and not have to sit on the bathroom floor, but he's still playing his dumb game. Might go start a fight and boot him off. Motherfucker has been playing video games all day and imo it's selfish to not let me relax after work.
4/22/22 PM Entry Pt 2. (updated 4/23)
I finally left the bathroom at 12:30am and drank a beer and took a xan. As soon as I left the bathroom my boyfriend went to "smoke a cigarette" and came back in at 1am and passed out. (Thanks for spending Friday night with me babe 
) After I finished my truly margarita I was like fuck it, I'm not losing weight. I'm gonna fucking order a fuck ton from Carl's Jr. and not even purge or take lax. I feel nasty as hell about it, but I need to start massive calorie cycling and increasing my exercise. (I'll post my plateau plan on 4/23's post). So hopefully, even though it's fucking gross and I hate myself for eating it...it will make my metabolism do a double take nd be like..."Tf bitch? There's actually food in this body?! Let's goooo".
#114
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Posted 23 April 2022 - 07:18 AM
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#115
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Posted 23 April 2022 - 04:23 PM
fragilehandlewithcare, on 23 Apr 2022 - 07:18 AM, said:
I love reading your accountability!! I honestly feel for you and your home environment. Though I’m not in your shoes, I want the absolute best for you. You’re not asking much from your bf; I’m sorry that he and his family seem to lack compassion and warmth. I do hope that your spiritual practice picks up and that you find more peace sooner than later. You absolutely deserve it.
Awww thank you. <3 <3
Yeah, I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm too patient and forgiving and they take advantage of it. It hurts because I've been with him since I was 18, and I kept telling myself he'd come around, but the only change is that after he's a massive prick to me he'll buy me a gift. Like that's cool but just stop being mean hah.
I'm super busy today, but tomorrow I'm gonna do some work with my crystals and meditate a little bit. I'll post how it goes then, I'm honestly really excited. I hope my meditation sessions with them help me feel more in tune with myself and the energy around me again. 
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#116
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Posted 23 April 2022 - 05:01 PM
4/23/22 Entry
Weight: 1/14 days of no weigh in
Planned Intake: 340
Actual Intake: 15
Koia Protein Shake-190Suja Pressed Juice-110Suja Immunity Shot-25- Body Armor Light-15
Planned Fluids: 164 oz
Actual Fluids: 147 oz
- 3 30 oz water bottles-90
- 12 oz Body Armor Light-12
- 28 oz Powerade Zero-28
2 17 oz cups herbal tea-34- 17 oz cup herbal tea-17
Workout: No workout.
AM Entry: This morning/afternoon has been super productive for me, which is good. I ran a few errands, cleaned my car and got it washed, and dropped it off at Big O's for maintenance. I'm kind of bummed because it's costing me $1400 but I got 4 new tires, an oil change, new rotors and brakes. I have like no money left (from my tax return or paycheck, lol I have 20 dollars left for the week). I was hoping to save a few hundred for clothes shopping when I reach 110lbs. But that seems far off with this plateau, so I guess it's no big deal, I can just save like $15 a week towards it. I'm not concerned about only having $20 for the week, I have everything I need already-I'm stocked on tampons for if my period ever decides to come, I have plenty of food, and gas, enough food for my pets etc....I really don't even need to spend the left over $20. Still, it would feel nice to have more than 20 in my bank account lmao.
Earlier this week, Tuesday (?), my boyfriend did some laundry and he forgot to switch two loads to the dryer, so I spent a good amount of time fixing his fuck up. Hauling the laundry back and forth to the laundry room was a pain in the ass Those clothes and towels that didn't get dried (they were still sopping wet) were really starting to smell. I washed them three times with vinegar and baking soda. That should get the mildew smell out, and then tomorrow I'll wash them with my regular detergent and fabric softener so they smell good. I don't like wearing clothes that don't have a good scent, like I genuinely don't understand how people use unscented laundry detergent and softener. I quickly tidied up the room as well, but haven't gotten nearly as much cleaning done as I need too yet.
I mentioned this a few times yesterday, but I'm officially plateauing. Majorly. I hate my body so much, like when I plateau...ya girl PLATEAUS. It can take me months to get past a plateau sometimes. It's already been about a month, so hopefully by mid May/beginning of June I can resume actually losing weight.
For now, I'm gonna try and reduce some mental stress by not stepping on the scale and stopping Wednesday body pics for 14 days. My next weigh in will be 5/7/22, next body check will be 5/11/22. My daily intake/goals format will change as well. I am going to be tracking and setting goals for; carbs protein and fat, hours of sleep, and number of fruits and veggies consumed in the day. I'm aiming for at least 7.5 hours of sleep, 5 servings of veggies a day, and 3 servings of fruit daily. The fruits and veg won't start until I get paid next week, I want to save that $20. My macros will vary depending on planned activity and intake for the day. I will also be calorie cycling. Some days will be above maintenance (dear god), some will be around my maintenance, and other days will be a deficit. The range will be between 200-2100. After I finish writing this, I'm gonna set up a calorie cycle spreadsheet on google docs. I might copy and paste it here afterwards. I am going to ramp up my workouts as well. It's hard though because workdays make it soooo challenging to get to the gym. I have to get up at 7:30am at the latest. If I workout three days during the week and both Saturday and Sunday, that's 5 days a week-not too bad. Each time I'll be working harder on the treadmill. As for calisthenics, I don't have enough time to increase sets/reps on weekdays but on Saturdays and Sundays (if I'm not doing OT) I'll do an extra set and extra rep each day. So if I'm doing 2 sets during the week, I'll do 3 sets on Saturday and 4 sets on Sunday.
So....yeah...that's my plateau plan. It's gonna be so fucking hard to resist the scale, but I have too. I'll allow myself ONE cheat day where I can weigh myself. Only one though, and it can't be before day 7. I'm concerned with the sleep goals and being consistent about getting to the gym too. It's not that I don't want to sleep, or go to the gym it's literally just my damn work schedule. 1:30-10pm is really inconvenient. (this next part is just me working out logistics of meeting my goals, don't mind me) I get home at 10:20ish and it takes me at least 3 hours to wind down and be tired after work, and I can't run errands after work because everything is fucking closed. I currently fall asleep between 2:30-3:30am so to get 7.5 hours of sleep, I'd have to wake up at 10am or 11am. That won't work because the morning time is when I can run errands and workout. I usually do light cleaning and tidy up before work, but maybe if I switch that to when I get off work, it'd free up about 30-60 minutes of pre work time. Yup, that's what I'll do-clean after work, be asleep by 12:45am and wake up at 8:15am. Then I'll meet my sleep goal, be able to get to the gym by 8:30, and be home by 10am-ish and have a little under 3 hours to get ready for work, run some quick errands...etc before I leave. (ok I'm done sorry, writing things/thoughts out helps me think better lol)
I'm super fucking high off adderall right now haha. I've had 60mg throughout the day. Don't worry I'm not gonna take anymore haha, but it's so nice. I'm all in the zone about planning this plateau out. Plus it's nice to just chill on my laptop all mentally elevated like this. So for now I'm gonna write out a 2 week calorie cycle, hang out on MPA, just do random shit on my laptop and a little later I'll do some cleaning. I'll probably go to the gym tonight after I clean as well. We'll see though, no promises have been made. 
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#117
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Posted 23 April 2022 - 09:20 PM
2 Week Calorie Cycling Plateau Plan
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#118
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 03:43 AM
4/23/22 PM Entry
I still feel super up from all the adderall I took today and it's 2am lmao. Good thing it's not a work night. I just took 1.5mg of xanax and I'm probably gonna have a melatonin gummy in about 30 minutes. I'll probably be up until at least 4 am 5am. Idk.
Tonight was fucking dope though. I didn't do any cleaning but spent like 4 hours just researching more stuff about crystals/energy etc. and reimmersing myself with spirituality. It's weird, I was raised Jewish but I was adopted so I wasn't considered a "Jew" by the Jewish community b/c my birth mother wasn't a Jew. I never felt too connected to it and felt ostracized. When I was at my long term RTC, I got really in touch with my spiritual side and meditated a lot. I began to feel good cosmic energy, my parents got me a few crystals to meditate with... I was still struggling with everything, but it made me feel more at peace and balanced at the same time, if that makes sense. My mindset then was like "okay, I'm here now, but things can get better". I want to get back to that more optimistic place. I learned a lot of new things tonight. I don't want to get super into it but I think things are happening right now for a reason. A lot of good cosmic energy is beginning now, and it will promote change and personal growth. It will really kick in on April 30th and I feel like it's a sign. Just a week before this amazing lunar eclipse, planet alignments, and retrogrades begin-I try and get back in touch with my spirituality.
My boyfriend tonight was...idk. He didn't come in until 10:30 and asked if he could play a game before we hung out. I told him SUPER respectfully "Hey, I've been waiting all day to hang with you. Can you not play the game? It's already 10:30". He played the game. And even though it was a 5 minute game-only because he got killed quick-that wasn't really the issue at that point. I am constantly waiting for him, and no matter how insignificant something is, it always comes before me. I try and be patient. I explained to him I would rather him not play so we could just start hanging out. Once he played, I just said fuck it and was on the laptop this whole time researching. After about 20 minutes of him coming in, he told me he wanted to hang out and didn't understand why one quick game made me not want to hang out with him. I respectfully explained it to him, how I'm always the last thing on his to-do's and he constantly pushes me off. He said ok and he understood why. I'm not going to sit around anymore waiting all day for him, begging him to just come home. I live with him and barely see him/interact with him and I'm done with it. Like at one point he said "why didnt you call me?" and I told him "You knew I was waiting for you. I shouldn't have to remind you-it should be a priority if you genuinely cared about spending time with me". I'm going to try and see if he actually changes this behavior, but I'm officially putting my guard up because if it doesn't change, quickly, I will be leaving (which will be heartbreaking and devastating because I love this jackass so much). Tomorrow we're gonna go to the beach. That means a bathing suit But that's ok, I want to do something different for once. The past 7 months have been the same; work, clean, work, clean.... I want a day to relax in the sun. (I'm also bringing my crystals to do a cleansing in the sea and a nice charge in the beach sun. The issue with his attention he gives me is that when we have something planned, he's fine with going and we have a great time. But when we are home, which is most of the time, he's mia. Ok, enough of this.
It's 3am and I haven't had anything to eat. Might just fast today. If I do have anything it'll just be a Suja Immunity Shot but it's highly doubtful I'll have it. If I do eat, I'll update it tomorrow morning.
OH before I forget, I ordered Preworkout!! I had a $30 amazon gift card I forgot about and want to cut back on my adderall use. I figure this would be a good way to fight the fatigue from cutting back on addy's. I got AminoLean Preworkout Powder, Amino Energy & Weight Management. A lot of the reviews mentioned how it blasted through their plateau soooo...I'll let you guys know how it works. I'm super excited. And even though the reviews said it took a few days for this to break their plateau, I'm still sticking to my plan of no weigh ins. If it works as well as some said, I could be in the low 130's by my next weigh in. Fighting the urge to weigh myself will become even harder but I have to do it. Maybe if I'm feeling down (weight wise) I'll do a weigh in on day 7.
I'm gonna take another piece of a xan and some melatonin now and just chill and watch TV. Goodnight amigos. <3
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 04:15 PM
4/24/22 Entry
Weight: 2/14 days of no weigh in
Planned Plateau Intake: 1550
Planned Intake: 1500 (50 calories short of goal)
Actual Intake: 1886 (Compensated for the missing 325 yesterday, ig)
Koia Protein Shake-190Suja Pressed Juice-110Suja Immunity Shot-25Body Armor Light-15Zone Perfect Protein Bar-220Aloha Coconut Protein Drink-1602 eggs-14028g shredded cheese-110Kind Blueberry & Almond Super Grain Bar-140Smart Ones Chicken Parmesan-280Yasso Greek Yogurt Ice Cream Bar-110- Unplanned: 6 Truly Punches-600
- Unplanned: Kroger Mac n Cheese-320
- Unplanned: 10 Mozzerella Sticks-960
Planned Fluids: 194 oz
Actual Fluids: 232 oz
- 3 10 oz Preworkout mixed w/water-30
- 3 30 oz water bottles-90
- 12 oz Body Armor Light-12
- 28 oz Powerade Zero-28
2 17oz cups herbal tea-34- Unplanned: 6 12 oz Truly's-72
Sleep Goal: 7.5 hours
Actual Sleep: 7.5 hours
Workout: Not today hunny.
10 minute warm up
40 minutes cardio- 20 minutes running, 20 minutes walking
Calisthenics- 3 sets of: 30 second plank w/ side dips, 8 5lb overhead tricep extensions,
20 squats, 8 leg raises, 20 donkey kicks w/ 5 pulses, 10 side leg raises,
20 crunches
20 minute cooldown
**Also cleaning bathroom and bedroom**
AM Entry: I woke up at 1PM, a lot later than usual but that's ok because it made it so I met my sleep goal. I went out and charged my crystals in the sun. Now tonight, they're all ready to go for a meditation session! 
And I decided I'm not gonna do the macro tracking just yet. If after the two weeks I'm still at 135, I'll get into the macros. But for now, that's just a lot to work out. Once I get paid next week, I'll start the fruits and veg tracking.
I'm about to try the preworkout I got, hopefully it works well. It was pretty cheap compared to other preworkouts but its all I could afford at the moment. So I'm gonna go have some of that, get the cleaning done and hit the gym. I'll update more after I get my shit handled.
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 05:54 PM
4/24/22 PM Entry:
Okay, massive change in plans for today. My body is so accustomed to getting energy from adderall. I was exhausted as hell before trying my new Preworkout, and it gave me about a 45 minute boost of energy. (I only took 1.5 scoops as a trial-you can take up to 4 at once- because I didn't know how strongly it would effect me. So tomorrow morning I"ll have 3 scoops.) But during the short lived energy it gave me, I tidied up the room a bit. I didn't get nearly as much cleaning done as I would have liked though.
I just have no appetite/desire to eat and no energy. I drank the Koia and feel absolutely stuffed. So even though today I was supposed to workout and do some deep cleaning, I'm just going to rest and recoup. Alcohol always gives me an appetite, so my boyfriend is grabbing me a few beers. Hopefully that helps me reach my intake goal for today. If I eat over that's okay as well because I was supposed to eat 340 yesterday and ate 0, which will make it so I fall short of my weekly intake goal.
I'm not gonna workout, which is a bummer, but I just fucking can't. Even the idea of getting out of bed sounds exhausting.
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Posted 25 April 2022 - 12:09 PM
4/25/22 Entry
Weight: 3/14 days of no weigh in
Planned Plateau Intake: 1800
Planned Intake: 1425 (375 calories short of goal)
Actual Intake: 1425
- 2 eggs-140
- 28g shredded cheese-110
- Kind Blueberry & Almond Bar-140
- Suja Juice-110
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- Aloha Coconut Protein Drink-160
- Suja Immunity Shot-25
- Smart One's Chicken Parmesan-280
- Sugar free pudding-60
- P3 Protein Pack-160
- Kroger Light String Cheese-50
Planned Fluids: 164 oz
Actual Fluids: 134 0z
3 3o oz water bottles-90- 2 30 oz water bottles-60
- 12 oz Suja Juice-12
- 2 17 oz cups tea-34
- 28 oz Powerade Zero-28
Sleep Goal: 7.5 hours
Actual Sleep: 9.5
Workout: No, my fucking phone died overnight and I hella slept in
AM Entry:
I'm so irritated. I asked my boyfriend to wake me up this morning and he forgot. I also had alarms set but I forgot to plug my phone in last night so it died. I took 2 melatonin gummies (5mg each) and I guess it was way too much for me. I woke up at 11am was so groggy. Shit I still feel like I could close my eyes and fall back asleep. So tonight I'm just gonna cut one gummy in half and try that. But yeah this all made it so I couldn't workout this morning. I'll just workout tomorrow (when it was supposed to be a rest day), and that will get me back on track for days of working out.
I have no appetite still and this sounds like a lot to each. I know I need to at least have the eggs, kind bar and juice before I leave for work if I want to reach my goal. But honestly I just really am not feeling it. It's important that I do to help get past this plateau but eating a lot just makes me feel gross. I think when I go grocery shopping this week, I need to also get higher calorie foods so I don't have to eat so much of lower calorie foods on my higher intake days. I don't like constantly eating throughout the day.
Last night was chill though. I meditated with my amazonite crystal and by the end of it I felt so calm and was about to fall asleep. Granted, I had also taken melatonin before I meditated but still.
Ok, well...guess I should get ready for work and go and make those stupid eggs. I'm so fucking tried still, I wish I could just go back to sleep.
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 12:35 PM
4/26/22 Entry
Weight: 4/14 days of no weigh in, god the scale is fucking tempting me though.
Planned Plateau Intake: 450
Planned Intake: 445 (5 calories under goal)
Actual Intake: 365 (85 calories under goal)
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- Coconut Protein Drink-160
Suja Immunity Shot-20Sugar Free Pudding-60- Body Armor Light-15
Planned Fluids: 164 oz
Actual Fluids: 117 oz
- 3 30 oz Water Bottles-90
- 2 17 oz cups of herbal tea-34
- 28 oz Powerade Zero-28
- 12oz Body Armor Light-12
Sleep Goal: 7.5 hours
Actual Sleep: 9
Workout: Sort of?
- 45 minute morning Strength Yoga
(I'll do 45 minute nighttime yoga too)
AM Entry: I'm still experimenting with getting a better sleep schedule, because better sleep=better weight loss. I reduced my melatonin to 1/2 a gummy last night (2.5mg) and it didn't K.O me, but it made it SOO hard to wake up this morning. Tonight I'll try 1/4 a gummy. I also ordered a light alarm clock which is supposed to really help your circadian rhythm. It gets here on Thursday. But the melatonin doses I've taken both nights made it hard to think straight, so that's why I haven't done PM updates since I started taking it. Hopefully 1/4 of one tonight doesn't do that too me, and is more just a gentle guide to my brain to wind down and I can journal. It's also been giving me terrible nightmares.
So anyway, because of my melatonin experimentation, I woke up at 10:30, too late for a full on workout. But I had to do something; I want to focus on toning as much as possible, so I opted for 45 minutes of strength yoga. It was a nice way to start my morning. As for tomorrow, I honestly might not even take melatonin tonight, it's undecided atm, because I can't afford to miss my full workout again. It will really ruin my plateau plan.
My period still isn't here. I'm starting to worry I might be pregnant. 
I'm gonna take a pregnancy test this weekend if it hasn't come yet. My period is usually late or early by a few days (at most like a week) but it's now 11 days late. I have an IUD so the chances of me getting pregnant are super slim, maybe it's my IUD just being weird? For now, I'm putting it in the back of my mind and come Saturday if there is still nothing I'll take a test and go from there.
Since I've been eating more and haven't taken adderall in two days I was super...clogged up...poo related, heh. I took 15mg of adderall when I woke up and it has opened the flood gates. The timing isn't ideal because I need to be getting ready for work and what not. I didn't wear makeup yesterday and looked extra gross, so I want to put at least a little on today. But it all depends on when I can get off this porcelain throne. XD
I got my state tax refund this morning and wanted to go to the store and get some fruits and veg, but there just wasn't time for that. I'll do it tomorrow morning after my workout. I'm super excited for the light alarm clock to get here. From the reviews I read, it's really a game changer for building a healthy sleep schedule. I want to be up at 7:30 every weekday-workout or not- and be up at 9:30 on my days off. I've learned over the years that the more steady my sleep schedule is, the more emotionally stable I feel. I really want to start feeling better. This constant....idk it's hard to explain. It's not like I'm depressed all the time but I'm either depressed, anxious, dissociated, or high (lol). But these constant negative emotions are so tiresome. I know it sounds hypocritical since I use drugs, but I don't believe in using medication for mental health unless absolutely necessary. I feel like it's fake. I think why I'm cool with drugs is cause I know I'm not using it to "cure" myself, it's a temporary feeling of happiness and I'm aware that it's not real.
Anyways, I think I'm good to get off this shitter and get ready for work. Hopefully I can provide a PM update tonight, I'm still debating on if I'm gonna try 1/4 melatonin or not take it at all. The nightmares are intense and vidid. Anyways, peace ya'll. Have a great day. <3
#123
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 11:34 PM
4/26/22 PM Entry:
Okay ya'll I am so incredibly overwhelmed and want to keep this very brief because I am on the verge of an anxiety attack with how overwhelmed I am about a few things; my epic failure so far with this plateau plan, cleaning, time to run errands....just my lack of time management.
My plateau plan has been an epic fail exercise wise so far and that is MAJOR component. Tomorrow morning I'm just going to do another 45 minute core yoga session (Sorry full workout, but I need to regroup and tomorrow morning is the only time I have to do it). I'll spend the rest of the morning planning/revising everything, along with making daily schedules and writing a grocery list. Finding time to get everything done with how limited time I have feels impossible-and having a boyfriend who doesn't contribute at all really just adds to the stress. I just never have time and it is incredibly stressful.
Tonight I'm gonna do a meditation with my crystals, shower and go to sleep. I need to destress because I am on the brink of a panic attack. It's almost 1am and I need to be up at 7:30. I have a lot to say and will get more in depth tomorrow about it.
I didn't eat as much as I planned today but at this point I don't fucking care. I just...honestly I might start from scratch with this whole plateau thing. FUCK my brain is running a million miles an hour right now trying to find ways to fix my fuck ups-which is all I EVER FUCKING DO. FUCK.
Ok, I need to shower, meditate and hit the hay. I'm snowballing so much it's giving me a headache.
#124
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 12:51 PM
4/27/22 Entry
Weight: 5/14 days of no weigh in-fuck I really want to know my weight. I feel like I've gained a bunch.
Planned Plateau Intake: 1600
Planned Intake: 1290 (310 calories under goal)
Actual Intake: 675 (925 under goal, idgaf though I'm a cow and don't deserve food)
- Koia Protein-190
- Coconut Protein Drink-160
Zone Protein Bar-220- Body Armor Light-15
5 Altoids-25Smart Ones Rigatoni w/ Broccoli & Chicken-260Kroger Light String Cheese-50Sugar Free Pudding-60- Smuckers Uncrustable PB&J-210
- Suja Mighty Green Juice-80
- Suja Ginger Shot-20
Planned Fluids: 193 oz
Actual Fluids: 193 oz
- 3 30 oz Water Bottles-90
- 3 17 oz cups of herbal tea-51
- 28 oz Powerade Zero-28
- 12oz Body Armor Light-12
- 12 oz Green Juice-12
Sleep Goal: 7.5 hours
Actual Sleep: 5 hours
AM Entry: Last night was not good. I was spiraling so hard. I haven't been working out NEARLY as much as I have to be. I'm not meeting my calorie goals. Granted, I've been doing ok with the calorie cycling...but the exercise has been an epic fail. Taking a bath really helped, and then I meditated with my black obsidian which really helped ground me. During the meditation, I felt at peace with dedicating this morning to developing a new plan (not just related to this plateau, but scheduling and assigning daily chores). So instead of working out I spent my morning doing that-still have a lot to do though so tomorrow morning will probably be the same-replacing my workout with planning. This morning I got a chore chart for the week done, and a rough schedule started up until Sunday. I think by Saturday I should be done, have come up with a system and have my plateau plan revised.
So my period still isn't here yet. Tonight on my way home from work I'm picking up a pregnancy test. I have an appointment scheduled with a gyno (oh boy, it was like an hour long process this morning) on Friday at 10am. I pray that I am not pregnant. It will become a whole mess if I am. I have an IUD so I couldn't even carry it to term, I mean it's possible but it's very dangerous since along with a baby the IUD is in the uterus. So then...ugh I don't even want to think about it yet. I'll start thinking more about it if the test comes back positive tonight. If I'm not pregnant then I have no idea why my period is so late. I've been really low restricting lately but I've done that for years and my period never stopped/was this irregular unless I was underweight. I need to put this in the back of my mind until tonight.
I was hoping to get more planning done this morning but there's a lot that I need to sort out. I'm not just planning out this week, but I'm coming up with ways to maintain this planning and scheduling. It's really a pain in the ass but I think once I get this system worked out and tailored to my needs I'll feel like I have much more work/life balance. Because right now my head is just a constant jumble of "I need to get this, that, this, that done before work" and it's so overwhelming and stressful. It feels impossible to workout, get ready for work, journal (this), run errands, get to appointments, clean, and take care of my pets in the time I have during the week. I think if my boyfriend were to help out more it wouldn't be this stressful, because I'm cleaning up for four (me, him, and our two birds). If he were to help, there would be less on my shoulders.
The plateau plan is not going the way I had hoped. Tomorrow morning I will finish my schedule up until Friday, and then revise the end of this weeks plateau plan. Hopefully I can get it all done before therapy at 11am. Like I'm swamped with appointments for the rest of the week, I have therapy at 11 tomorrow, obgyn appointment at 10 on Friday, and I'm bringing my car in again on Saturday at 8:30am. With my luck, I'm gonna be assigned OT this weekend.
I have a lot of food planned for today (and it doesn't even meet my goals lmfao), but idek if I'll eat it all. I'm really overwhelmed, anxious and just....Ugh I can't even really put it into words. I feel like my mind and emotions are constantly running at a million miles an hour and when I feel like this eating is hard, like all caps hard. Especially because I don't know my weight, and I'm feeling extra large today.
I just need a week off from work-and not because I feel like I'm on my death bed, that doesn't count as self care days imo. It has been a really hectic month and I feel like I'm at my breaking point.
I have so much more I want to get off my chest but I have to fucking go to fucking stupid work.
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Posted Yesterday, 01:40 AM
4/27/22 PM Entry
I'm fucking spiraling. I sound like a broken record but I'm too overwhelmed. It's sending me over the edge quickly. I was so looking forward to this weekend and being able to clean and relax but guess who got assigned OT? This bitch. So now with everything going on in my head, I also have to work 12 days straight. I need a new job. This is destroying me mentally.
I feel like I'm gaining a pound a day, and I really really really need to step on the scale.
Tbh, I'm so exhausted and just-fuck I'm not doing good. I just want to go to sleep and have it be tomorrow already. Idegaf about updating my intakes for today, but I'll do that real quick and go to sleep.
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Posted Yesterday, 10:31 AM
4/28/22 Entry
Weight: 6/14 days of no weigh in-okay I can't take it. On day 8 I'm weighing myself.
Planned Plateau Intake: 1350
Planned Intake: 810 (540 calories under goal)
Actual Intake:670
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- ZonePerfect Protein Bar-220
- Body Armor Light-15
- 4 Altoids-20
Kind Supergrain Blueberry Almond Bar-140- Smuckers Uncrustable PB&J-210
- Suja Vitamin D & Zinc Shot-15
Planned Fluids: 181 oz
Actual Fluids: 153 oz
- 3 30 oz water bottles-90
- 3 17 oz cups of tea-51
- 12 oz Body Armor Light-12
28 oz Powerade Zero-28
Sleep Goal: 7.5 hours
Actual Sleep: 5 hours(was spiraling hard last night and had to do an extra long meditation )
AM Entry: Well I spent most of my morning continuing with working on my daily schedules. Google sheets is confusing and kind of hard to work with if you don't know computer formulas, so I have to spend a decent amount of time like googling the formulas and stuff. It's fucking annoying because I just want to be done with it so I can fix my plateau plan. It's frustrating. I've been sedentary this week when I was supposed to ramping up my workouts. But as long as I remain in a deficit it's *deep breath* not the end of the world. Like I said, by Saturday morning I should have everything worked out so I can get to working out and managing my free time better. I really hope once I'm done with this, I feel a little less stressed and overwhelmed.
Oh I totally forgot to mention this last night, lmao-IM NOT PREGNANT . Which is good news but also just stresses me out b/c my period is this late. What's up uterus??? I bet whatever hormone fuckery that's going on in my body right now is probably contributing to this plateau. I can tell I haven't lost a damn pound yet-it feels like I'm gaining honestly.
This whole plateau week has been fucked up and I haven't met jack shit of any of my goals (except low intake days ). I mean, sleep I got two or three good nights of sleep, and was short by 2.5 hours the past two days. My intakes have been deficits except one day (?), but (I don't remember 100%) it was to recoup missed calories from the previous day's plateau goal. Idr exactly but I know on this intake I shouldn't be feeling bigger! I legit haven't worked out all week, besides a day or two of strength yoga in the morning. *sighs*
I'm just gonna start fresh with my plateau plan once I finish my weekly scheduling-because none of it has really gone according to plan, I've done nothing but fuck it up. I knew working out was going to be an issue b/c of; my work schedule, lack of my boyfriend helping clean, and how overwhelmed I've felt. I know that having a set daily schedule for each day of the week will stop missed workouts. I'll probably continue scheduling my weeks out even after (if? :'''( ) this plateau passes because it brings me a sense of comfort knowing "ok, this is what I need to be doing right now, and I can get everything I need to get done if I stay within these guidelines". I've come up with a bedtime routine that will have me in bed-lights out-at 12:30 every night. That way, waking up at 7:30 am will at least get me 7 hours of sleep-my new minimum sleep goal.
Tbh, I've become kind of fucking obsessive with scheduling haha. I always have this constant need for order and control. Working from 1:30pm-10pm really threw me off and has put me in a headspace that is just SO overwhelming because I feel like I can't get all my shit done (e.g workouts, grocery shopping, cleaning, relaxing). Scheduling my day out is really helping ease A LOT of that stress. I spent most of yesterday morning working on learning formulas for google sheets, and experimenting with what's easiest for me. Today I actually got my template set up and scheduled out today and most of tomorrow. Hopefully now that my template is established, tomorrow morning I can quickly finish up the rest of the week, up until 5/1, and revise my plateau plan.
I'm so pissed I have to work OT this weekend. Even though I brought my car in for maintenance at Big O's last week, I have a broken airbag clockspring and have to bring it to the dealership on Saturday at 8:30am. It should be covered by warranty, but if not it could cost me a few hundred dollars. We'll see. But I'm more concerned about getting to work. What if my car isn't done by 12:30? And I have to spend my whole morning before work waiting at the dealership-unless I want to spend half my paycheck on a damn uber lol. Besides that dilemma, I really could've used those days to get more in depth with my OCD planning, lmfao, and just....have a self care weekend. I know I missed almost 2 weeks of work in the beginning of April but I wasn't relaxing and doing self care, I felt like shit and slept for most of it. And the thing with OT, is if you work M-F and then Saturday and Sunday you have to work M-F again afterwards. Ugh. Hopefully the scheduling helps me maintain some kind of mental balance.
Fuck it's fucking one. I gotta rush my ass to work now.
#127
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Posted Today, 12:00 AM
4/28/22 Entry
I'm pretty barred out and I'm tired af. Probably just gonna hop in the bath, do some meditation and call it a night. Try to destress a little bit. I have to pick up tmrw morning and plugs are laggy sometimes so hopefully that doesn't fuck up my schedule too much for tomorrow. Whatever. I just can't handle life atm and I'm drowning in extreme external and internal stress. It feels like I can never catch a break.
I fucking loathe myself, I can't even handle working full time emotionally, or even just life in general. I'm nothing but a weak, pathetic, drug addict loser fuck up. I really wouldn't mind not waking up ever again after going to sleep tonight.
#128
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Posted Today, 12:20 PM
4/29/22 Entry
Weight: 132.8 FUCK YEAHHHHH
Planned Intake: 890
Actual Intake:
- Koia Protein Shake-190
- Aloha Coconut Protein Drink-160
- ZonePerfect Protein Bar-220
- Smucker's Uncrustables PB&J-210
- Suja Mighty Green Juice-80
- Suja Vitamin D & Zinc Shot-15
- Body Armor Light-15
Planned Fluids: 198 oz
Actual Fluids:
- 3 30 oz water bottles-90
- 4 17 oz cups of tea-68
- 28 oz Powerade-28
- 12 oz Body Armor-12
AM Entry: I FUCKING BROKE THE PLATEAU!!!! I guess the calorie cycling helped (well...I mean I fell short most days but my intakes varied more than usual). I bet it would have been a lower number had I been working out but whatever. It is what it is, and as much as I feel disgusted by how sedentary I've been, I just have to accept it. At least I'm below 135 now. And yes, I know I wasn't supposed to weigh myself until tomorrow but I caved. A week of not knowing my weight was just adding to all of my stress. I can stop the plateau plan now and go back to daily weights, thank god. That's a major relief because I was putting so much pressure on myself.
I still need to finish scheduling . I didn't get any done this morning because I spent too much time budgeting and getting side tracked. Also, my plug and I were supposed to link earlier and he lagged fucking fat. It's irritating, he told me almost two hours ago he'd be ready in 45 mins and now, an hour and a half before I have to clock in, he says "can you meet me here?" (20 mins from my house, but only 10 from my job). I need to go to the grocery store to pull out the cash and get some stuff for today's food plan. I wanted to go to the vape store because my pod is broken, but don't have time anymore, and I won't be able to write as much as I want too this morning . But for the first time in almost a week, I got some cleaning done this morning, already have my makeup on and am dressed for work, so that's cool.
I've been thinking about my job a lot lately, and I've come to the conclusion it's not for me. The money is good at my current job, but at the end of the day, all the stress is too much. My body is becoming affected by it, and the constant feeling of overwhelm is sending me over the edge. If it were just to be M-F then it would be manageable but the OT is kind of the deal breaker. Like, my next day off won't be until the 7th. That's Mother's day weekend and I will be too drained to drive to my moms house because she lives 2.5 hours away-5 hours of driving round trip. I need to get out of this job asap, but find a job that will financially support me enough. I'm a pretty decent writer (not often here though because these are pretty much just my raw thoughts and feelings lol) An option I am considering is becoming a freelance writer, and then working part time somewhere. For now I think I'll try doing freelance writing on the side, see how much I can actually make with it, and go from there. Obviously that will be a challenge with my work schedule but I'll try and figure something out.
Genuinely, I think if I were to get out this job, my mental space would improve so much. I've been in such a dark place lately. I don't feel like my existence serves any purpose, my moods and mindsets swing back and forth constantly...I just feel really unstable right now. Fuck, I wanted to get more into this- but I have to go cause of my annoying ass plug. And I'm always too tired to really express myself for my PM entries. Ugh. Whatever.
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#129
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Posted Today, 01:23 PM
#130
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Posted Today, 01:33 PM
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- Locationfaerieland
Posted Yesterday, 08:30 AM
Calories Consumed, ????/1000
Calories Burned, 1611
Calorie Deficit, ????
Notes,
Had a bad day. Purged twice in the morning then sorta binged in the evening. Blah. Days at home are the hardest.
#235
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Posted Today, 04:55 AM
Calories Consumed, 666/1000
Calories Burned, 2054
Calorie Deficit, 1388
Notes,
Today was okay I guess. I had 3 breakfast sausages and 2 ryvita crackers with peanut butter for breakfast. Lunch was at work, i got chinese food from the food court. Ended up feeling shameful and guilty for eating it so I ended up purging in the staff bathroom. Kinda pissed because i could’ve saved my money and just not bought the food but i was greedy. Anyways I didn’t eat anything else today.
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Posted Yesterday, 03:28 AM
anitsirk2.o, on 27 Apr 2022 - 5:27 PM, said:
you look so good!!! do you see the progress you've made in your pics?
i never take pics of myself, so i don't have before/after pics. i'm also terrified of people from real life finding me on here. i've been to treatment so many times i know a lot of ed people who are * in recovery * ( like i am....). the fear is real.
that ice lolly (love that word) looks AMAZING. i doubt we have those in the states, but i'll look at the frozen section next time i go and see if we have anything similar.
good intake today. i hope you enjoyed the chocolate bar.
im definitely starting to see the difference which feels nice! i can definitely feel it physically but i look in the mirror like meh hahahaha
ahhh yes that makes sense, theres a lot more risk and higher chance of people finding you. youre on a covert mission hahaha
what do you call them in the US? is it popsicles or something? i love the difference between uk and us language
if you ever find them do try them it was SO TASTY!thanks so much, it was so delicious i missed chocolate hahaha
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#215
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Posted Yesterday, 03:36 AM
weigh in: 168.2lbs
intake: 900 (calculated 787 then rounded up for a drink)
TW SH MENTIONS
had another drs apt today. i go weekly bc ive been healing a wound since 15th feb that shouldve got stitches but i didnt get them. its been two n a bit months and its halfway healed ?? and its had so many problems. i dont usually take very long to heal my body has always been amazing, but i think restricting has been making it a struggle tbh. its a nightmare however has been helpful to some extent with me staying clean because i cba to deal with this i guess.
off to another city to my friends birthday, shes having a house party so everyone will be drinking so i have started doing coke again because i dont wanna drink bc calories but still want the buzz n to have a good time and be able to stay up with everyone else. im not really a party person anymore though so it really isnt often, and no one really goes out much anymore anyway so it wont be how it used to be :’)
i had a go ahead bar (165) for breakfast at 11:45am ish n its 1:23pm n im actually not particularly hungry so its lasting well. lunch is gonna be soup and rice cakes with ham (272). tryna do some work on my last assignment but my brain is mush. meeting a friend later at the pub, im so exhausted but hopefully i’ll perk up when i start getting ready.
had some cucumber with my soup n rice cakes also so lunch was 287. dinner was a meat free burger with burger sauce, lettuce, spring onions in low cal bread and carrots n paw patrol pea snack crisps (336). total was 787 n then i went out for drinks with my mate and just had soda water but then she like not forced because if id of said no i really dont want one she wouldn’t of made me but she essentially convinced me to have a shot and i really didnt want one bc of the fucking calories idk whats in it or what but im gonna just round my cals to 900 and hope that covers it. i was so fucking stressed about it but my tdee was high yday ended on 2379 and did 8.6k steps so at least the deficit was still big it just couldve been bigger!
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#216
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Posted Today, 02:49 AM
weigh in: i had like two pints of soda water n was drinking it until 11pm yday and usually i stop consuming anything at 8 so im gonna weigh myself in a sec and hope i havent held onto too much water. okay weight is 168.1lbs lmao. ive realised my scale rounds it to the nearest even number bc my fitbit which is attached to my scale said 168.1lbs, so i changed the unit to kg on my scale and it said 76.25kg which is 168.1lbs so im taking that 0.1lb loss
i wont be able to weigh myself tomorrow for the last day of april which is so annoying but i made it to my goal of 168! i can feel i need another bm but it isnt ready yet lmaointake:
lunch was the usual (231). going to my mates in another city and rlly dont wanna eat out so said im broke n im bringing my own dinner before we go out. packed a really lil packed lunch box hahaha. dinner ive got soup, an apple and two rice cakes with ham (331) and then for tomorrow bc idk when i will come home so wanted some safe foods i packed a go ahead bar, some carrots n some cucumber. today should end on 562. saving myself some cals bc ik my pal at her party is greeting everyone w a shot of tequila lol so itll give me space for that
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Posted Yesterday, 11:16 AM
cw 148.0, damn <3 140's.
& I started my monthly thing today, which should last like 4 days, so that's that.
I'm REALLY avoiding my homework and essays lately so much that they're going to catch up to me. Need to at least get started there.
I have a presentation today so that'll be fun.
intake:
still want to keep up this low intake thing until May starts so hm. not sure.
Panda Express:
beef brocc- 150
kung pao - 200
350
#700
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Posted Yesterday, 11:38 AM
https://www.myproana...berspics/page-1
this is... uhhh... very weird...
editing so I don't bug 80 people with my stupid nonsense
I feel tired. I don't want to attend my classes. don't want to do essays. don't want to do anything but play video games. I feel awful. I could cry. I feel so clingy. I also feel like a zombie. I could go to starbucks and waste my money there on pink drinks. could go to my banned Indian food place for sustenance. but I won't. I can't. I feel stuck deep in this right now. why? why. is it the stress? I feel like this is the only thing I have control on, so maybe.
i dont but i do want someone to tell me it's ok to eat. that I'm not a failure. that it's going to be ok. ahh. but I am a failure. it's not ok to eat. fuckkk.
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faye's 245 to 100 lbs journey ♡ 5'1 - cw: 148.0 lbs, 97 lbs down!
#701
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Posted Today, 08:26 AM
I'm sorry you are feeling this way right now. You have done amazingly well on your journey. I hope you feel better soon and congrats on nearly 100lbs lost!
he/him
stats:
height: 5'4 (164cm)
progress:
100kg 99kg 98kg 97kg 96kg
95kg 94kg 93kg 92kg 91kg
90kg 89kg 88kg 87kg 86kg
85kg 84kg 83kg 82kg 81kg
80kg 79kg 78kg 77kg 76kg
75kg 74kg 73kg 72kg 71kg
70kg 69kg 68kg 67kg 66kg
65kg 64kg 63kg 62kg 61kg
60kg 59kg 58kg 57kg 56kg
55kg 54kg 53kg 52kg 51kg
50kg 49kg 48kg 47kg
HW
LW
GW1
GW2
GW3
GW4
GW5
UGW
total loss: -9.1kg/20.9lbs (27/4/22)
#702
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Posted Today, 09:11 AM
elthebastard, on 29 Apr 2022 - 08:26 AM, said:
I'm sorry you are feeling this way right now. You have done amazingly well on your journey. I hope you feel better soon and congrats on nearly 100lbs lost!
hi you’re amazing and thank you for the support even though I vent so often!! thank you again. I know this feeling will pass <3
#703
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Posted Today, 09:20 AM
147.8!
my average calories for the month has gone down to about 690 for April, which makes me feel good… I think… temporarily.
we bought a bunch of food from Panda Express and I want to chow down on it but if I can keep up low intake until may 1st I’ll be proud of myself :’) I mean. I can still eat it. Just not as much as I want to.
maybe I’ll up my overall average calories from 750 to 900…?
going to need to eat more for my essays and finals week hhhh
#704
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Posted Today, 02:35 PM
<3
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
GOKU'S 62, 50 and 31 Day Fasting DIARY ~WEIGHT UPDATED WEEKLY~ 2 MONTH (MIN) FAST ONGOING]
#1801
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Posted 23 April 2022 - 01:04 PM
My gran is dead. There'll be a funeral sometime in the next weeks, so I had my last meal, one of my favorites. I started my fast at 7:27 PM which means I'll finish in 62 days from now, at 7:27 AM on June 25th. Perfect time to break a fast for me. I will only update during weekly weigh ins. I'm going to assume I weigh 150 lbs since that's a nice baseline to start at. I will update weekly, and take a body check before-hand so I can see my progress. Looking really forward to this fast. I no longer have anything to worry (that I know of) about fast wise besides the funeral, but I'll be skinnier by then. I'm super duper excited, I can't wait to get right back into a long successful fast.... I'm so hype!
l'm in a good spot right now, I have plenty of amazing refeeding items and a solid smart refeeding and fast schedule, I no longer have guilt about throwing stuff away again since I know I'll never need to throw anything out in future once I get skinny therefore saving money in the long-run by throwing food given to me out/giving it to family during this fast. I have decided to be way more active and healthy too. My life is coming together again! No more fucking limbo!
I will fast for 62 days. Depending on how I do I will extend the fast if I do not reach my goal of 120 lbs by the end of this fast. Ideally I wish to be 100 lbs but I will try to get down to that through restriction instead of fasting in order to maintain easier. Hopefully by then my body will finally be able to lose weight through anything other than fasting. I don't mind fasting, but I know it's extremely dangerous to never eat all the time for the rest of my life. I also have 60 grams of protein powder just In case of an emergency, however no matter how bad it gets, I will not break my fast. I will be doing only pure black coffee and water fasting, so unlike my liquid fast, I will be 0 calorie for this entire fast. I look forward to this. Good things come to those who wait!
-MINIMUM 62 DAY FAST STARTED-
Starting time: Saturday 23rd April 7:27 PM
(Minimum) End time: Saturday 25th June 7:27 AM
Starting Weight: 150 lbs
Target weight: 120 lbs
GW: 100 lbs
If I lose half a lb a day, I will lose 31 lbs by 62 days, which seems reasonable considering the lengths I am going through. I cannot predict what will happen, and I know weight fluctuations and plateaus are a thing. I just hope all goes well. Once the fast is done, I'll include my refeeding once the fast is over!
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EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
#1802
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Posted 23 April 2022 - 01:18 PM
Gracie25, on 23 Apr 2022 - 12:56 PM, said:
Goku. Hey!!
I started watching Demon Slayer last night, my son ended up staying at his friends house so I watched it by myself and woah… wasn’t expecting to get so swept up in it! It was harrowing!! I only watched the first ep but it was good. I told my son I watched it and he said he’s not allowed to watch that as it’s a 15 and he knows it’s kinda inappropriate in content so never seen it (he’s a good boy!) Tbh I do think that one is a bit too brutal for him right now.
Anyway.. we then watched the first episode each of Hunter x hunter, My Hero Academia and The Promised Neverland. I think I enjoyed The Promised Neverland the best out of the first episodes so I think we will watch that together first. I fully wasn’t expecting what happened in the first ep!! Woahhhh.
My son is well chuffed I’m watching some with him.. so thank you! You definitely inspired me to give it a whirl and so far it’s very enjoyable. I was a 90’s baby and grew up with pokemon/dragon ball Z etc, so its giving me vibes!! I loved it as a kid but just never thought to get into it again as an adult!
Hope you’re doing ok today x
Yeah Demon Slayer is very tense, My hero academia is very light-hearted especially early on so that sounds like a good watch for the two of you if content-restriction is an issue. TPN's anime does fall off later on and it's infamous for being a horrible adaptation of the manga however I wouldn't worry about it since your just getting into modern anime, in time you will integrate enough that you'll hear from others or online which shows to watch and what to avoid, what are good adaptations, etc. But beware of spoilers! Simply typing up an anime characters name is usually followed by " 'Character name' death scene" which is a big spoiler obviously, so you may wish to avoid researching any anime/manga until you read it fully, although not all streaming services have all seasons available to an anime, and not every anime has fully adapted their manga/light novel (source material) so please be careful.
Hunter X Hunter is one of my favourite anime!! Although it does have violence and death, albeit not as horrific as its manga due to Japan's modern censorship efforts (i.e not focusing on dead bodies, reduced/stylishly hidden gore etc.) it's rather tame, despite the scenes involving death, so I would recommend!
I'm glad your son enjoys it, I hope you guys enjoy more and more shows together! As always, if you need any advice, just ask me, I'm a seasoned veteran when it comes to this stuff
Hope all's well x
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
#1804
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 06:52 AM
GOKU, on 23 Apr 2022 - 1:04 PM, said:
My gran is dead. There'll be a funeral sometime in the next weeks, so I had my last meal, one of my favorites. I started my fast at 7:27 PM which means I'll finish in 62 days from now, at 7:27 AM on June 25th. Perfect time to break a fast for me. I will only update during weekly weigh ins. I'm going to assume I weigh 150 lbs since that's a nice baseline to start at. I will update weekly, and take a body check before-hand so I can see my progress. Looking really forward to this fast. I no longer have anything to worry (that I know of) about fast wise besides the funeral, but I'll be skinnier by then. I'm super duper excited, I can't wait to get right back into a long successful fast.... I'm so hype!
l'm in a good spot right now, I have plenty of amazing refeeding items and a solid smart refeeding and fast schedule, I no longer have guilt about throwing stuff away again since I know I'll never need to throw anything out in future once I get skinny therefore saving money in the long-run by throwing food given to me out/giving it to family during this fast. I have decided to be way more active and healthy too. My life is coming together again! No more fucking limbo!
I will fast for 62 days. Depending on how I do I will extend the fast if I do not reach my goal of 120 lbs by the end of this fast. Ideally I wish to be 100 lbs but I will try to get down to that through restriction instead of fasting in order to maintain easier. Hopefully by then my body will finally be able to lose weight through anything other than fasting. I don't mind fasting, but I know it's extremely dangerous to never eat all the time for the rest of my life. I also have 60 grams of protein powder just In case of an emergency, however no matter how bad it gets, I will not break my fast. I will be doing only pure black coffee and water fasting, so unlike my liquid fast, I will be 0 calorie for this entire fast. I look forward to this. Good things come to those who wait!
-MINIMUM 62 DAY FAST STARTED-
Starting time: Saturday 23rd April 7:27 PM
(Minimum) End time: Saturday 25th June 7:27 AM
Starting Weight: 150 lbs
Target weight: 120 lbs
GW: 100 lbs
If I lose half a lb a day, I will lose 31 lbs by 62 days, which seems reasonable considering the lengths I am going through. I cannot predict what will happen, and I know weight fluctuations and plateaus are a thing. I just hope all goes well. Once the fast is done, I'll include my refeeding once the fast is over!
Hi Goku! I would love to join you if possible? I know you wouldn't need me but I might need you to be there for me...I'll join you till the 1st of June if you accept my offer. Thanks in advance. (I wouldn't cloud your beautiful thread btw we could find some other way to communicate)
#1805
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 01:13 PM
#1806
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 01:21 PM
TPWLMST, on 24 Apr 2022 - 1:13 PM, said:
i definitely understand what it's like having family members you're largely estranged from pass, i know you weren't close to her but i'm still here for you if you ever want to talk
Thank you, I appreciate it <3
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
#1807
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 01:23 PM
https://www.myproana...-world-a-diary/
Made a more personal accountability since I only post weekly weigh ins and replies here mainly, besides big updates here and there!
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
#1808
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 12:53 PM
Ah I just spent 40 bucks on amino acid supplements. Since some can't be made from the body and only available from food. It's a bitch to find any actual products that sell Essential amino acids without calories, and actually being close to being my recommended daily intake. Legit some products will have 75mg per tablet of them when the recommended intake is 900-4000 mg and it's so fucking dumb. Thankfully I found one that, while requiring me to take 20 capsules a day, will get me somewhat close or at least half of my recommended intake on most of them. A lot of those amino acids are really essential too, your body can't do some important shit without them and I wanna be as safe and efficient as possible during my fasts, especially long-term 0 cal ones.
Fasting, ironically, has cost me hundreds in supplements. But that's the cost of an ED. And I'd rather have spent that much money on supplements that help me instead of spending it on buying food and drinks.
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
#1809
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 03:13 PM
#1810
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 01:14 PM
GOKU, on 24 Apr 2022 - 1:23 PM, said:
https://www.myproana...-world-a-diary/
Made a more personal accountability since I only post weekly weigh ins and replies here mainly, besides big updates here and there!
For some reason I can’t access your accountability thread ☹️
#1811
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 01:18 PM
sooowhataboutnowiii72, on 26 Apr 2022 - 3:13 PM, said:
I wanna do a really long fast like this or maybe only 23 days cuz my body is already small I don't think it can handle longer than that, I have been fasting for 7 days and then break it with a binge for a month now, 4 one week long fasts but the problem is I'm having exams after 10 days and I don't know what supplements I should take or anything really beside water can u please list what is essential for a 23 day water fast and where can I get them and how much it costs, tgank u so much ur journey is really inspiring
Seems like fasting isn't the best option for you, try restriction to fight those binges, and to give you energy and mental clarity for those exams! Although, supplements like multivitamins and a varied diet can improve exam performance <3
Stay safe
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
#1812
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 01:20 PM
Gracie25, on 27 Apr 2022 - 1:14 PM, said:
For some reason I can’t access your accountability thread ☹️
There's a post limit before your granted access to accountability, which is why "Accountability access" is not listed under your name. Post more, if you are unsure you have enough content to post, there are threads where you can boost your post count as spam without annoying others. Just keep spamming those threads with a single letter or number for example and you'll be able to access all of MPA once you hit the threshold. This is done to prevent trolls and hackers and the like.
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
#1813
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 01:36 PM
GOKU, on 27 Apr 2022 - 1:20 PM, said:
There's a post limit before your granted access to accountability, which is why "Accountability access" is not listed under your name. Post more, if you are unsure you have enough content to post, there are threads where you can boost your post count as spam without annoying others. Just keep spamming those threads with a single letter or number for example and you'll be able to access all of MPA once you hit the threshold. This is done to prevent trolls and hackers and the like.
Ohhh I see! Makes all the sense now. Thanks Goku.
I’ll hopefully be over there very soon! How are you doing today?
I baked a cake for my sons birthday, he’s 11 on Friday (wtf, how?!) I swear I blinked and he’s taller than me already. He’s getting a tortoise, I’m so excited!! He doesn’t know, he’s wanted one for so long and is currently saving up for one so it’s going to be the best surprise on Friday!
I don’t feel grown up enough to have an 11yo.. it’s weird af
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 02:00 PM
Gracie25, on 27 Apr 2022 - 1:36 PM, said:
Ohhh I see! Makes all the sense now. Thanks Goku.
I’ll hopefully be over there very soon! How are you doing today?
I baked a cake for my sons birthday, he’s 11 on Friday (wtf, how?!) I swear I blinked and he’s taller than me already. He’s getting a tortoise, I’m so excited!! He doesn’t know, he’s wanted one for so long and is currently saving up for one so it’s going to be the best surprise on Friday!
I don’t feel grown up enough to have an 11yo.. it’s weird af
Your very welcome.
Looking forward to seeing you there! And I'm so-so, how are you?
Ah that's nice, I can relate to how much times flies >_< sounds like you guys are having the time of your life as a happy family
Oh a tortoise, how fun! It will be a lot of responsibility for him, taking care of a pet can actually increase the maturity of kids wouldn't you know! I'm sure he'll grow up to be (even more of) a stellar young lad
I'm sure it will be a great surprise, I can already tell he'll love it! The cake is really nice for a home-baked cake 
fits the theme of the birthday well!
You've done an amazing job regardless, I guess motherhood is one of those jobs that you'll never truly get used to since you have to constantly adapt to new things, like going from baby, to toddler, to pre-teen, to teen, to adult and everything in between! Although I can already tell your abilities and instinct as a mother is on-point! I'm sure he thinks he's the luckiest son in the world to have such a caring mother as you
I hope everything goes well, happy birthday Jamie!
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
#1816
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Posted Yesterday, 02:16 AM
WOOO
My amino acids arrived!
Now I can fast worry free. Well, for the most part. I can't have protein or sugar since those are calories in literally every source. I'm worried about low blood sugar, however I know the risks. I've already done everything I can for harm-reduction, and I'm sure I'll be fin, we humans have been built to withstand long periods without food. I don't care about the protein because I have so much lean muscle I actually WANT my body to metabolise it so I can get skinnier, I hate how bulky I look.
I'm excited <3
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
#1817
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Posted Yesterday, 02:16 AM
28th April to June 30th
Looking forward to being able to say "I never had a single calorie once during May 2022"
EDNOS
50 DAY FAST + 31 DAY FAST (COMPLETED!!!): https://www.myproana...idk/?p=76214585
HW: 230 lbs
SW: 168 lbs
CW: 147 lbs (April '22)
GW: 100 lbs
"And this- Is.. to go, EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!"
STAY SAFE <3
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Posted Yesterday, 06:55 AM
Choco_Bitch_612, on 27 Apr 2022 - 10:02 PM, said:
rewatched that yuna twenty fancam. jesus, her ribs jut out with literally EVERY move she makes. and you can tell she's not sucking in either
pretty much every commenter on these videos are expressing concern in multiple different languages. no one's even bothering to use the "naturally skinny" excuse
https://www.youtube....h?v=HVZTa-aX5Yc
https://www.youtube....h?v=TOfWzu6I3ys
I’m just going to go ahead and be that one person who says “goals” BUT she does obviously need some help.
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#11505
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Posted Yesterday, 08:37 AM
ablebodied, on 28 Apr 2022 - 08:31 AM, said:
Was about to drop those here
She’s getting smaller and smaller
(I almost feel like there’s some competition btw snsd those days on who’s going to be skinnier, they all hitting their lowest weight)
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#11506
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Posted Yesterday, 08:55 AM
blxckbexuty, on 24 Apr 2022 - 11:57 PM, said:
aespa’s coachella performance sounded like a group of high school friends doing really well at karaoke. they did not seem like professional artists who “trained” for four years.
again, what exactly do they do in this training period? they do not seem any better than a western artist who has virtually little to no training.
I just saw dua lipa in concert and she literally danced for two hours straight without any faults in her performance and she looked like she barely broke a sweat. and her choreography is nothing to scoff at.
also, might I remind you, that dua lipa is not a natural dancer and she had a “dance glow up” within the last two years (so a two year non professional dancer vs semi professional dancers who trained for around 4 years??? what’s going on lol????)
it’s crazy how these girls can barely do a 10 minute set while being stable. screaming in to a mic does not equal singing.
why would sm set them up like that given that virtually none of their artists have sang live in over a year????
ok hi yes. can i PLEASE go on a tangent about how aespa is only succeeding because they're pretty? like dude....if bonusbaby performed at coachella, and bonusbaby is a DEAD, like so DEAD the company didnt even announce their disbandment nugu group, it would've been 373978429948792487 times better than what the fuck aespa was doin. like....even blackpink, who i think is not very good rep. of the quality of k-pop ATE at coachella. 2NE1 also ate at coachella. genuinely i am so lost as to why a espa even bothered to be in a girlgroup LOL they sholda just been models tbh.
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Posted Yesterday, 08:57 AM
her waist and arms are so slim.
she looks so pretty; ik everyone
hates the nosejob but regardless
she's so thin and pretty!
i also love her shoulders.
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#11508
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Posted Yesterday, 08:59 AM
SAKURAS WAIST OMG. LOOK HOW SMALL SHE LOOKS IN COMPARISON. screaming.
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Posted Yesterday, 09:47 AM
on their way to Knowing Bros
Chaewon's (?) waist is no joke either
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Posted Yesterday, 12:47 PM
pwinky ୨୧, on 28 Apr 2022 - 08:59 AM, said:
SAKURAS WAIST OMG. LOOK HOW SMALL SHE LOOKS IN COMPARISON. screaming.
the girl on the left looks like a female version of woozi from Seventeen ngl
#11512
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Posted Yesterday, 01:05 PM
For me it’s the yeji AOTM (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=tnMFp53wrRg) and the Hyunjin playing with fire dance cover (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=2bBkSgQisbg) Also this Nayeon fancam (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=jA9dDQZPJUY) and this IU performance (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=Fjf_52Lbx9o)
Tell me yours!
lw: 46.3kg
hw: 70kg
gw1: 55kg
gw2: 52kg
gw3: 50kg
ugw: 48(?)
height: 166.5cm
bmi: 21.0
Accountability: https://www.myproana...t#entry77450035
‘My life is actually empty, so I feel like I'm lying to everyone by pretending to be happy on the outside.’ -Sulli
#11513
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Posted Yesterday, 04:36 PM
mist19, on 28 Apr 2022 - 1:05 PM, said:
Off topic but do yall have any fancams/ performances you keep coming back to? For visuals, stage presence or otherwise?
For me it’s the yeji AOTM (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=tnMFp53wrRg) and the Hyunjin playing with fire dance cover (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=2bBkSgQisbg) Also this Nayeon fancam (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=jA9dDQZPJUY) and this IU performance (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=Fjf_52Lbx9o)
Tell me yours!
These two performances live rent free in my head.
#11514
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Posted Yesterday, 04:57 PM
mist19, on 28 Apr 2022 - 1:05 PM, said:
Off topic but do yall have any fancams/ performances you keep coming back to? For visuals, stage presence or otherwise?
For me it’s the yeji AOTM (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=tnMFp53wrRg) and the Hyunjin playing with fire dance cover (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=2bBkSgQisbg) Also this Nayeon fancam (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=jA9dDQZPJUY) and this IU performance (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=Fjf_52Lbx9o)
Tell me yours!
yeonjun has an insane stage presence I love this fancam sm
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Posted Yesterday, 07:57 PM
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Posted Yesterday, 11:28 PM
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Posted Today, 06:49 AM
mist19, on 28 Apr 2022 - 1:05 PM, said:
Off topic but do yall have any fancams/ performances you keep coming back to? For visuals, stage presence or otherwise?
For me it’s the yeji AOTM (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=tnMFp53wrRg) and the Hyunjin playing with fire dance cover (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=2bBkSgQisbg) Also this Nayeon fancam (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=jA9dDQZPJUY) and this IU performance (https://m.youtube.co...h?v=Fjf_52Lbx9o)
Tell me yours!
I hope you don't mind me spamming a few!
I keep coming back to OG Sunmi during her thinnest, she looks so heavenly in this dress and so tiny!
Nostalgic for 4Minute's golden days, especially Hyuna. Her thighs are to die for imo, also you can tell this was before high quality fancams were a thing lol
This makes me so happy bcs it reminds me of the earlier Kpop times
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LrLzJHC230&list=PL5ex0n6_Y4pC9Pl3M80K_WnW7aPo0Ju8E&index=39
Hyuna again! A Troublemaker comeback has been overdue for way too long but they're probably never releasing anything bcs of Cube :/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORz78nrqXvw&list=PL5ex0n6_Y4pC9Pl3M80K_WnW7aPo0Ju8E&index=56
#11519
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Posted Today, 06:55 AM
Queen Sandara Park did it again, I would bet my first unborn child on the fact that she just never ages and that she'll look barely 20 in the next coming years as well
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Posted Today, 11:27 AM
CarmenYuna, on 29 Apr 2022 - 06:49 AM, said:
I hope you don't mind me spamming a few!
I keep coming back to OG Sunmi during her thinnest, she looks so heavenly in this dress and so tiny!
Sunimi spam time!!
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'*-146 ~>103-*' (numbers&pics!)
#1
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Posted 28 April 2016 - 04:21 AM
Hello, I am Faith & this'll be my accountability thread!
I actually hope this goes well. my highest weight was 176? in 2014. Gross.
Now it's 2016 and my current weight is 148! Still bad but I'll change this, of course. I desire to be in the lower parts of 120, and stay there if not go any lower. I will start by restricting cals to 750, and gradually restrict to 500, with a couple fasts here and again. Lets hope I can feel like I 'fit' in my own skin by 125 <3
(lowered my goal to 103 after reaching 125.5, fun...)
UGW: 103 (BMI 19.5)
Will start today and update end of day!
(I hope I find a measuring cup...)
body pics on page 4 onwards I hope!
Food pics page 6+ <3
#2
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Posted 28 April 2016 - 08:18 AM
so i'll be editing this post later in the day because i'd like to just keep record now.
Didn't weigh in this morning, oops.
But! For breakfast i finally found my measuring cup! & I had cereal because my mom wanted me to eat
so, 120 + 100 cals = 220 (+5 because my measuring went just a bit off)
225/500 cals, 275 left for the day. : )
#3
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Posted 30 April 2016 - 08:55 PM
well i didnt get to post yesterday but here it is:
orange juice (120)
milk (190)
cereal (180)
?? (260)
dinner (300)
= 1050/500... everything takes a start.
As for today, I had a mini binge so im at about 1700/500.
I will probably restart on May 1st. For sure. I feel terrible.
#4
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Posted 03 May 2016 - 08:45 PM
ayy. ive restarted on may 2nd! though on the first i restricted at 600cals.
today i drank water, & black coffee
+ nutella scoop (105 cals)
i felt like this was enough for me...
anyway, im at 140ish now. im happier!
#5
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Posted 04 May 2016 - 07:20 PM
got the weight of 140 again this morning.
anyway, i had coffee & added sugar & a small amount of milk, which im estimating is about 70, 80 cals
then i got home & my grandma made something with a LOT of sour cream & macaroni & cheese & salt
i have no idea how much that is
i got scared because i remembered macaroni == pasta...
pasta is the enemy.
im going to estimate 450, because i got about a cup and a half of it
450
+80 cals
= 530 estimate
not too bad, im getting there. drinking lots of water! my mom made spaghetti & garlic bread and im like NOPE.
hope i dont plateau <3
#6
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Posted 05 May 2016 - 10:21 AM
doing nutella mono today, i hope my family doesn't question me or notice when the jar is missing after i finish it. lol.
honestly a whole jar of nutella is so much for me. I get pains after eating 1/4th of the jar!
will weigh in tomorrow <3 wish me luck.
#7
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Posted 06 May 2016 - 08:09 AM
I maintained my weight of 140!
Which is the most I can ask for tbh, didn't think it would work.
Today I started egg mono but it tastes disgusting. 3 eggs down.
#8
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Posted 07 May 2016 - 09:56 PM
gained a pound, havent had a bowl movement since the day of my nutella mono
>< went to a birthday party with family so i had to eat a little, nothing too much
will check again tomorrow
#9
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Posted 08 May 2016 - 04:18 PM
140, this is my plateau
in any other news, i sort of binged
2 ice cream cones - 640
2/3 cups of chips- 190
cup of 2percent milk- 120
piece of chicken- 90
pieces of fry- ?? 80
== 1120, double my calorie intake amount
Will fast tomorrow.
#10
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Posted 12 May 2016 - 03:09 PM
got to 139 today, or so i think my dial scale says
i really hope im 139
idk where to stand on my scale i dont really trust it anymore
anyway i had two chicken strips (130cals each)
260 cals // 500
8 cups of water today
#11
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Posted 12 May 2016 - 09:05 PM
oops, 260 + 760
i had dinner and splurged
sorry
chiken tikka masala sauce: 280
cup tenderloin chicken: 280
white rice: 200
== 760 + 260 from earlier
= 1020
+8 cups water
sorry i went over double my intake
#12
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Posted 12 May 2016 - 09:09 PM
also, i had nutella mono on Wednesday
I had less than a jar full, and 11 cups of water
im still paying for it.
Honestly, I think my mono is a reason why I finally broke my plateau
but it makes me feel like SHIT and I have to run to the bathroom every so often
(+ lax is horrible)
#13
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Posted 15 May 2016 - 12:12 AM
dial scale showed 136//137 today. I'm happy. Getting closer to my goal!
Today I had:
10 strawberries (40 cal)
two corn tortillas (110 cal)
carnitas (200 cal)
== 350
#14
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Posted 16 May 2016 - 09:18 AM
Yesterday I had:
2 mochi green tea ice cream (180 cals)
1 taro mochi (120 cals)
Dolsot Bibimbap (700)
Bulgolgi (? estimating 120
= 1120 cals
Today I had:
2mochi green tea ice cream (180 cals)
1/2 cup 2% milk (30 cals)
So far: 210 cals
#15
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Posted 17 May 2016 - 11:54 PM
today i binged
on like,
7 hot wings (600 cals)
1 barbecue (180)
4 cups of honey smacks cereal
2 cups of milk (270 cals)
2 marizpans (266)
2 green tea mochi ice creams (180)
holy fuck
i will fast for the next two days
#16 Guest_Proanafasting_*
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Posted 18 May 2016 - 12:11 AM
Hurt, on 28 Apr 2016 - 04:21 AM, said:
hello, i'm Faith & this'll be my accountability thread.
I actually hope this goes well. I don't want to be a whale still when I meet my boyfriend in the winter time. so, my highest weight was 170? in 2014. Gross.
Now it's 2016 and my current weight is 148! Still bad but I'll change this, of course. I desire to be in the lower parts of 120, and stay there if not go any lower. I will start by restricting cals to 750, and gradually restrict to 500, with a couple fasts here and again. Lets hope I can feel like I 'fit' in my own skin by 125 <3
Will start today and update end of day
(I hope I find a measuring cup...)
Hi, following, I liked reading this. I'm doing something kind of similar! http://www.myproana....wants-a-friend/
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#17
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Posted 18 May 2016 - 09:31 PM
calories for today: 0 (fasting)
cups of water: 8!
still waiting for a bowel movement so I can get my binge all out
Don't think it'll work however. >< Sad times.
Will fast tomorrow as well!
I'll weigh in & edit asap
Proanafasting, on 18 May 2016 - 12:11 AM, said:
Hi, following, I liked reading this. I'm doing something kind of similar! http://www.myproana....wants-a-friend/
Following you <3 I like your formatting.
#18
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Posted 20 May 2016 - 09:57 AM
oh my god
so yesterday i did a water fast
i'm pretty sure i ended 135//134
but today?
2 cups 2% milk = 240
matcha powder = 50
sugar = 30
== 320
sounds fine, right?
until today I had a potluck at school.
Cookies and cream ice cream galore.
2 (I probably had more, couldnt get measuring cup! 6 scoops ~ 7) cups cookies and cream ... 800 cals
800 + 320 == 1120, double my calorie intake
I have to eat more later, too.
I will taking a walk today to burn it off. >< Goodbye water fast progress.
#19
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Posted 20 May 2016 - 10:10 AM
Holy FUCK I just remembered that I haven't even finished my green tea drink of 320 cals, i've only had half of it.
God.
160 + 800 = 960
It's not good, but it's better
I'll throw it out.
#20
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Posted 20 May 2016 - 05:51 PM
960+145 annd more to come
why did i do this to myself
'*-146 ~>103-*' (numbers&pics!)
#21
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Posted 21 May 2016 - 10:15 PM
i actually didnt gain..
woke up 132pounds <3
12 more to go~
anyway, today i had: (cheat day for metabolism prt 2)
chilaquiles==490cal
chickfila 3 piece grilled nugget==55cal
hi C 16oz==220cal
chickfila sauce==175+90
waffle fries==410
icecream==170
==1610
my tdee is 1590~1612
ahh..
#22
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Posted 22 May 2016 - 04:15 PM
i ate a lot yesterday, <1700cals
but i checked my dial and it looked like 133
i have yet to have a bowel movment so im waiting for that
today i have had:
ice cream - 380 cals
tostada- 160
cheese- 160
= PERF 700!
more to come, i think im increasing my limit to 700
#23
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Posted 23 May 2016 - 01:39 PM
did not weight in today
today ihad
cereal: 125
milk: 120
gum: 5 cals?
= 250, will eat more later and edit
#24
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Posted 25 May 2016 - 12:11 AM
finals week makes me binge
cereal + milk: 245
2 large eggs: 200 cal
chicken fries (lol...): 300
sauce: 240 (holy fuck?)
== 980 cals / 700
uhh.. its not bad but i havent had a bowel movement
so i havent weighed myself
im so scared to see the number go up...
lax doesnt do anything.
im pretty angry
after finals im fucking fasting holy shit
#25
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Posted 25 May 2016 - 08:53 PM
lax does nothing and i have like 3 lbs of food in me
no bowel movements
my weight is like 135//136..
><
cals today:
cereal/milk = 250
grilled nuggets: 140
sauce: 60
potato/rest: 586
= 1036/700, bm pls
#26
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Posted 27 May 2016 - 01:52 AM
finally got a bm
133~132 now again
potato:173
nuggets: 110
suace: 280
cals: 563/700
#27
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Posted 28 May 2016 - 01:26 AM
133
cals today:
eggs: 182
ketchup:25
ice cream: 650...
chicken: 490
= 1347
rofl
but i took a walk :/
#28
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Posted 28 May 2016 - 04:04 PM
134//135 lbs, no bowel movements
cals so far:
175 (ice cream lol)
250 (chilequiles)
=
425
#29
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Posted 29 May 2016 - 10:21 PM
so fucking sad
i had a bm
but it was so miniscule
...
i woke up at 138 lbs
its all food weight. i know it
too embarrassed to post cals but i walked for an hour tolday
tmrw banana mono
#30
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Posted 03 June 2016 - 01:28 PM
been sick
had to fast two days cus vomit and ew
ended 132
im 131 now cus i only ate this yesterday
powerade-90
venti strawberries n creme frappe-470
in n out fries-135
=695
today: weight is 132
in n out fries- 395
cals: 395
debating ketchup
#31
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Posted 04 June 2016 - 07:56 PM
binge day
1/2 cheeseburger-240
large fries - 650
ice cream- 260
ketchup-60
1/2 pizza - 170
=1380 cal
plan tmrw:
490 cal ~ 600cal
#32
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Posted 05 June 2016 - 10:10 PM
i did it
woke up 130 lbs
10 more to go!
fried egg : 68 cal
nuggets: 360
sauce: 140
cals: 568
#33
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Posted 07 June 2016 - 11:42 AM
WOKE UP 128.5
Meal for today, no more:
002 cal coffe (2 cup)
100 cal gatorade (4 cup)
470 cal popcorn chicken (32 piece)
-----------
572 cal
#34
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Posted 08 June 2016 - 11:24 PM
i think i saw 128
cals today
182 horchata
300 2 street tacos w/ 3 corn tortillas
080 strawberries
----
562 calories (overestimating)
#35
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Posted 10 June 2016 - 10:54 PM
yesterday:
3 tacos carne asada:
720 cal / 700
today:
240 3 large eggs scrambled
025 ketchup
100 gatorade
-----
365 cal / 700
#36
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Posted 14 June 2016 - 12:45 AM
11th:
5pc nugget 240cal
ice cream 390cal
mochi top 200 cal
bulgolgi 270 cal
kimchi jeon 155 cal
bibimbap 290 cal
fried rice 200 cal
1745 / 700 cal.... fuck. lol
12th:
2 large eggs + ketchup
150/700 cal
13th:
2 taco carne asada 520 cal
horchata drink 170 cal
690 / 700 cal
#37
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Posted 14 June 2016 - 09:00 PM
granny smith apple: 80cal
carne asada 2 taco: 390 cal
15 saltine crackers: 150 cal
620 calorie / 700
#38
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Posted 17 June 2016 - 09:50 PM
6/15
apple 80
crackers 100
eggs 182
ketchup 35
= 397/700
6/16
apple 80
crackers 50
taos 390
= 520/700
today 6/17
4 eggs 280
ketchup 80
vege oil 240 lol
= 600/700
tomorrow schedule 6/18
strawberries n creme frapp 1/2 235
6 saltines 60
2 tangerines 80
chicken- 70
vegeoil- 120
curry- 280
= 845/700
cw: 125.5
#39
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Posted 19 June 2016 - 12:43 PM
today schedule:
4 large egg whites- 70 cal
2 torillas- 100cal
egg fried- 135cal
tomato- 25cal
pepper- 17cal
(chilequiles)
3 tangerines- 120cal
= 466/700
#40
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Posted 20 June 2016 - 02:52 PM
rofl yesterday i found out how much i actually hated hard boiled eggs
i really love scrambled.
gonna play some league of legends after this post!
so for today:
5 tsp butter (estimating, saw someone else make it - 175
4 large egg (again saw someone make it, prob divided them wrong, estimate)- 364
ketchup- 35
mini ice cream sammich- 110 (crave)
2 cup diet coke - 0 cal (lol)
= 684/700
btw been using benadryl as a sleep aid, until i heard it can cause weight gain >< so sad, i have insomnia
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Posted 21 June 2016 - 10:44 PM
golden crisp cereal- 133
milk- 120
2 ice cream sammich- 220
pretzels- 165
638/700
#42
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Posted 22 June 2016 - 06:11 PM
cookies (6)-360
milk!- 180
540/700
may or may not have more owo
#43
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Posted 22 June 2016 - 06:12 PM
weigh ins are on friday<3
#44
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Posted 23 June 2016 - 12:19 AM
I finally had a BM!
And I took my measurements
Bust: 36
Waist: 25
Hips: 36 rofl
#45
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Posted 23 June 2016 - 07:51 PM
weigh in: 122lb
food so far:
14 saltines (140cal)
FAMILY BROUGHT OUT FOOD LMAO
High intake day and restrict the next? Lets gooo.
fries (395 cal)
burger (390)
shake (590)
=
1515 / 750
#46
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Posted 24 June 2016 - 09:22 PM
hihi my fam got out food again lol
sauce: 173
2 chickens: 270
fries: 186
= 628/750
#47
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Posted 25 June 2016 - 04:34 PM
chickfila sauce: 140
chickfila nugget: 34
chickfila 8 nugget: 142
2 large eggs: 182
ketchup: 53
=
533/700 cal
#48
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Posted 26 June 2016 - 07:53 PM
Honestly, feels like I fucked up !
I feel like a fake, I dont have an eating disorder.
Powerade- 100cal
nuggets- 202
sauce- 140
ice cream- 110
chicken- 630
ranch- 30
1278 / 700.
#49
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Posted 27 June 2016 - 11:00 PM
no one even reads this lol
3 greenapples- 240
slatines- 180
2 ice cream- 220
= 640/700
#50
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Posted 30 June 2016 - 12:08 AM
hhad 24 hour bug, i think im lactose intolerant :/
couldnt eat much bc i just threw it up (not bulimic)
kettle chips- 180
gatorade- 200
veggie wrap- 400
780/750
yesterday:
gatorade 100
ice cream 450
mochi 200
750/750 (vomited ><)
#51
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Posted 30 June 2016 - 12:09 AM
also gotta up my intake cause suspicions
#52
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Posted 01 July 2016 - 01:10 AM
hey! upping intake due to suspicions, hopefully im still able to lose fast on 900.
taters 360
chicken 480
=
840/900!
#53
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Posted 01 July 2016 - 10:35 PM
chips- 560 (36 chips rofl)
cheese- 290 (1 cup wow)
= 850/900cal
btw, i weighed in at 121.6~lb
i havent lost much cause i take benadryl to sleep and i found out it blocks off weight loss..
gonna try to keep off it now
#54
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Posted 03 July 2016 - 10:14 PM
weigh in: 123~lb
fuck you food weight!
chips- 138
chips- 100
bread pizza- 660
wings- 147
rasperries- 88
gum- 25
1158/900
----
chips 173
chips 188
chilequiles 422
ribs 466
rasperries 88
1336/900 cal
going back to restricting tmrw.
#55
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Posted 04 July 2016 - 07:25 PM
Hi,
eggs- 240
oil- 120(guess)
links- 360
dark choco- 212
marshmellows- 75
= 1008/800
i took lax today
will weight after
#56
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Posted 04 July 2016 - 07:26 PM
oh, + crackers
=
1105/800
#57 Guest_jeveuxetrebelle_*
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#58
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Posted 05 July 2016 - 06:15 PM
I was, up until this month where I couldnt go outside & jog/walk anymore due to 115 heat.
However I use the cycling machine for an hour twice a week! + squats.
jeveuxetrebelle, on 05 Jul 2016 - 05:59 AM, said:
Are you exercising?
#59
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Posted 05 July 2016 - 06:16 PM
weigh in after lax & stuff:
120.4lbs
food today/intake:
200cal minute maid juice
300cal nutterbutter cookies
= 500cal/800
#60
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Posted 06 July 2016 - 12:00 AM
hihi
this is for tomorrow
chiken strips-470
fries-400cal
lemonade-20cal
=
870cal
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Posted 06 July 2016 - 10:57 PM
i was wrongg~
spice- 17
onion- 58
salt- 0
sauce- 420
chicken loins- 202
= 697/800
#62
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Posted 06 July 2016 - 11:13 PM
EDIT: LMAO IM SO GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Fuck
but this thread is pretty photoless & boring so why not.
btw this is at 120lbs, 5'1
body check (nsfw):
bodycheck 2 (sfw):
#63
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Posted 07 July 2016 - 07:59 PM
chips- 280
cheese- 140
= 420/800
#64
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Posted 07 July 2016 - 09:53 PM
420 + 300 = 720/800cal
weight: 120lb
#65
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Posted 08 July 2016 - 10:46 PM
weight: 120.5 (no bm)
food:
chicken thigh- 350
tangerine-40
2 apples- 190
= 580/800
#66
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Posted 10 July 2016 - 08:35 AM
I am so so upset...
I was watching my boyfriend step on the scale and
He is 6'0 and 141lbs. Making a BMI of 19.1...
he eats like a pig. doesnt worry about food or calorie intake, eating doritos before he sleeps... always drinks coke/gatorade without worry
my bmi is 22.7... my goal weight brings me to a bmi of 20... so unacceptable
#67
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Posted 10 July 2016 - 08:38 AM
Yesterday (up intake day)
Diet Lemonade- 20cal
Cheerios- 100cal
Milk- 60cal
Ice cream- 170cal
Sauce- 280cal
Nuggets- 220cal
Fries- 400
Intake- 1250
Maintenance- 1500
Deficit: 250.
#68
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Posted 10 July 2016 - 08:45 AM
Weigh in: 121 (food/water weight)lbs
7/10
4 Chicken Strips- 480cal
Powerade- 80cal
Sauce- 140
Chicken- 175
intake: 875
maintenance- 1500
deficit- 625.
#69
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Posted 10 July 2016 - 01:12 PM
i wanna wear this when i reach my goal weight
#70
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Posted 10 July 2016 - 01:13 PM
+ been wanting this for ages <3
#71
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Posted 11 July 2016 - 12:24 PM
No weigh in today due to bloat/period bloat
I had a normalish BM today! So so happy..
7/11
Intake:
Cheerios (100)
I'll update if i eat anymore.
HOLY HOLY FUCK
MY GRANDMA RUINED SCRAMBLED EGGS FOR ME
HOLY SHIT.
She was getting the pan out. Alright. She got the oil out...
Everything turns to shit.
SHE POURED THE OIL IN, POURED IT IN. POURED IT IN.
Then put the eggs in. Cooked them. When she took them out of the pan, THEY WERE DRIPPING IN OIL.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO BAD AT MAKING EGGS LOLL.
#72
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Posted 11 July 2016 - 09:05 PM
7/11
Intake:
Cheerios (100)
Out food 640 + 115 + 200 = 955 + 100!
= 1055/800
Maintenance: 1500cal
Deficit: 445cal
#73
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Posted 12 July 2016 - 07:59 AM
today 7/12
HIGHLY ESTIMATING THESE CALORIES.
Cheerios: 100cal
Out food from yesterday: 685
= 785 / 800cal
might eat more lol
#74
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Posted 13 July 2016 - 10:01 PM
Didnt eat more yesterday!
Cheerios- 150cal
Bread- 120cal
Bacon- 135
Lettuce- 5
Ketchup- 18
Ice cream- 380 (lol)
= 808cal/800
#75
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Posted 15 July 2016 - 11:33 PM
Soup- 290cal
= 390kcal / 800
Exercise ! : 390 - 381(bike hour
= 9 net cal
#76
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Posted 16 July 2016 - 09:20 PM
Ahhh guys
I did so badly today. I am very sad. T__T Anyways, heres the rest of my log:
7/15:
Fries-450
Chicken- 560
Coffee-68
Lemonade-8 = 1086cal
exercise: 381
1086 - 381 = 705/800cal
TODAY 7/16:
I am sad.
Today was my up my intake day but I FEEL like it was too much. So many carbs.
I was originally going to keep around 1200, so i can still atleast lose, right?
no no no.. ;w;
Chicken- 381
Mocha- 270
chicken-220
ICE CREAM?-520!?1?!?!
Fries- 37
sauce- 173
total: 1601/800 DOUBLE MY INTAKE AHH.
No exercise bc its rest day, but holy fff. im so sad. lol.
I will TRY to fast tomorrow, along with lax (ill try salt water flush >w>)
#77
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Posted 16 July 2016 - 09:21 PM
btw weigh in before BM today: 122~123 (contains water weight!!!)
i wouldnt understand how i maintained on <700~850 otherwise lol
~~
im so upset today, i was eating more dinner than usual (cause we strangely ate together, weird...)
and and, i moved my hair and my collarbones showed off...
then my grandmother says, wow i hate seeing collarbones... you are becoming ugly. stop losing weight.
i wanted to cry, wtf, how dare she say that.
honestly, so upset... ><
#78
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Posted 16 July 2016 - 09:46 PM
btwbtw I had a bm today too, but I didnt weigh in after cause it was before dinner and i told you guys we were eating together,
so i couldnt skip or miss out on it ><
since i binged today, im not sure if i should take an ex-lax or just wait 4 days again for a bm :c
on friday, we went to register me for school
so i got all prettied up and whatever owo i looked real cute
and we got there and the register date is NEXT week TT__TT
but anyway we went to get iced coffee and... its like the best lax (that isnt meant to be lax?) ever ;__;
okayokay wow this thread is a lil tmi sorry ;w;
#79
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Posted 18 July 2016 - 01:52 AM
took 1/2 of an exlax and it worked owo wasnt sure it was gonna, but it did o.o
anyways;;
7/17/16:
2 slice pep. pan pizza : 660cal/800
no one noticed my restriction *.* i think
i noticed everyone else ate so much.. like 4 servings +dessert.. lol ;w;
#80
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Posted 21 July 2016 - 12:26 AM
WEIGH IN: 120LBS
Hey guys, been busy.. heres my food chartlist thing..
owo
7/18:
2brownies - 380cal
pizza- 300cal
680/800cal
7/19:
ramen-290cal
icecream-130cal
choco-210
630/800cal
NET CAL: 481/800CAL
7/20:
Pinto beans- 240cal
pork- 195cal
corn tortilla-110cal
lime-10cal
salsa-44cal
599/800cal
NET CAL: 368/800CAL
Finally get to talk to the bf tmrw<3
'*-146 ~>103-*' (numbers&pics!)
#81
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Posted 21 July 2016 - 07:01 PM
Hihi,
pinto beans- 240
salsa-44
tortillas-180
pork-173
= 637/800
kinda too lazy to work out today TT__TT
#82
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Posted 25 July 2016 - 02:36 AM
7.22.16:
Carne asada bite- 24cal
Sweet & sour dip- 11cal
Smoothie- 165cal
Cookie- 190cal
Chickn fries- 156cal
Fries- 410cal
= 956cal - 149 exercise = 807 cal NET / 850
7.23.16
Smoothie- 165cal
Chicken fries- 218cal
Milk- 180
Cookie- 285
Soup- 10
Mochi- 70
Rice- 160
Bulgoli- 288
Sashimi- 41
Chicken fry- 78
Lettuce sauce- 18
Mochi- 70
= 1583cal - 299 exercise = 1284/850 NET cal
7.24.16
2 tortilla- 120
choirzo- 220
chicken fry- 156
Egg- 60
= 556cal - 870 exercise (looots) = -314/850 net cal
School is soon and im only around 119lb.. so sad.. i wanted to be 108 by this time but no..
I went grocery shopping today! got prune juice, almond milk!!... only things worth hyping for
hope for a bm <3 been 6//5 days I think owo scary.. wish me luck<33
#83
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Posted 25 July 2016 - 02:52 AM
wait a minute , i have 6--7 days worth of food inside me T.T FOOD WEIGHT GO AWAY
#85
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Posted 25 July 2016 - 02:58 AM
ALaFolie, on 25 Jul 2016 - 02:53 AM, said:
You're doing so so well! Keep it up, I'm sure you'll reach your goal in no time!
Thank you so much 
I'm sure, too! Just not at the pace I want it to go ("it's a marathon, not a sprint," I have to tell myself!)
Thank you so so much <3
#86
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Posted 25 July 2016 - 02:31 PM
Hi guys, my scale says between 119.5 and 120lbs
waiting for a magical bm =.= doing so much to get it without lax.
but today i've had (i will update later!)
Almond milk (who knew it was so good and its only half the calories of regular milk? I'm in love)- 60cal
Cheeries- 100cal
Prune juice (ughh! I hated it ...) 180cal
Warm lime water- 20cal
360/850 so far, will definitely eat more ><
+will bike for 30min!
EDIT: cant exercise today. im upset.
i had out food at a foreign place, anxiety ensue.
adding on:
Sunchips-210
candy-98
soup-219
chicken-608 (HIGH ESTIMATING SOUP/CHICKEN cause website no info)
= 1494/850...
#87
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Posted 25 July 2016 - 10:44 PM
Bodycheck! 120lbs
i need to pee i have to make this quick
BTW I FINALLY HAD A BM TODAY -after these pics were taken sadly-
#88
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Posted 30 July 2016 - 12:03 AM
Tuesday Jul 26-
Prune juice- 180
Milk-150
Cheerios- 150
= 480/850
Wednesday Jul 27
BINGE
Cheerio-50
Milk-60
Cheerio- 150
Candy-130
Juice- 180
Milk- 60
Milk- 130
Milk- 82
Noodle- 280
Oreos- 640
1762/850
Thur Jul 28
Prune juice 180
Juice 180
Quesodilla 525
885/850
Friday Jul 29 (fuck i was meant to fast today but i got hungry..)
Sour cream 120
Tquitos (HIGH ESTIMATING CAUSE BITCH WHO COOKS ADDS FUCKTON OF OIL LOL)
887
1007+/850
#89
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Posted 30 July 2016 - 12:04 AM
Weigh in this morning (no bm): 120
#90
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Posted 30 July 2016 - 11:47 PM
weigh in, no bm: 119
food today:
chicken strips-280
curly fries-428
=
708/850
#91
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Posted 31 July 2016 - 09:40 PM
didnt weigh in today owo couldnt
Had to go out to breakfast non suspiciously
eggs-85
pancake-215
hashbrown-210
syrup- 35
hot choco- 143
ketchup 60?
chicken strips 420
1170/850
as long as im under my bmr i guess
#92
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Posted 31 July 2016 - 09:41 PM
tomorrow:
fries 430
mocha 270
strips 420
1120/850
tfw im becoming a high restricter
#93
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Posted 05 August 2016 - 10:15 PM
Hi guys. Im getting lazy with this :c you can add me on MFP though!
USERNAME: HURTNA
8/1
mocha-160
candy-70
chicka-560
protein-180
=970/850
8/2
ricecakes-100
matcha-10
milk-120
chicka-560
790/850
starting keto
8/3
mayo-100
butter-35
ketchup-25
eggs-180
oil-120
hotdogs-350
= 810/850
8/4
ketchup-25
hotdog-140
eggs-320
choco-217
oil-120
butter-175
milk-20
1017/850
8/5
butter-140
hotdog-280
oil-120
egg-240
milk-40
820/850cal
#94
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Posted 05 August 2016 - 10:30 PM
Getting into keto has finally broke my plateau. Too many carbs I guess.
CW: 118.5
Bodychecks:
#95
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Posted 05 August 2016 - 10:38 PM
Also today I was pretty triggered, my english teacher told the class in the example of a 'challenge', she announced that she had been in rehab/inpatient for an eating disorder. She is VERY skinny and exercises often. Another thing is how she told the class how she plans to gobble up boxes of pizza this weekend for a contest. The only thing this leads me to think is that she was bulimic. She's so skinny.. ugh. ><
#96
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Posted 07 August 2016 - 01:56 PM
Yesterday I got to my newest LW of 115. I had the FLATTEST stomach and was absolutely stunning. I didnt get to take a photo cause I was going out shopping.
Holy fuck shopping. Oh my god. I didnt get to eat anything that morning, only had a cup of water.
Carrying bags of clothes, standing, not being able to sit down... I fainted , fell on my face. I didnt remember falling.
Everything looked so hazy and distant... it was definitely a wakeup call to my ed habits. I was so scared.
My sister grabbed a cheeseburger (300cal) (33carbs, 12g fat), an iced tea (240)(66carb) for me. I drank and ate it like nothing, I was in shock from fainting.
Then after, we had to do my hair which took 12 hours (bleach to metallic silver) and the lady brought me 2 gold fish packets (280) (10g fat)(40 carb), oreo packet (270), and later on that night I had tacos de carne asada (UNKNOWN CALORIES? Ill guess 550), and some drink I dont know the name of (240 cal guess)
that would be 1880 cal lol but im also high estimating the tacos.
holy fuck. then my period started last night (i weighed in last night at 119) so im taking it with a grain of salt.
#97
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Posted 07 August 2016 - 01:57 PM
today thus far since im here:
taco de carne asada left over (170)cal
oreo (270)
almond milk (60)
hamburger (390)
frenchfries (494)
lemonade (179)
=1563
this mornings weight: 118lb
#98
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#99
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Posted 07 August 2016 - 06:08 PM
Ana's_Darling, on 07 Aug 2016 - 3:00 PM, said:
Stay safe! You're really inspiring, I'm near the weight you were for your SW. You're giving me motivation.
Thank you so much! I have faith in both of us We can do it. <3
#100
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Posted 07 August 2016 - 06:14 PM
My mother went grocery shopping and bought a bunch of keto-friendly (sadly low-fat versions) foods such as sausage/egg sandwiches (take off the bread tho), cheesesticks, bacon, and eggs c: going to do keto again SAFELY.
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Posted 08 August 2016 - 07:35 PM
Todays weight (period bloat) ; 120lb
I failed keto day 1 cause my mom broguht panda express rofl i failed but
i ate under my tdee so im aight
steak-310
rice-420
chicken-290
cheese-280
= 1300cal
Hopefully, I can do Keto once my mom goes back to work. Lol.
#102
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Posted 09 August 2016 - 09:46 PM
Hi guys! I feel happy lately.. Aww..
Morning weigh in (period): 120lb
Food today:
Chex mix scoop - 30cal
4 string cheese- 280cal
Steak- 270 cal
Oil- 120cal
Sour cream-60cal
Half of my Skinny Mocha Venti with whole milk instead of skim milk- 142cal
total-902/850cal
REATTEMTPING KETO!
p.s omg guys I pooped yesterday AND today
#103
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Posted 09 August 2016 - 10:02 PM
Pic cause why not
I cant wait to lose 16 lbs and re-wear this dress to see a difference.
Ill begin doing food pics btw! Give a little life to this accountability <3
But things I eat arent really.. pretty. Lol.
#104
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Posted 10 August 2016 - 04:36 PM
Todays weight; 120lb (still period bloat rofl)
Keto attempt day 2 (or 3?)
3 large eggs- 210cal
butter-175
oil-120
Bacon- 90cal
String cheese-70cal
Skinny mocha with whole milk + Mocha light= 205cal
Total; 870cal/900
Macro goals:
Carbs 19g NET/21g
Fat 69g/66g
Protein 45g/43g
#105
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Posted 10 August 2016 - 05:02 PM
+ I lowered my ugw to 103 to be the same BMI as my boyfriend TT__TT
(19.5)
#106
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Posted 11 August 2016 - 08:34 PM
Hi! New day .
Morning weight: 119.5 (water weight definitely, period finally coming to an end end.)
8/11/16~
Ketchup-25
Eggs-210
Cheesestix-140
Oil-120
Butter-105
Sausage/egg/cheese croissant no bread- 250
850/850cal!
Macros:
Carbs-16/21g
Fats-66/66g
Protein-43/43g
#107
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Posted 12 August 2016 - 07:29 PM
No pics today cuz I forgot >< Sorry friends.
Just numbers today.
Weigh in: 119.5lb
Dominos Hot Wings-400
Dominos ranch-- 400
800/850cal
macros:
carbs-14/21
fat- 68/66
protein- 34/43
#108
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Posted 12 August 2016 - 10:06 PM
Update:
Hahaha I biinged...
cool.
wont go into details.
intake: 2000/800cal.
Will fast tomorrow.
#109
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Posted 13 August 2016 - 05:29 PM
Hi guys, I had an extra 380 calories after ^ that post.
8/13
Weight: 119.5lb (I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I MAINTAINED?)
Fasting!
But I have ugly body pics. Lol my camera is so bad! (NSFW):
jesus, 119.5 on a short person like me makes me look so fucking fat T.T
Cant wait to be 103lbs.
I hope I can make this a 48 hour fast.
#110
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Posted 13 August 2016 - 05:44 PM
+ i think im done with keto, its just not for me
#111
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Posted 15 August 2016 - 04:54 PM
Hi guys, I dont remember my morning weight from yesterday lol. I think 119.5
Heres what I had on the 14th: (binge-ish)
Cheerios - 100cal
Almond milk-120
crisp fries-280
reeses- 105
orange beef (idk)-425
hot n sour soup- 206
thai tea! 150
total: 1386
#112
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Posted 15 August 2016 - 04:56 PM
todays morning weight 117 (i dont believe it ... honestly.. i think my scale might be broken.. i think and i feel as if im lying to myself because i put 2 pounds on a 0'd dial scale and it didnt budge from 0... >< i dont trust it
todays food: fasting (hopefully)
#113
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Posted 15 August 2016 - 10:50 PM
Completed my fast! Hope to restrict ~750~850 like I used to
#114
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Posted 16 August 2016 - 10:51 PM
Successful restriction c:
MORNING WEIGHT: 116.5LBS
Foods:
Silk Almond milk unsweetened
Toasted oats
Starbucks Mocha Lite
Cheerios
= 268
+ unsweetened almond milk + toasted oats = 327
327
+ 268
= 595cal/850
#115
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 17 August 2016 - 12:05 AM
woooow, congratulations! 30 pounds down your starting weight!
you can do it! you are awesome c:
Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
Sylvia Plath, Lady Lazarus
Accountability: http://www.myproana....back-to-skinny/
#116
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Posted 17 August 2016 - 10:47 AM
casandrasdf, on 17 Aug 2016 - 12:05 AM, said:
woooow, congratulations! 30 pounds down your starting weight!
you can do it! you are awesome c:
AWW thank you friend this is so sweet <3 Just 13 pounds to go ! c: I believe I can do it ! Thank you so much for your support＼(^o^)／
#117
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Posted 17 August 2016 - 10:42 PM
Had a bm today *.* finally, a bm after my big binges lol
Intake;
Toasted oats
Almond milk unsweetened
2 cookies
5 pc sour patch kid
Gum
1 tiny slice of meat
630/850cal
（＾◇＾）I hope all that I'm losing isn't just water weight. I'm getting pretty sad my tits are shrinking ( even though my girl friends say they're still huge and bounce when I walk) ... I want a push-up bra and or implants. Definitely will do squats to work for an ass when I hit my goal weight and plan to maintain.
#118
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Posted 26 August 2016 - 04:28 AM
wow what happened to all my followers? oh well.. i used to have 8, now when i checked i had 0 (not even including myself??)
ill update this later, computer has been shitty so no updates
#119
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Posted 26 August 2016 - 02:49 PM
I binged a lot this weekend/last lol
so not fun
CURRENTLY shredding the binge weight off. So my CW is 117, without BM.
Ill start from the 18th.
totals: 1181 (junk)
19th: 950cal
20th: 1577cal (dog died..)
21st: 2528cal
22nd: 642 cal
23rd: 1240cal
24th: 2505cal
25th; 780
26th SO FAR:
Cheerios 110cal
Prune juice 180
Almond milk 40 = 330cal SO FAR
ramen 290 = 620cal
#120
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Posted 27 August 2016 - 09:45 PM
had bm last night <3 <3
cw: 116
finally around my pre-binge weight!
intake:
cheerios:110
tacos:390
icecream:240
mochi:250
taro:375
1365/850cal
-
--
nbklm
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