My husband told me I was fat.
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Posted 07 October 2019 - 11:35 AM
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Posted 07 October 2019 - 11:59 AM
Ik he’s your husband and wtv but that’s so shitty and you deserve better. It’s horrible to say especially if he knows about your Ed. And you’re not even fat. Don’t be too hard on yourself body’s go through phases, you don’t have to love it right away but learning to accept helps.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Posted 07 October 2019 - 03:01 PM
IDontEvenKnowAnymore, on 07 Oct 2019 - 11:59 AM, said:
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Thank you❤️ I really need kind words like this and encouragement. I’m so heartbroken right now. I can’t even tell you how’s painful it was or how’s cruel to was the way he said it. When I tried to tell him my problems with him (and I was really kind about it) he said “that’s some fat cunt shit right there”
He’s apologized but I don’t feel like he means it. I feel lost and alone right now
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Posted 07 October 2019 - 03:04 PM
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Posted 07 October 2019 - 03:06 PM
faerielites, on 07 Oct 2019 - 3:04 PM, said:
He sounds like a horrible, abusive person. No one who truly loves you should be able to say something like that. You deserve much better. Please take care of yourself, and try to get away from him if you can.
I’m really doing my best to keep it together right now and figure out how and what I need to do
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Posted 07 October 2019 - 10:01 PM
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Posted 08 October 2019 - 05:21 AM
He seems to have used very harsh language towards you several times, that is not okay. It doesn't matter if he's drunk or if he apologizes afterwards. If he talks to you like this regularly, it is not something you should have to accept.
I think you should think about your relationship with him thoroughly and how it affects you to be together with him, and if he is really worth staying with.
Take care <3
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Posted 09 October 2019 - 12:21 AM
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Posted 09 October 2019 - 04:28 PM
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Posted 09 October 2019 - 07:43 PM
Physical attraction is important in a relationship, but he absolutely doesn't love you if he's okay with saying such hurtful things to you. There's just no way.
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Posted 09 October 2019 - 09:26 PM
he sounds abusive and if you ever want to get better letting him go would be the first step. (in my opinion)
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Posted 09 October 2019 - 09:44 PM
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Posted 10 October 2019 - 12:36 PM
Miamon, on 10 Oct 2019 - 08:43 AM, said:
Uh oh, I’m also 5’8” and 165 lbs... guess I would disgust him :/
We aren’t even fat!! What he said is ridiculous but with an eating disorder or course to ourselves we are fat. I’m down to 155 right now. Spent the last week fasting one day raw vegan (cause I’m a raw vegan) and now another week fasting. My weight gain was caused by eating animal products again so now I’m back to raw vegan and I feel much better especially with fasting. My normal weight is usually 120. But I’m really trying to go for 105 this time.
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Posted 10 October 2019 - 12:36 PM
Miamon, on 10 Oct 2019 - 08:43 AM, said:
Uh oh, I’m also 5’8” and 165 lbs... guess I would disgust him :/
We aren’t even fat!! What he said is ridiculous but with an eating disorder or course to ourselves we are fat. I’m down to 155 right now. Spent the last week fasting one day raw vegan (cause I’m a raw vegan) and now another week fasting. My weight gain was caused by eating animal products again so now I’m back to raw vegan and I feel much better especially with fasting. My normal weight is usually 120. But I’m really trying to go for 105 this time.
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Posted 10 October 2019 - 02:49 PM
For fucks sake who in the world would tell this to a woman?? Seriously did he just get out of cave? Whatever his opinion is (even tho he is not right) he could've been like "hey let's try play tennis together/ go to the gym/ motivate each other to look good". If it was me I wouldn't be able to even sleep with him after that. Or see him. Or not slapping his face with a chair.
Don't let this slide.
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Posted 10 October 2019 - 04:41 PM
sheesh I'm married to an asshole too but if he ever said this shit to me.. I'd like to think I'd be out the door. But I know it doesn't really work that way. I'm so sorry.
maybe turn the table on him, is he the epitome of sexy? does he look like a model? does he spend 8 hours at the gym every day?
mine is chubby and I think that's the only reason why he hasn't explicitly told me I'm too fat for him. he's beat around the bush though.
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Posted 10 October 2019 - 05:22 PM
Omg firstly you aren't even fat. Secondly, this really isn't okay, I know it's way more complex than this but.. my advice is to think about just upping and leaving. That is abuse and not okay. In any context.
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Posted 11 October 2019 - 11:19 AM
ashinthislife, on 10 Oct 2019 - 12:36 PM, said:
That’s great, but I hope you’re doing it for yourself and not for him. Even if you hit 105 he won’t suddenly “find you attractive” because it’s not about attraction or weight at all, that was just the easiest way for him to hurt you at the time. Although becoming really confident in yourself AND leaving him is probably the best course of action. The last thing he’d want is for you to love yourself and not need him in your life.We aren’t even fat!! What he said is ridiculous but with an eating disorder or course to ourselves we are fat. I’m down to 155 right now. Spent the last week fasting one day raw vegan (cause I’m a raw vegan) and now another week fasting. My weight gain was caused by eating animal products again so now I’m back to raw vegan and I feel much better especially with fasting. My normal weight is usually 120. But I’m really trying to go for 105 this time.
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Posted 12 October 2019 - 01:11 PM
No good person would approve of their loved one having such a disease. You definitely deserve better and I've been in a similar relationship some years ago. I really hope you can get out of this and ger better. You are not even fat! I just don't understand how he can say such things ESPECIALLY when being aware of your ED #24
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Posted 12 October 2019 - 01:15 PM
I know its not that easy, but that shits abusive, darlin. My boyfriend triggers me sometimes, but its always accidental bc hes being an idiot. Your husband sounds like an actual trashbag.
Go out, cheat on him, have someone treat your body with desire and love then kick his ass to the curb.
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Highly sensitive person with a not-sensitive person. I’m tired :’(
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Posted 17 August 2020 - 06:20 AM
We fight about it relatively often, mostly when he says kind of insensitive things that hurt me when he doesn’t mean to. I always ask him to just try to think before he says things because really he knows what kind of things will hurt my feelings, but in the heat of a moment he still says hurtful things.
I really value that part of myself. I’m a really empathetic and kind person. Yes, being very empathetic and soft can cause a lot of pain when you feel for others or when they hurt you, but I think it brings a lot of joy and understanding. Many artists are HSPs, as are many humanitarians and other people who bring wonderful things to the world.
He says sensitive people won’t make it out of this world alive, but I disagree. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t have those artists and humanitarians. I know how to put up walls sometimes, but I don’t want to put up walls with him. I know how to protect myself, but I don’t want to have to protect myself from him.
I just wish he would value that side of me. It would mean a lot to me and I would feel more loved. I know he wants me to be less sensitive so I don’t get hurt, but that’s just who I am. But maybe being blunt and sometimes hurtful is just who he is. We’ve talked about this many times and he just doesn’t seem to get it. I know I can be too sensitive and probably hard to deal with.
Don’t get me wrong, we don’t have a bad relationship. We have amazing chemistry, which is something extremely rare for me. We have a great mental and spiritual connection, so we can talk about anything and are almost always on the same page. I know he loves me, and he takes care of me.
But when we fight, I just wonder if we’re compatible, or if there’s someone who would make me feel more treasured for who I am.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? Any advice?
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Posted 19 August 2020 - 01:31 AM
faerielites, on 17 Aug 2020 - 06:20 AM, said:
I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP, it’s a genetic trait and not a mental disorder or anything) and my bf is basically the opposite of that. He had a rough childhood and is generally a very closed off person. He’s opened up a lot to me, though. But he always tells me to be less sensitive, that the world is cruel and I’ll just get hurt.
We fight about it relatively often, mostly when he says kind of insensitive things that hurt me when he doesn’t mean to. I always ask him to just try to think before he says things because really he knows what kind of things will hurt my feelings, but in the heat of a moment he still says hurtful things.
I really value that part of myself. I’m a really empathetic and kind person. Yes, being very empathetic and soft can cause a lot of pain when you feel for others or when they hurt you, but I think it brings a lot of joy and understanding. Many artists are HSPs, as are many humanitarians and other people who bring wonderful things to the world.
He says sensitive people won’t make it out of this world alive, but I disagree. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t have those artists and humanitarians. I know how to put up walls sometimes, but I don’t want to put up walls with him. I know how to protect myself, but I don’t want to have to protect myself from him.
I just wish he would value that side of me. It would mean a lot to me and I would feel more loved. I know he wants me to be less sensitive so I don’t get hurt, but that’s just who I am. But maybe being blunt and sometimes hurtful is just who he is. We’ve talked about this many times and he just doesn’t seem to get it. I know I can be too sensitive and probably hard to deal with.
Don’t get me wrong, we don’t have a bad relationship. We have amazing chemistry, which is something extremely rare for me. We have a great mental and spiritual connection, so we can talk about anything and are almost always on the same page. I know he loves me, and he takes care of me.
But when we fight, I just wonder if we’re compatible, or if there’s someone who would make me feel more treasured for who I am.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? Any advice?
This sounds really very familiar for me. Luckily for you, the way you describe your boyfriend makes him seem like a much better person than my ex partner is, but the first paragraph especially sounds very familiar. Something that helped me understand the dynamic better (after our breakup) was the book "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller. It's based on attachment theory and also discusses some of the relationship dynamics between people with various types of attachment. When I read this, it was so clear to me that my ex had an avoidant type of attachment, most likely due to the way he was raised and some of the things he experienced while growing up. I always considered myself a secure person, but in that situation, where he was constantly criticizing my emotional nature (often in negative terms; saying that I was a weak person or a vulnerable person), I became more "anxious" and developed a lot of anxiety and fear. He was a major gaslighter, convincing me that any feelings I had (even justified) were an overreaction or signs of jealousy. He was not a great person, but reading this book helped me to place some of his behaviors and realize what might be the cause of some of it. I realized that having a relationship with an "avoidant" type of person simply doesn't work for me. The book explains, however, that people with an avoidant type of attachment often seek out people who are more emotional and open, because they are drawn to this type of energy.
I hope you're doing okay. I know it's hard to be in a relationship where you're questioning compatibility. It's hard to compromise and it's also hard to sometimes come to terms with not being optimally compatible. Sometimes these are things that can be managed. I hope you find out what's best for you. Remember that feeling things powerfully doesn't make you weak, but in fact is a very brave and strong aspect of your nature. <3
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Posted 20 August 2020 - 05:12 AM
ElleEthereal, on 19 Aug 2020 - 01:31 AM, said:
This helped a lot. I’ll check out that book. Thank you so much! <3This sounds really very familiar for me. Luckily for you, the way you describe your boyfriend makes him seem like a much better person than my ex partner is, but the first paragraph especially sounds very familiar. Something that helped me understand the dynamic better (after our breakup) was the book "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller. It's based on attachment theory and also discusses some of the relationship dynamics between people with various types of attachment. When I read this, it was so clear to me that my ex had an avoidant type of attachment, most likely due to the way he was raised and some of the things he experienced while growing up. I always considered myself a secure person, but in that situation, where he was constantly criticizing my emotional nature (often in negative terms; saying that I was a weak person or a vulnerable person), I became more "anxious" and developed a lot of anxiety and fear. He was a major gaslighter, convincing me that any feelings I had (even justified) were an overreaction or signs of jealousy. He was not a great person, but reading this book helped me to place some of his behaviors and realize what might be the cause of some of it. I realized that having a relationship with an "avoidant" type of person simply doesn't work for me. The book explains, however, that people with an avoidant type of attachment often seek out people who are more emotional and open, because they are drawn to this type of energy.
I hope you're doing okay. I know it's hard to be in a relationship where you're questioning compatibility. It's hard to compromise and it's also hard to sometimes come to terms with not being optimally compatible. Sometimes these are things that can be managed. I hope you find out what's best for you. Remember that feeling things powerfully doesn't make you weak, but in fact is a very brave and strong aspect of your nature. <3
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Posted 01 September 2020 - 08:59 AM
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Posted 01 September 2020 - 11:44 AM
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Posted 01 September 2020 - 01:55 PM
Ive had friends in the past were they were 2 HSP as a couple, and I long for that so badly.
HSP are beautiful to me.
One of the traits I actually like about myself.
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Posted 01 September 2020 - 03:23 PM
A book I will recommend, is called, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. If you can ignore the religious undertones of it, it's an extremely good book that details how people respond to other's actions, especially in intimate settings. It's a short book, but it's an excellent insight.
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