PastelPrincess's Accountability
#1 
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Posted 06 June 2019 - 06:05 PM
CW:174
HW:177
LW:116
GW1: 160
GW2: 150
GW3: 140
GW4: 130
UGW: 120
I'm 5'10
It's been awhile since I have done this kinda thing and as you can see I have been all over weight wise so I thought I would try again and try to get to 130 in 6 months (slow I think might be better so I can stay less noticed and also hopefully it will stick and I think it gives me more flexibility)
What you will see here:
What I ate
Calorie counts
Daily weigh ins
Diets I might try out
Exercise routine
Random thoughts about this process
GOAL 1: Lose 6 pounds by next thursday
Exercise: 40 min walking per day, 30 min dance, 50 crunches per day (poor muscle tone so I am starting low) , 15 min stretches (I wanna be able to do the splits)
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#2
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Posted 06 June 2019 - 06:14 PM
Breakfast:
Peach soy yogurt~130
Small apple~70
Lunch: 1/4 cup quinoa pasta~205 (why so much for so little 
)
2 teaspoons pesto~45
Lots of water
Total~435
I wanna start high restricting because it would fit my goals better and it would weird people out less but I keep putting it off
Exercise: 46 min walking minus 220 cal
Dancing 30 min minus minus 208 cal
CW:174
#3
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Posted 07 June 2019 - 07:25 PM
I stopped counting after 660 cals today and I est I had 300-400 more which counts as a binge for me but I feel alive right now when this morning I was blacking out, achey, nauseous, and sooo depressed. I ate some food (eggplant dip 1/2 cup 324 cals, cucumber 15 cal, tortilla chips 16 cal, potato chips 160 cal, ketchup 30 cal (just realized that does not add up math is hard)) and I felt less awful but I also felt bad I binged. But I did not actually feel like myself until I had a few tiny pieces of spinach and mushroom pizza and an ice cream bar I cut it up into 30 tiny pieces but I still ate it all.
I was going to exercise more today but I was so tired so I just danced for 30 min instead of going on a run/walk. If any of you have good workout recommendations please tell me! I like stuff on youtube that take like 10 minutes at a time so I can do a bunch and switch up the type of thing i'm doing. Sad I missed out on a walk though as it was so nice outside yesterday I walked like three miles and it was so fun going around my town I kinda forgot about that since I have not done it much since I got back from treatment (for unrelated stuff surprisingly like my ED got worse when I was there and they did NOTHING) since it was almost winter.
CW:173lbs
I just realized today I am sorta an odd one out here as I don't really hate my body like am not small I am curvy but like I don't hate it. I am still afraid of gaining and afraid of food but I am more scared by the number then I am of my own body cus I have it in my head that eating very little is "pure" and "healthy" like do I think if I dropped 20 pounds I would look better? yeah! But I wanna drop 50 or 60 I just need to get to a "better number" to feel healthy. Like I think if I weighed as much as the girls in the thinspo pics I think I would look good I just think I look ok now too. It's all about the numbers. I hate the numbers on my clothes, I hate the numbers on the scale, I hate the numbers in food and I hate how all the food numbers seem to high. MY ed has never been for me it's been for how others look at me and what I think is the "perfect" way to look and be and eat. So I seem to be stuck with an odd combo of food rules, ortho, purity, and ocd.....
Tomorrow I am making miso soup! I am so excited!! Miso soup is low cal and super healthy! I am getting to tofu and the green onions tomorrow and after that I am set! depending on what you put in it it can be 30-60 cals a bowl I am not sure you could get past 90 unless you put in tons of meat or tried really hard.
The lesson of today is after two weeks of eating under 500 cal a day maybe you need a cheat day so I don't cry....speaking of crying I am so over crying over ice cream like it won't make me gain 4lbs and I can just exercise it off anyway
Hop y'all have a good night!
#4
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Posted 09 June 2019 - 05:50 PM
Sorry I missed yesterday!
Today I was going to go on a mono diet but my mother is pressuring me to eat so I missed lunch by lying and ate an apple (70) for breakfast but then we went to a birthday party and I had some chocolate (150) rice half cup (80) lamb kabob (200) half a piece of cake (100) anyway I am too scared to weigh myself and I overall feel like crap but again physically I feel better. It's also "my time of the month" and it's harder to restrict then. So in closing I hate everything and at this rate I will never look how I need to.
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#5
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Posted 10 June 2019 - 06:34 PM
My mom has the idea she can force me to just eat more when you can't do that I have to come around in my own time and I am too scared of recovery right now to "just eat and be fine" a friend came over so I ate more than normal plus my mom was making me eat.
Breakfast: Apple (70) Pickle (10)
Lunch small boiled egg (76) candy my friend brought over (150)
Snack with friend: Pink drink small (140)
Dinner I am going to eat: Bowl of miso soup (65) 1/4 cup cottage cheese (41)
exercise 2 hours walking~494 20 min dancing~138
still too scared to weigh myself but I will start again once my time of the month passes but it really only happens for like three days so it could just stop tomorrow
I think I will see friend again tomorrow so we will see how that goes.
I bought a new skirt today it's super cute it's by cat and jack it's a kids brand at target and I have a dress from them too! It's poofy and has rainbow sparkles!!
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#6
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Posted 12 June 2019 - 12:24 PM
I am going to do a second update today but I am doing yesterday's now since I was out late
apple (70) 1/2 cup cottage cheese (110)
lunch 1/4 cup cottage cheese (55)
this is where is goes down hill I went out with my friend and she said we could go to a cafe but all of them closed so we ended up at a galto place. and out of panic I ordered a medium and they did not have the cals listed even! Then I went to her house and had french toast for dinner! then I got home and got yelled at by my parents cus I don't wanna eat and so they said they will stop caring and "if I wanna kill myself with an ed then so be it" sooo anyway today I am fasting
With food weight I was 174 today I dropped two pounds and I am almost out of the 170s!!!! yayyyy
We shall see how long I can do this it's been 19 hours so far but I wanna see if I can keep until noon tomorrow. It's only for a short time since my body can't handle much and in the past longer attempts have not gone well. Also gonna try and take a walk.
First good news of this relapse though: I got asked if I lost weight yesterday and and when I said yes she said I looked great! Yes I almost had a panic attack when she said that but it was still nice to hear
Also I think I am on a good track like 10 pounds in 3 weeks is not as fast as I have lost in the past but that means that if all goes well in 6 months I could be at my goal weight!
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#7
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Posted 12 June 2019 - 06:53 PM
Not much interesting today other than I fasted and walked a mile. But I did get some snacks at therapy group today that I want to eat sometime. I got some almonds, applesauce, and a mini peanut butter cup that will go on the shelf with all the other candy i'm too scared to eat.
My lw today was 170.5 but my night weight was a pound above but I think that was water weight since during the day I drank almost nothing but I drank some water at night. I have therapy tomorrow so wish me luck I am bad at lying and she will not be happy with the fasting. But like I was so happy today when the number dropped and I mean I had energy like I ran a bit and did not get tired. Sadly me ears are popping and ringing but that's ok. I know I want to stop fasting tomorrow but I also don't want to. Like I am not even hungry and I feel free without food. But whatever I am probably gonna have to stop.
Wish me luck for tomorrow and hopefully getting out of the 170s!!
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Posted 13 June 2019 - 12:46 PM
So I was going to stop fasting almost three hours ago...and that did not happen. The issue is I feel good like I can exercise, I am not hungry, hunger pains are minimal and manageable! Plus I am out of the 170s!! We shall see if that sticks but even if a few pounds don't I will still be almost out of the 170s! So now that my treatment weight is gone I feel much better about losing the rest. I kinda want to fast for a few more days but I have therapy today and she will probably tell me to stop and I feel guilt strongly. I look better and I have been happier so that's nice at least. But for "somebody who does not need food" I sure think about it a lot. I forgot that all your thoughts become ed thoughts but I am kinda ok with it.
Conclusion: fasting was pretty easy and I feel cuter now.
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#9
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Posted 13 June 2019 - 04:04 PM
So the result of my therapy session is she is gonna whagh me now sooo lucky me /s she says it's ok if I want to lose but it has to be slow and I have to eat at least 1.6k cal and maybe I shouldn't count...soooo i'm still gonna count but try to keep it over 1k so the loss is not as fast.
but I am at 167lbs now!!!
Still gonna lose but maybe only a few lbs per week instead of 7 or 10
Got any snack ideas??
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#10
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Posted 13 June 2019 - 04:14 PM
Sent from my Rectangle of the Future
❀ Days binge free: 1 ❀
❀ Days sober: 317 ❀
❀ Accountability:❀
❀ Pounds/Inches ❀ Age: 28 ❀ Height: 5'6.5" ❀ 09/2018 ❀ SW 204 ❀
❀ HW: 218 ❀ LW: 112 ❀ CW: 126 ❀ GW: 120 ❀
❀ UGW: 103 ❀
#11
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Posted 13 June 2019 - 04:25 PM
PrincessAbby, on 13 Jun 2019 - 4:14 PM, said:
For snacks I eat dark chocolate squares (Ghirardelli are 50ea), baby puff cereal/baby yogurt melts (100-120), baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, and tiny Reese's cups (20-50) (:
Sent from my Rectangle of the Future
Wow I have a tiny reese cup but I have yet to eat it cus fasting now that I know the cals I am excited to have it!!! I am such a fan of baby cereal too I used to eat it all the time when my brother was a baby. Thank you for the suggestions! And thank you for your presence on this thread it has really motivated me.
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#12
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Posted 13 June 2019 - 06:42 PM
Don't be so hard on yourself!
It is not easy to eat lower calorie amounts (anything below 1000 is low to me) for long periods of time
You're doing amazing and the occasional "binge" won't do you any harm. It will actually help in the long run because it boosts metabolism!
You're doing amazing! ❤️
#13
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Posted 13 June 2019 - 06:43 PM
stressnhope, on 13 Jun 2019 - 6:42 PM, said:
Don't be so hard on yourself!
It is not easy to eat lower calorie amounts (anything below 1000 is low to me) for long periods of time
You're doing amazing and the occasional "binge" won't do you any harm. It will actually help in the long run because it boosts metabolism!
You're doing amazing! ❤️
Thank you!!! 
#14
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Posted 14 June 2019 - 06:59 PM
So therpist said that if I don't eat more i'm gonna end up in treatment and she wants me eating 1.6k to 2k calories a day.......I really tried but I only made it to 827 I forget the cal amount for every food but the grand total is 827
combined breakfast/lunch/snacks 1/2 cup cottage cheese, applesauce pouch, apple snack pack thing
Dinner: 1TSP spinich and artichoke dip, 3 pieces spanakopita
I am sooo full 
I could not exercise today as I was pretty depressed + fatigued and nauseous
wish me better luck tomorrow!!
#15
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Posted 16 June 2019 - 04:55 PM
Sorry for no update yesterday I ate one meal and went to starbucks and ended up around 800 cal
I was made to eat breakfast and lunch and have normal portions meaning that I am almost at 1000!! (if I count my candy "binge" I had on some gummies I bought yesterday)
I have dinner to eat still so I will brake 1000 and that makes me very anxious I miss fasting a lot
Edit: I'm gonna cry we are having chinese takeout for dinner I love it but it's so calorie dense and not healthy. If you have suggestions on how to cope please tell me!!
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#16
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Posted 18 June 2019 - 06:25 PM
The past few days eating more has made my hunger return much to my dismay I still have not hit 1.6 cals a day but I might have today but I have been told to stop counting. I am so anxious. I hate being hungry. I hate having needs.
At least it tastes good...
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#17
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Posted 22 June 2019 - 02:07 PM
So I guess i'm back on my bs only 8 small graham cracker bunnies (from annies) and.....nothing since. I think I only get hungry when I have alot to do but when I am doing things but not school I am not hungry. Like I exercised today and I feel nothing but during school I am super hungry. Kinda annoying.
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#18
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Posted 22 June 2019 - 05:21 PM
CW 174 (ughhh)
Breakfast: few small graham crackers (30)
Dinner: ear of corn (155) 1/2 teaspoon vegan butter (not sure about the cals less then 40?)
#19
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Posted 09 September 2019 - 06:11 PM
Gosh...so why have I been gone......well I was threatened with treatment so I backed off and stopped worrying actually for about 10 seconds now I am just trying to high restrict and lucky me got over 500 cals today so I guess that's good to make things slower and hopefully less noticeable
I now am packing my food for school and so I honestly am only watched at dinner so that frees me up to hide less and just live
Today I had: yoplait whips (140) Pear (1 cup) , arugula (1 cup), Vanilla almond granola (two tablespoons) and 6 pieces of xylitol gum (10 cals) it all came out to about 250 cals and then for dinner I had a bagel with two tablespoons cream cheese and 2 ounces smoked salmon it was soooo good and thankfully boosted me up to 600
For lunch tomorrow I have one ounce smoked salmon, one tablespoon cream cheese, one cup grapes, one cup nectarines and one cup kale and that totals out to be 235 but I think I will bring gum again so that's an extra 10 sadly sugar free is not at all tolerated by my parents.
#20
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Posted 10 September 2019 - 05:41 PM
total of today was 459 cals lunch was 230 but I only ate 139 clas of it I would have ended up with less but I hung out with a friend and I had instant ramen and I would not do that normally but she was already concerned cus she is in recovery from an ed and she knows I have one I got away with one serving though.
Exercise: hour and forty minutes of walking throughout the day I was carrying a 20 pound bag for an hour of it as we were walking around looking for a picnic spot. Total: 352 calories
back to 171 after the regain in recovery
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