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Advanced Sage
Posted 17 May 2022 - 08:39 AM
Today I ate the other half of the leftover big mac and was soo close to binging again, went grocery shopping but just got apple juice instead. Today's calories so far: 680. Still gonna have maybe a couple cups of coffee with soy milk, so that would put me at approximately 780 cals for the day.
#123 
- Accountability access
- 2103 posts
Advanced Sage
Posted 19 May 2022 - 04:15 PM
Yesterday - 18 may - I managed to restrict well, had a cup of coffee w soy milk, a homemade protein shake and lemon water.
And then today - 19 may - all hell broke loose. I binged so bad again. Didn't have time to eat or have a coffee before work, so I was feeling so zoned out and just not good. Ate 2 shrimp salads and a coffee w oat milk during my shift. And then after work just full on binged: banana choc protein drink, small choc bar, 2 homemade veggie burgers, pint of caramel and milk choc ice cream, 100 g roasted salted cashews, a regular coke, licorice, more chocolate, another 2 burger buns w butter and half an apple. Calories total: approx. 6500. Again...
Ahhh the longer my binge phases last the harder it is to break them. And once I start binging I'm like "oh and then I've craved this for a long time, and this!", "now is the chance to eat it, while I'm at it"... Except nothing is ever enough, my binge urges have no end. The only way to stop them is to just stop binging. But that's hard too. Seriously I'm feeling terrible right now. Tomorrow I have lunch plans with friends, so I'm sure that will trigger me to binge again. I can see I've gotten fatter and it's killing me but I feel powerless to do anything about it. I need to quit this cold turkey ughhhh. I'm such a disappointment.
#124
- Accountability access
- 2103 posts
Advanced Sage
Posted Yesterday, 03:42 PM
This whole accountability is such a big fat fail (just like me). I binged extremely badly again, like I'm scared of the lack of control I experience when I'm in binge mode. I feel like such a failure and gluttonous fatty, it disgusts me (yet I keep doing it). I'm not even gonna go into detail what I binged on exactly, neither did I count calories, but nothing was satisfying or worth it. I mean yes food tastes ok but is it worth gorging on thousands of calories in one go to feel fucking sick and disgusting? Absolutely not!!! But my dumb brain won't register this simple piece of information.
It is currently ~1.30 am and I stopped eating a little while ago. So right now I am starting over. 100% fresh. No more junk. No fats, oils, sugars, artificial sweeteners. At some point it will be inevitable I have to consume those from time to time. But for now, my goal is to "cleanse" myself of the trash I've been ingesting this past week and get back to my pre-binge weight. I am not going to weigh myself though because I'm terrified how much I've gained and how much progress I've lost. So yeah, no other option but to focus on the now and do what I need to do starting this instant to get to where I ultimately want to be...
#125
- Accountability access
- 2103 posts
Advanced Sage
Posted Today, 08:34 AM
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