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- 616 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted 19 May 2022 - 02:47 AM
I've been eating SO MUCH cereal. I usually never eat cereal. I mean, it's been literal years since the last time I had cereal. On the plus side, my weight went down a little which I'm grateful for. My strategy of drinking my protein shake before work in the morning instead of during lunch has been working wonders for my energy
Edit: So I started the day with a decent amount energy today and I'm almost done with my work day, only 3 more hours and I'm literally bouncing off the walls with energy. I don't know why but holy fuuuuuuuuuck my hands are literally shaking from all the energy. I LOVE IT!!!!
#160 
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- 616 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted 20 May 2022 - 06:47 AM
Last night, my boyfriend brought home a cake after work and I literally ate half of the cake and then later (not even 20 minutes had gone by) and I ate about half a party size bag of chips. I'm so surprised I didn't gain from all that. Im so close to being done with the work week. This will be my first full 40 hour week in about 4 or 5 months. My bank account is going to scream with delight haha
Edit: so apparently my sister in law is down to 124 from 200+ in like a year, maybe a little less.. I feel so bad about myself. I'm trying to be happy for her because she's doing a great job but I can't help but feel a little cynical about it. I yoyo like a mofo, fall into binge cycles, starve, and she's over there actually having a legitimate diet and exercise. Why am I like this?
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- 616 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted Yesterday, 10:03 AM
Good and bad news. We will start with the bad news: my weight went up again and I'm triggered for 3 separate reasons which will be explained in the next paragraph. The good news: I successfully worked a full 40 hour work week and I chalk it up to my antidepressants and drinking my protein shake in the morning before work for a little extra pep.
So on the topic of me being triggered. I had a discussion with my boyfriend today while he was putting on some nice dress clothing to go to an important event. He has gained 20 or 30 pounds in about 3 years of us dating. He was expressing his dislike of his weight gain which lead him on a tangent of him talking about weight loss, dieting, junk food and the works. I proceed to say I also wanted to lose more weight and he didn't say anything except to stop buying chocolate and junk food then. He usually tells me to not lose weight but the fact he didn't today kinda stung. I think that was the kind of motivation I needed.. another trigger was looking at The Real Real and just comparing sizes of shirts between brands to get a scope of what my actual body looks like since I have awful body dysmorphia and I'm between a size Small and a Medium depending on the brand. That makes me want to lose more to be fully in the small category. The last trigger is the heat outside. My phone is saying it's 88° F, real feel of 100° F. I'm hot and sweaty and uncomfortable from all the chocolate I ate earlier
#162
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- 616 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted Today, 07:18 AM
Not an accurate weight because I woke up, binged chocolate, fell back asleep, woke up, binged chocolate AND cereal THEN I weighed myself. I plan on not eating the rest of today and working on mowing the lawn and sweating my ass off in 90° weather. I have to get it done before it rains again otherwise my hard work from the other week will be lost. I was already out there for an hour mowing before my batteries died and I think my face got sunburned because I'm tomato red haha. I was in contact with my psychiatrist for a check up about my antidepressants and I told them about 3 distinct side effects I've been having. Occasional dry mouth, yawning and my one pupil always being larger than the other. They said everything was fine but If I wanted to switch medications we could discuss it. I decided to stick with my current meds because they are working to suppress my depression and anxiety and I can function like a person now. I don't want to mess with the meds and mess things up. Sometimes I get these massive spurts of energy though where I just can not sit still and I HAVE to do something and it's such an odd feeling and I love it
Edit: I feel like I am a failure for not being able to consistently lose weight. When I start to head in the right direction, I sabotage myself and end up maintaining in the 130s again. Today I talked to my boyfriend about the weight I want to lose. I told him I want to lose 20 pounds and that I will probably be happy with that. He was agreeable with it. He confuses me because when I was 180, he would tell me my body is perfect, same at 170, 160, 150, 140 and 130. It makes me wonder what he actually thinks. What is "perfect" to him? Oh well, I'm doing this for me anyhow. I want to see the number 110 show up on the scale. I would be at the lower end of healthy and I feel I would just look good at the number. I am 5'2 so that would put me at a 20.1 BMI
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Advanced Warrior
- LocationMD, USA
Posted 08 May 2022 - 02:24 PM
#22
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 08 May 2022 - 10:57 PM
TeaTea_, on 08 May 2022 - 2:24 PM, said:
I love your accountability so much it’s so pretty
Thank you Tea! ✨ here have a mushroom:
#23
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- 923 posts
Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 08 May 2022 - 11:02 PM
- 09 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 78.6 KG | 173 LBS
TL: -6.4 KG | -14 LBS
BMI: 25.6
EXERCISE
Steps: 17 023
Distance: 12.65 km
INTAKE
Coffee, black (4)
10 cashews (89)
A goddamn tiny banana (90)
Spinach and cheese thingies (440)
Total: 623
THOUGHTS
08:02 - I didn't gain! I will happily take maintenance after I increased my intake yesterday. tmi. chugging black coffee today for an overdue bm
18:30 - Sooooooo... my step competition started today so I will be doing two daily walks now. Also I joined ANOTHER competition last minute. The latter is more of an orienteering meets geocaching contest - which really works well with the step contest in combination. Both contests are team based so I can't drag my feet and let people down. ALSO ALSO I bought a fitbit. I'm dying to compare the fitbit step counter with my phone's step counter. I feel like my phone is super inconsistent. charge faster pls
22:01 - Went with the phone step count today. Tomorrow will be exclusively fitbit counted. I'm guessing my step count will go up quite a bit considering I will be bringing my fitbit with me everywhere (which I never do with my phone).
Today was day 50 of my latest relapse. Yay
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#24
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Sage
Posted 09 May 2022 - 05:02 PM
nice step count!!
which fitbit did you get? I have the versa 3, i love it! i never take it off.
the app is great! you'll be happy you bought it.
is your 14 pound weight loss the total for your 50 days of relapse or a different amount of time?
good better best never let it rest
until your good is better
and your better best
167 166 165 164 163 162 161 160
159 158 157 156 155 154 153 152 151 150
149 148 147 146 145 144 143 142 141 140
139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130
129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120
119 118 117 116 115 114 113 112 111 110
109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102
#25
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Sage
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 10:56 PM
anitsirk2.o, on 09 May 2022 - 5:02 PM, said:
nice step count!!
which fitbit did you get? I have the versa 3, i love it! i never take it off.
the app is great! you'll be happy you bought it.
is your 14 pound weight loss the total for your 50 days of relapse or a different amount of time?
thankyou!
aaa I'm already happy with it. I got a fitbit charge 5. Is that any good? I've been having so much fun spending time just figuring out all the stuff it can do.
My total weightloss is counted from the day I found my scale on april 5th (had to go check the old accountability cause I forgot). so a little over a month
#26
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- 735 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted 09 May 2022 - 11:01 PM
omg your accountability is BEAUTIFUL!!! great job this week too, and excellent idea to tell IRLs you're "dieting" to avoid people interfering
🌒🌍🌘
SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
🍃 accountability 🍃
#27
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 10 May 2022 - 10:38 AM
earthmoon, on 09 May 2022 - 11:01 PM, said:
omg your accountability is BEAUTIFUL!!! great job this week too, and excellent idea to tell IRLs you're "dieting" to avoid people interfering
thank you!! yes, it mostly works except when people insist I don't need to diet. Then I just say "no one needs to diet but i want to" 
#28
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 10 May 2022 - 10:50 AM
- 10 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 78.1 KG | 172 LBS
TL: -6.9 KG | -15 LBS
BMI: 25.5
EXERCISE
Steps: 21 785
Distance: 15.93 km
INTAKE
Coffee w/ milk (26)
Tiny bulgur salad (203)
2 Billy's Veggie Pan Pizza (816)
Total: 1045
THOUGHTS
19:50 - So I went "orienteering" today... and it was around the final 3500 steps - when it started pouring down and I was walking on asphalt - when I started praying I would develop teleportation powers so I could zip home. Also I was pretty sure I'd binge when I got home but apparently two pan pizzas were enough. Actually I felt kind of sick eating the second one. All in all, it was a pretty okay day. Now I gotta rest my feet and browse everyone's accountabilities.
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#29
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 11 May 2022 - 12:40 AM
- 11 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 78.8 KG | 173 LBS
TL: -6.2 KG | -14 LBS
BMI: 25.6
EXERCISE
Steps: 18 021
Distance: 14,20 km
INTAKE
Coffee w/ milk (26)
Chips w dip (656)
2 avocado nigiri (100)
Tamago nigiri (50)
2 tofu nigiri (100)
4 pieces vegetarian roll (124)
Miso soup (35)
Total: 1076
THOUGHTS
09:40 - Ugh, so I gained 0.8 kg. To be honest, I'm really bloated and I have the worst stomach ache this morning. Double pan pizzas never again. I also have IBS, so exercise tends to mess with me but I'm hoping it gets better the more regularly I walk. It can't be real weight gain... maybe the number will be lower tonight?
11:31 - Can someone explain to me why I just wasted a days worth of calories on chips and dip???
23:49 - Aaaaand then I went and ate sushi (vegetarian) as well. Which I'm usually terrified of... but I guess increasing my steps per day has made me seriously hungry. I am ravenous. According to my fitbit I am burning quite a few calories (im skeptical ofc). For example:
Yesterdays walk 1 - 192 kcal
Yesterdays walk 2 - 1030 kcal
(I mean... 1030 sounds absurd to me.)
Todays walk 1 - 372 kcal
Todays walk 2 - 725 kcal
What do you guys think? I don't 100% trust it, but it does make me feel better about high restriction.
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#30
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 12 May 2022 - 12:25 AM
- 12 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 79.2 KG | 174 LBS
TL: -5.8 KG | -13 LBS
BMI: 25.7
EXERCISE
Steps: 21 192
Distance: 16.15 km
INTAKE
Coffee w/ milk (26)
Cinnamon bread (155)
2 Billy's Veggie Pan Pizza (816)
Total: 997
THOUGHTS
09:25 - Exercise is the DEVIL. I keep gaining. I need to stop eating so much.
20:26 - Tried to skip lunch but my coworker must've noticed cause she brought me a cinnamon bread thing. Which I ate. I guess it gave me energy to walk for 3 or so hours.
22:40 - LITERALLY two days ago I wrote "Double pan pizzas never again." and yet here we are. I don't know what is up with me lately. idk if it's depressing or funny lol
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#31
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- 262 posts
Advanced Warrior
Posted 12 May 2022 - 06:48 AM
Dr Pepper, on 12 May 2022 - 12:25 AM, said:
Exercise is the DEVIL.
Indeed it is lol
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Age > 25
HW > 93kg - 205lbs
CW > 79.6kg - 175.5lbs
GW > 50kg - 110lbs
#32
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- 923 posts
Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 13 May 2022 - 10:05 AM
- 13 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 78.6 KG | 173 LBS
TL: -6.4 KG | -14 LBS
BMI: 25.6
EXERCISE
Steps: 17 771
Distance: 13.09 km
INTAKE
Felix Palak Bowl (393)
Hönökaka sandwich w cheese (462)
Total: 855
THOUGHTS
19:05 - Today I realized I have to accept that exercise means I eat more. It probably seems really silly and dramatic that I keep panicking about intake- well... if this wasn't an ED forum. And since I'm finally losing weight again, maybe it's not the end of the world that my intake has been around 1000 recently. At least it's not a binge right?
Speaking of binges, tomorrow I am invited to a party/dinner. I plan on not drinking, but not sure I can avoid eating.
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#33
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 14 May 2022 - 03:27 AM
- 14 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 78.6 KG | 173 LBS
TL: -6.4 KG | -14 LBS
BMI: 25.6
EXERCISE
Steps: 20 097
Distance: 14.17 km
INTAKE
Coffee w milk (26)
1 bowl carbonara (purged) (500)
2 more bowls of carbonara (1000)
3 glasses sparkling wine (339)
Total: 1865
THOUGHTS
12:27 - Worst "plateau" of my life. Does anyone else have experience with being stuck between the same 2 kilos despite eating at a deficit and walking 15k+ steps a day? Been stuck like this since the 5th.
16:46 - Just finished a 17k walk and will probably walk more before the dinner party. Heard from a friend we're eating carbonara... yay..... (Not gonna lie I fucking love carbonara but know first hand how calorific it is.) And they're making it with vego bacon for my sake. lol. Some people are too kind for this world.
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#34
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- 923 posts
Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 15 May 2022 - 04:09 AM
- 15 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 79.6 KG | 175 LBS
TL: -5.4 KG | -12 LBS
BMI: 25.9
EXERCISE
Steps: 18 418
Distance: 14.38 km
INTAKE
Coffee w milk (26)
Lohilo Salted Caramel ice cream (242)
Total: 268
THOUGHTS
13:09 - So I binged yesterday. I didn't eat an insane amount but the emotional aspect was there. I also purged. And then I drank. And I had fasted all day so I got pretty "drunk" and sick after only 3 glasses sparkling wine. My stomach hurt so bad when I was trying to sleep. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I get so depressed when I drink as well. I really need to stop doing that. In a way it's a blessing that I can't handle alcohol.
This morning I weighed 79.6 kg and I just wanted to stop existing.
Now however I weighed myself again (no bm or anything) and it went down to 78.9 kg.
Maybe this "binge" will trigger the woosh I've been waiting for? idk
20:08 - Pretty good sunday. Walked across the city and did fuckall, did a load of laundry, kept my intake low, bought three pair of shoes - Just Chilled - Now I'm gonna eat an entire box of lowcal ice cream.
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#35
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 15 May 2022 - 11:20 AM
WEEKLY UPDATE
MON09 || 78.6 KG || 623 kcal
_-TUE10 || 78.1 KG || 1045 kcal
_WED11 || 78.8 KG || 1076 kcal
.THU12 || 79.2 KG || 997 kcal
_.FRI13 || 78.6 KG || 855 kcal
_-SAT14 || 78.6 KG || 1865 kcal
SUN15 || 79.6 KG || 268 kcal
Last Sunday I weighed in at 78.6 kg.
That means I gained 1 kg since last week.
M A Y
MO TU WE TH FR SA SU
00 00 00 00 00 00 01
02 03 04 05 06 07 08
09 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31 00 00 00 00 00
We've officially grown one pepper this month.
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#36
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 16 May 2022 - 03:37 AM
-----
- 16 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 78.3 KG | 172 LBS
TL: -6.7 KG | -15 LBS
BMI: 25.5
EXERCISE
Steps: 23 883
Distance: 18.15 km
INTAKE
Coffee, black (2)
Premade mozarella tomato sandwich (442)
Billy's Veggie Pan Pizza (408)
Total: 852
THOUGHTS
12:37 - Woke up lighter! (and no bm so i still have weight to lose) I forgot to bring lunch to work - so I bought a premade sandwich which had a higher calorie count than I expected (!) ...somehow I don't mind.
22:07 - Back from a 4 hour walk and my feet barely hurt. New shoes are really light and airy. Now I will eat pan pizza. IF I GAIN TOMORROW this pizza is cursed. I'm so tired of 78 kg. Please let me see 77 kg.
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#37
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- 923 posts
Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 16 May 2022 - 11:10 PM
- 17 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 77.5 KG | 170 LBS
TL: -7.5 KG | -17 LBS
BMI: 25.3
EXERCISE
Steps: 19 408
Distance: 14,7 km
INTAKE
Coffee w milk (26)
Veggie Tasty burger (590)
Baby carrots (14)
Nutrilett Dark Chocolate (217)
Seaweed snacks (222)
Total: 1070
THOUGHTS
08:10 - Do you guys hear the angels singing? I'm finally out of the cursed 78s!! I've been stuck there the majority of this accountability. It's finally over. Just gotta keep it off. SUPER TMI but I got my period and I usually shed a bit of weight from the blood alone jkajsksjdksjsjsjjd but a woosh is a woosh and I'm here for it.
13:45 - My stepdad invited me out for lunch and took me to mcdonalds. This used to be a treat for me as a kid. I had looked at the menu in advance and figured I'd order a burger, no fries and carbonated water. There were salads but they somehow had virtually the same calorie count as a burger. He noticed I had lost weight pretty much from the moment he saw me and asked how much. I answered 6 kg. Idk why I said that number. He said it was a lot. I told him dieting is such a pain and he agreed. He didn't seem concerned (yet) thank god... My anxiety was through the ceiling. I don't want a repeat of 2016.
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#38
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 18 May 2022 - 08:23 AM
- 18 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 77.6 KG | 171 LBS
TL: -7.4 KG | -16 LBS
BMI: 25.3
EXERCISE
Steps: 11 011
Distance: 8.08 km
INTAKE
Coffee, black (2)
Sandwich (452)
Small dumb banana (90)
Super dumb mandarin (40)
Strawberry low-fat greek yogurt (120)
Lohilo Matcha House ice cream (292)
Total: 994
THOUGHTS
17:23 - I'm not doing so hot. I high restricted yesterday and yet I have like zero energy today + migraine + nausea. (Heavy menstruation can do that to a person). I can't stop snacking and I hate wasting calories on fruit. Sorry for the negativity, if I'm better tomorrow I'll be more positive I swear!! Hope everyone is having a good day regardless~
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#39
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- 923 posts
Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 19 May 2022 - 02:20 PM
- 19 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 77.5 KG | 170 LBS
TL: -7.5 KG | -17 LBS
BMI: 25.3
EXERCISE
Steps: 19 551
Distance: 14.26 km
INTAKE
Coffee w milk (26)
Salad (178)
Billy's Veggie Pan Pizza (408)
Small cinnamon bun (155)
Seaweed snacks (222)
Total: 990
THOUGHTS
Short entry today as well. Really busy this week and i have to use a different scale to weigh myself the next few days since I'm not home. I forgot to weigh myself before drinking water and getting dressed and the scale said 77.5 kg. So either the scale is more kind than my personal one - or I lost enough so that clothes don't matter.
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#40
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- 923 posts
Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted 20 May 2022 - 11:13 AM
- 20 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 77.1 KG | 169 LBS
TL: -7.9 KG | -18 LBS
BMI: 25.1
EXERCISE
Steps: 16 235
Distance: 11.82 km
INTAKE
Coffee w milk (26)
Tortellini Ricotta Spinach (350)
Lohilo Matcha House Ice Cream (292)
Glass of red wine (157)
Spinach cheese thingy (220)
Total: 1015
THOUGHTS
20:13 - Still super busy! But oh my god I had to sneak on here to tell you guys that Lohilo low-cal matcha ice cream is so fucking good. Only 292 for the box which is sososo worth it. Maybe there's an international equivalent?
20:20 - By the way, it's so funny that I started losing more after high restriction. Bodies are so weird. I still feel super uncomfortable eating more than 800 though. I guess disordered eating is weird too. Welp. I will probably exceed 1000 total tonight since I'm drinking wine later.
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Sage
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Posted Yesterday, 01:18 AM
- 21 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 76.8 KG | 169 LBS
TL: -8.2 KG | -18 LBS
BMI: 25.0
EXERCISE
Steps: update tomorrow
Distance: update tomorrow
INTAKE
Coffee w milk (26)
Sugar cookie (75)
Spinach cheese thingy (220)
Nutrilett Dark Chocolate (217)
Billy's Veggie Pan Pizza (408)
Total: 950
THOUGHTS
10:18 - Finally a chill saturday. And I got a cold so I have an excuse to deny invitations to places. And my substitute scale let me weigh less. Good start so far! Also hi page 3 ~
21:03 - I'm so hungry but I've eaten enough today.... Do you guys also get increased appetite when you have a cold?
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#42
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- 707 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted Yesterday, 02:49 AM
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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#43
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Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted Yesterday, 06:19 AM
tilldeath, on 21 May 2022 - 02:49 AM, said:
25 bmi!!!! well done on hitting the healthy range!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
oh shit I didn't even realise!! thank you! also it might be a fake bmi since idk how accurate this scale is but it's going to feel so good when i lose like one more kg so I know its real.
Hope you've been doing well tilldeath! ❤️
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#44
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- 923 posts
Sage
- LocationThe Fridge
Posted Today, 04:25 AM
- 22 MAY 2022 -
WEIGHT
CW: 75.7 KG | 166 LBS
TL: -9.3 KG | -21 LBS
BMI: 24.7
EXERCISE
Steps: update tomorrow
Distance: update tomorrow
INTAKE
Coffee w milk (26)
To be continued...
THOUGHTS
13:25 - The scale has to be wrong right? How did I lose a kilo in a day? I've weighed myself 5 times in different places in the house and even got my boyfriend to weigh himself (and he gained) so idk how accurate it is but he didn't weigh suspiciously less? so?? But the scale always showed the same number 75.7 for me.
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