Pâté on a pancake - rotten-baby's diary
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 06:49 PM
I felt really low iddk why but I cried in an alleyway for no reason, as you do, bought binge food, cried again. Feel OK now tho.Gonna be doing this now
I will try 2 days no bp tomorrow. And I'll let myself have 1k! Should be easy, learning to resist binge urges by distraction and... eating,, in moderation.I'm helping the KS3 school with a charity event tho which is a cake sale, I'm dumb, but I get 100 points for it and it keeps me away from home. Plus I've never been to that school before and it's far from my school (but it's still my school) Hopefully it goes well, the kids from there are arseholes apparently. I'll take a little cash, maybe buy a cake. Me and this kid baked a chocolate cake today for it, it was fun. Might eat that cuz I made it and can estimate the cals I guess. I dunno, I'll update tomorrow.
Distractions for tomorrow:
Mum's at work so her bf will be upstairs which is a trigger cuz kitchen to myself, thankfully we have no decent food lol
Writing
Put bed sheet on bed
Put clothes away
Hair mask
Bin the vomit bag from today qnd give it a good sniff, that'd prolly do it lmao
Stop airing everyone lol
Edit my video thing I was making cuz that's fun
Bad distractions;
Smoking (habit of doing it pre binge, I've managed to turn an appetite suppressant into something associated with binging
)Youtube cuz constant food recommendations
Do not look at anything regarding addiction (then in my head I'm like "oh yeah, I'm an addict too so I'll bp cuz can't help it")
Do.not.look.at.binge.thread infact, I should probably step away from the bulimia subforum but I don't want to, I know everyone on there!!
The wonderful thing about adhd is despite it basically leading me to impulsively binge or binge to fill boredom, I can also reverse that and focus on something interesting for a few hours like my writing cuz I like to get things done. Dunno how it works, but it's been working, just hope to god I have motivation and don't just lie in bed sadly thinking of food
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 08:13 AM
rotten-baby, on 10 May 2022 - 6:30 PM, said:
Yeah, I went into foster care when I was 8, I had 4 long term placememts, my shortest foster placement was less than 36 hours long lol. Then I moved into a "semi supported accomodation" when I was 16 which was also ran by social services and was also awful. I'm also physically disabled so I'm also under "that side" of social services which is also a mess tbh. (My last social worker hadn't even reaf my file so when she first met me she asked "What happened to you? Did you get in an accident or something?" Coz she didn't know about my condition lol. She also asked why I didn't live with my parents which was less funny)Were you in care as well or something similar? I was in a cse home, a therapeutic home and many many emergency placements. It's made me super distrustful sadly. I remember when I came home I never unpacked anything because I was convinced they'd just come and pick me up randomly. I don't think it's right at all, especially not when your dealing with people who are vulnerable and/or literally children.
I think a lot of it comes down to the people at the top, they see an area that can make money easily, social services constantly look for placements and with things like CSE and complex needs they'll often house people in the first place they can find, the social workers are often not too involved with that and just do what they're told. If a kid is a high risk of going missing, suicide, is involved in gangs, anything like that, the top priority is housing them ASAP so they're "safe" but it doesn't really work long term and the issue is random people can just buy a house (or in one of my cases, hire a motorhome), get some inexperienced staff and social services will pay thousands to look after a kid, I saw a thing about one kid who's local authority was paying £20,000 a month. I'm sure a lot of the social workers probably think they're doing what's best and don't want to be sending kids to live 100 miles away from home in completely unregulated homes, but people are able to exploit it.
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I agree so much about how they just dump "high risk" kids in the place that becomes avaliable coz they don't really care. My last 2 sets of carers were awful and had loads of complaints against them (the last set of carers had over 20 years worth of complaints about them and had literally had a girl urgently removed from their care less than 2 weeks before I got put with them (I won't say why she got moved coz it's triggering but lets just say they definitely shouldn't have had any more kids sent to them. Ever. Let alone less than 2 weeks later.) I had quite a few homes that would take in high risk kids just to get more money (and if the kids are non-verbal coz they have severe autism or learning disabilities and if they can't tell anyone they're being treated badly then that helps the carers out too sadly) and they didn't actually spend any of it on us.
They really need to have a better vetting system in place in order to make sure that people are taking kids in coz they want to care for them and that they won't just see them as walking pay checks. I know they're desperate for placements but putting kids in the wrong environment really just causes more trauma and issues, like you said.
It doesn't suprise me to hear other people have had similar experiences in the care system but ugh it's still so fustrating. I'm sorry you got let down by the system too
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 09:34 AM
But a recovering from bp-er then volunteering at a cake sale is stupid!!! They gave me half the cake that was left over i-
Well, my English teacher drove me to the ks3 building of my school, I made everyone tea and cut them slices of cake, as well as making cute selection tubs of cake. They told me I could take home as much cake as I like to my family as I'd donated some money and helped out for over 2 hours. Originally I was going to take a bit of cake home to eat moderately and share, but all I could think was "Yeah but you have the opportunity to bp, its free food, just start tomorrow" my stupid ed brain always finds a way to convince me to b/p or lose more weight, its not as simple as telling myself "but I'm changing, don't be selfish, I can enjoy food without bp" I did try, I spent ages trying to convince myself not to. I thought of ways to include the cake and cookies into my cal limit but I was surrounded by it and all I could think about was how good I'd feel eating it but how fattening it is, i felt like a junkie looking after someone who was dying. A few people said they loved how confident and social I was, and how kind and helpful I seemed. I'm not, I've used a charity event to fuel my addiction to my eating disorder, I'm the epitome of an arsehole. I even got an offer to work in a cafe they're setting up, where they'll pay me. Then I got 1000 points which equates to a tenner. The most ironic thing is it was for a mental health charity. Jesus christ. Am I a bad person? Probably, but like I always say, tomorrow I'll start fresh.
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 04:31 PM
TraumatisedUnicorn, on 11 May 2022 - 08:13 AM, said:
Yeah, I went into foster care when I was 8, I had 4 long term placememts, my shortest foster placement was less than 36 hours long lol. Then I moved into a "semi supported accomodation" when I was 16 which was also ran by social services and was also awful. I'm also physically disabled so I'm also under "that side" of social services which is also a mess tbh. (My last social worker hadn't even reaf my file so when she first met me she asked "What happened to you? Did you get in an accident or something?" Coz she didn't know about my condition lol. She also asked why I didn't live with my parents which was less funny)
I agree so much about how they just dump "high risk" kids in the place that becomes avaliable coz they don't really care. My last 2 sets of carers were awful and had loads of complaints against them (the last set of carers had over 20 years worth of complaints about them and had literally had a girl urgently removed from their care less than 2 weeks before I got put with them (I won't say why she got moved coz it's triggering but lets just say they definitely shouldn't have had any more kids sent to them. Ever. Let alone less than 2 weeks later.) I had quite a few homes that would take in high risk kids just to get more money (and if the kids are non-verbal coz they have severe autism or learning disabilities and if they can't tell anyone they're being treated badly then that helps the carers out too sadly) and they didn't actually spend any of it on us.
They really need to have a better vetting system in place in order to make sure that people are taking kids in coz they want to care for them and that they won't just see them as walking pay checks. I know they're desperate for placements but putting kids in the wrong environment really just causes more trauma and issues, like you said.
It doesn't suprise me to hear other people have had similar experiences in the care system but ugh it's still so fustrating. I'm sorry you got let down by the system too
thats horrific they placed you there, youd think after the third complaint theyd start looking into it? how they could let it get to 20 years is astonishing, youd really expect thered be some type of rule about looking into it, even if it was just there to protect themselves. Social services are obsessed with taking children away from their families for being unsafe, but dont seem to give a fuck if the place they send them to is also unsafe.
i stayed with a lot of foster careers as emergency placements and i think i was at one for about 36 hours but i hated it so much i had to cry on the phone to my social worker to move me, the man was nice but the woman was rude and other things about that place stressed me out. It was so bad that I was having the weirdest experience, the only way i can explain it is thinking the world was fake, completely forgetting everything about me and my life, feeling really trapped and scared but it was a bit different to dissociation, im usually good at explaining how i feel and knowing whats going on but i have no idea what this was other than an extreme response to stress.
ive witnessed abuse in the care system numerous times, from little things to big things. Ive literally been sat there whilst staff talk shit on other kids in the home, which at the time, didnt really phase me but now its just horrific to look back on. It hasnt been 100% negative but its been more negative than positive, i have some amazing memories but its heavily outweighed by the negatives. i just wish i could do something about it because ive seen kids completely have their lives ruined from being in care, its sad
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Posted 13 May 2022 - 12:41 PM
oh dear im useless, i can only succeed at not bping when i eat under 500 cals but then i bp the next day cuz hunger
end me!!! its hopeless, whatevs, ill just be me fuck it
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Posted 14 May 2022 - 06:09 AM
Feet together, thighs apart.
I can eat a whole fruit tart.
eat a cake and get the shits,
That's what makes us skinny, bitch.
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Posted 15 May 2022 - 04:09 AM
ugh guess i should update this 
34.4kg last night but i didnt weight today
idk what i want anymore, i dont know if i love or hate my body, i dont know if i want to improve or not. i have no idea.
2 wheatabix
1 mini icecream
240 cals
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Posted 16 May 2022 - 08:31 AM
Had a low cal shit cake and some toast 160 but then I ate and purged at school so who knows
Here's my drawing I did at school, think it's aight. Haven't drawn in yeeeeeeaaaaaarssss
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Posted 17 May 2022 - 03:45 PM
no binge but one purge, I called my mate and we were on call for over an hour. Didn't think about binging once tbh
330 bagel + spreads at school, felt dizzy, had exams. So I had half a bagel and everyone was like "go on have the other half" so I did.
75-100cals sweets I got given in the exam
?? Purged 2 cereal bars n some chocolate at home, half the sweets came up but its just sugar enit
165 dinner, chicken and spinach.
I made the BEST chicken it was banging. Could smell Japanese food on my way home and craved it, so i used soy sauce, milk, ginger, garlic, little brown sugar, msg, star anise, an onion, fish sauce and a little miso paste to make a sauce which actually turned out amazing. Sounds grim and I only winged it but 8.5/10, was just a little salty.
100 toast and spinach
Mugcake 130 mainly sweetners n that
Spinach, Lettuce and sriracha n a similar sauce to dinner but no sugar/milk/high cal stuff 35
835-ish, probably about 920 max?
2 hour walk - burnt around 200 cals
Was gonna rob binge food, freaked out. See, I kept doing this thing where I wasn't sure what I wanted so I spent ages looking around like I always do when I get binge food. I naturally look dodgy, I go to the alternative provision and have a safety pin in my face so yk. I was very sad because I went to about 3 shops and couldn't do it. It's mad how I used to literally walk into shops as a kid, pick up random stuff and just walk out. About a year ago I always stole binge food and I was NOT subtle, I'd walk into a shop, usually high on fuck knows, pick up a handful of food like to the point I could barely hold it n shove it in a carrier bag. Why I can't do it now is weird. Today I've tried all the main shops apart from the posh ones, then just dumped my shit and left I can't really try again for idk a week. Hopefully I have money by then.
I started selling all my stuff on gumtree and fb for money, no ones buying it. I hope someone does though. Don't wanna sell My stuff that's meaningful and I'm a bit of a hoarder tbh cuz things get sentimental value, like I used to keep sweet wrappers and boxes when I was a kid if my mum bought it me. Hopefully I get this job, 60 quid a week but i think it pays at the end of the month sadly. Who knows.
I shouldn't be so open about things but it is what it is, where else do I share this lol
I'm really sad I have no money for binge food, tomorrow I might try bnm for some food but just until I get some money. I would dumpster dive but I can't find any that aren't locked away.
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Posted 17 May 2022 - 04:18 PM
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Posted Yesterday, 05:34 AM
rotten-baby, on 17 May 2022 - 3:45 PM, said:
I relate so much to you with the shoplifting OMG like I was always so careless and looked sus af and just put stuff in my bags and jacket not Caring if others saw me until I got caught. After that I couldn't bring myself to shoplift for over two years like I was absolutely terrified and I just knew I'd get caught again. Just when I got so desperate since I didn't have any money left like 0 I had no other "choice" and started again, first just a few items but now I'm doing it for not even half a year and I steal so much it's insane like thousands worth. It gets so addictive so fast. I'd also rather dumpster dive but every dumpster is locked here.. also thought about selling my stuff like so many books, my laptop, clothes maybe my iron. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with that rn as well. I really hope you do get the job and don't have to sell your personal stuff or have to shoplift. I really hope you don't ever get into that again it always ends badlyHi today I think I did OK compared to the last few days
no binge but one purge, I called my mate and we were on call for over an hour. Didn't think about binging once tbh
330 bagel + spreads at school, felt dizzy, had exams. So I had half a bagel and everyone was like "go on have the other half" so I did.
75-100cals sweets I got given in the exam
?? Purged 2 cereal bars n some chocolate at home, half the sweets came up but its just sugar enit
165 dinner, chicken and spinach.
I made the BEST chicken it was banging. Could smell Japanese food on my way home and craved it, so i used soy sauce, milk, ginger, garlic, little brown sugar, msg, star anise, an onion, fish sauce and a little miso paste to make a sauce which actually turned out amazing. Sounds grim and I only winged it but 8.5/10, was just a little salty.
100 toast and spinach
Mugcake 130 mainly sweetners n that
Spinach, Lettuce and sriracha n a similar sauce to dinner but no sugar/milk/high cal stuff 35
835-ish, probably about 920 max?
2 hour walk - burnt around 200 cals
Was gonna rob binge food, freaked out. See, I kept doing this thing where I wasn't sure what I wanted so I spent ages looking around like I always do when I get binge food. I naturally look dodgy, I go to the alternative provision and have a safety pin in my face so yk. I was very sad because I went to about 3 shops and couldn't do it. It's mad how I used to literally walk into shops as a kid, pick up random stuff and just walk out. About a year ago I always stole binge food and I was NOT subtle, I'd walk into a shop, usually high on fuck knows, pick up a handful of food like to the point I could barely hold it n shove it in a carrier bag. Why I can't do it now is weird. Today I've tried all the main shops apart from the posh ones, then just dumped my shit and left I can't really try again for idk a week. Hopefully I have money by then.
I started selling all my stuff on gumtree and fb for money, no ones buying it. I hope someone does though. Don't wanna sell My stuff that's meaningful and I'm a bit of a hoarder tbh cuz things get sentimental value, like I used to keep sweet wrappers and boxes when I was a kid if my mum bought it me. Hopefully I get this job, 60 quid a week but i think it pays at the end of the month sadly. Who knows.
I shouldn't be so open about things but it is what it is, where else do I share this lol
I'm really sad I have no money for binge food, tomorrow I might try bnm for some food but just until I get some money. I would dumpster dive but I can't find any that aren't locked away.
Also your chicken and spinach creation sounds delicious as fuck haha
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Posted Yesterday, 06:00 AM
rotten-baby, on 17 May 2022 - 3:45 PM, said:
Hi today I think I did OK compared to the last few days
no binge but one purge, I called my mate and we were on call for over an hour. Didn't think about binging once tbh
330 bagel + spreads at school, felt dizzy, had exams. So I had half a bagel and everyone was like "go on have the other half" so I did.
75-100cals sweets I got given in the exam
?? Purged 2 cereal bars n some chocolate at home, half the sweets came up but its just sugar enit
165 dinner, chicken and spinach.
I made the BEST chicken it was banging. Could smell Japanese food on my way home and craved it, so i used soy sauce, milk, ginger, garlic, little brown sugar, msg, star anise, an onion, fish sauce and a little miso paste to make a sauce which actually turned out amazing. Sounds grim and I only winged it but 8.5/10, was just a little salty.
100 toast and spinach
Mugcake 130 mainly sweetners n that
Spinach, Lettuce and sriracha n a similar sauce to dinner but no sugar/milk/high cal stuff 35
835-ish, probably about 920 max?
2 hour walk - burnt around 200 cals
Was gonna rob binge food, freaked out. See, I kept doing this thing where I wasn't sure what I wanted so I spent ages looking around like I always do when I get binge food. I naturally look dodgy, I go to the alternative provision and have a safety pin in my face so yk. I was very sad because I went to about 3 shops and couldn't do it. It's mad how I used to literally walk into shops as a kid, pick up random stuff and just walk out. About a year ago I always stole binge food and I was NOT subtle, I'd walk into a shop, usually high on fuck knows, pick up a handful of food like to the point I could barely hold it n shove it in a carrier bag. Why I can't do it now is weird. Today I've tried all the main shops apart from the posh ones, then just dumped my shit and left I can't really try again for idk a week. Hopefully I have money by then.
I started selling all my stuff on gumtree and fb for money, no ones buying it. I hope someone does though. Don't wanna sell My stuff that's meaningful and I'm a bit of a hoarder tbh cuz things get sentimental value, like I used to keep sweet wrappers and boxes when I was a kid if my mum bought it me. Hopefully I get this job, 60 quid a week but i think it pays at the end of the month sadly. Who knows.
I shouldn't be so open about things but it is what it is, where else do I share this lol
I'm really sad I have no money for binge food, tomorrow I might try bnm for some food but just until I get some money. I would dumpster dive but I can't find any that aren't locked away.
shoplifting is so stressful sometimes
some days i can spend hours in grocery store because i need to shoplift the right amount, i can’t steal a bunch of food that i end up not binging on because im already storing so much food,
and even if i do it a lot (if it’s not every days) im always scared, thinking ‘okay it’s the day for me to get caught’
im in so much stress that i will sometimes tell myself that im a piece of shit and give away the food
only to wake up the next day and doing it again…
i relate a lot to the money thing, i left my job in march and it’s hard since… why is food so expensive ?
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Posted Yesterday, 07:21 AM
rotten-baby, on 16 May 2022 - 08:31 AM, said:
34.1 today
Had a low cal shit cake and some toast 160 but then I ate and purged at school so who knows
Here's my drawing I did at school, think it's aight. Haven't drawn in yeeeeeeaaaaaarssss
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Love the drawing! People on here have so many talents 😊
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Posted Yesterday, 10:00 AM
iscarewhitepeople, on 17 May 2022 - 4:18 PM, said:
im so sorry you're going through this right now. my heart goes out to you and ive felt exactly like that in severe drug addiction. i read your thread alot and youre such a sweet person. you dont deserve to be struggling so immensely
aw thank you I used to use a lot of drugs and it feels really similar, its like being back in that place but instead im using food instead. Im just more aware of whats going on now so its a little harder to deal with.
Thank you so much
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Posted Yesterday, 11:47 AM
StarvingLlama*-*, on 18 May 2022 - 05:34 AM, said:
I relate so much to you with the shoplifting OMG like I was always so careless and looked sus af and just put stuff in my bags and jacket not Caring if others saw me until I got caught. After that I couldn't bring myself to shoplift for over two years like I was absolutely terrified and I just knew I'd get caught again. Just when I got so desperate since I didn't have any money left like 0 I had no other "choice" and started again, first just a few items but now I'm doing it for not even half a year and I steal so much it's insane like thousands worth. It gets so addictive so fast. I'd also rather dumpster dive but every dumpster is locked here.. also thought about selling my stuff like so many books, my laptop, clothes maybe my iron. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with that rn as well. I really hope you do get the job and don't have to sell your personal stuff or have to shoplift. I really hope you don't ever get into that again it always ends badly
Also your chicken and spinach creation sounds delicious as fuck haha
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Oh god were you caught in a big or little shop? what was it like for you? Ive been caught 3 times but only in little shops not big supermarkets with proper security, when i was 10/11 i got caught stealing a banana muffin lol (which honestly was so dumb of me, because i remember hearing the cashier say to a customer "shes been stealing" when i was in the earlier that day, also i didnt even like banana?) and the cashier called me out in front of so many people like "what did you just put in your bag?". I was with my friend and he had no clue i was doing it, so I cried then went to my step dad and said that they were lying about me stealing and he went over and had a go, then they were like "shes been stealing for ages we have it on cctv". I dunno how i got away with it for so long though? it stopped me until i was in year 7 lol
the other time was about a year ago when i was bulimic. i walked into a shop, picked up 2 blocks of cheese, fabric conditioner, a tin pie, a flapjack, ben and jerries and i think some other bits, i was holding it all with both hands and trying to balance it all, then walked out the shop. I got chased by the cashieer right before school leaving time so there were loads of parents everywhere, i remember half of it flying everywhere but i got away with the ice cream, fabric conditioner and one block of cheese. i think and i managed to run away because there were THAT many people i guess he couldnt catch up? I was so paranoid afterwards but nothing happened
the third time was about a week after the second, but 100 miles away. A homeless guy asked for some change, i had nothing but said i had card and would buy him stuff for some reason?? I didnt, i had a gift card. I was on drugs though and hadnt realised it was 9pm on a sunday and the only shop open was Londis (which didnt take the giftcard). He asked for coke and crisps and i got his mates some too, i get in the shop and realise "fuck, i have no money" so i just.... robbed it like a dickhead. He was happy enough, i cant entirely remember what happened but i think someone came out and had a go at me? I know i tried to go back in, this crackhead gave me some money to buy a lighter cuz he was banned, then a cashier followed me to a car park and was like "dont steal from us again" and the guy stood up for me. It was so bizarre i cant remember what happened entirely. Didnt stop me at all, I kinda got caught stealing diet coke from the back of pizza hut at 1am the same day, with the same crackhead, then stole iboprofein and i think chocolate from sainsburys the next day, ended up sitting outside the Londis with the SAME homeless guy the next few days as well. because i clearly didnt give two fucks. It sounds like such a dodgy story but i just find it funny.
Ive definitely stolen thousands worth in my life but now it just makes me paranoid, i just feel like im being watched in the shop and someones going to come and confront me, even if i did get caught honestly i dont think id even get in much trouble from my mum and i doubt theyd even stop me. but idk where this anxiety is from, its for the best though really lol. Id 100% dumpster dive but i literally cant find any bins that arent locked or hidden
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Posted Yesterday, 02:04 PM
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Posted Today, 05:25 AM
rotten-baby, on 18 May 2022 - 11:47 AM, said:
Oh god were you caught in a big or little shop? what was it like for you? Ive been caught 3 times but only in little shops not big supermarkets with proper security, when i was 10/11 i got caught stealing a banana muffin lol (which honestly was so dumb of me, because i remember hearing the cashier say to a customer "shes been stealing" when i was in the earlier that day, also i didnt even like banana?) and the cashier called me out in front of so many people like "what did you just put in your bag?". I was with my friend and he had no clue i was doing it, so I cried then went to my step dad and said that they were lying about me stealing and he went over and had a go, then they were like "shes been stealing for ages we have it on cctv". I dunno how i got away with it for so long though? it stopped me until i was in year 7 lol
the other time was about a year ago when i was bulimic. i walked into a shop, picked up 2 blocks of cheese, fabric conditioner, a tin pie, a flapjack, ben and jerries and i think some other bits, i was holding it all with both hands and trying to balance it all, then walked out the shop. I got chased by the cashieer right before school leaving time so there were loads of parents everywhere, i remember half of it flying everywhere but i got away with the ice cream, fabric conditioner and one block of cheese. i think and i managed to run away because there were THAT many people i guess he couldnt catch up? I was so paranoid afterwards but nothing happened
the third time was about a week after the second, but 100 miles away. A homeless guy asked for some change, i had nothing but said i had card and would buy him stuff for some reason?? I didnt, i had a gift card. I was on drugs though and hadnt realised it was 9pm on a sunday and the only shop open was Londis (which didnt take the giftcard). He asked for coke and crisps and i got his mates some too, i get in the shop and realise "fuck, i have no money" so i just.... robbed it like a dickhead. He was happy enough, i cant entirely remember what happened but i think someone came out and had a go at me? I know i tried to go back in, this crackhead gave me some money to buy a lighter cuz he was banned, then a cashier followed me to a car park and was like "dont steal from us again" and the guy stood up for me. It was so bizarre i cant remember what happened entirely. Didnt stop me at all, I kinda got caught stealing diet coke from the back of pizza hut at 1am the same day, with the same crackhead, then stole iboprofein and i think chocolate from sainsburys the next day, ended up sitting outside the Londis with the SAME homeless guy the next few days as well. because i clearly didnt give two fucks. It sounds like such a dodgy story but i just find it funny.
Ive definitely stolen thousands worth in my life but now it just makes me paranoid, i just feel like im being watched in the shop and someones going to come and confront me, even if i did get caught honestly i dont think id even get in much trouble from my mum and i doubt theyd even stop me. but idk where this anxiety is from, its for the best though really lol. Id 100% dumpster dive but i literally cant find any bins that arent locked or hidden
Aww you started really early I think they are definitely not that strict with kids like they can't call the cops on a 11 year old can they? I'm glad you got away with it
OMG the second story though wow I would never be able to react so fast and just run. I'm always frozen in moments like this. But why would you just grab it and run away
like I couldn't imagine I mean you can't get away with that without having to run like you did hahaI got caught at a big supermarket chain (on that day I shoplifted like expensive chocolate, truffles, Lindt, Nutella some other expensive spreads) but here in Germany it's like a franchise so every supermarket is owned by a single person basically (I don't know how to explain properly lol) anyways the security guy saw me I actually thought he was a customer so I didn't care to hide it but when I paid for some stuff and left the building that guy I thought was a customer but actually was a security guy came and wanted to look in my backpack. What I didn't know is I could have just said no and refuse because he can't legally force me but I was so shocked and scared at that moment I just broke down and cried like a baby lmao. I followed him into the store and I sat in their break room while some cashiers that knew me as a regular ate their lunch and it was so humiliating and I kept crying. They debated on calling the police but I think the fact that I was crying and obviously regretting it and I looked like 15 (was 20 though lol) and I was already severely underweight so they pitied me probably and I just got banned from that store for 2 years and had to pay 100€ and then I could go. I stole maybe a few hundreds worth of food from there so it wasn't too bad lol. Awful experience and literally had me so terrified that whenever I wanted to try lifting again I was panicking and chickened out. I think I was able to start lifting again because I got addicted to alcohol over two years ago like when I'm drunk I do literally everything stupid and reckless you can think of (I won't get into this one lmao) but yeah it makes my anxiety go away and makes me confident so the first few times I'd shoplift being tipsy and it helped lol now it's just routine and I can manage the anxiety of getting caught
Sorry for the wall of text
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Posted Today, 08:14 AM
StarvingLlama*-*, on 19 May 2022 - 05:25 AM, said:
Yeah I was quite young, I remember it started so stupidly! in my primary school EVERYONE had pokemon cards but my family couldn't afford them and I thought on the way home from school "oh I could just steal some". It's kinda embarrassing lol. I'd go nearly every day after school at one point and usually I'd end up giving them to people, then I would go to my local shop or walk to asda and steal nice food like chocolate, fish and mikado.Aww you started really early I think they are definitely not that strict with kids like they can't call the cops on a 11 year old can they? I'm glad you got away with it
OMG the second story though wow I would never be able to react so fast and just run. I'm always frozen in moments like this. But why would you just grab it and run away
I got caught at a big supermarket chain (on that day I shoplifted like expensive chocolate, truffles, Lindt, Nutella some other expensive spreads) but here in Germany it's like a franchise so every supermarket is owned by a single person basically (I don't know how to explain properly lol) anyways the security guy saw me I actually thought he was a customer so I didn't care to hide it but when I paid for some stuff and left the building that guy I thought was a customer but actually was a security guy came and wanted to look in my backpack. What I didn't know is I could have just said no and refuse because he can't legally force me but I was so shocked and scared at that moment I just broke down and cried like a baby lmao. I followed him into the store and I sat in their break room while some cashiers that knew me as a regular ate their lunch and it was so humiliating and I kept crying. They debated on calling the police but I think the fact that I was crying and obviously regretting it and I looked like 15 (was 20 though lol) and I was already severely underweight so they pitied me probably and I just got banned from that store for 2 years and had to pay 100€ and then I could go. I stole maybe a few hundreds worth of food from there so it wasn't too bad lol. Awful experience and literally had me so terrified that whenever I wanted to try lifting again I was panicking and chickened out. I think I was able to start lifting again because I got addicted to alcohol over two years ago like when I'm drunk I do literally everything stupid and reckless you can think of (I won't get into this one lmao) but yeah it makes my anxiety go away and makes me confident so the first few times I'd shoplift being tipsy and it helped lol now it's just routine and I can manage the anxiety of getting caught
Sorry for the wall of text
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All the shops I got caught in were sorta like franchises as well? Like londis and Premier are chains but I think one person owns it or something. Over here with expensive chocolates like lindt it's often resold, especially things like forerro rocher, so many people steal it just to sell and security watch out for that. I think if I was stopped it'd stress me out way too much and be too embarrassing. Also recently my parents and social worker keep talking about how great I'm being so I really don't want to ruin that and lose all trust. If I got caught stealing binge food my mum would most likely understand because our family hasn't got much money and she has an ED too, but she'd lose trust in me and I'd probably not be allowed out on my own anymore. Before hand I didn't care because I was always a little shit.
Last year I was always stealing while drunk or high so I can relate to that, I was horrifically obvious, I remember walking into tesco drunk, picking up a bottle of wine, walking down the main isle in front of EVERYONE and stuffing it in my waistband and just walking out??? I went back to my mums car cuz she was in the shop at the time, I didn't get followed or anything. Maybe being too obvious actually looks less sus because people usually act shifty but I dunno
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