Wasting Away

GigiB · October 22, 2021

On 10/19/2021 at 10:49 AM, CastlesInTheAir said:
You went through Malmö I see! Visited there a few years ago and it was incredible.

I just passed through and didn’t do much there. Im really sad bc I’ve always wanted to visit for some reason.

I spent most of the time in Stockholm and Täby…. Which are BEAUTIFUL.

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CastlesInTheAir · October 22, 2021

On 10/22/2021 at 7:19 AM, GigiB said:

I just passed through and didn’t do much there. Im really sad bc I’ve always wanted to visit for some reason.

I spent most of the time in Stockholm and Täby…. Which are BEAUTIFUL.

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It’s cute! I’ve never been to Stockholm though, and would love to one day!

Anything you would recommend?

GigiB · October 25, 2021

OK ok ok finally a Sweden write up. I want to write a wall of text but I think no one wants to read that so I'll keep it short and (not so) sweet

Two days before the flight, I'm in class and I get a text asking my address again and if I'll still be awake at midnight. Of course I will, I'm awake til 2 every night. I figure that BB is coming here actually after dumping me over and over. SOooooo I go to the store for dinner bc I figure he'll be hungry when he arrives, clean up a LOT, then head to the bus station to pick him up. He texts me back and forth that he will go to a hostel, actually he's not on the bus, he is on the bus and if I'm late getting there, he's just going to turn around and get on another bus back to Berlin etc. I'm there early, he arrives, he informs me we're actually still together and I'm going to Sweden with him, but he's dumping me officially when we get back from vacation. Fine.

1 hour before leaving for the airport BB informs me he doesn't want me along again. Then ten minutes later, he tells me actually its ok. We get on the train. After 55 minutes of the hour it takes to get to the airport, he tells me "get off. I changed my mind. You're not coming with me and I don't want you there. Just get off the bus and take the next one back to your house." I refuse.

We fly to Stockholm, get picked up by his family friends and drive through some GORGEOUS forest to their home in Täby. Nice night, no drama.

Next day we go to the Viking museum (YAY!!!!!) walk around, visit some of the things he remembers. We're due to go to a free concert but realize we have the days mixed up, so instead get burgers. During dinner, he looks up from his phone out of nowhere and goes "You're boring. I'm going home, you stay here. I don't want to look at your face any more." I say that I don't want to be alone, and we are staying an hour away, I don't know the address and I don't even have the contact info for the woman we're staying with. I offer to, the second we get home, go into the bedroom and stay there the rest of the night, so he doesn't have to see me when socializing/watching tv with his friend. He says no dice, I'll have to figure it out in the city, he's done being around me. He gets up and walks away and I grab our bags (we'd gone shopping) and run after him. He tries to outrun me, hides behind a pole, and goes up and down escalators trying to lose me (This man is 31 years old). Eventually he tries to jump on the metro right as the doors are closing so that I can't get on with him. Luckily I managed. He doesn't sit near me on the train but instead super far away but we get out at the same time. By the time we reach home he's talking to me a little. I try to go to the bedroom like I promised, but he tells me no, sit out with us and chat. I do that, all is good in the world.

Day 2 we go to his old high school and the mall. In the mall he hugs me and tells me that I just have to trust him, he's going to be the best boyfriend and fix a lot of his issues, I just have to get DF out of my life permanently. After this he is lovey and touchey and telling me how much he loves me all day. He keeps asking me to trust him and I keep saying there's a lot of reasons I don't. We go to the concert in the evening and he sits through 1.5 hours of random Swedish to see my favorite band that he hates, play one song, then Greta Thunberg came on stage to Rickroll everyone then talk about climate change. He's holding me the whole time, kissing me, and petting my hair. Very affectionate.

Day 3 and four go similar. Perfect boyfriend material and doing everything for me. Keeps asking me if I trust him etc....

THEN on the flight back he changes. He does this thing sometimes where he just walks away from me and no matter how many times I call him, he won't turn back or slow down. So I'm struggling to get my boots back on after security in the airport and he just walks away. I call to him to wait but of course he doesn't. I finally get them on and go searching for him through duty free. Not there. then I go out into the hall. Still nowhere to be found. After walking in circles and calling his name, I find him behind a pillar sitting, totally close enough to have heard me. I told him kind of bitchy "You KNOW I hate it when you just leave me behind like that!" and he doesn't look up from his phone and just says, "too bad!" I'm huffy so I sit down and start reading my book and he's lecturing me on how to be humble because I'm self-centered and selfish. After a bit, I say I'm going to the bathroom. When I come back, he's nowhere to be found and my bags are just sitting there unattended. I'm furious.

I find him again, he says it doesn't matter he left my bags alone. An airport worker already came up and asked if he knew whose they were and he said they were mine so there was no danger of me getting in trouble for leaving them unattended. Then he tells me he doesn't want me near him. SO we board the flight separately. When we get to our seats, he tells me to give him my phone and headphones so he can watch tv and he doesn't want to share anymore. I refuse, so he takes them from me. Sigh.

Get home. We get in a massive fight. He kicks over my trash can and punches a door. Locks himself in the spare bedroom so "he doesn't hurt me" and I go off to school early the next morning. He's told me that he will leave while I'mm there.

Get home. He didn't leave. He say's we're going to work it out.We have two perfect days, then Thursday when he finally leaves I tell him, no, I'm not cancelling with DF. He gets on the bus after calling me a bitch

Ok I can't write more. I'm tired. This will have to suffice for now. We're in a weird limbo where he's still in love with me but also really hates me

GigiB · October 25, 2021

Mini Update

BB told me to cancel my Halloween party and leave my new roomie Lily her keys with a neighbor when she moves in.

Im refusing. He’s guilt tripping me. Said I need a boyfriend more strict, like my ex kj, since he’s too soft on me. Kj used to beat me, as anyone on my MPA Thread knows.

Now he’s majorly guilt tripping me and telling me he’s going to get back with Ina, his ex.

I’ve got the flu rn and feel like steaming garbage on a desert island.

Bad times all around. DF took good care of me today though and deep cleaned my kitchen. Good dude.

Off to die

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GigiB · October 26, 2021

DF left to go on to Budapest. Missed my first course today bc I felt like death due to my fucking cold. Finally leaving class after spending 3 hours sniffling, snotting, and sneezing through what should have been my favorite lectures of the semester - Israeli Security in the Six Day War

On my way home now. The house is a wreck again and Lily will move on Friday. It’s imperative I deep clean but really I just feel like a nap.

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GigiB · October 27, 2021

Throwback to my September trip to Halloween Horror night at Universal bc I’m NOT feelin anything tonight

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GigiB · October 28, 2021

Sad and down today. It’s only nine but I’m super tired. Cleaned all day since Lily moves in tomorrow. Nofar and T are coming to stay as well.

BB says he’ll visit but I doubt he’ll show up.

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GigiB · November 4, 2021

Ehhhh not much to say. Just going forward I guess. BB left for Berlin today. We fixed the relationship it seems

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GigiB · November 7, 2021

Lily and I are slowly fixing up the house for living. We went to IKEA Friday then set shit up then left to some underground club. Lots of fun and lots of drinking later we were heading home at 6am. I made friends w one of the DJs bc he’s moving to Berlin soon and obsessed with Atlanta. Clearly we matched.

I’ve got my first midterm of my masters on Tuesday so I’m FREAKING but eh. Whatever.

Going to Berlin for a week and a half on Wednesday most likely. Visiting BB and the crew.

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GigiB · November 23, 2021

I know I’ve been absent. I’m sick again. And lonely. Very very lonely.

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GigiB · November 26, 2021

BB is coming today. Missed his bus so he’ll be here later. Told me that Ina won’t let him come for a full week to visit me for the holidays bc SHE decided she’s not going to Bolivia with him so he won’t be there to care for the baby for that month so he may NOT take an extra week off to see me.

Fuck this.

Hit 119.2 first time under 120 this year…. Nice

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Goober · November 28, 2021

Following! You look amazing I’m so jealous

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GigiB · November 30, 2021

BB left today... a good and bad visit. No big fights but he kept trying to leave early. He said I was boring and he wanted to go home. Still saying he won't come and spend that week with me so the next time we'll see each other is February. He also REALLY REALLY wants to be single because he says he wants to live the life of taking random girls home from the bar and fucking them. A threesome is not good enough, he want that but with two random girls... OR if it's with me he says he want s to spend 75% attention on her and 25% on me bc he can fuck me any time, he'll never see that girl again. He asked for two weeks free to date girls and sleep with them. He said he'll never ask for it again... do I do it? what do y'all think? I told him no immediately, but do I let him so that he will drop this? I want to spend my life with this man, I love him and he is the one for me. I don't want him sleeping with random girls during our relationship. But do I let him so he will drop this? Guys help.

GigiB · November 30, 2021

On 11/28/2021 at 1:32 PM, Goober said:
Following! You look amazing I’m so jealous

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Thank you that's really really sweet of you. I don't really like the way I look at all and Lily, my roommate is also ED and 17.4 vmi so I feel fat all the time here. It means a lot then to hear these things from people. thank you.

Alice_in_Wonderland91625137978 · November 30, 2021

You gotta be hurt enough to leave or he makes you kill yourself at some point

https://eatingdisordercentral.com/showthread.php?tid=28825

stressnhope · November 30, 2021

I've never found myself in a relationship like this, so I'll just say:

I hope that whatever decision you make leads you to a safe and happy life
Remember that there are men out there that would be dedicated to you only

GigiB · December 1, 2021

On 11/30/2021 at 5:34 PM, Alice_in_Wonderland91625137978 said:
You gotta be hurt enough to leave or he makes you kill yourself at some point

https://eatingdisordercentral.com/showthread.php?tid=28825

This I know. The only problem is I really love this man. He has issues, lots of them, and his situation is absolute shit due to the baby and ex-gf he still feels devoted to, buuuuut, I love him. But he also really wants to be able to fuck other girls and I just don't know what to do about this.

On 11/30/2021 at 6:16 PM, stressnhope said:
I've never found myself in a relationship like this, so I'll just say:
I hope that whatever decision you make leads you to a safe and happy life
Remember that there are men out there that would be dedicated to you only

I know there's men out there, but I really don't think those sort of men would be interested in me. I'm too crazy and uncontrollable. This man loves me despite these things. It just hurts me so deep that he wants other women. I don't know whether to let him have these two weeks or not?

CastlesInTheAir · December 1, 2021

Idk about toxic romantic relationships, but I def know about toxic friendships - as much as walking away hurts, it is better in the long run because you are not only free to find someone better but are also free from the stress and worry than came from the toxic relationship itself

GigiB · December 1, 2021

Do I let my boyfriend fuck other women? He’s never had a one night stand and he’s desperate…..

He wants two weeks to be „free“

I’m dying here.

Thanksgiving charcuterie board
Thanksgiving meal
Hannukah Latkes

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CastlesInTheAir · December 1, 2021

All I know is that I‘be never had a one-night stand either - bf, gf, fwb all yeah, but never a single-night fling. And I have no desire to cheat on my current partner in order to experience that. So.

discoball · December 1, 2021

girl I don't know you but I just wanted to say from what I've read here I don't think this guy truly loves you. he seems very ok with hurting you and telling you all the time that you're annoying him etc when it just seems like he's a bit emotionally immature (the airport story where he changed his mind 50 times and ignored you??). him mentioning he wants to fuck other women is also a red flag bc with everything else he has said to you he might just be doing this behind your back anyways, especially when he is travelling. you seem like such a lovely person and I know you have feelings for this guy but he's giving off very toxic vibes. if you don't want to leave him, that's ok, but don't be scared to set a clear boundary that he can't sleep with other women if you're not ok with him doing that. and if you do think you want to leave him but doubt that someone else could love you the same way, I'm sure there's plenty of other people out there who could match or even love you better. you're not too much or too annoying etc for the right person. and sometimes it's better to be alone than with someone who is emotionally abusive. if you don't want to leave him, like I said, that's cool. we don't know your whole relationship. he just seems very harsh and uncaring from what you've described and the way he switches from being so harsh to being loving and cuddly is a red flag in my opinion. also the comment of having to lock himself away so that he won't hurt you... please be careful!

Ennui · December 1, 2021

Hi! I’m following bc you seem very cool!!

on your current bf… I’ve only got the information in this thread but he sounds like he doesn’t care as much as you do (and that’s his fault not yours) and honestly like a massive cock (derogatory lol).. he said you should have a bf who hurts you, and his constant put downs seem borderline abusive (or actually abusive). You seem really tough and smart and you’re definitely super pretty and any guy would be so lucky to have you. Also how would he react if you wanted to date other guys? Bc that’s the same thing..

And also he has working hands right? Masturbation isn’t rocket science

GigiB · December 3, 2021

There is so much beauty in the world and I want to be here.

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Jacqueline_ · December 3, 2021

That guy sounds like trash sorry
Not really. You deserve better.

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GigiB · December 4, 2021

On 12/1/2021 at 8:59 AM, CastlesInTheAir said:
All I know is that I‘be never had a one-night stand either - bf, gf, fwb all yeah, but never a single-night fling. And I have no desire to cheat on my current partner in order to experience that. So.

He's not going to cheat at all. What he wants is the permission to do it. He wants a three or two week hall pass so that he can fuck club girls just to have that experience. He would NEVER cheat and has made it abundantly clear that he would never do that. He wants the permission so he can do it within our relationship.

On 12/1/2021 at 1:10 PM, discoball said:
girl I don't know you but I just wanted to say from what I've read here I don't think this guy truly loves you. he seems very ok with hurting you and telling you all the time that you're annoying him etc when it just seems like he's a bit emotionally immature (the airport story where he changed his mind 50 times and ignored you??). him mentioning he wants to fuck other women is also a red flag bc with everything else he has said to you he might just be doing this behind your back anyways, especially when he is travelling. you seem like such a lovely person and I know you have feelings for this guy but he's giving off very toxic vibes. if you don't want to leave him, that's ok, but don't be scared to set a clear boundary that he can't sleep with other women if you're not ok with him doing that. and if you do think you want to leave him but doubt that someone else could love you the same way, I'm sure there's plenty of other people out there who could match or even love you better. you're not too much or too annoying etc for the right person. and sometimes it's better to be alone than with someone who is emotionally abusive. if you don't want to leave him, like I said, that's cool. we don't know your whole relationship. he just seems very harsh and uncaring from what you've described and the way he switches from being so harsh to being loving and cuddly is a red flag in my opinion. also the comment of having to lock himself away so that he won't hurt you... please be careful!
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I think he does love me but he's going through an intensely difficult time right now in his life so he's "acting out" Yeah he has bad behavior and does mean stuff (like the airport story) but a lot of it is just childishness on his side. He can't deal with anger or annoyance super well and wants to be "pursued" when mad. I've learned that if he gets mad and I walk away, he gets very very hurt because that's me "abandoning him. The way to deal with it is just stick next to him and shut my mouth. He'll eventually get over it and we'll make up. If he tries to push me away, try twice as hard to stay with him. He needs the reassurance that I need him there with me. He's got serious abandonment issues so this all plays into that. I don't believe at alll that he would do this behind my back though, even though we live in different countries. I think he genuinely wants to be with me but is just suffering a huge case of FOMO in regards to party sexuality. He's had a girlfriend pretty much nonstop for eight years+ he never got to have the experiences he watched his friends have. PLUS our friends in Berlin are womanizer types, one is even married and messing around with girls while his wife is home. It makes my bf sad to see what they are doing and simply having to say "no, I have a girlfriend" Yes he can be a bit cold when angry and he's bad at expressing his emotions but I do believe that he loves me. I'm not going to leave him, I just want him to wise up a bit about how dedicated I am to him.

On 12/1/2021 at 2:03 PM, Ennui said:
Hi! I’m following bc you seem very cool!!

on your current bf… I’ve only got the information in this thread but he sounds like he doesn’t care as much as you do (and that’s his fault not yours) and honestly like a massive cock (derogatory lol).. he said you should have a bf who hurts you, and his constant put downs seem borderline abusive (or actually abusive). You seem really tough and smart and you’re definitely super pretty and any guy would be so lucky to have you. Also how would he react if you wanted to date other guys? Bc that’s the same thing..

And also he has working hands right? Masturbation isn’t rocket science
Expand

He says he really loves me and that he's never felt this way for someone before. He's had an insanely rough year and lost a lot of people close to him. I know he's been really struggling with self-hatred and depression so I really want to be there for him as I really think he's on the brink of breaking to pieces. I think these are the reason for some of his bad behavior and cruel remarks. He would die I think if I went and slept with someone else. He knows it's wrong to want this but he says once when I told him a story about a one night stand I had it made him want the same experiences as what I had.

On 12/3/2021 at 9:11 AM, Jacqueline_ said:
That guy sounds like trash sorry
Not really. You deserve better.

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I always find men with issues that I want to fix.... no clue why but that's definitely my type. I don't really think I deserve better because I am a very difficult person to be in a relationship with. I have a lot of expectations and really want to be loved and have someone devoted to me. Basically I have a princess complex, I want to be your princess. And most dudes do not want to idolize their girl. I'm just very difficult to deal with

Wasting Away

Monday, May 23, 2022

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