bunnyblood
Member Since 16 Apr 2022OFFLINE Last Active Yesterday, 11:31 AM
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bunny!
she/they/bun
i love fasting for some reason ><
friendship ended with binge eating disorder, now anorexia is my best friend /j
tw weight
hw: 89kg
lw: 43kg
cw: ??? (not allowed to weigh myself :/)
ugw: 40kg
my biggest fear is my boyfriend finding this profile lmao
sad venting thread: click
calorie counting and other stuff blog: click click
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bunnyblog ₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 
binge free day: 3 today was a weird day... i almost didnt log because i felt so bad about eating sm >< wont get into detail about what happened because its too weird to believe </3. but long story short, the day ended with me eating a pizza... i dont even like pizza. now i feel sick. i really wanted to fast.....
binge free day: 2 hiii im back! second day yayy! im kind of demotivated with how much ive eaten but i know it could be worse. im finally home though, so im planning to water fast the rest of the week until the weekend! im just glad all the unhealthy food today didnt trigger a binge :,> other than that, i got real...
binge free day: 1 woo! first blog entry. ill try to update how much i eat every day if possible ^^ but i cant promisee because im lazy, but im trying to do it right this time and not binge. so i think ill keep a counter too, starting today!! oki thats all for the day, thanks for reading! :> -bunny
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♡ so i guess i'll make one of these vent/rant threads too ♡
#1 
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Posted 18 April 2022 - 10:17 AM
hi hi bunny here!
(idk if this warning is necessary but ill mention calories here soooo be careful friends)
(also sh talk at the end tw tw tw)
easter is the worst. and i want to go home. omg fuck it if someone finds this account XD ill overshare anyway
im staying at my dads house for a week. and basically im not allowed to decide what i eat on my own. im not allowed to skip meals or not eat at all. it was fine the past few days because they only give me like 700 calories a day at most((except id rather fast but whatever its still low enough that ill lose weight)) BUT easter!!!! omg fucking easter its SO bad. i couldnt really count calories because it was all cake and sweets but estimating it comes to like. 1200 calories for the day.
and i dont know why im freaking out about it so much >< because thats not even overeating. like heck ive eaten way more during binges and felt fine about it. aaaaa i really wish i could just stop beating myself up over it. i guess eating a """normal""" amount is way more uncomfortable for me than binging or restricting. idk why. i hate having two meals a day its the absolute worse can i please go back to fasting and only eating on the weekends or when my friends buy me food???
i cant wait to go back home and go back to my old habits omg. i made so much progress already!! i want to go back to deciding what i eat by myself and actually reliably counting calories thank you !!
tomorrows meal plan doesnt look that low calorie either but at least ill actually get to skip breakfast this time since my parents are working :DD
so maybe ill get below 600 idk idk i hope
yaaaa
oh wait another thing sorry this post is long as hell but............. im extremely scared about my friends copying my disordered eating .... which is part of the reason im here so i stop accidentally oversharing my dieting plans with them ;w; i would never forgive myself if i gave my friends an eating disorder
okay thats all mmm ill be back next time im sad about calories
unrelated but i really want a cat
but id probably just have gender envy lololol
and my moms allergic </3
unrelated unrelated but god im such a hypocrite telling my boyfriend not to sh while literally doing it myself and having a goddamn """sh buddy""" if u could call it that <///3 ((its because i want to be the most damaged, isnt it?))
#3
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Posted 18 April 2022 - 05:05 PM
had an argument with my boyfriend nd now i want to die lololol... how can someone be this insensitive..... its my own fault though for never asking for help im not mad or anything just frustrated. why do i always have to care for myself ???
#5
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Posted 18 April 2022 - 08:01 PM
heyyy im actually doing fine now ;w; forced myself to take a shower and made up with my boyfriend ayyye :DD and ate some easter candy ahwhshgh but its fine cuz it wasnt even 100 calories so i feel fine about it. tomorrows gonna be lotsa restriction though !!
#7
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 06:42 AM
guess who ate two slices of strawberry cheesecake cuz they were forced to- ;w; why do i never have the confidence to say no to food even if i really dont want it, im so scared of conflict and what if they ask me why i dont want it...-
#8
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 07:04 AM
scared that my friends might take me to mcdonalds tomorrow
for more than one reason kinda-
like ofc the food. i would want to take nothing or like a salad or apples but i kno that they wouldnt let me and id be hearing them tell me that i need to eat more the whole time (i like when they worry about me but i dont want to be confronted about it if that makes sense- :,>)
but also im really scared of social interactions so restaurants are very difficult for me
and im probably too poor to afford to buy food which means id have to rely on my friends for money again and i dont want that
and lastly, i have blades in my backpack and im so scared that my mom unpacks my stuff at home while im out eating with my friends and finds them
;w;
aa but i really miss my friends...the dilemma
#10
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 11:58 AM
i feel like ive wasted so much time in fast, binge, b/p, restrict, binge, fast, etc etc etc cycles. i have a very strict """due date""" (this sounds like im pregnant), being may 2023- because, in my head, thats about the time im able to meet my boyfriend in person for the first time so ofc i want to be my ugw at that point.
the problem just is....ive had that date for like two years. and ive always went back to my sw in the end. it is SO frustrating. two years ago it was three years, one year ago it was two years, now its only one year to lose the weight, and i dont know if i can do it.
i hate how much of my life is focused on that stupid fuckign number. like who even CARES.???? i wish i wouldve never developed this disorder so i could focus on other shit instead of losing weight.
but this is where we are i guess ;w;
i want to both recover AND be my ugw for my boyfriend sob sob
im such a simp
thanks for reading ig
-bunny out
(i sure hope my rantings arent annoying cuzz shit i have a lot to rant)
#12
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 04:37 PM
the way childhood trauma made me see a, like, 5th grade girl on the bus, and my first thought was "body goals" omfg ?? its literally impossible for me to be that small but i just want to look like a child again :///
#13
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 09:23 AM
im thinking about going shopping tomorrow for healthy foods while my mom is working because we have like !!! zero veggies in the house but also im super scared to go alone cuz social anxiety + i have no idea how much money that sort of food would actually cost because im rlly broke and i dont want to waste the easter money my grandma gave me on the thing that gives me the most stress ykyk...,aaa i wish i was more confident and rich
#14
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 09:34 AM
how are there so little calories in pickles what the hell..... and why does my brain automatically assume tastes good=high in calories. sob sob. i love pickles though but id think like....theres gotta be like.... 10 calories in one pickle. nope. googled and its like. 4. ive heard people say pickles have zero calories but that makes even less sense so im going with 4 but ???? wtf. i can eat 3 pickels and feel satisfied for the rest of the day HOW IS THERE SO LITTLE IN THEM.... okay im done here sorry had a pickle moment maybe i should go on a pickle diet but id hate to end up like pickle loving anon
#16
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Posted 21 April 2022 - 11:11 PM
turns out if i just gaslight myself enough into constantly thinking that everything is way too high in calories, and that i cant have even the lowest cal shit, and that i need to eat 0 calories a day to feel comfortable in my skin, and that an apple is a high calorie binge food, my "binges" turn into me literally just consuming normal amounts of food or less and still crying and vomiting over it and feeling like a failure. great weight loss tactic!!
(this is sarcasm btw im genuinely scared ill never be able to eat normally again without feeling like this)
#17
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Posted 21 April 2022 - 11:12 PM
it was like this before years ago god fucking dammit i relapsed hard. like the time i went on a week long fast and told myself ive accepted that im going to die because ill never eat again. spoiler, i ate again.
#18
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Posted 25 April 2022 - 09:17 AM
welcome back to my personal hell. this episode:
im back in school :|| yayy? and i have an exam on thursday. BUT. i got my friend into my favorite comfort show of all time. and we can talk about it and share moments and relate to each other and freak out over the pairings together MMMMM its so nice,,, especially since all my other friends always hated on it and made fun of me for liking it lmao. it feels good to have someone who will genuine hyperfixate on this media that means so much to me :<< ALSO i talked to them about my ed and were doing a diet together now :DD i couldnt be happier WJDJFHGF i really need to update my blog but i kinda binged the past few days, though i got into a habit of purging now. it only sucks thta i cant do it at school eh- but yeah going on a vegetable mono from tomorrow on yayy! and going shopping
only issue is that my bf seems hella jealous. and i feel bad for trusting this other person more than them. since like...were supposed to tell each other everything but like... theres a lot of things my bf cant help me with/makes worse so i dont want to share them with my bf lol. especially since im rlly jealous since their mental state seems worse than mine so i feel pretty invalidated :// ik its bad but i cant really help it, sue me mpa-
#19
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 11:31 AM
tw sh lololol
i also got a bunch of baby stuff!! GOT MY FIRST PACIS LOL just agere thingz yeah im cringe
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