☆°･:･｡ romanticizing control ｡･:･ﾟ☆
#1 
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Warrior
Posted 15 May 2022 - 06:26 PM
☆°･:･｡ hello!! ｡･:･ﾟ☆
welcome to my accountability 
me:
she/her, 20, barista
diagnosed with depression/anxiety, ednos
stats:
height: 5'5
sw: 187.0
cw: 187.0 / 84.8 kg
gw: 175 / 79kg
ugw: 88 / 39kg
diet:
I have celiac so i will be eating gluten free. I was thinking about doing keto too but not atm. so everything i eat will be gluten free.
story:
hiii you can call me berry
I have been gone for quite some time due to recovery and finally being able to love myself after 5 years with an ed. well um
that has now changed lol. idrk what happened but my mental health has been tough lately and it is getting better
but idk i feel like i do not have control, so i basically just want that control back and feel like i am in control again hehe.
i'll be posting everyday my intake. idk if im going to count calories yet but i will be soon. i might also be posting meal pics and other pics from my life
xoxo
☆°･:･｡ berry ｡･:･ﾟ☆
post layout:
weight:
(i will be only weighing in once a week)
intake:
brekkie:
lunch:
dinner:
<3
journal:
xoxo
☆°: berry :☆
1st: 175
2nd: 165
3rd: 155
4th: 145
#2
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Warrior
Posted 15 May 2022 - 06:39 PM
☆°･:･｡ 05.15.22 ｡･:･ﾟ☆
weight:
187.0 / 84kg
(i will be only weighing in once a week)
intake:
brekkie: mcdonalds caramel coffee
lunch: butter chicken w/ rice
dinner: rest of rice w/ seasoned chicken (made sausage but i didn't eat it cause i don't like it)
<3
journal:
today was a really good day! yesterday i got a cat hehe so i spent my morning with her. she's so freakin cute. then me and my roomie went and got coffee and went to a few stores. I ended up getting a lot of cute things!! i got a new perfume hehe cause I've been wanting a decent one recently. I also got a few stickers that are clear for my window (they make rainbows) and then a super cute sun catcher also!! i was sooo excited when i saw them cause i saw it on shein last year but never got it sooo i had to get it. i also got a friday the 13th tattoo. ik its sunday now but on friday i had signed up to get one and they still did them throughout the weekend for $20 so of course i had to still go. my roomie even went so we got new tatts hehe. i also got another one on friday so i am getting a lot haha.
xoxo
☆°･:･｡ berry ｡･:･ﾟ☆
#4
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Warrior
Posted 16 May 2022 - 03:06 AM
korba, on 15 May 2022 - 6:57 PM, said:
Hello, a fellow barista, how nice!
Following cause my HW was quite close to yours (80kg) and my LW close to your UGW so it IS possible.
You can do it queen
ah yess!!
and omg thank you so much! i’m glad you followed
#5
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Warrior
Posted 16 May 2022 - 06:09 PM
☆°･:･｡ 05.16.22 ｡･:･ﾟ☆
weight:
n/a
intake:
brekkie: egg (90) sausage (180) cheese (77) tomato (22) green pepper (15)
lunch: n/a
dinner: tortilla chips (160) nacho cheese (140) chocolate pudding (240)
snack: cold press (9) sf caramel syrup (20) caramel syrup (48) 2% milk (122)
total: 1,123
<3
journal:
okay so today was good! i had a long ass day tho at work. i worked from 530am - 1pm. it was really long. but then i came home and chilled and read Wintergirls. Wintergirls is my fave ed book. reminds me of my days when i first restricted lol. i love the writing of it and it is what i aspire to write like. also today i got out of the house! this was big more me since my roomie was at work until 8. my brother had a baseball game in my college town so i went. it was chilly. the winds gave me goosebumps while the players were hitting the ball and running. running like i could never lol. i got dinner from my dad hehe so i did not have to make anything at home. love when that happens haha.
how was everyone today? also if anyone has an ed insta plzzz message me and i can give you mine and we can be friends hehe : )
xoxo
☆°･:･｡ berry ｡･:･ﾟ☆
#6
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- 192 posts
Warrior
Posted 17 May 2022 - 06:33 PM
☆°･:･｡ 05.17.22 ｡･:･ﾟ☆
weight:
185.6
- 2/ 0.9kg
intake:
brekkie: egg (90) sausage (180) cheese (77) tomato (22) green pepper (15)
lunch: n/a
dinner: binge - cheeto puffs, chai blender w/ whip, spicy chicken w/ rice (purged) 3 meatballs
snack: americano (0) sf chai syrup (0) 2% milk (120) chocolate pudding (240)
total: unkown
<3
journal:
today was crazy. I am kinda upset cause i binged. i was doing so well today. i went to the gym and burned 200 cals and had a plan for dinner to stay under 1,200 cals for the day. well i ended up going on a road trip with my roomie and i was not doing well. i was so weak feeling. we stopped for a bathroom break and i got a diet dr. pepper to kill some cravings. well it did not work 
i just felt awful and weak. my body felt like it hasn't eaten in days. it was not good. when we were almost home we stopped again and i ended up getting cheeto puffs and a chai blender from scooters. then i went home and ate my planned dinner. but i was so full cause of allll that i ate so i purged. i purged most of my dinner and got to the chai but had to stop cause the chai was low key gross and tasted like cough/sick medicine but i drank it anyways so it coming back up was even more terrible so i had to stop. then i was starving again so i ate 3 small itty meatballs and currently as i am writing this i am again hungry but i cannot eat. i refuse. i hope tomorrow goes better and i think i am gonna make a protein shake to get me through mornings and figure out what makes me feel more full so i do not feel so weak. i only binged cause i was feeling so terrible. i am gonna continue to browse on here and read wintergirls. i hope everyone had a good day. i am also glad tho cause i had to weigh myself tonight cause i just had to know my weight and i have lost 2 pounds so i am happy cause of that!! okie night everyone : )
xoxo
☆°･:･｡ berry ｡･:･ﾟ☆
#7
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- 192 posts
Warrior
Posted 18 May 2022 - 08:46 AM
losertown
01. may 25, 2022 | PW: 183.2 lbs | AW: ???.? lbs
#8
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- 192 posts
Warrior
Posted 18 May 2022 - 06:38 PM
☆°･:･｡ 05.18.22｡･:･ﾟ☆
weight:
n/a
intake:
brekkie: cheddar cheese burrito (280)
lunch: strawberry smoothie (187)
dinner: ziti & meatballs (330) mixed berry muffin (482)
snack: protein shake w/ pumpkin spice (170) (did not drink all but still counting it)
totat: 1,449
<3
journal:
okay so decent day! went to the store this morning to get more milk to make a protein shake. while i was at the store i got walden farms whipped peanut butter. i was so so hoping to would taste at least a little good. well. the smell of it smells chemically. i tased it and it tastes chemically too lol. idk what i was expecting BUT there is a lil nutty taste so if i put it in like a shake or something hopefully it'll taste decent. anyways i was not that hungry today which was good. except i had to have a moment where i was like "why am i doing this, i need to eat" blah blah blah bullshit. so i went and got a gf muffin. it was good but it too like 10 minuets of debate in my head to actually get it and i almost started crying. but like i can not eat normal. i feel like my life is boring and way too normal if i am not restricting. like if i eat normal then what am i gonna think about or look forward too??? i know way to much about my ed and get way to excited to come on here and also restrict like whoops lol. i hope im not the only one. so i counted it in my cals for the day and i think it still counts as high restricting cause i did not binge so. but i did buy other muffins and now i have 2 muffins chilling in my kitchen. FUCK i also got a coffee. that makes my total to 1,783, fmllll. i estimated it to be (334) cals. i over estimate things unless i know exactly how many cals are in it, so like if it says on the label but like things like iced mochas i gotta guess. ahh okay hopefully it does not make me gain. okay okay im gonna browse here some more and go to bed and try not to freak tf out on my own doings. i hope everyone had a good day
xoxo
☆°･:･｡berry｡･:･ﾟ☆
#9
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Advanced Sage
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Posted 18 May 2022 - 09:49 PM
Hey Berry!
following along!
Somewhere out there someone will notice me
Starting weight: 262.2
Current weight: 261.4 >.<
Height: 5'7
***************************
Goals & Rewards
Gw1: 240 - new nail polish Gw2: 220 - new book Gw3: 200 - new game
Gw4: 170 - new shoes Gw5: 150 - new bag Gw6: 130 - new skinny jeans
Gw7: 120 - new dress Ugw: 110 - new wardrobe!
#10
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Warrior
Posted 19 May 2022 - 06:23 AM
Ravenshollow, on 18 May 2022 - 9:49 PM, said:
Hey Berry!
following along!
hey!! glad ur following
hope you’re doing well !!#11
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- 192 posts
Warrior
Posted 19 May 2022 - 06:17 PM
☆°･:･｡ 05.19.22 ｡･:･ﾟ☆
weight:
n/a
intake:
brekkie: strawberry banana smoothie (195)
lunch: cheese, rice, and bean burrito (280)
snacks: 2 pumpkin muffins (656) cheeto puffs (231)
dinner: bagel w/ cream cheese and salmon (??) baked sweat potato (202) butter (102) brown sugar (50)
total: 1,717 counted calories but not the actual total, actual total is unknown
<3
journal:
so today was okay. work was good except i got sent home early :/ and my work schedule changed for next week to less hours but oh well lol. after i got home tho i decided i needed to eat again like a normal person 
so i had two pumpkin muffins and cheeto puffs. hey with those and my sweet potato dinner i was under 2,000 but now since i ate a bagel with it, it has to be over than 2,000. how annoying. i wish my brain would slow tf down and let me do what i want. i do not want to eat, so stop making me lol. i went on a walk with my roommates and it was fun! i mean i spaced out the whole time and was in my own world but it was still fun. I think im gonna start walking more haha. so right now i guess im on high restriction. i think that is what is gonna be best for now to reduce less binges. I haven't really "binged" i mean i have but i purged and i count today as "normal" eating and not a binge cause i was not nearly as full as i was when i normally binge. so its okay ig. also today i got new batteries for my scale cause the other ones weren't working. i weighed myself tho and it says im 134.2????? (this was before my binge so it's different now) but like??? losing 3lbs in a week???? i low key might bye another scale so i can compare the two lol oops. okay time to go to bed cause i work at 530 am. also!! tomorrow i go grocery shopping yesssss so excited because i can buy low calorie food hehe. okie hope everyone has a good rest of their day.
xoxo
☆°･:･｡ berry ｡･:･ﾟ☆
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#12
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Advanced Sage
- LocationTexas
Posted 19 May 2022 - 06:49 PM
I think walking is a great idea! I need to do as much as i can handle, but get as much as you can it’s always great to burn extra calories! hehehe
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Somewhere out there someone will notice me
Starting weight: 262.2
Current weight: 261.4 >.<
Height: 5'7
***************************
Goals & Rewards
Gw1: 240 - new nail polish Gw2: 220 - new book Gw3: 200 - new game
Gw4: 170 - new shoes Gw5: 150 - new bag Gw6: 130 - new skinny jeans
Gw7: 120 - new dress Ugw: 110 - new wardrobe!
#13
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- 192 posts
Warrior
Posted Yesterday, 03:06 AM
Ravenshollow, on 19 May 2022 - 6:49 PM, said:
Any reason you got sent home early? you don’t have to share if you don’t want to
I think walking is a great idea! I need to do as much as i can handle, but get as much as you can it’s always great to burn extra calories! hehehe
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
oh yeah i forgot to mention it oops. it was because our sales have been low but we were in the middle of a rush and leaving only 3 people and that’s tough in a rush. so it didn’t make sense to me lol. and i know! i’ve walked on a treadmill and it’s sooo much easier to walk outside! i like looking and hearing everything!!
#14
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Advanced Sage
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Posted Yesterday, 12:51 PM
daintyyflower, on 20 May 2022 - 03:06 AM, said:
oh yeah i forgot to mention it oops. it was because our sales have been low but we were in the middle of a rush and leaving only 3 people and that’s tough in a rush. so it didn’t make sense to me lol. and i know! i’ve walked on a treadmill and it’s sooo much easier to walk outside! i like looking and hearing everything!!
Oh I hate when sales are slow! Hope your day was good today
Somewhere out there someone will notice me
Starting weight: 262.2
Current weight: 261.4 >.<
Height: 5'7
***************************
Goals & Rewards
Gw1: 240 - new nail polish Gw2: 220 - new book Gw3: 200 - new game
Gw4: 170 - new shoes Gw5: 150 - new bag Gw6: 130 - new skinny jeans
Gw7: 120 - new dress Ugw: 110 - new wardrobe!
#15
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- 192 posts
Warrior
Posted Yesterday, 07:05 PM
☆°･:･｡ 05.20.22 ｡･:･ﾟ☆
weight:
n/a
intake:
brekkie: berry smoothie (210)
lunch: chips (?) white coffee w/ pumpkin and white chocolate (?)
dinner: burger (?) w/ bacon (?) onion (?) mashed poatao and cauliflower (?)
snack: 2 rice cake (?) strawberry jam (?) strawberry rhubarb cake thing (?)
total: ????
<3
journal:
today was okay. work was alright except i get in like this feeling everyday where i feel like im sowing down and i dissociate and feel a little outside of my body. this happens every morning. and idk i decided to actually eat chips and make myself a drink. then i went home and regretted it. the only good thing is when i tend to eat time goes faster than when i don't lol, anyone else? then i went grocery shopping hehe. i took video of it for a vlog, so ill post that here when i am done! i got some safe foods and those will be posed below. i was gonna get my snack before but decided against it but then my dad asked me if i wanted to go out for dinner and i said yes so i eventually went out an got it. i ended up purging a bit of it. then i went to dinner and it was good! but then came home and talked to my roomies and then tried purging my dinner. i would say i only got about 1/4 at most out. kinda disappointing but unless im overly stuffed it's apparently hard to get it all out. i was gonna go for a walk before dinner but decided against it and tried how to edit my video, did not get very far as i am using a new software to edit and don't know what i am doing so i have to look up videos lol. okay i have to wake up at 530am so im gonna go to bed. hopefully everyone had a good day! ooooh ooooh i also ordered another scale! i ordered it so i can compare it to my other scale lol. also this one is fancy and can connect to my phone. i also order a paperback version of wintergirls so i can tear out pages. i have been reading it online and it was only $7 on amazon so i plan on tearing pages and putting into my journal. okie night!
some stuff from my grocery haul
xoxo
☆°･:･｡ berry ｡･:･ﾟ☆
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#16
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Advanced Member
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#17
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- 192 posts
Warrior
Posted Today, 04:07 AM
kitsune.corpse, on 20 May 2022 - 7:15 PM, said:
I love winter girls, and cool safe food haul! Also sorry you purged, it can be pretty tiring.
ahh thank you!! you’re so sweet
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