lunoct
Member Since 30 Nov 2018OFFLINE Last Active Today, 11:15 AM
About Me
all you need is something simple.
i've had severe bulimia since july of 2021. i don't condone fatphobia.
i have low empathy and struggle with social cues, tone reading etc.
i really really love video games especially RPGs.
also i'm an adult (23 years old).
username & profile information below the cut:
my username is a reference to the game final fantasy xv. it's a combination of noctis (the protagonist of the game, and my all time favorite character) and luna (his love interest). they're like my favorite love story in anything and i really like the way their names sound together (AKA their ship name) so voila, username lore. i'm really into final fantasy and i love final fantasy XV the best. i also think it's a great entry point if you're looking to get into final fantasy. its' a bit of a controversial game amongst final fantasy fans, but if you like themes of friendship and tragedy and really like open world games, FFXV is a treat that you may find yourself really enjoying.
if you're curious who the blonde character in my icon and signature is, her name is aigis from persona 3. she's a sentient robot who has basically become the mascot character for the game. i really like her arc and just find her character very moving and relatable. i highly recommend playing persona 3 but it has been rereleased/ported a few times so it may be confusing figuring out which one you should play -- the best ways to play it are either persona 3 portable, which you can play on PSP or using a PSP emulator, or persona 3 FES, which you can play on a ps2 or using a ps2 emulator OR by purchasing it on the playstation network. keep in mind though that persona games are known for their length so be prepared to rack up at least 80+ hours of playtime.
Community Stats
- GroupAccountability access
- Active Posts1618
- Profile Views3149
- Member TitleAdvanced Sage
- AgeAge Unknown
- BirthdayBirthday Unknown
- GenderNot Telling
- InterestsBible stories, video games, computers, music and animals
tiktok is a DISEASE
#1
Posted 10 May 2022 - 08:38 AM
imagine thinking "triggering ur friend's ED" is a flex lol
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lunoct / coda | 23 | she/her
epic bulimic* who really likes video games.
i eat a lot. i puke a lot. i talk a lot. as shrimple as that really.
♡ Christian, aroace, autistic (prof-dx), pizza luvr. ♡
BMI is a myth based on eugenics and racism.
*i'm not AN b/p.
Romans 15:13
#2
Posted 10 May 2022 - 08:40 AM
every time i mention how gross it's userbase is someone comes in telling me to mind my own business lmao but these are the people they're surrounding themselves with, sooo0000
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#3
Posted 10 May 2022 - 08:45 AM
I mean, in all honesty I feel secretly validated when I suspect anyone envies my body too -- but I wouldn't publicly share these thoughts on TikTok. I would be so mortified if I was the friend this user is talking about and I saw this TikTok they made. What if they're not even jealous, lol?
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#5
Posted 10 May 2022 - 09:36 AM
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#6
Posted 10 May 2022 - 12:54 PM
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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#7
Posted 10 May 2022 - 02:43 PM
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#8
Posted 10 May 2022 - 02:49 PM
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I have a youtube channel too!
subscribe if ya want
(going to upload videos soon!.. more ed content and random shit)
https://www.youtube....w_as=subscriber
"Heis,
You are you,
Perfection and goals,
How I long to see you be whole" - S'mores
#9
Posted 10 May 2022 - 02:51 PM
I guess I interpreted it the opposite from how she meant it. My initial reaction was thinking her friend is disgusted by her body and using her as reverse thinspo in any case, I hope her friend finds this video and cuts this girl out of her life. I wouldn't want a "friend" like her.
#10
Posted 10 May 2022 - 03:14 PM
and this, friends, is why i stopped using tiktok
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#11
Posted 10 May 2022 - 03:24 PM
I’m glad I’m not on ed TikTok and just nonsensical funny TikTok
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#13
Posted 10 May 2022 - 04:08 PM
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#15
Posted 10 May 2022 - 07:22 PM
she doesnt know if it was the other way lol
her friend could have thought that the op was fat and threw up out if fear of looking like that
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#16
Posted 10 May 2022 - 07:24 PM
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#17
Posted 10 May 2022 - 08:07 PM
I??? What was going through their head posting this??? Like 'ah, yes, this is a totally relatable thing I will post on the internet for everyone to see :)'
Like bro they could've just been using the bathroom and happened to look at you what
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~Hufflepuff | INFP | 9w1 | They/Them | Pisces~
Stats/Diagnoses/Weight-Loss:
Height: 5'4.5 (65 in)
HW: ~200 (BMI 33.8)
LW: 122 (BMI 20.6)
CW: 176.9 (BMI 29.9)
GW1: 155 (BMI 26.2)
GW2: 120 (BMI 20.3)
What I'm diagnosed with:
~Depression - General Anxiety Disorder/Anticipatory Anxiety - Childhood Trauma - Food Restriction (EDNOS)~
Suspecting:
~Autism/ADHD~
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Weight Loss Rewards:
180- Shorter Haircut
170- Add Dye to Hair!
160- New Tattoo
150- New Binder
140- Short Haircut!!!
130- Wardrobe Update (200$ spending money)
120- New Bikini Bathing Suit
Accountability: https://www.myproana...-to-120-at-545/
Updated Last: 5.04.22
"I begin to assemble what weapons I can find, 'cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind."
~Migraine, twenty one pilots
"I was once told that the love I felt beating inside my chest was nothing more than my mind playing an unfair trick on my heart.
And like a pair of dice dancing along the uneven pavement, their fate, much like yours or mine, had already been decided." ~Find Me, Forest Blakk
"Of course I'll be here again, see you tomorrow, but it's the end of today,
End of my ways as a walking denial
My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case." ~Addict With a Pen, twenty one pilots
#18
Posted 10 May 2022 - 10:47 PM
with the way it works, tiktok users might feel like they should share everything just for 'positive' feedback in the form of likes, views, comments, etc. (mmh, sweet artificial dopamine)
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#20
Posted 11 May 2022 - 12:46 AM
shua, on 10 May 2022 - 10:47 PM, said:
I feel like it might be like this because people who grow up with social media might have less of a filter? you know, the split second you usually take to think whether something should be shared with the world or not
with the way it works, tiktok users might feel like they should share everything just for 'positive' feedback in the form of likes, views, comments, etc. (mmh, sweet artificial dopamine)
yeah this is exactly right. every thought needs to be put through the machine. and then when someone actually gets called out for being insensitive and lacking awareness a lot of them will blame it on them being mentally ill and lacking empathy as a result, which rly sucks because those are things that i genuinely struggle with too but dont actively abuse said struggle for content (and im not saying i'm even the bigger person for this at all , its literally just... so easy not to view ur platform as a 24/7 soapbox)
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lunoct / coda | 23 | she/her
epic bulimic* who really likes video games.
i eat a lot. i puke a lot. i talk a lot. as shrimple as that really.
♡ Christian, aroace, autistic (prof-dx), pizza luvr. ♡
BMI is a myth based on eugenics and racism.
*i'm not AN b/p.
Romans 15:13
anyone else just waiting to be “sick enough?”
#1
Posted 24 March 2022 - 03:11 PM
i just feel like i’d be called an attention seeker for admitting i have an ed to anyone other than my therapist. and even she doesn’t understand my obsession with wanting to be sick enough and skinny enough. i feel like she’d only understand if i was actually skinny. because i’m not a certain size i literally don’t feel sick enough.
#2
Posted 24 March 2022 - 03:19 PM
I know what you mean. I'm not even a normal weight- I am considered obese and would be laughed out of the door if I ever admitted to having an ED, not to mention im 30 and should be doing all that 'adult' stuff I keep hearing about instead of being depressed and sick.
I'll need to keep this up for a long ass time and lose 100+ pounds before anyone will even consider that I have a problem or that I'm sick enough. I just want to get there, to be small and frail and beautiful but its so far away.
And bit of a side note but I feel like the 'atypical' in Atypical Anorexia is fucking personal. It's nuts but I'm a bit nuts I guess so theres that.
We must be strong. We ARE strong. <3
#4
Posted 24 March 2022 - 06:51 PM
#5
Posted 24 March 2022 - 08:03 PM
To cheer myself up after hearing that I’m healthy (why is this bad) I gave myself carte blanche to be as bad as I want because my health is not I jeopardy at the moment,
#6
Posted 24 March 2022 - 08:35 PM
#8
Posted 25 March 2022 - 01:26 AM
man same. always been average weight, from hw to lw. sure, my eyes are bigger and my nose stands out more, but other than that you can't see a huge weight loss difference. everything is just 'slightly'; slightly flatter stomach, slightly smaller thighs, slightly slimmer face...nothing is drastic and i hate it.
#9
Posted 25 March 2022 - 01:34 AM
I feel like this as well. I also have this thought that I'm not sick enough to deserve recovery, which has lead to all my recover attempts failing.
#10
Posted 25 March 2022 - 01:37 AM
Buuuuut no time for that I gotta get healthy and that ironically scares the shit out of me
#11
Posted 25 March 2022 - 02:48 AM
I'm torn because being small enough to be a worry is so validating but then will I ever be small enough? Do I want to be a burden on others? Do I like it when other people acknowledge my weight loss? The answer to all of those is no and therefore it's a shitty vicious trap
#12
Posted 25 March 2022 - 02:57 AM
I get it but I believe it is the ED rationale for us to keep going and going faster. Because honestly, even when you're officially underweight, what even is 'skinny enough' or 'sick enough'. Is it BMI 18, 16, or 12? I told myself the same thing when I was overweight and healthyweight, that being underweight will be 'it'. But now that I'm underweight I still feel fat and unvalidated.
#13
Posted 26 March 2022 - 02:00 PM
But surely I am proving a point, what does it take for nhs to realise that eating disorders can get very serious and what point do they take it seriously.
Posted 22 March 2022 - 03:15 PM
i was cutting and purging last year for months, but my mom found out so i can’t do either anymore.
i’ve been through a bit of trauma i’m just now trying to get over. major depression, childhood csa, a few family deaths, all that shit. i feel like the moment i put food in my mouth and swallow, everything i’ve set out to accomplish goes away. and i remember all that stuff in explicit detail. the moment i eat. like, for some reason eating means ive done this immoral thing that’s going to prevent me from ever being truly happy, because it reminds me of what hurts. like fuck. i just want it easy.
i want to be one of those lily white picket fence people who have no mental shit to worry about and are just perfectly happy.
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#2
Posted 22 March 2022 - 03:29 PM
Yeah, that puts into words what I've been trying to say for a while. It feels like by eating, I'm somehow negating the progress I've made towards getting over my trauma and shit. All eating has gotten me is overdosing and hating myself more. Time for a relapse, I guess.
Posted 19 March 2022 - 01:18 PM
and i made a lot of points in here and kinda went off on a tangent. just making notes about what i’ve observed. feel free to agree or disagree.
—the sending harassment toward people for discussing huge life events when it came to their ed. i get the wanting to be a good mental health activist, but bullying people into omitting triggering details from a time in their life they’ve already stated will be a triggering story to tell isnt very “#mentalhealthmatters” of you. it’s just bullying in the hopes of being a savior to someone. it’s not a good look.
—telling people they shouldn’t film or having pictures of themselves being tubed on tiktok because it can “trigger” other people who haven’t been tubed, because suddenly a picture of you being tubed means you said people who aren’t tubed aren’t sick enough. i haven’t been tubed but i find that to be such an asshole-ish thing to say.
—being hypocritical when it comes to eds. it’s ok to talk about them, but only if you’re joking about them and not bringing to light the damage it caused, because it might trigger another person with an ed into thinking they aren’t sick enough. same with any other mental issue on tiktok. you can joke, but you can’t vent. because apparently that’s “trauma dumping.”
—telling random teenage girls just showing off outfits that they’re body checking and should put a tw. imagine if someone did put tw bodycheck for that reason. would that not make it easier for people who want to trigger themselves to find the triggering content you condemn so much? especially when the only proof you have of it being a body check is the fact people in the comments have no idea how to deal with their own insecurities and blame random strangers on the internet for them. that’s not their problem. plus, it rarely ever happens to guys on tiktok. andif you were truly advocating for those in recovery from EDs, you wouldn’t encourage people to accuse others of having an ed by accusing them of ed behaviors such as body checking when they aren’t. irresponsibly accusing people of body checking is not okay.
—chris henrie, ig? not him as a person, but the way people were sending him hate for initially having numbers in his book about living with an eating disorder. he shouldn’t have had to have been bullied out of writing what he wanted to write. people could’ve just chosen not to read the book knowing it talked about eating disorders to begin with, which is already a triggering subject. anyway i respect his choice to scrap the numbers. he seems really nice.
i think in general, seeing as tiktok is full of young teens, especially some struggling mentally-they want to feel useful by advocating for mental health, specifically EDs if it hits close to home. but attempting to bully others and wrongfully accuse them of ed behaviors to do so is incredibly wrong. so i see where they are coming from, but there has to be a better way. i think on mpa, a lot of us allow for open discussion and many of us are older or have struggled with EDs for years and see no reason to become this “beacon” of recovery even when we choose to recover.
i think that’s another problem. trying to be an influencer based in recovery if that would be incredibly draining to you mentally. some people just aren’t cut out for it. there has to be a way to say “i’m not okay” without trying to be this unstoppable force of nature who forces themselves to recover in front of an audience, especially when you aren’t prepared for that. you don’t have to let social media see every detail of your life if you’re trying to recover, or let tiktok be the end all be all of your recovery.
anyway i’m trying to be as nice as possible writing this all out. just my thoughts. take care everyone. <3
#2
Posted 19 March 2022 - 01:30 PM
ED Tiktok is SO frustrating, I feel like every time I see something with it, it's completely backwards. Someone's actually body-checking? Everyone is defending them. Someone who is literally naturally thin and is just making a video? The comments are absolutely disgusting.
I feel like most of these commentators are just pointing stuff out to make themselves look good (savior complex) and don't actually care about the posters well-being. Everyone is so uneducated too it's as if they are just shouting into the void.
It's really disheartening seeing so much progress be reversed because people choose to not educate themselves on literally anything online. And with all this mis-information, all these young kids are hearing the words 'body-checking' and running off with it.
I try to stay as far away from ED Tiktok as I can, honestly. It's awful.
~Hufflepuff | INFP | 9w1 | They/Them | Pisces~
Stats/Diagnoses/Weight-Loss:
Height: 5'4.5 (65 in)
HW: ~200 (BMI 33.8)
LW: 122 (BMI 20.6)
CW: 176.9 (BMI 29.9)
GW1: 155 (BMI 26.2)
GW2: 120 (BMI 20.3)
What I'm diagnosed with:
~Depression - General Anxiety Disorder/Anticipatory Anxiety - Childhood Trauma - Food Restriction (EDNOS)~
Suspecting:
~Autism/ADHD~
199 - 198 - 197 - 196 - 195 - 194 - 193 - 192 - 191 - 190- 189 - 188 - 187 - 186 - 185 - 184 - 183 - 182 - 181 - 180
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134 - 133 - 132 - 131 - 130 - 129 - 128 - 127 - 126 - 125 - 124 - 123 - 122 - 121 - 120 - 119 - 118 - 117 - 116 - 115
Weight Loss Rewards:
180- Shorter Haircut
170- Add Dye to Hair!
160- New Tattoo
150- New Binder
140- Short Haircut!!!
130- Wardrobe Update (200$ spending money)
120- New Bikini Bathing Suit
Accountability: https://www.myproana...-to-120-at-545/
Updated Last: 5.04.22
"I begin to assemble what weapons I can find, 'cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind."
~Migraine, twenty one pilots
"I was once told that the love I felt beating inside my chest was nothing more than my mind playing an unfair trick on my heart.
And like a pair of dice dancing along the uneven pavement, their fate, much like yours or mine, had already been decided." ~Find Me, Forest Blakk
"Of course I'll be here again, see you tomorrow, but it's the end of today,
End of my ways as a walking denial
My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case." ~Addict With a Pen, twenty one pilots
#3
Posted 19 March 2022 - 01:56 PM
i live under a rock and don't use tiktok, so i haven't heard of ed tiktok, and i appreciate your breakdown.
it sounds interesting.
i have been tubed and know others who post tubed pics on facebook as a status symbol. i personally don't get triggered by it, but i do know people who do.
good better best never let it rest
until your good is better
and your better best
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#5
Posted 19 March 2022 - 08:11 PM
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#6
Posted 19 March 2022 - 10:48 PM
theyre so sensitive its funny. tik tok and instagram, its like they feel obligated to mention that people with eating disorders exist, but then dont know what to do with that knowledge. very uneducated
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#7
Posted 19 March 2022 - 11:09 PM
i feel like people on tik tok don't realize the power of scrolling or pressing not interested if they don't want to get triggered. everyone is responsible for their own triggers. for example, i do get triggered by tubing vids or weightloss or recovery vids and i just hate the ed community on tik tok in general so i press not interested or quickly scroll whenever i see a video because i want tik tok to be a space where i DONT have to think about my ed. it takes more time to comment 'im so triggered' or even worse, 'ig i won't eat today'.
i think that its totally fine for ppl to post the things you mentioned as long as they arent like 'ana is soo good' or whatever, but i know i don't want to see it and its my responsibility to make sure that happens bc it is the internet.
also i think its all so dumb now how many ppl now are like 'i love the feeling of hopping in a hot shower after not eating all day' and etc and make it sound quirky and it makes them feel skinny or something. you need to shine light on both sides if youre going to talk about your ed on the internet. but tbh half of them prob don't have one and are just disordered like 75% of the population.
ppl only want to shine light on eds when it makes them look good either all high and mighty for calling out something that probably doesnt deserve to be called out or as if its so fun and quirky to live with an ed.
sorry i have a lot to say on this lol because tik tok was a bit responsible for my ed developing at first (but it was my fault too)
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#8
Posted 19 March 2022 - 11:12 PM
if that is a healthy person people might just have made them feel guilty for feeling good about themselves
she/her | 1.61cm / 5'3¼ | living the relapse struggle | cbmi: 20.2 | gw: feeling content
(april 2022)
my wanting better for myself + harm reduction oriented thread
🌱
𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎'𝚜 𝟷𝟼 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚜𝚝
#1
Posted 15 March 2022 - 08:18 AM
𝚕𝚒𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚍𝚜: 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛, 𝚝𝚎𝚊, 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎
𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝: 8:35𝚊𝚖, 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚌𝚑 15
𝚎𝚗𝚍: 8:35𝚊𝚖, 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚌𝚑 31
does any else?
#1
Posted 17 March 2022 - 08:39 AM
for example taylor swift or ed sheeran. (and sheeran never said he had an ed, but that he struggled with binge eating. and his name gets used as slang for an eating disorder a lot.) i’m not even a big fan of their music but i like to connect some songs of theirs to eds even when they aren’t simply because it makes me feel closer with their content in a way? the way only someone who’s dealt with an ed themselves would understand what it’s like to have one. you can put yourselves in that person’s shoes no matter how different your lives are.
i don’t really get a kick out of it, like “oh you’re rich you have nothing to complain about” like the criticism from ignorant people when a celebrity opens up about having an ed or other mental issue. i feel like this stranger who has no idea exists understands how i feel, even better than certain people in my actual life. if i was in the public eye while struggling with an ed things probably would’ve gotten even worse, so i empathize i guess.
#2
Posted 17 March 2022 - 08:47 AM
Sometimes. It's a massive comfort for me, especially seeing as so few male celebs say anything about eating disorders. I remember a few years ago when Andrew Flintoff did a documentary on how he has suffered with bulimia and it made me feel a thousand times less lonely. Particularly because he is the archetypal 'guy' - it was a real eye opener for a lot of people.
Interesting about Ed Sheeran, I never knew that he had suffered from BED
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