x
- Accountability access
- 6084 posts
Omniscient
- Locationin your fridge, eating your food.
Posted Yesterday, 05:06 PM
20 ✸ May
57,7kg / bmi: 22,8
950 calories
sushi (700)
vanilla chocolate chip cake (250)
i looked in the mirror today and i look like a barrel.
- You, frozenyogurt, isabella ♥ and 1 other like this
- Unlike
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted 17 May 2022 - 05:09 PM
tw
Naturally the universe does as much as it possibly can to fuck everything up and make me suicidal on the day something genuinely good happens. Fuck you, universe. Fuck you.
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#31 
- Accountability access
- 7886 posts
Omniscient
Posted 17 May 2022 - 06:01 PM
SadSun, on 17 May 2022 - 5:09 PM, said:
tw
Spoiler
Naturally the universe does as much as it possibly can to fuck everything up and make me suicidal on the day something genuinely good happens. Fuck you, universe. Fuck you.
if the universe doesn’t want you to be happy then you tell the universe to go and fuck itself and be happy anyway because you deserve to be jumping off the walls after bagging that interview .! i hope you feel better soon
#32
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted 17 May 2022 - 06:59 PM
flaneur, on 17 May 2022 - 6:01 PM, said:
if the universe doesn’t want you to be happy then you tell the universe to go and fuck itself and be happy anyway because you deserve to be jumping off the walls after bagging that interview .! i hope you feel better soon
Thank you flaneur, you're an amazing person <3
(still out of likes, fuck you mpa)
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#33
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted 17 May 2022 - 07:00 PM
tw (again, sorry, I'll stop posting outside of the regular daily update things after this, last rant I promise)
Update: I fucked up. I relapsed. Everything hurts like a bitch. Now I'm sitting in the closet because idk. I wanted to. I was going to call the stupid hotline but my mom called instead and wanted me to re-call a couple of places I've talked to already. She doesn't trust the transport I lined up and doesn't like the questions I asked company B. So now I'm on hold with company B again. And probably will be by the time she gets home. So, yeah. I think she can tell something is wrong with me for once but idrc. I'm too tired to sound positive and enthusiastic. As of right now she's said she'll let me go to this interview- I would be getting there myself, since she won't be able to drive me- but she hesitated a lot. So now I'm expecting one of two things to happen: I won't be able to go because we'll end up having to move or something that day, and after that my grandparent will be down here, so I won't get another chance to set up an interview; or my mom will take it back and won't let me go. My money is on the latter. Bonus points if she does it the day of.
I dunno what I'm going to have for dinner tonight, I don't feel like eating, but I might not be able to post today's stuff until tomorrow. Currently I'm at 400 calories or something like that.
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#34
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted 18 May 2022 - 08:44 PM
Week 2 - Day 9 - May 17th, 2022
800 Calories: Success!
Calorie Intake
Breakfast
- None
Lunch
- Soup (440)
Dinner
- Ham sandwich (>190)
Snack
- None
Total: >630
Liquid Intake
Water
Weight
N/A
Exercise
None
Comments
Honestly the sandwich was probably closer to 130, but I want to be safe so I rounded to the max calories that could've been in the ham
Week 2 - Day 10 - May 18th, 2022
900 Calories: Success!
Calorie Intake
Breakfast
- Cereal (310)
Lunch
- Monster (10)
- 1 slice of pizza (150)
Dinner
- Soup (240)
Snack
- None
Total: 710
Liquid Intake
Water
Monster
Diet Coke
Weight
N/A
Exercise
None
Comments
Almost binged today, twice. I'm such a cereal simp. I also originally had four slices of pizza on my plate, which was like 600 calories, but I managed not to eat them. I just trashed the other pieces (I'm sorry for wasting).
Life Stuff
I'm sorry for not posting yesterday, and I'm sorry to the people that've messaged me that I haven't gotten back to, if you're reading this. Messaging is daunting, but I'm gonna try to respond when I'm done writing this. I was going to take a break from posting because I don't trust myself to go all depresso, but I decided to at least update the intake part of my accountability anyways.
I won't go into too much detail, but basically we should be able to move by Saturday. All but one of the biggest pieces are in place.
As for the interview, I don't know. I want this job so, so badly. I'd probably sell my guitar if it meant getting the job. But I also don't know if I want to go. Part of me is afraid I'm just too... weird? Socially inept? Depressed? to work. Like, part of the job description is being upbeat and conversational. I'm trying to be upbeat, but even my mom has noticed something's up. And I used to be good with people, but I've lost any confidence I had in my people skills over the past year. Part of me still doesn't think I deserve this job, and that alone is enough to make me not want to go. And part of me also just doesn't want to deal with, well, any part of having a job as a trans guy who's name isn't even legally changed yet. My dysphoria is at an all time high, and my mentality is at an all time low, so idk how to go in there and just... lay completely bare the biggest part of myself I hate, and deal with the people that might also hate me for it. Everything about that just feels like a major "fuck no." It would be one thing if my name and gender marker were already changed, but fuck, I need this job to even be able to afford the paperwork. I feel like a failure of a trans person. I've been fully out for what, three years? Four? And don't even have my name changed, nor the confidence to be myself and defend who I am at some stupid job interview.
tw sh
Also I've fully relapsed into sh again. I couldn't sleep at all last night because it hurt to lay on either side, my right hip or my left shoulder. I won't go over my arm or anywhere visible (I'm still pissed at myself for the old scars on my arm, since now if I do get the job I'll have to work in the hot summer heat in long sleeves), but shit, adding sh to the agenda of things to worry about and think about all the time was a really stupid thing to do right now.
So yeah, that's pretty much it. I'll keep updating my daily intake, but I'll probably pause the life updates since for now there isn't anything positive to report. Thank you to whoever reads this, if anyone reads it. 
- Heisenbυrg likes this
- Like This
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#35
- Accountability access
- 71018 posts
Lord Heisenburg
- LocationSydney Australia
Posted 18 May 2022 - 09:21 PM
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I have a youtube channel too!
subscribe if ya want
(going to upload videos soon!.. more ed content and random shit)
https://www.youtube....w_as=subscriber
"Heis,
You are you,
Perfection and goals,
How I long to see you be whole" - S'mores
#36
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted 19 May 2022 - 12:36 PM
Shiiiit
Okay so apparently my mom was telling people she works with about my interview, and one of them is now offering me a job at his husband's workplace. Like, right now. I'm basically hired if I want it, I don't even know if there's a formal interview. It's a nice job, with an average wage, easily accessible with public transportation, and being basically hired is freaking awesome- but I'm not sure if I want it? Idk, I'm practically being handed a job on a silver platter, but... I don't know. For one, the job that I'm interviewing for tomorrow might pay more- not sure yet, but they might. Also, I feel like it'd be cool to get this job completely on my own, without anyone else's help. But at the same time, I'd be working for the (lgbt+ friendly) husband of someone my mom knows, so I wouldn't be a complete on my own, flailing around with no idea wtf I'm doing.
I'll probably still go to the interview tomorrow and make my mind up then.
Edit: Why do I keep getting error messages tf
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#37
- Accountability access
- 7886 posts
Omniscient
Posted 19 May 2022 - 12:48 PM
also wow ?? look at u making moves omg, not one but TWO job interviews. do whatever feels right to you, but imo you’re not giving yourself enough credit because if they’re willing to hire you on the spot they must have a p good impression of you already.
#38
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted 19 May 2022 - 01:00 PM
flaneur, on 19 May 2022 - 12:48 PM, said:
bc mpa is as fucked as it’s users
also wow ?? look at u making moves omg, not one but TWO job interviews. do whatever feels right to you, but imo you’re not giving yourself enough credit because if they’re willing to hire you on the spot they must have a p good impression of you already.
Truly lmfao
Aaahhh thank you! You have too much faith in me, they're probably just desperate for workers ;-; You're a gem flaneur
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#39
- Accountability access
- 1835 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationnear the equator, in a really hot place
Posted 19 May 2022 - 01:12 PM
SadSun, on 17 May 2022 - 10:37 AM, said:
FUCK I DON'T HAVE ANY NICE CLOTHES
ALSO ITS THE DAY BEFORE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MOVE UHHHH
ITS FINE I'LL FIGURE IT OUT(??? HOPEFULLY?????)
flaneur, on 17 May 2022 - 10:41 AM, said:
ITS OKAY FUCK THE CLOTHES YOU CAN WIN THEM OVER WITH YOUR INCREDIBLE SENSE OF HUMOUR AND CHARM INSTEAD
Omigod you guys are my kinda peeps lessss gooooooooo
YOU GOT THISSSS BRO, WE'RE HERE FOR YOU
And flaneur's totally right. With COVID it's so hard to find jobs, people lose them even if they ask for a leave from work. They MUST see something in you to offer you not one, but TWO job interviews! <3
#40
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted 19 May 2022 - 01:28 PM
Bleak Cucumber, on 19 May 2022 - 1:12 PM, said:
Omigod you guys are my kinda peeps lessss gooooooooo
YOU GOT THISSSS BRO, WE'RE HERE FOR YOU
And flaneur's totally right. With COVID it's so hard to find jobs, people lose them even if they ask for a leave from work. They MUST see something in you to offer you not one, but TWO job interviews! <3
THANK YOU SO MUCH BLEAK <3
- Bleak Cucumber likes this
- Like This
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
SadSun ☀ Losing Weight and Living Life (Currently Doing: Healthy ABC Diet Extended)
#41
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted 19 May 2022 - 07:17 PM
Week 2 - Day 11 - May 19th, 2022
1000 Calories: Probably Fail
Calorie Intake
Breakfast
- Ham Sandwich (>190)
Lunch
- Pasta (???)
Dinner
- Mexican Food (????)
Snack
- None
Total: Somewhere over 1000
Liquid Intake
Water
Weight
N/A
Exercise
None
Comments
Today was bad. I was going to measure out 1 1/4 cups of pasta (200 calories), but my sibling came in and also decided to make lunch, so I tried to eyeball it but I have no idea how many calories it actually was. Then we had mexican food from the only fucking mexican restaurant in the entire city that doesn't list it's calories AT ALL. Anywhere. I couldn't get out of eating and I couldn't find roughly how many calories were in my food anywhere online. I feel bloated as hell and it's probably safe to assume today was way over. Fuck.
Life Stuff
Heads up: I can't go to the interview. (:
Probably tw for all kinds of shit. I'm in a pissed off fucking mood right now.
My mom isn't letting me go to the interview. I was right. Even I doubted myself. Surely, it'll work this time, right? Surely, since she's promised up and down and every way around that she'll help me make this work? Fucking no. God fucking dammit. Well, correction- it's not that she's not letting me go to the interview, it's that she got pissed and slammed shit around and then broke down until I said I wouldn't go. Even used my fucking self harm against me (if only she knew how many times I've relapsed since she last fucked up my attempt to get a job). It started because she insisted I take a rideshare to work instead of the bus, and got pissed when I said I should take the bus because it's way cheaper ($12 each ways vs $1? So fucking sorry for trying to save us money). I don't know if that just triggered all the stress she's been feeling lately or what the fuck, but it ended with me not going to the interview tomorrow. fuck fuck fuck.
I get it. She's tired. We're all tired. This stupid fucking move still might not work, and we have only four days to figure it the fuck out. I know this interview is at an inoppertune time. But fuck. She didn't have to point out how fucked up I look. She didn't have to act like I haven't done shit, like I haven't been the one to schedule everything and call everyone and buy everything all this fucking time. It's not my fucking fault the fucking shitty ass company we've been trying to work with isn't working at the last second. It's not my fault that this is falling the fuck apart. And I know she's tired too, and I'm sorry. I know she needs a break just as much as me and my sibling do. But for fuck's sake. Don't take that out on me. Don't act like my life is fucking good because I don't have to work, and I don't have any friends, or anything at all in life besides my fucking computer and my immediate family. In fact, I want to kill myself most of the time because of how isolated and alien I feel. And if she thinks I don't have any responsibilities she's fucking out of her mind. I hold all of this shit show of a life up. Everyone depends on me. For fucking everything. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I know my family's life would fall to fucking pieces if I did. So everyone just lays their shit on me, depends on me, lets me deal with the weight of not having a proper education and not having any social interaction since fucking middle school and trying to hold everyone else up so out life doesn't fall apart, and what do I get? Told that I'm selfish for wanting this job, and that I don't do enough.
I want to fucking die.
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#42
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted 19 May 2022 - 07:30 PM
.
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#43
- Accountability access
- 185 posts
Warrior
- Locationnot in this universe
Posted Yesterday, 06:07 AM
#44
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted Yesterday, 06:27 AM
flutter54, on 20 May 2022 - 06:07 AM, said:
is it possible for you to still go? maybe if you do what she said about the $12 ride (even tho thats mad unnecessary i agree). even if she isnt on board she already let you go. she cant fucking take it back. you should go anyway. it might be disrespectful at first but 1) she will get over it and 2) that was the only thing that gave you hope and not only does she make you feel like shit always you have to give that one thing now?? nah its YOUR life and you dont owe her shit ti not hurt her feelings. like you said you are ALL tired. you deserve that interview. you did amazing getting yourself that opportunity and there is no reason not to at least try.
Thank you so much flutter. I wish I could. The worst part is that with all of this moving stuff I haven't really had a chance to prepare for my interview at all, practice my answers to interview questions or anything. She's right about at least one thing, which is that I do look like shit. But now I have to spend the entire day trying to get yet more moving shit prepared, because it turns out we only have today and tomorrow to get everything done, not four days like we thought originally. So now I don't really have a choice- I mean, I do, but it's interview and possibly not having a place to live or no interview (but y'know, still possibly not having a place to live but at least there's a better chance). It's okay. I'll reschedule it and maybe I can go next week. Once my grandparent is down here at least, then I can tell everyone to fuck off and go anyways.
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#45
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted Yesterday, 06:38 AM
I will have ONE wholly positive day this week dammit. I am determined to make today a good day no matter what.
(Thank you to everyone that reads my bullshit btw)
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#46
- Accountability access
- 185 posts
Warrior
- Locationnot in this universe
Posted Yesterday, 06:39 AM
either way i hope at least the move is siccessful. maybe you CAN reschedule it and go. at least i hope so. plenty luck, sadsun
#47
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted Yesterday, 06:48 AM
flutter54, on 20 May 2022 - 06:39 AM, said:
i am truly sorry that you still can't go. also HOW THE FUCK DID IT GO FROM FOUR DAYS TO TWO?!?!
either way i hope at least the move is siccessful. maybe you CAN reschedule it and go. at least i hope so. plenty luck, sadsun
It went from four to two because that company I've been complaining about being on hold with for like two weeks are complete dickwipes- basically, they're a medical supply company, and they were supposed to get us stuff like a medical bed for my grandparent, right? Well they fucked up the paperwork, and now we have to scramble to get medical supplies completely on our own by Tomorrow or at the very latest Sunday. So now I'm spending the day calling every medical supply company in the state and hoping for the best.
But anyways, thank you for the luck <3<3<3 I hope the rest of your evening goes good too!
#48
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted Yesterday, 07:07 AM
These have been stuck in my head recently
That's it I'll stop posting now lol
Tell me You Know - Good Kid
I Want a Dog - Hobo Johnson
Brother - Gerard Way
A Wistful Waltz - Teddy Hyde
Psycho - BoyWithUke
#49
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted Yesterday, 08:41 PM
Week 2 - Day 12 - May 20th, 2022
950 Calories: Success!
Calorie Intake
Breakfast
- None
Lunch
- Monster (10)
Dinner
- Potato Soup (400)
- Arnold Palmer (160)
- Bites of other people's Chick-Fil-A (100)
Snack
- None
Total: 670
Liquid Intake
Water
Monster
Arnold Palmer (tea and lemonade)
Weight
N/A
Exercise
None
Comments
I intended to liquid fast today to make up for yesterday, but hunger got the best of me. I didn't need to drink the arnold palmer or "try" everyone else's food, but I did anyways. Overall not a bad day, though.
Life Stuff
Tentative positive update today? I don't want to hype it up in case it all goes wrong, but hypothetically, we should be able to move into the new apartment smoothly tomorrow, and then move my grandparent in on Sunday. Actually, everything still isn't packed, so I'll be busting my ass for the next two days, packing things and then hauling boxes and furniture down two flights of stairs- but maybe I'll be able to burn all the extra calories from yesterday off that way? Lol
I obviously didn't go to the interview (for the job that I'm now going to refer to as Job A, for simplicities' sake), but I'm putting it out of my mind for now. I rescheduled it for Wednesday, so again, hypothetically, I can still go. I also called on the job that the guy my mom works with offered me (Job 
. I had to leave a voicemail, and they didn't get back to me, but hey, maybe I still have that job if the other one doesn't work out.
I am so ready for this week to be done. Once it is, and we settle into a routine somehow, and I can maybe, maybe finally get a job, then everything might get a little better. I'll be able to exercise again, if nothing else.
- You like this
- Unlike
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
Reply to this topic
- Accountability access
- 705 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted 17 May 2022 - 01:46 AM
weigh in: not gonna get a weigh in until like 12:30 bc of this course which is so annoying bc it wont really be a true weight but oh well. quickly weighed myself luckily the break was at the time i usually weigh myself n im 161.5lbs again. i had a tiny bm today and i can feel it wasnt everything lol im feeling quite constipated. why the hell is this happening now when im so close to 160
OKAY had a proper bm n now im down to 161.2lbs so im feeling better hahaha
intake: 792
my anxiety over this speeding awareness course is so high im literally sat down and my heart rate is in the 90s compare to the usual 50s/60s lmao i cannot wait until it is over fml.
i bought these popcorn and pretzel fibre one cereal bar things yday and i am so so so excited to try one its gonna be my treat for when im done
I HAD THE POPCORN BAR DURING THE BREAK AND GOOD GOD IT WAS SO TASTY omfg
lunch was a soy burger etc and i bought a mango and ate half of that (383) n now im super fulllll
needed to shower and go to the corner shop to grab some loo roll and REALLY didnt wanna do either, they were super small tasks but i just couldnt bring myself to even put shoes on to walk 2 minutes down the road but i did it! i need to tidy my bedroom, take pictures on the 1 n a half bin bags of clothes to sell and upload them, tidy my car and change and wash my bed sheets. ive got my last day at uni tomorrow, its 3 hours n its a fake court hearing for the case weve been working on this semester n theyre getting actors in n some of us have to present evidence so i think that will be fun. then when i get home i think im gonna read through and submit my last assignment. then try and do a task from my list a day. it would be nice to get everything done by the end of may so i can just enjoy summer with no tasks looming as they have been needing to be done for a long time. my adhd assessment is on monday and im so anxious like what if i dont have it like wtf do i do with myself
just realised ive lost 25% of my bodyweight! thats wild
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
#263
- Accountability access
- 705 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted 18 May 2022 - 12:44 PM
weigh in: literally forgot to weigh myself today lol
intake: 793
today was super busy, went to the court case thing for uni n that was 3 hours, then did a 2 hour 45 min round trip to pick up some new rock boots (ONLY £55 THO A STEAL they never go for less £100 second hand if that most of the time theyre £120+ and she gave me a free vintage biker jacket made from real leather so worth a LOT) then took the dogs to the vet n im ded. cba to list what i ate today but the usual stuff plus this like bowl of strawbs, yogurt and i crumbled up a caramel rice cake in it and it was so good.
hopefully tomorrow im in the 160s and finally outta the 161s AH
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
- whatever.forever likes this
- Like This
#264
- Accountability access
- 705 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted Yesterday, 12:07 AM
weigh in: was 162 lbs idk how the fuck i’ve gained ik its not real weight i just cant believe the scale is going up when ive been under 800 cals every day n having normal bms!
intake: 150
had mango and a fibre one popcorn bar and then went out for the entire day n didnt get home until 9pm so went straight to bed. im far too tired to explain the whole day hahahaha
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
#265
- Accountability access
- 705 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted Yesterday, 03:04 AM
weigh in: 161lbs. UGH i shouldve been at 160lbs today idk why the past two days the scale has gone up. oh well at least its on the way down
intake: 790
so as i said i went out yday and me and my friend and her mum went to another city to see her wedding dress after the alterations had been done and we were out all day and on the way back her mum bought some ready meals for us to eat before we both drove home from hers as she lives 45 mins away from us but i said i was knackered so was gonna head home asap so she gave me the microwave meal to take home bless as she was worried i hadnt eaten all day n its a chicken korma and 639 cals so i figure if i just have some salsa and veggies and rice cakes w ham for lunch in an hour i can have it for dinner n stay within 800 cals! i wanted it for lunch bc it’ll keep me fuller for longer but i put it in the freezer last night bc didnt think id eat it any time soon but didnt wanna bin it as i felt bad so i have to leave it all day to defrost bc its not supposed to be cooked from frozen or i might just risk it and defrost it in the microwave n just keep stirring it to make sure its all defrosted properly n cooked like worst case i get the shits which is only gonna be beneficial for weight loss
so lunch was carrots, celery, cucumber, iceberg lettuce, salsa, two rice cakes and ham and it came to 151 cals. might have a 5 cal jelly pot later on if i cant make it to dinner. im gonna have it at 5ish bc its a big meal n is gonna finish me off hahaha so want more time to digest before i go to bed
waited until 6 instead. it was delicious but good god not worth the calories
im nice and full tho. i really hope to finally be out the 161s tomorrow.on sunday in going to see mcr which i am SO excited for but its a 7:30am start to get ready n get to my friends to then go pick up everyone else to then go to get the coach from a town 50 mins away (we booked these in 2020 and my mate lived there at the time lmao which is why we chose there) and then its a 3 hour coach journey round about n doors open at 4pm but then there are three support acts from 5:30 until like 8:20ish i think and then mcr are on at 8:55-10:25pm and then our coach is at 11:45 so we wont get back to the town until 2am and then an hour to get back to my mates then a 20 minute drive home to mine with a detour to drop a friend off so im not gonna be home until about 3:30am n then i have to be up at about 7:30/8am to get ready n go to my adhd assessment i am so fucking stressed bc im gonna be so tired
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
#266
- Accountability access
- 705 posts
Advanced Guru
Posted Today, 03:02 AM
weigh in: 159.8lbs!!!!! and i only had a teeny bm! my moving average is 160.3lbs n usually my moving average is lower than what i weigh in which i prefer bc it makes it feel real but im assuming this is a bit of a whoosh n it’ll balance out in the next couple of days! 9.8lbs away from a healthy bmi omggggg
intake:
woken up feeling so light headed and weak and shaky lol. super anxious about tomorrow if i wake up feeling like this. i think im gonna make tomorrow maybe slightly higher cal im not sure. gonna pack food for sure. i imagine we will go out to eat which i hate but maybe if i say i brought food i can get away with eating that instead
so i went to my parents to see my dads new car n i specifically went mid afternoon so mum wouldnt make me eat but she still made food?! she made some scampi and onion rings with some lil taco boat things to put salad in and so i had some scampi and the taco boats with salad and some grapes also. idk how many cals i acc cant remember how much scampi i had but ik ive gone over 800 today. lunch was 406 cals (soup, rice cakes with ham, veggies and some salsa then a fibre one popcorn bar n i think if i hadnt eaten the popcorn bar id feel less guilty bc i literally didnt need to eat it). im defo at less than 1000 im just so fucked off. im gonna have a green tea then thats me done for the day. 0 clue of todays cals tbh n i cant even try n calculate it bc idk how much i ate. not much but that doesnt really matter when its higher calorie food
hopefully it doesnt effect the scale too much tomorrow. if id of known id of eaten sm less for lunch.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
- whatever.forever likes this
- Like This
- Accountability access
- 835 posts
Advanced Guru
- Locationthey/them
Posted 18 May 2022 - 12:43 AM
|| 5/17/22
- weight:: 100lbs
- bmi:: 17.2
- intake:: 1750kcal
- steps:: 15,500
- exercise:: 45 minutes (pilates)
|| food pictures
- coffee and vitamins (0kcal)
- cereal with cashew milk (185kcal)
- frozen blueberries (55kcal)
- black beans (130kcal)
- grape tomatoes with hot sauce (40kcal)
- vanilla dessert bar (170kcal)
- corn thins with avocado and nutritional yeast (155kcal)
- burnt broccoli and seasoned textured vegetable protein (190kcal)
- english muffins with veg cream cheese (360kcal)
- protein cereal and coffee (245kcal)
- (unpictured) mixed veggies (75kcal), banana (110kcal), dark chocolate heart (45kcal), seaweed snacks (20kcal)
|| thoughts
so my weight didnt drop again
so one more maintenance day to see if it helps
either way im just gonna restrict again tomorrow.
i did get like 5 servings of fruit and veg though which is a bonus 
(kinda,,,, the amount of fiber is killing me lmaoo)
(and was able to try one of the ice creams my mom bought specifically for me so at least those wont go to waste)
just reminding myself im not gaining actual weight from this
i feel bad though cause i already restrict so high and now i feel like im just making excuses to eat more
oh well
my cat has been coming into my room late at night and sleeping on my lap.
its so comforting. i think nights are generally the hardest part of the day for me so having my cat near me has helped a bunch.
my counseling was not good today.
i dont really trust my therapist enough to tell him certain things
and also most things id like to talk about are outside his area of expertise so his only “”advice”” is along the lines of
“stop engaging in your unhealthy coping mechanisms !!!!! do this religion based positive exercise instead !!!!!”
like dude no.
today i told him id been writing down my emotions recently (though i left out the part abt POSTING THEM all over mpa lol)
and the only thing he said was “maybe try doing some gratitude exercises- write down things youre grateful for and give reasons as to why : ))))”
the only other fun thing i mentioned was school sucked, my mom and dad suck, and also i need a job.
but he didnt really add anything onto that.
yay
i love passing as a functioning member of society.
i cant wait to get super underweight again, at least ill start looking as miserable as i feel 
currently my body image is okay
im just feeling really sick of my boobs 
i have like maybe two bodychecks from last summer and ughhh my chest was so flat.
i want to cry i miss it so much
same with my hips theyre so wide now its horrible.
- frozenyogurt, whatever.forever, BabyspiceXx and 1 other like this
- Like This
#98
- Accountability access
- 835 posts
Advanced Guru
- Locationthey/them
Posted 19 May 2022 - 12:45 AM
|| 5/18/22
- weight:: 99.4
- bmi:: 17.1
- intake:: 1415kcal
- steps:: 17,009
- exercise:: 1 hour 25 minutes (75min dance, 10min abs)
|| food pictures
- coffee and vitamins (0kcal)
- cereal with cashew milk (185kcal)
- grape tomatoes with hot sauce (40kcal)
- black beans (130kcal)
- sour jelly beans (50kcal)
- pear (90kcal)
- corn thins with avocado and nutritional yeast (155kcal)
- burnt broccoli and seasoned textured vegetable protein (190kcal)
- english muffins with veg cream cheese (360kcal)
- protein cereal and coffee (245kcal)
|| thoughts
well
i had the absolute worst stomachache last night
it was genuinely unbearable, i thought i was going to throw up it hurt so bad
i didnt which is good because vomit is nasty and acidic, and tastes genuinely so foul (at least the type thats been sitting in your stomach for 5+ hours)
but i guess the ed gods took pity on me cuz my weight wasnt up any more
genuinely convinced myself id be at least 101lbs in the morning,
so nice surprise ??
kinda,
hoping (crossing my fingers) this means ive broke my plateau
ive had a good 3 bms today so 
pretty please,
nothing else noticeable actually happened though
my abdomen was super tender all day, but the actually painful part was over
i woke up really really late (cause i was up half the night yay) so i didnt really try to do much
sat around played video games, did some pacing, went to my dance class and called it a night, to summarize
ill have the house pretty much to myself tomorrow so ill be able to actually get work done then
also my moms buying me subway tomorrow (no idea why 
) which will be nice. i actually dont like too many "fast food" places, the greasy food makes me feel gross, so subway is the closest thing ill have to that. its good though. and i remember watching a video about how the calories are the most accurate compared to other fast food/convenience store items.
might be wrong on this cuz it was awhile ago lol
- frozenyogurt, whatever.forever and solenoid like this
- Like This
#99
- Accountability access
- 835 posts
Advanced Guru
- Locationthey/them
Posted 19 May 2022 - 12:56 AM
|| replies
Choco_Bitch_612, on 17 May 2022 - 1:07 PM, said:
Spoileri'm sorry abt ur situation. i wasn't homeschooled, but i know what it's like to struggle so much with focus and for ur parents to just.. not get it lmao. i'm done explaining, i guess i'll just suffer lol. also know what it's like to grow up in a family with a religion i just don't believe in anymore.. and then add on the fact that i'm bi to make things 100% more glorious, not that i'll ever tell them
yeah religion has not been great towards me
i actually came out as bi to my mom 4 1/2 years ago, which was not my smartest decision....
her response was "well....ill always love you.... BUT", she almost bought me a book about being gay and catholic, but it was one of those books that tell you being gay is a sin and you most resist temptation, etc. etc. horrible stuff but instead of being outright homophobic its all "hate the sin, love the sinner" which imo just makes me feel worse.
luckily she didnt buy the book, and now we just dont talk about it + i realized i wasnt even bi, but a full on lesbian a year later lol
its sad though, because as much as my family acts like they really care about me, i know theyll never fully be able to accept who i am simply because of their religion. and that hurts. im sorry youre in a similar position </3
#100
- Accountability access
- 835 posts
Advanced Guru
- Locationthey/them
Posted Yesterday, 12:21 AM
|| 5/19/22
- weight:: 99lbs
- bmi:: 17.0
- intake:: 1385kcal
- steps:: 16,006
- exercise:: 45 minutes (pilates)
|| food pictures
- cereal and vitamins (185kcal)
- grape tomatoes and hot sauce (40kcal)
- seasoned textured vegetable protein (95kcal)
- pear (65kcal)
- caramel chocolate flower (60kcal)
- corn thins with avocado and nutritional yeast (155kcal)
- diet coke (0kcal)
- baked potato chips (140kcal)
- subway sandwich (400kcal)
- protein cereal and coffee (245kcal)
- (unpictured) coffee (0kcal)
|| thoughts
hey my weight dropped again
i mean by a whole .4lbs lmao but ill take it
its probably actually lower cause i had a huge bm after breakfast, but given id eaten- my weight did not go down more 😞
oh well at least im exactly bmi 17 now : )))
i was very productive today ! which surprised me because normally when i plan on getting things done i have a panic attack and then i end up sitting on my bed for like two hours because im so overwhelmed
super duper fun
but i got some of my biology work done, paced a bunch, worked on a couple drawings AND had enough time left over to play stardew valley for a few hours.
if only i got the house to myself more often
also somehow i under counted how many calories id eaten today ????
when i counted last night it worked out to be just over 1400, but i calculated it again today and it was less than i thought ??!
the only time miscounting is acceptable
i was super cold today which sucked so bad
not sure why today of all days
also unrelated and i normally don’t talk about this stuff because im trying to keep this accountability ed related
but.
i have fallen headfirst back into my mcr obsession
i really really want to rewatch lotms. i used to literally watch the entire documentary every single day 😭
i think if i wake up early enough (before my mom lets my younger sisters take over the tv lmao ) i can watch it tomorrow.
i could actually probably study while im at it ? usually having an incentive involving one of my interests is enough to encourage me to get my work done early lol
but also having background noise (that is not caused by my siblings) is nice.
anyway
today was really good overall
which is so funny because not that long ago my life was apparently in shambles, and now im like
"no actually im genuinely fine : ))) please ignore what i said two days ago"
love that for me
- frozenyogurt, whatever.forever, BabyspiceXx and 1 other like this
- Like This
accountability, but its actually just me recounting how many times ive cried today || bmi 18.0 → 15.4
#101
- Accountability access
- 795 posts
Advanced Guru
- LocationLosing hope
Posted Yesterday, 06:41 AM
melt your headaches, on 20 May 2022 - 12:21 AM, said:
i have fallen headfirst back into my mcr obsession
i really really want to rewatch lotms. i used to literally watch the entire documentary every single day
Yoooo I'm glad I'm not the only one?? I've been wanting to rewatch lotms so bad too, that documentary was my life for like 6 months straight at the height of my emo phase
- melt your headaches likes this
- Like This
18 - He/Him
Stats
Height: 5'5.5" / 65.5in / 166cm
HW: 157lbs / 71kg / BMI 25.7
LW: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
CW: 146lbs / 66kg / BMI 23.9
Goals
SW: 149lbs / 67kg / BMI 24.4
GW1: 145lbs / 65kg / BMI 23.8
GW2: 140lbs / 63kg / BMI 22.9
GW3: 135lbs / 61kg / BMI 22.1
GW4: 130lbs / 59kg / BMI 21.3
GW5: 125lbs / 56kg / BMI 20.5
GW6: 120lbs / 54kg / BMI 19.7
GW7: 115lbs / 52kg / BMI 18.8
GW8: 110lbs / 49kg / BMI 18.0
UGW: 105lbs / 47kg / BMI 17.2
_________________________________
Updated May 20th, 2022
#102
- Accountability access
- 835 posts
Advanced Guru
- Locationthey/them
Posted Today, 12:56 AM
|| 5/20/22
- weight:: 98.8
- bmi:: 17.0
- intake:: 1410kcal
- steps:: 15,500
- exercise:: 1 hour 5 minutes (20min abs, 45min various barre exercises that were mostly stretching)
|| food pictures
- cereal with cashew milk and vitamins (185kcal)
- carrots and raspberry dressing (70kcal)
- frozen strawberries (50kcal)
- sour jelly beans (35kcal)
- pb2 with dark chocolate (135kcal)
- corn thins with veg cheese (150kcal)
- brunt broccoli and seasoned textured vegetable protein (190kcal)
- english muffins with veg cream cheese (380kcal)
- protein cereal and coffee (245kcal)
- (unpictured) coffee (0kcal)
|| thoughts
ehhh today was alright
currently having some really bad neck pain from unknown causes ???
its only when i turn my head a certain way which is kinda good (in its own way)
still annoying :c maybe itll be better in the morning
it does make my health anxiety go kinda nuts because what if its serious ??!?!?!
at least the only symptom currently is sharp neck pain; no numbness or nausea or whatever else is a sign of something bad
...
fought with my mom a bit about school today
im too tired to explain fully
but its the typical me falling behind too much on my work
which obviously ????
does she think im unaware ???
she also blamed herself for not being a good enough teacher etc. etc. (but also a the same time blaming me, so im not sure what her point is this time)
also said the typical "things are going to change around here" which really means "im going to threaten to take away "privileges" until you get your work done"
this is no change
she has been using scare tactics on me my whole life so nothing new (she used to threaten to put me and my brothers in a public school because she hated our behavior so much. also used to get sent to my room for like half the day as a punishment ? which was very counter productive imo, i guess she figured that one out though because shes never done that to my little sisters)
it kind of just pissed me off though because this has been an issue for years and ive been explicitly clear on exactly why im struggling so much
and after ages of convincing her to let me seek help (like hm looking into an adhd diagnosis) the results come back with nothing
and the killer is she didnt even back me up when i questioned the results
she agreed 100% with the phycologist
which is so ironic because my mom questions literally every other type of health provider out there, but wow the one time i need her to come through for me
so
im sorry im so bitter right now
i feel like im trying to blame my procrastination on some other outside force
when i know its really my fault
i wish my brain would at least try to absorb some information
sorry for complaining
im tired
gonna maybe try to get work done tomorrow to make up for the disaster that was today
- frozenyogurt, whatever.forever and BabyspiceXx like this
- Like This
#103
- Accountability access
- 835 posts
Advanced Guru
- Locationthey/them
Posted Today, 01:05 AM
|| replies
SadSun, on 20 May 2022 - 06:41 AM, said:
Yoooo I'm glad I'm not the only one?? I've been wanting to rewatch lotms so bad too, that documentary was my life for like 6 months straight at the height of my emo phase
yess
i actually made my mom sit down and watch the entire thing with me one time i dont think she liked it very much lol
(my mom never liked my chem for some reason?? i guess i find it a bit funny cause shes the one who introduced me to groups such as the smiths, metallica, talking heads, the cure, etc. so i didnt think their music would be THAT out there compared to her standards.)
#104
- Accountability access
- 1267 posts
Sage
Posted Today, 07:10 AM
sometimes i get that weird neck pain too! it's usually on days i sleep really strange, in a weird position. but i always just try to ... stretch? my neck out by slowly turning it more and more while letting myself get comfortable with the pain, and then by the next few days it's all back to normal!
and i don't think you're trying to blame your procrastination on an outside force, i think you're just trying to express how your environment exacerbates your tendency to procrastinate. you need to identify what's causing you to take the actions you take so there's nothing wrong with that!
No comments:
Post a Comment