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- 306 posts
Advanced Warrior
- LocationUnited States
Posted 19 May 2022 - 08:51 PM
dinner: cracker barrel turkey n' dressing (but i didn't eat the dressing) (<820), broccoli (40), biscuit (160)
snacks: diet lemonade (10) + 2 white claw (200)
total: <1440
body check and a special friend under the cut
• diary •
honestly i had a pretty happy day today, and my depression has been really kicking my ass so i wanna scream it out. i feel okayish for once! i went to the convenience store right across the street for coffee (and brought a measuring cup with me to pour almond milk into my coffee because i'm insane) so that was a nice start to my day. did a bit of grocery shopping and got some safe foods, like halo top for when i inevitably drunk binge tomorrow or the next day, kimchi, frozen chicken patties, tomato soup. i started reading house of leaves and i'm loving it. my boyfriend came over and we got dinner and went to the carnival. we went to cracker barrel, a place i haven't been to in about a million years, and it was pretty good tbh. i feel a bit bad because my bf is a big guy (as in 6'4"/193 cm, yes i have to brag) and he always wants to get appetizers when we go out to dinner, but even ED aside i just didn't have enough appetite for one so i made him eat it by himself lol. the carnival was my happy place and as expected i had a lot of fun on the rides, and i FINALLY got an among us plushie which i've been wanting for a while!!! we definitely over-spent by getting bracelets instead of tickets, since my man didn't wanna get on any nausea-inducing rides after we just ate, and at a carnival that's most of the rides. but maybe he was smart for that choice, because after getting on the giant swing thing i started feeling woozy and we left shortly after.
the only big bad part of my day was my dad's girlfriend (who he inexplicably reunited with after they had the worst relationship ever) came over and started getting in a screaming match with him just when me and my man were getting ready to do the horizontal tango, so i left in a huff to the bar down the street for 30 minutes until she left. i wish i hadn't spent those calories on drinking but i'm honestly not feeling too upset about it since it's still under my maintenance at least. happy to report that i still got to have awesome sex today like i wanted.
tomorrow i should HOPEFULLY be under my calorie budget since i told my friend i wanted to hit my local salad joint for dinner before we go to the women's mixer. honestly i'm just glad i'm not binging on ben and jerry's. when i go to my dad's i always make plans to get drinks with my friends since they live nearby and i don't wanna be in the house so i always end up putting myself in a bad spot for overeating. if i can go out, keep up my exercise, and stay under maintenance, then that's enough of an accomplishment. after all, like i said before, i plan to be skinny for life, so an extra month or two getting there is fine if it means the habits it takes to get myself there are stronger and more sustainable.
#28 
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- 306 posts
Advanced Warrior
- LocationUnited States
Posted 22 May 2022 - 11:02 AM
5/21 steps: 3,196
new measurements: 37 inch bust / 28.5 inch waist / 34.5 inch hips
5/20:
dunkin large iced coffee with almond milk and blueberry shot (55?)
3 double vodka sodas (~600)
goldfish crackers (~140)
whole pint of halo top salted caramel (330)
cookies (~500)
total: ~1600
5/21:
instant oatmeal (120)
vanilla premier protein (160)
chicken patty (200)
monster (10)
flounder, a bit of mashed potatoes, and broccoli + a bite of shortrib + a bit of sesame chicken my boyfriend made me try (???)
a slice of vanilla cake with strawberry jam (???)
total: ???
no pics because i feel sick today and i'm too lazy to upload them
• diary •
another busy few days, sorry for the gap in posting. friday was a bit of a mess. i was so excited all week to get salad from my favorite salad joint and attend the event with my friend, but then she overslept and took forever to get dressed and so we didn't really have time to get dinner before the mixer. of course since i basically fasted all day for this, i was pissed off and it just totally killed my appetite so i didn't even get any snacks, and then because i was in a bad mood i got to the event and immediately started slamming down strong drinks because i have no self control. i got drunk extremely fast, which was somewhat useful since i didn't have a hard time talking to people. but it exhausted me really quickly, doubly so since i was wearing heels and my depression just started acting up, so we ended up leaving like an hour early. then my one friend (the one who i've been feeling distant from) asked me if i would travel all the way to their job for our plans to get drinks together that night instead of coming down closer me, and i said i didn't wanna do that since i was already drunk and exhausted with painful feet, so they just cancelled. so i got extremely upset, came home and cried, and comfort ate some dessert. i won't even say binged because i fully knew i was gonna get drunk and eat that ice cream sometime this week and it did legit make me feel better and not overstuffed. i just feel so bitter towards them i don't wanna talk to them at all, but they're supposed to come down for the day next month when me and my boyfriend go to the beach, so ughhhhhh.
then yesterday i had to dress up again for my friend's (the one who i'm not mad at) graduation party. in the afternoon beforehand i sat outside and got some sun since it was extremely hot and i wasn't cold for once, which felt really nice and i got a bit of color. my boyfriend came over and i was so happy to see him. seeing his face just made my heart swell with that affectionate feeling. we cuddled for a little while then he took me out to practice driving a little bit before we went to the party and i managed not to kill anybody the second i got behind the wheel, lol. at the party i was kinda uncomfortable because i didn't know anyone really besides my boyfriend and i felt self conscious about my food choices since it was buffet self service style. there was no nutrition information or anything of course so i'll just go ahead and assume i ate like a million billion calories. i drank a lot this week and i knew if i drank that night it would just put me to sleep, so i was like the only one not drinking. i chatted with her school friends a little bit and drank two cups of coffee to try to keep awake, and ultimately i ended up hiding away with my boyfriend for like an hour just chatting and waiting for the thing to be over. i'm so glad to have all my stupid social obligations for this week done.
so far today i'm feeling a bit sick, i woke up with a kinda sore scratchy throat. i've been having a sore throat all week but i guess it's just allergies or a cold because i tested negative for covid earlier this week after one of my family members who visited for me party tested positive for it. i had a hot cup of tea and some tomato soup because ~vitamins~. i'm just trying to get through the next day or so until i can finally go back to my mom's tomorrow and get back to my routine and hopefully not have gained a million pounds the past week. unfortunately i probably won't be doing my c25k training yesterday and today because it's over 90 degrees out and i'm feeling sick, so once i get back i'll just test my endurance and try to see where i should pick it back up. ultimately i'm just feeling ehhhh, looking forward to doing a whole lot of nothing today. i'll be more consistent with posting in the future.
#29
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- 306 posts
Advanced Warrior
- LocationUnited States
Posted 23 May 2022 - 04:16 PM
bmi: <20.9
steps yesterday: 3,562
steps today: 3,054
yesterday:
campbell's tomato soup (220)
homemade chili (444)
monster zero ultra (10)
snickers bar (250)
total: 929
today:
bran flakes (120)
iced coffee w/ vanilla premier protein shake as creamer (160)
goldfish crackers (130)
fruit snacks (80)
piece of pineapple (42?)
beef stew (500?)
multivitamin (10)
total: ~1042
pics below of my bomb ass homemade chili, beef stew my mom made for dinner tonight, and bodycheck of my legs
• diary •
finally back at my mom's so my regular posting will continue! yesterday i was craving chili due to my mysterious illness so i made the recipe from budget bytes which was sooo good. i was also seriously thinking about a snickers bar all day since in the morning i had a chocolate craving, and it was only 250 cals, but i made myself wait until after i made lunch and dinner since i wasn't feeling well and decided to get some actual nutrients in me. but then by the time i finally ate it it just wasn't as good as i was hoping, which is what usually happens when i allow myself treats like that. then today i wasn't really feeling great but more in the malnourished way than the sick way, which made me mad because i've been eating around maintenance like all week and i restrict for ONE day and start feeling like shit? seriously? so i managed to drag myself out of bed to walk over to rite aid and get a multivitamin like i've been saying i should for a while now. it doesn't have iron which i probably need since i'm always cold, so i need to put more effort into getting that through my diet.
anyway, i'm so happy to be home with my bed and my cats and my safe foods. i was gonna wait til tomorrow to weigh in since i already ate, but i couldn't restrain myself, and honestly i feel so relieved i didn't gain this week because i seriously ate so much fucking food. it would be nice to be below 117 tomorrow but i won't get my hopes up since i should be happy enough that i didn't gain. i've also made the executive decision to stay at a limit of preferably 1000 max 1200 instead of trying to lower it to 800 and HOPEFULLY stop being so anxious about things like sodium, since most of my 30+ lb loss came from eating a hot pocket or kraft mac n cheese for lunch and whatever my mom made for dinner. i'm gonna pick my c25k thing back up tomorrow and i hopefully haven't lost too much progress from not doing it for like 3 days.
#30
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- 306 posts
Advanced Warrior
- LocationUnited States
Posted 24 May 2022 - 07:57 PM
bmi: 20.6
steps: 4,164
multivitamin (10)
oatmeal (120) with blueberries (21)
chicken patty (200) and baby carrots (41)
homemade steak fajitas (493)
good humor strawberry shortcake bar (200)
1 gummy turtle candy (33)
1 bite of my boyfriend's choco taco (~31)
total: ~1,149
pics below of the fajitas i made for dinner + bodycheck
• diary •
i'm so happy to be losing! i swear i haven't been under 120 lbs since high school so seeing that number really boosted my spirits. i woke up early today and couldn't fall asleep so i ended up watching a video essay about the diet of the gilmore girls (which was super interesting even though i never liked that show) until i felt like i should eat breakfast. i did my little c25k training, which isn't a lot of steps but at least it makes me feel like i'm doing SOME exercise every day. i also noticed i felt more energetic during the daytime today, which i attribute to starting to take a vitamin, but towards the end of today i was super sluggish despite not really moving. i got spinach from the grocery store because i've been super anxious about my iron levels but honestly i don't know how to incorporate it into my diet besides just eating it raw like a rabbit... plus apparently it gives you kidney stones if you eat too much but that won't stop me lmao.
anyway, my boyfriend came over today. he mentioned in the morning that we should get ice cream from the gas station tonight so i planned that i would get a strawberry shortcake good humor bar since they're only 160 right? WRONG. the one in the store was 200. i still ate it but... damn that's annoying. he also is always trying to push food on me so ultimately i ate 264 calories of snacks that i really would have preferred to go without. ugh. it was still good to see him though, we watched looper and cuddled plenty. tomorrow i don't have any plans so hopefully i can actually restrict as much as i want for once and maybe cook dinner again.
#31
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- 306 posts
Advanced Warrior
- LocationUnited States
Posted 25 May 2022 - 06:17 PM
oatmeal (120)
apple (98)
meatballs and mozzarella hot pocket (290)
baby carrots (41)
shrimp stir fry (green beans, spinach) with rice (334)
yasso sea salt caramel frozen yogurt bar (100)
a few bites of watermelon and a grape (~100)
total ~1093
pics below of the stir fry i made and this edible arrangement type thing i made with my mom
i'm so happy i lost again today! and i had a BM today so maybe i'll be on a 3 day losing streak tomorrow, which would be amaazingggg. i did my little jog today and tomorrow i'm supposed to jog for 4 minutes straight, which i'm not sure i'll be able to do but i'll try my best. i decided to start trying to do stomach vacuums as well since i really wanna slim my waist. no real routine, just doing it whenever i remember to. i also feel pretty proud of myself for having so many fruits and vegetables today, lol. i used to eat so much junk food and my diet has changed a lot. today i was craving a hot pocket so i made one for lunch and it honestly just didn't hit like it used to, so maybe my convenience food addiction is losing its grip on me. i've also been cooking a lot more in the past month and it's rewarding, both because my family always says my food tastes amazing and i actually know the calorie content of my meals so i'm not anxious at dinnertime.
i was so confident i was gonna be able to stay under 1000 today that i had a yasso bar for dessert, because i always need to have some kind of treat in my day or i'll pass away. but then my mom was bugging me to do this fruit bouquet thing that she saw online somewhere. she loves inviting me to do these silly little baking or arts and crafts projects to keep me busy or something, because she'll invite me to do it and i end up doing all the work lol. she got frustrated with it super fast since it wasn't turning out as cute as she wanted so i did most of it, and when i saw those juicy pieces of watermelon in front of me i couldn't NOT eat them. i probably didn't eat 100 calories worth of fruit (and honestly probably not that much at dinner either) but it's always safe to overestimate, right?
also before we went to the grocery store today my mom made a face at me and said "you're looking skinny... like, *skinny* skinny." i didn't even know how to reply so i just said sorry lol. my bmi isn't even under 20. i was wearing a hoodie and leggings so maybe that makes sense, since my legs are my thinnest part and it disguises my huge stomach. back when i was this weight in high school my mom probably would have considered me chubby so i seriously don't get it. not to humblebrag or anything, but people keep telling me i'm so skinny and i lost so much weight, and yeah i lost over thirty pounds now but i seriously don't feel like i look thin at all, at least not enough to warrant people telling me not to lose "too much" weight. i wish people would just stop commenting on my body and what i eat.
anyway to end on a positive note. i'm planning to eat grilled cheese for lunch tomorrow and it's going to be awesome.
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#32
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- 306 posts
Advanced Warrior
- LocationUnited States
Posted Yesterday, 06:27 PM
rice chex cereal (160) with 2% milk (65)
monster ultra fiesta mango (10)
eggs with cheese and spinach on toast (320)
steak, 1/2 baked potato, and spinach souffle (~650)
pics below of all my meals for once!
weight fluctuation up half a pound today, i know it's bs so i'm not gonna let myself be too upset about it. i also went over my limit again because i had to eat dinner with my mom which was annoying. i did my little walk and jog today but i barely got any steps so double annoying, but all my muscles are too tired to pace. i felt kinda depressed today because it was all cloudy and i was freaked out by eating bread for lunch, so i drank a lot of tea and watched paddington to try to make myself feel better, which worked for the duration of the movie until i felt bored and sad again. my abs are sore from doing stomach vacuums whenever i remember to. might practice driving tomorrow. i don't have a lot of energy to write a big post so just know that i'm alright.
#33
- Accountability access
- 306 posts
Advanced Warrior
- LocationUnited States
Posted Today, 06:45 PM
goldfish (140)
air fried chicken cutlet, mashed sweet potato, glazed carrots (1000?)
total: ~1,200
no pics today because the bodycheck i took disgusted me too much to post
bad bad awful day. i practiced driving for like 30 minutes which went okay. my mom told me she planned on making that crazy high calorie dinner so i barely ate all day and i felt so sluggish and didn't wanna move since i've been in the habit of eating 3 meals a day, and then when i ate it it wasn't even good. there was a thunderstorm so i didn't exercise, although i doubt i would have had the energy for it anyway. i'm having a crisis now about how ugly i am, both my face and my body and stuff that is completely unchangeable without plastic surgery. i'm short, i have no waist, i hate my hair texture, my teeth are messed up and my jaw isn't aligned straight, and so on and so forth. i'm just waiting for it to be 10 pm so i can lay down and hopefully fall asleep because i just feel totally physically exhausted and mentally anguished.
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