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#21 
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 03:14 AM
my mom was cooking smth with her friends recently and she got leftover eggwhites for me cause she though i'd love make some protein thingy with it... so now i'm baking egg white cookies using some weiiird recipe i found and i think i messsed up the measurements ehe ^.^ if the cookies turn out alright i'll eat them if not... c\s again mwah
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 03:38 AM
lazurebird, on 24 Apr 2022 - 09:18 AM, said:
// politics ig
i want to leave my country SO BAD. i applied for a volunteering project in finland and i got an email saying i'm in a 'shortlist' and after the application deadline they will tell me more detail and i just can't wait!!! my soul is yearning for doing something good and right and helping others. i've been feeling like i'm not good enough of a person lately. and also i hope that once i get to finland i'll have a chance to visit my friends in france ( i watch taylor's begin again mv that was filmed in paris and dream about me being there too) and also maybe i can visit my crush in germany!! yeah he ghosts me but he's such a sweet boy and i think it would be so fun to walk around berlin with him even not romantically. and also finland is soo good i think i'll have the best time staying there!! and it's gonna be an experience that will definitely help me to mature and to learn. and also f my country and my government i'm ashamed of being a part of it at this point.
aahanyways back to weightloss! my scales glitched this morning and showed my TRUE weight lol
Walking around Berlin sounds so romantic!! 💗 I really want to leave my country too! Good luck with everything.
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“In this distorted world, I’m slowly becoming transparent and vanishing. ”
BTS ARMY 💜💜💜
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 03:44 AM
lazurebird, on 27 Apr 2022 - 03:14 AM, said:
my mom was cooking smth with her friends recently and she got leftover eggwhites for me cause she though i'd love make some protein thingy with it... so now i'm baking egg white cookies using some weiiird recipe i found and i think i messsed up the measurements ehe ^.^ if the cookies turn out alright i'll eat them if not... c\s again mwah
look at these cuties <3
they taste SO BAD i didn't even chew them i just threw them away that's why i never cook lol lOOK at their insides these are inedible... 
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 03:48 AM
ʟʏᴄʜᴇᴇ, on 27 Apr 2022 - 03:38 AM, said:
Walking around Berlin sounds so romantic!! I really want to leave my country too! Good luck with everything.
omg THANK YOU 
hope you'll find a way to get outta there too and leave for some nicer place <3
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 09:00 AM
i have college entrance exams in a month but i'm so unmotivated even tho i have a big big chance to actually pass them i've just lost hope in higher education :/ but i'll make some moodboards with themes of my possible majors so i could at least romanticise it and get myself to work hard.
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 09:06 AM
majors i'm gonna apply for:
- book publishing
- law + japanese language and law system
- teaching ( english or french )
i also technically can apply for translation studies or linguistics but that's the major i dropped out which was a little bit of a traumatic moment sooo
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Posted 28 April 2022 - 12:51 AM
breakfast:
- pasta with vegan parmigiano
snack:
- carrot
lunch:
- coffee
- ice cream
dinner:
- cashews
- i really want some miso soup... OH MY GOD MISO SOUP
idk what happened:
- stewed peas with turkey and mozzarella
- cherry juice with like whole cherries
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Posted 28 April 2022 - 05:28 AM
lazurebird, on 28 Apr 2022 - 05:20 AM, said:
Having an Eating Disorder Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
it just randomly popped up in my head and i needed to write it down just for the giggles. i don't think ed is fun 
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Posted 28 April 2022 - 01:31 PM
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Posted 29 April 2022 - 12:19 AM
⁎28.04⁎
breakfast:
- coffee w\ milk
- almonds
snack:
- nice cream (1 banana, 4 tablespoons of milk, cocoa powder all blended together)
- cherry juice
lunch:
- egg rolls (just 2 eggs mixed with soy sauce splashed on the pan rolled and voila it's simple it's delicious and it doesn't have that icky egg taste and texture!)
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Posted 29 April 2022 - 12:56 AM
lazurebird, on 29 Apr 2022 - 12:07 AM, said:
goood morning good breakfast
i feel so full after yesterday's 3 meal + dessert thingy i can't eat so i'm gonna abuse coffee instead mwah＜３
i had cofee and its diuretic and laxative effect cured me so now i'm ready to eat again :/
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Posted 29 April 2022 - 02:29 AM
also i'm gonna try drip coffee for the first time now! it's supposed to taste like hazelnut. apricot and chocolate. let's see if it's true.
usually i make coffee in a turkish coffee pot, or filter, or just drink instant coffee.
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Posted 29 April 2022 - 06:38 AM
lazurebird, on 29 Apr 2022 - 05:09 AM, said:
Make matcha ice cream or mix it into yogurt. Soooooo good.I bought matcha latte powder! It tastes a bit plain but it’s soo good
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Posted 03 May 2022 - 02:45 AM
ok i NEED to study guys it's getting ridiculous it's may 3RD!!!!! my first exam is on may 30th (i can skip it tho cause my last year results are still valid.. but i better not cause i know i can do better if i try hard!!) and my most important exam is on the june 9th ( i did meh on it last time and i need a redemption arc)
i just opened my forest app and it just looks sad... tell em girls it's a crunch time!!!
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Posted 06 May 2022 - 12:18 AM
haven't posted lately but i'm still keeping track here's yesterday's meal log:
⁎05.05⁎
breakfast:
- yogurt with matcha powder
- a piece of chocolate
- almonds
lunch:
- croissant
dinner:
- ramen noodles
- choco pie
- plain pita
yeah that's ALOT but i walked all day and was sooo hungry
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Posted 06 May 2022 - 12:19 AM
⁎06.05⁎
breakfast:
- coffee w/ milk
- bell pepper
lunch:
- chocolate bar
snack:
- proteing pudding (sugar free lactose free and chocolate flavoured... a dream come true...)
dinner:
- potato chips
- oranges
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Posted 06 May 2022 - 12:52 PM
lazurebird, on 06 May 2022 - 12:20 AM, said:
ok i overestimated myself a lil but still got a 18k!! it makes me so happy idk why but I feel like I need to walk like this every day loli'm gonna go for a walk on the beach today!! and also i need some groceries and the nearest safe store is quite far sooo yeah i hope for like 20 k steps
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 09:54 AM
so guys i was a little absent bc i stayed at my friend's place and she's a minimalist who has no wi-fi. also no scales and only ONE mug so i had to drink my coffee from a blender cup. like she has every object in one piece but two cats. crazy. you're a crazy girl. (nvm she's super cool thanks for letting me stay)
<3
but anyways it was super fun!! i walked like 16k steps every day bc there was a beach nearby. the weather was perfect it rained in the morning and then was sunny all day so everything smelled like wet grass and wet asphalt and also like hot sand!! want a perfume like that.
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 09:59 AM
also did my first actual body check ( i used to take only before pics so i could make before and after collage) and idk i was so excited i want to spam it even tho i hate my belly and my upper arms and basically everything i thought omg i have ribs and potentially they might show??? wow
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 04:59 AM
i got triggered so bad i want to cry ugh i'm literally not feeling well and the reason is so so silly i hate my sensitive ass
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 07:24 AM
no i don't think you understand... i'm obsessed
idk why but this ice cream became my comfort food my go to meal my last bit of sanity
gianduia and salted caramel are top tier but i want to explore all of the flavours available. started with s'mores one (it was meh i was shocked and betrayed)
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 06:13 AM
is garlic my fear food? yes. is bread my fear food? also yes. did i just swallowed a whole slice of garlic bread without even fully enjoying the taste? also yes and i hate that.
i need like a healthier food swap for garlic bread, you know like cauliflower rice and zucchini noodles. like rice cakes with garlic powder lol
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 01:57 PM
aaanyways today was a 1157 calorie day and I managed to satisfy my cravings and to get a real meal so it’s a good one ig.
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 02:21 PM
lying in my comfy bed listening to nature sounds after drinking some refreshing ice water and not having to wake up early tomorrow: “hm I want to start cutting myself again”
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Posted 12 May 2022 - 10:34 AM
bad news: i found out my crush's weight and i feel like it was too much information and i got a little triggered
good news: i weight less then him!!!!
bad news: only a couple kilos less
not sure news: he's trying to gain weight
i guess he's going for muscle growth and i know it's mean and probably disordered to think but i loved loved loved how skinny and noodle like he was. i mean if he stays the same (probably bc of his body type) but just gets some abs and beautiful muscle definition it would be cool but i just idk i don't want to feel different abt him just bc of his weight but also how can i not. ugh.
he's still the best and i would die for him tho
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Posted 12 May 2022 - 10:37 AM
also the worst thing is that he knows i'm picky about food but he thinks it's cause i'm prioritizing my health... so maybe by eating better and going to gym he wants to impress me (or not maybe he doesn't care abt me at all idk!!)
nd like oh boy little do you know about me
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Posted 13 May 2022 - 12:39 AM
gerard way lost weight i don't know how to feel i hope he's just eating healthy and doing some exercise and not like starving... but hey wasn't he like everyone's thinspo back in the day (sadly)
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Posted 13 May 2022 - 12:41 AM
i'm not posting my meal log here cause i'm too lazy to write it but i post to the post your meals thread! and i plan on starting to properly counting calories (abt 950 a day) and doing some light exercise like pilates so would be around 50 kg by september!
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Posted 13 May 2022 - 06:09 AM
FernBoi, on 13 May 2022 - 05:41 AM, said:
Sorry have to agree with Taylor’s here.
ok maybe Diet Coke really is superior but I never even got a chance to check I think they don’t sell it in here ;( but today I bought some Coke Zero to compare lol
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Posted 14 May 2022 - 06:50 AM
lazurebird, on 13 May 2022 - 06:09 AM, said:
ok maybe Diet Coke really is superior but I never even got a chance to check I think they don’t sell it in here ;( but today I bought some Coke Zero to compare lol
Pepsi black is superior to coke zero. Coke light is superior to coke zero and pepsi black (both are too sweet imo)
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Posted 14 May 2022 - 11:01 AM
a list of my favourite ed-coded lyrics written by MITSKI
"Square"
I tried to eat like your girlfriend
Just tea in the night, I'd end up
Too hungry to sleep
"Real Men"
And real men don't eat, 'cause they're above that
Damn it
And oh, I'm gonna be a real man
"Brand New City"
I think my brain is rotting in places
I think my heart is ready to die
I think my body is falling in pieces
I think my blood is passing me by
But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn't know how to be alive
"Townie"
Cause we've tried hungry and we've tried full and
Nothing seems enough
I wanna be what my body wants me to be
"Bag Of Bones"
Clickity-clacking through the night
I'm carrying my bag of bones
"Abbey"
I am hungry
I have been hungry
I was born hungry
What do I need?
"Nobody"
I've been big and small and
Big and small and
Big and small again
And still nobody wants me
Still nobody wants me
"Liquid Smooth"
I'm beautiful, I know, 'cause it's the season
But what am I to do with all this beauty
Biology, I am an organism
I'm chemical
That's all, that is all
I'm at my highest peak, I'm ripe, about to fall
"Pearl Diver"
your body's lost all feeling
those creatures of your woken mind
don't fear them or their hunger
if you didn't want
the beautiful so badly
perhaps you would've found it
in your spirit singing softly
"Crack Baby"
Crack baby you don't know what you want
But you know that you had it once
And you know that you want it back
Crack baby you don't know what you want
But you know that you're needing it
And you know that you need it bad
With wild horses running through your hollow bones
Wild horses running through your hollow bones
"Fireworks"
I will go jogging routinely
Calmly and rhythmically run
And when I find that a knife's sticking out of my side
I'll pull it out without questioning why
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