Monday, May 16, 2022

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#21 lazurebird

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    Posted 27 April 2022 - 01:52 AM

    27.04


     

    breakfast:
    - coffee w\ milk
    - carrots

    lunch:
    - tofu with herbs and braised carrots
    - dried apples

    snack:
    - pistachios 

     

    dinner:
    - apple puree


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    #22 lazurebird

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      Posted 27 April 2022 - 03:14 AM

      my mom was cooking smth with her friends recently and she got leftover eggwhites for me cause she though i'd love make some protein thingy with it... so now i'm baking egg white cookies using some weiiird recipe i found and i think i messsed up the measurements ehe ^.^ if the cookies turn out alright i'll eat them if not... c\s again mwah


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      #23 ʟʏᴄʜᴇᴇ

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      Posted 27 April 2022 - 03:38 AM

      lazurebird, on 24 Apr 2022 - 09:18 AM, said:


      // politics ig

      i want to leave my country SO BAD. i applied for a volunteering project in finland and i got an email saying i'm in a 'shortlist' and after the application deadline they will tell me more detail and i just can't wait!!! my soul is yearning for doing something good and right and helping others. i've been feeling like i'm not good enough of a person lately. and also i hope that once i get to finland i'll have a chance to visit my friends in france ( i watch taylor's begin again mv that was filmed in paris and dream about me being there too) and also maybe i can visit my crush in germany!! yeah he ghosts me but he's such a sweet boy and i think it would be so fun to walk around berlin with him even not romantically. and also finland is soo good i think i'll have the best time staying there!! and it's gonna be an experience that will definitely help me to mature and to learn. and also f my country and my government i'm ashamed of being a part of it at this point.


      aahanyways back to weightloss! my scales glitched this morning and showed my TRUE weight lol

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      Walking around Berlin sounds so romantic!! 💗 I really want to leave my country too! Good luck with everything.
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      #24 lazurebird

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        Posted 27 April 2022 - 03:44 AM

        lazurebird, on 27 Apr 2022 - 03:14 AM, said:

        my mom was cooking smth with her friends recently and she got leftover eggwhites for me cause she though i'd love make some protein thingy with it... so now i'm baking egg white cookies using some weiiird recipe i found and i think i messsed up the measurements ehe ^.^ if the cookies turn out alright i'll eat them if not... c\s again mwah

         look at these cuties <3
        34936c18adcb1f84ee6d192a695e51e75ed68eac

        tumblr_669a49e74de98fdc9a475488d.jpg?v=c

        they taste SO BAD i didn't even chew them i just threw them away that's why i never cook lol lOOK at their insides these are inedible... 
        tumblr_438899b374072ad1474b2f315.jpg?v=3


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        #25 lazurebird

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          Posted 27 April 2022 - 03:48 AM

          ʟʏᴄʜᴇᴇ, on 27 Apr 2022 - 03:38 AM, said:

          Walking around Berlin sounds so romantic!! I really want to leave my country too! Good luck with everything.

          omg THANK YOU ^_^ hope you'll find a way to get outta there too and leave for some nicer place <3


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          #26 lazurebird

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            Posted 27 April 2022 - 04:16 AM

            IT'S SNOWING
            MAY IS IN 3 DAYS AND IT'S SNOWING
            i'm in a christmasy mood rn lol


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            #27 lazurebird

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              Posted 27 April 2022 - 09:00 AM

              i have college entrance exams in a month but i'm so unmotivated even tho i have a big big chance to actually pass them i've just lost hope in higher education :/ but i'll make some moodboards with themes of my possible majors so i could at least romanticise it and get myself to work hard.


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              #28 lazurebird

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                Posted 27 April 2022 - 09:06 AM

                majors i'm gonna apply for:
                - book publishing
                - law + japanese language and law system
                - teaching ( english or french )

                i also technically can apply for translation studies or linguistics but that's the major i dropped out which was a little bit of a traumatic moment sooo


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                #29 lazurebird

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                  Posted 28 April 2022 - 12:51 AM

                  28.04

                  breakfast:
                  - pasta with vegan parmigiano

                  snack:
                  - carrot


                  lunch:
                  - coffee
                  - ice cream

                  dinner:

                  - cashews
                  i really want some miso soup... OH MY GOD MISO SOUP

                  idk what happened:
                  - stewed peas with turkey and mozzarella
                  - cherry juice with like whole cherries

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                  #30 lazurebird

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                    Posted 28 April 2022 - 05:20 AM

                    Having an Eating Disorder Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off 


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                    #31 lazurebird

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                      Posted 28 April 2022 - 05:28 AM

                      lazurebird, on 28 Apr 2022 - 05:20 AM, said:

                       

                      Having an Eating Disorder Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off 

                       

                      it just randomly popped up in my head and i needed to write it down just for the giggles. i don't think ed is fun  giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e473b7k389814c3xb6pv3


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                      #32 lazurebird

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                        Posted 28 April 2022 - 01:31 PM

                        I feel like nothing satisfies me anymore wtf like I’ve eaten so much today bc I was looking for food to excite me but noooo it just fills my stomach and brings no fun and all movies are no fun and books too and music too for god’s sake!!! I haven’t feel so apathetic in a while

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                        #33 lazurebird

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                          Posted 29 April 2022 - 12:07 AM

                          goood morning good breakfast

                           

                          i feel so full after yesterday's 3 meal + dessert thingy i can't eat so i'm gonna abuse coffee instead mwah<3


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                            Posted 29 April 2022 - 12:19 AM

                            28.04
                             

                            breakfast:
                            - coffee w\ milk
                            - almonds

                             

                            snack:
                            - nice cream (1 banana, 4 tablespoons of milk, cocoa powder all blended together)

                            - cherry juice

                             

                            lunch:
                            - egg rolls (just 2 eggs mixed with soy sauce splashed on the pan rolled and voila it's simple it's delicious and it doesn't have that icky egg taste and texture!)
                             


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                            #35 lazurebird

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                              Posted 29 April 2022 - 12:56 AM

                              lazurebird, on 29 Apr 2022 - 12:07 AM, said:

                               

                              goood morning good breakfast

                               

                              i feel so full after yesterday's 3 meal + dessert thingy i can't eat so i'm gonna abuse coffee instead mwah<3

                               

                              i had cofee and its diuretic and laxative effect cured me so now i'm ready to eat again :/


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                              #36 lazurebird

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                                Posted 29 April 2022 - 01:51 AM

                                22087878937e4473939d6980597ecd5c30655df7 

                                 

                                gonna browse pinterest and tumblr and god knows what else all day looking for some pretty pics to inspire me for possible future bc now i feel lost and a little bit hopeless


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                                #37 lazurebird

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                                  Posted 29 April 2022 - 02:29 AM

                                  also i'm gonna try drip coffee for the first time now! it's supposed to taste like hazelnut. apricot and chocolate. let's see if it's true.

                                   

                                  usually i make coffee in a turkish coffee pot, or filter, or just drink instant coffee. 


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                                  #38 lazurebird

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                                    Posted 29 April 2022 - 05:09 AM

                                    I bought matcha latte powder! It tastes a bit plain but it’s soo good

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                                    #39 FernBoi

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                                      Posted 29 April 2022 - 06:38 AM

                                      lazurebird, on 29 Apr 2022 - 05:09 AM, said:

                                      I bought matcha latte powder! It tastes a bit plain but it’s soo good

                                      Make matcha ice cream or mix it into yogurt. Soooooo good.


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                                      #40 lazurebird

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                                        Posted 29 April 2022 - 06:57 AM

                                        FernBoi, on 29 Apr 2022 - 06:38 AM, said:

                                        Make matcha ice cream or mix it into yogurt. Soooooo good.

                                        omg sounds greatt i think i'll try it for tomorrow's breakfast! i have some greek yogurt left so hope it works out


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                                        lazurebird

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                                          Posted 03 May 2022 - 02:08 AM

                                          also even if the calories are still here after c\s at least i don't feel full!!! and that's good


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                                          #62 lazurebird

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                                            Posted 03 May 2022 - 02:45 AM

                                            ok i NEED to study guys it's getting ridiculous it's may 3RD!!!!! my first exam is on may 30th (i can skip it tho cause my last year results are still valid.. but i better not cause i know i can do better if i try hard!!) and my most important exam is on the june 9th ( i did meh on it last time and i need a redemption arc)

                                             

                                            i just opened my forest app and it just looks sad... tell em girls it's a crunch time!!!

                                            e88e156012197a9f5b23b97bf35d921966f575b7


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                                            #63 lazurebird

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                                              Posted 03 May 2022 - 04:09 AM

                                              yeah i love to have three liquids all at once. one for energy, one for hydration and one for fun

                                              7513466ddc753e8a9c3fb86b27811d63f7b7d2b9


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                                              #64 lazurebird

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                                                Posted 03 May 2022 - 07:55 AM

                                                it's so hard to focus i feel like my mind is just shaking what's going onnnnn


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                                                #65 lazurebird

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                                                  Posted 03 May 2022 - 07:56 AM

                                                  also haven't lost even a little since may started ugh but i kinda feel i look a lil smaller?? just a lil


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                                                  #66 lazurebird

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                                                    Posted 03 May 2022 - 12:36 PM

                                                    as for today's progress... well i made a messy book publishing major moodboard

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                                                    #67 lazurebird

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                                                      Posted 03 May 2022 - 02:26 PM

                                                      I’m so ashamed to tell my therapist I relapsed ugh I haven’t seen her for a month and I hate coming bad with bad updates

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                                                      #68 lazurebird

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                                                        Posted 04 May 2022 - 12:33 AM

                                                        had a dream about conan gray lol he was wearing a black tank top and some baggy jeans and i thought damn boy your waist is thin


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                                                        #69 lazurebird

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                                                          Posted 04 May 2022 - 05:20 AM

                                                          ⁎04.05⁎

                                                          breakfast:

                                                          - coffee w\ milk
                                                          - ice cream

                                                          snack:
                                                          - tomatoes

                                                           

                                                          lunch:
                                                          - linen crisps
                                                          - salted caramel muesli\yogurt\pudding?? idk a dessert


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                                                          #70 lazurebird

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                                                            Posted 04 May 2022 - 06:37 AM

                                                            PHOTO-2021-12-03-17-28-15_360x.jpg?v=163

                                                            books i'm reading atm:
                                                            - a little life

                                                            - my year of rest and relaxation

                                                            - odyssey

                                                            to read list:


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                                                            #71 lazurebird

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                                                              Posted 05 May 2022 - 01:36 AM

                                                              oh dear god today i weighed and i was 56.9!!! soo happy i got just 10 kgs till my ugw (feels like it's gonna take a while but at least 10 kg is realistic and i have done it before sooo)


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                                                              #72 lazurebird

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                                                                Posted 05 May 2022 - 05:03 AM

                                                                I ended up not telling my therapist about my relapse. But we had a nice talk abt adulthood and separation from parents

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                                                                #73 lazurebird

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                                                                  Posted 05 May 2022 - 05:41 AM

                                                                  also my therapist dresses soo cool and we wear the same sneakers just in different colour lol

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                                                                  #74 lazurebird

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                                                                    Posted 06 May 2022 - 12:18 AM

                                                                    haven't posted lately but i'm still keeping track here's yesterday's meal log:
                                                                    ⁎05.05⁎

                                                                     

                                                                    breakfast:

                                                                    - yogurt with matcha powder

                                                                    - a piece of chocolate
                                                                    - almonds

                                                                    lunch:
                                                                    - croissant

                                                                    dinner:
                                                                    - ramen noodles
                                                                    - choco pie
                                                                    - plain pita

                                                                     

                                                                    yeah that's ALOT but i walked all day and was sooo hungry
                                                                     


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                                                                    #75 lazurebird

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                                                                      Posted 06 May 2022 - 12:19 AM

                                                                      ⁎06.05⁎

                                                                       

                                                                      breakfast:

                                                                      - coffee w/ milk

                                                                      - bell pepper

                                                                       

                                                                      lunch:
                                                                      - chocolate bar

                                                                       

                                                                      snack

                                                                      -  proteing pudding (sugar free lactose free and chocolate flavoured... a dream come true...)

                                                                       

                                                                      dinner:

                                                                      - potato chips
                                                                      - oranges


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                                                                      #76 lazurebird

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                                                                        Posted 06 May 2022 - 12:20 AM

                                                                        i'm gonna go for a walk on the beach today!! and also i need some groceries and the nearest safe store is quite far sooo yeah i hope for like 20 k steps


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                                                                        #77 lazurebird

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                                                                          Posted 06 May 2022 - 12:52 PM

                                                                          lazurebird, on 06 May 2022 - 12:20 AM, said:

                                                                          i'm gonna go for a walk on the beach today!! and also i need some groceries and the nearest safe store is quite far sooo yeah i hope for like 20 k steps

                                                                          ok i overestimated myself a lil but still got a 18k!! it makes me so happy idk why but I feel like I need to walk like this every day lol

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                                                                          #78 lazurebird

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                                                                            Posted 09 May 2022 - 09:54 AM

                                                                            so guys i was a little absent bc i stayed at my friend's place and she's a minimalist who has no wi-fi. also no scales and only ONE mug so i had to drink my coffee from a blender cup. like she has every object in one piece but two cats. crazy. you're a crazy girl. (nvm she's super cool thanks for letting me stay)

                                                                            <3

                                                                            but anyways it was super fun!! i walked like 16k steps every day bc there was a beach nearby. the weather was perfect it rained in the morning and then was sunny all day so everything smelled like wet grass and wet asphalt and also like hot sand!! want a perfume like that.

                                                                            a8223e8ec8185c5d893d45d637cdd1725ee54271


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                                                                            #79 lazurebird

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                                                                              Posted 09 May 2022 - 09:56 AM

                                                                              also did liquid fasting yesterday! it was fun but i can tell for sure my body hated it. (also since may 5th my weight didn't change even a little i'm not even surprised lol )


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                                                                              #80 lazurebird

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                                                                                Posted 09 May 2022 - 09:59 AM

                                                                                also did my first actual body check ( i used to take only before pics so i could make before and after collage) and idk i was so excited i want to spam it even tho i hate my belly and my upper arms and basically everything i thought omg i have ribs and potentially they might show??? wow

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                                                                                lazurebird

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                                                                                  Posted 09 May 2022 - 01:51 PM

                                                                                  oh god today was a messy day!

                                                                                  breakfast:
                                                                                  - celery
                                                                                  - matcha latte

                                                                                  snack:
                                                                                  - choco boy safari cookies

                                                                                  - rice cakes with feta cheese

                                                                                  lunch:
                                                                                  - pasta with vegan parmigiano

                                                                                  dinner:
                                                                                  - ice cream
                                                                                  - cookies
                                                                                   


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                                                                                  #82 lazurebird

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                                                                                    Posted 10 May 2022 - 12:28 AM

                                                                                    good morning folks i had ice cream for breakfast again bc it's so hot in here!!! i never though ice cream would be my safe food lol
                                                                                     


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                                                                                    #83 lazurebird

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                                                                                      Posted 10 May 2022 - 12:51 AM

                                                                                      i found a folder on my laptop with thinspo i downloaded in 2019 omg it's so nostalgic 

                                                                                       

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                                                                                      #84 lazurebird

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                                                                                        Posted 10 May 2022 - 04:59 AM

                                                                                        i got triggered so bad i want to cry ugh i'm literally not feeling well and the reason is so so silly i hate my sensitive ass

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                                                                                        one girl i know posted a pic of her salad... the salad looked great, some real food porn... and the other girl that i find super cool and cute and thin commented: "omg so healthy love it <3" and it made me hate myself bc i didn't eat as healthy today(and my portions weren't that small and also my meals are not as cute UGH)


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                                                                                        #85 lazurebird

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                                                                                          Posted 10 May 2022 - 07:24 AM

                                                                                          no i don't think you understand... i'm obsessed

                                                                                          idk why but this ice cream became my comfort food my go to meal my last bit of sanity
                                                                                          gianduia and salted caramel are top tier but i want to explore all of the flavours available. started with s'mores one (it was meh i was shocked and betrayed)

                                                                                          0e5063565ff5d0e2d4c834ab45e8ad395cb7dd4b


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                                                                                          #86 lazurebird

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                                                                                            Posted 11 May 2022 - 06:13 AM

                                                                                            is garlic my fear food? yes. is bread my fear food? also yes. did i just swallowed a whole slice of garlic bread without even fully enjoying the taste? also yes and i hate that. 
                                                                                            i need like a healthier food swap for garlic bread, you know like cauliflower rice and zucchini noodles. like rice cakes with garlic powder lol


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                                                                                            #87 lazurebird

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                                                                                              Posted 11 May 2022 - 07:47 AM

                                                                                              life really is just a class room. i still want to feel accepted. i still want the cool girls to like me. when does it end ugh


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                                                                                              #88 lazurebird

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                                                                                                Posted 11 May 2022 - 01:57 PM

                                                                                                started counting calories again, for the first time in ages, I guess I’m really back at it again <3 recovery was fun while it lasted
                                                                                                aaanyways today was a 1157 calorie day and I managed to satisfy my cravings and to get a real meal so it’s a good one ig.

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                                                                                                #89 lazurebird

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                                                                                                  Posted 11 May 2022 - 02:21 PM

                                                                                                  // sh mention

                                                                                                  lying in my comfy bed listening to nature sounds after drinking some refreshing ice water and not having to wake up early tomorrow: “hm I want to start cutting myself again”

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                                                                                                  #90 lazurebird

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                                                                                                    Posted 12 May 2022 - 10:34 AM

                                                                                                    bad news: i found out my crush's weight and i feel like it was too much information and i got a little triggered
                                                                                                    good news: i weight less then him!!!! 
                                                                                                    bad news: only a couple kilos less 
                                                                                                    not sure news: he's trying to gain weight

                                                                                                    i guess he's going for muscle growth and i know it's mean and probably disordered to think but i loved loved loved how skinny and noodle like he was. i mean if he stays the same (probably bc of his body type) but just gets some abs and beautiful muscle definition it would be cool but i just idk i don't want to feel different abt him just bc of his weight but also how can i not. ugh.

                                                                                                     

                                                                                                    he's still the best and i would die for him tho


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                                                                                                    #91 lazurebird

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                                                                                                      Posted 12 May 2022 - 10:37 AM

                                                                                                      also the worst thing is that he knows i'm picky about food but he thinks it's cause i'm prioritizing my health... so maybe by eating better and going to gym he wants to impress me (or not maybe he doesn't care abt me at all idk!!)
                                                                                                      nd like oh boy little do you know about me


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                                                                                                      #92 lazurebird

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                                                                                                        Posted 13 May 2022 - 12:39 AM

                                                                                                        gerard way lost weight i don't know how to feel i hope he's just eating healthy and doing some exercise and not like starving... but hey wasn't he like everyone's thinspo back in the day (sadly)

                                                                                                        my-chemical-romance-credit-devin-sarno-0


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                                                                                                        #93 lazurebird

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                                                                                                          Posted 13 May 2022 - 12:41 AM

                                                                                                          i'm not posting my meal log here cause i'm too lazy to write it but i post to the post your meals thread! and i plan on starting to properly counting calories (abt 950 a day) and doing some light exercise like pilates so would be around 50 kg by september!


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                                                                                                          #94 lazurebird

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                                                                                                            Posted 13 May 2022 - 12:42 AM

                                                                                                            also i fell in love with pepsi light sorry taylor
                                                                                                            tumblr_inline_p8b55cPHIx1sk2ihp_250.gif


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                                                                                                            #95 FernBoi

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                                                                                                              Posted 13 May 2022 - 05:41 AM

                                                                                                              lazurebird, on 13 May 2022 - 12:42 AM, said:


                                                                                                              also i fell in love with pepsi light sorry taylor
                                                                                                              tumblr_inline_p8b55cPHIx1sk2ihp_250.gif

                                                                                                              Sorry have to agree with Taylor’s here. :P


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                                                                                                              CW: 61.5kgs/135.5lbs

                                                                                                              CGW: 50kgs/110lbs

                                                                                                              GW: 45kgs/99lbs

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                                                                                                              height: 151cm/5ft

                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

                                                                                                               

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                                                                                                              #96 lazurebird

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                                                                                                                Posted 13 May 2022 - 06:09 AM

                                                                                                                FernBoi, on 13 May 2022 - 05:41 AM, said:

                                                                                                                Sorry have to agree with Taylor’s here. :P


                                                                                                                ok maybe Diet Coke really is superior but I never even got a chance to check I think they don’t sell it in here ;( but today I bought some Coke Zero to compare lol

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                                                                                                                #97 FernBoi

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                                                                                                                  Posted 14 May 2022 - 06:50 AM

                                                                                                                  lazurebird, on 13 May 2022 - 06:09 AM, said:

                                                                                                                  ok maybe Diet Coke really is superior but I never even got a chance to check I think they don’t sell it in here ;( but today I bought some Coke Zero to compare lol

                                                                                                                  Pepsi black is superior to coke zero. Coke light is superior to coke zero and pepsi black (both are too sweet imo)



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                                                                                                                  height: 151cm/5ft

                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                   

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                                                                                                                  #98 lazurebird

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                                                                                                                    Posted 14 May 2022 - 11:01 AM

                                                                                                                    a list of my favourite ed-coded lyrics written by MITSKI

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Square"
                                                                                                                    I tried to eat like your girlfriend
                                                                                                                    Just tea in the night, I'd end up
                                                                                                                    Too hungry to sleep

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Real Men"

                                                                                                                    And real men don't eat, 'cause they're above that
                                                                                                                    Damn it

                                                                                                                    And oh, I'm gonna be a real man

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Brand New City"

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    I think my brain is rotting in places
                                                                                                                    I think my heart is ready to die
                                                                                                                    I think my body is falling in pieces
                                                                                                                    I think my blood is passing me by

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn't know how to be alive

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Townie"

                                                                                                                    Cause we've tried hungry and we've tried full and

                                                                                                                    Nothing seems enough

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    I wanna be what my body wants me to be

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Bag Of Bones"

                                                                                                                    Clickity-clacking through the night
                                                                                                                    I'm carrying my bag of bones

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Abbey"

                                                                                                                    I am hungry

                                                                                                                    I have been hungry
                                                                                                                    I was born hungry
                                                                                                                    What do I need?

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Nobody"

                                                                                                                    I've been big and small and
                                                                                                                    Big and small and
                                                                                                                    Big and small again
                                                                                                                    And still nobody wants me


                                                                                                                    Still nobody wants me

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Liquid Smooth"

                                                                                                                    I'm beautiful, I know, 'cause it's the season
                                                                                                                    But what am I to do with all this beauty
                                                                                                                    Biology, I am an organism
                                                                                                                    I'm chemical
                                                                                                                    That's all, that is all

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    I'm at my highest peak, I'm ripe, about to fall

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Pearl Diver"

                                                                                                                    your body's lost all feeling

                                                                                                                    those creatures of your woken mind
                                                                                                                    don't fear them or their hunger

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    if you didn't want

                                                                                                                    the beautiful so badly
                                                                                                                    perhaps you would've found it
                                                                                                                    in your spirit singing softly

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Crack Baby"

                                                                                                                    Crack baby you don't know what you want
                                                                                                                    But you know that you had it once
                                                                                                                    And you know that you want it back

                                                                                                                    Crack baby you don't know what you want
                                                                                                                    But you know that you're needing it
                                                                                                                    And you know that you need it bad

                                                                                                                    With wild horses running through your hollow bones
                                                                                                                    Wild horses running through your hollow bones

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                    "Fireworks"

                                                                                                                    I will go jogging routinely

                                                                                                                    Calmly and rhythmically run
                                                                                                                    And when I find that a knife's sticking out of my side
                                                                                                                    I'll pull it out without questioning why


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