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gatekeeping ? ಠಿ_ಠ
#1 
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Warrior
Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:24 PM
Also MPA: has a "Diets" section
Is it just me that noticed these invalidating kinda comments? Just cuz someone wants to openly discuss how people restrict or what people eat... doesn't mean they're making light of this shit. Like food and restricting is on our minds most of our waking hours but we can't discuss it? Can't ask about others experiences? Idk, it's starting to feel like people are gatekeeping.
I get that we don't want to encourage this illness but why not either ignore it if you don't want to engage, or add a disclaimer or something. I think there's a 'happy' medium between the two extremes. We don't have to invalidate other people to make a point.
Btw I'm not interested in receiving or giving tips either but I'm just not a fan of the vibes in some of these threads lately
Also would like to add that some people have trouble with the word motivation being thrown around and i get that, because for some it feels like they can't NOT do this. However some struggle deeply with binging and are desperate to stop. Maybe you have a problem with the word motivation but that's not an excuse for some of the disrespect I've seen thrown at those asking.
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#2
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:35 PM
I've noticed that it's not about what you ask on here; it's how you ask it.
If you say, "Can I get tips on how to starve, please?" you'll receive sarcastic answers or have people urge you to seek help, but if you rephrase that question as, "I've been really struggling with restriction lately; what do you guys do to keep yourselves on track?" you're more likely to receive actual answers.
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#3
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:37 PM
its not necessarily gate-keeping, i think you might be looking at this from the wrong perspective. we'll gladly tell eachother what diets we did, what worked for us, etc. but we won't tell people HOW we did it, if that makes sense?
like we won't give a step-by-step of how to starve yourself, if you have an ED, you already know how to do that essentially.
we're just trying to protect others from developing an ED. a lot of people, ESPECIALLY around this time (before summer, before holidays & the new year) theres a rush of new members, most of which dont actually have an ED, and just want a " fast weightloss diet"
theres a weird line on here that you have to be careful not to cross. we dont want to teach others how to kys, but we also want to help other members.
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#4
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:37 PM
i feel likes its more of people coming on here and being like "how do i restrict/purge?" if you don't already have an eating disorder, the last thing people want to do is give you one. the diet thread is more people talking about their experience, though you can definitely pick up how to copy them from those threads so idk. but yeah people get a little hypocritical and on their high horse on here
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#5
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:49 PM
I feel like this is a very difficult situation because no one wants to encourage people to get sicker, but we do want to discuss our illness. There’s a really thin line between telling people ‘what’ you did and ‘how’ you did it, and no one wants to set up a guide for others to hurt themselves more than they already do, but they do want the freedom to share their results or discuss ed topics.
While I think it’s great that anything harmful on here or stuff that could be used as actual ‘tips and tricks’ is already contained in a way (you don’t just stumble onto myproana out of nowhere) it’s not enough to prevent anyone who doesn’t have an ed from seeing it.
I also think that obviously, if there is any place to give tips, tricks, guides, that are harmful, it would be on here. But… no one really wants to? Most people want to get worse themselves, but they want everyone else to be better. So regardless of any rules or stigmas against sharing tips, most people still wouldn’t. (As far I have seen, and also I’d hope that’s the case because otherwise you’d be encouraging someone’s health deteriorating and their suffering)
And about the diet section. That’s once again more a ‘what they did’ and not actually how they managed to do it. I still feel like that’s different than answering to a thread asking about how they can restrict better. If it’s a thread from someone trying to stop binging, then you also probably wouldn’t just give ‘restriction tips’ because that won’t help someone to stop binging in the long run.
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BMI 24 23 22 21 20 19
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Bear in mind, people with eating disorders tend to be both competitive and intelligent. We are incredibly perfectionistic. We often excel in school, athletics, artistic pursuits. We also tend to quit without warning. Refuse to go to school, drop out, quit jobs, leave lovers, move, lose all our money. We get sick of being impressive. Rather, we tire of having to seem impressive. As a rule, most of us never really believed we were any good in the first place.
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I love everyone's quotes and images in their signature!
#6
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:52 PM
The people that come here for diet advice should not be encouraged to stay for fear of gatekeeping. They should be encouraged to leave. There is a lot of good advice here for weight loss, but there's also a lot of bad.
ETA: I'm referring to people who made an account explicitly because they want diet tips, to be clear. Like, your account is three days old, and you want to lose 20lbs in two weeks for your vacation, type posts.
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#7
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:58 PM
4a.m., on 08 May 2022 - 12:37 PM, said:
i feel likes its more of people coming on here and being like "how do i restrict/purge?" if you don't already have an eating disorder, the last thing people want to do is give you one. the diet thread is more people talking about their experience......
Yup, this. Asking how to do XYZ ed behavior is someone fishing for getting an eating disorder. I won't help them.
Levi Ackermann, on 08 May 2022 - 12:37 PM, said:
its not necessarily gate-keeping, i think you might be looking at this from the wrong perspective. we'll gladly tell eachother what diets we did, what worked for us, etc. but we won't tell people HOW we did it, if that makes sense?
like we won't give a step-by-step of how to starve yourself, if you have an ED, you already know how to do that essentially.
we're just trying to protect others from developing an ED. a lot of people, ESPECIALLY around this time (before summer, before holidays & the new year) theres a rush of new members, most of which dont actually have an ED, and just want a " fast weightloss diet"
theres a weird line on here that you have to be careful not to cross. we dont want to teach others how to kys, but we also want to help other members.
You put it better than I did.
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#8
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 01:05 PM
I also sometimes feel morally obligated to answer these posts as detailed as possible. I resorted to unhealthy methods because I felt I had no choice. I believe a bunch of bullshit about diets and weight loss. I had no idea how it worked. So just ate as. little. as. possible.
I would much rather tell each and every one of them, "It doesn't have to be this way! Look at what a 500kcal deficit can do for you!" I feel like if I can just give them the safe, healthy advice, maybe they won't end up down this terrible path. I get them their TDEE, I'll explain how to calculate it once they've lost a little. I'd do anything to talk someone out of thinking an ED is the only way.
(Sorry for the triple comment... I have a lot of thoughts on this...)
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#9
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 01:26 PM
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#10
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0kcal cat
Posted 08 May 2022 - 01:41 PM
people really need to familiarise themselves with the rules as tips are allowed whether we like it or not..
you can choose to participate, ignore the post entirely or say something you're comfortable with.
the reason a lot of those posts get locked is not bc of tips it's the clusterfuck that ensues.
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#11
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Choose your own title! PM Admin or Bibs.
Posted 08 May 2022 - 02:28 PM
imaskinnybitchyall, on 08 May 2022 - 1:05 PM, said:
I also sometimes feel morally obligated to answer these posts as detailed as possible. I resorted to unhealthy methods because I felt I had no choice. I believe a bunch of bullshit about diets and weight loss. I had no idea how it worked. So just ate as. little. as. possible.
Same. If I had known how easy and possible it was to lose weight healthily, I might have never fallen down the ED rabbit hole
#12
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 02:33 PM
pastafreak, on 08 May 2022 - 2:28 PM, said:
Same. If I had known how easy and possible it was to lose weight healthily, I might never have fallen down the ED rabbit hole
Yup. It's also why I argue with some of the misinformation on here. It does no one any good to say that starvation mode means you'll gain eating 500kcal. It just makes people think they need to go lower than low to lose any weight.
#13
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Omniscient
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#14
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 04:04 AM
Not to offend anyone, but y'all tell each other what diets you did, how many calories you've had that day, and even have a game which teaches newbies what is easy to purge and which food not
But when it comes to something not even that triggering, you play the moralizer
Still love mpa lol
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#15
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Omniscient
Posted 09 May 2022 - 04:18 AM
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#16
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 04:58 AM
imaskinnybitchyall, on 08 May 2022 - 1:05 PM, said:
I also sometimes feel morally obligated to answer these posts as detailed as possible. I resorted to unhealthy methods because I felt I had no choice. I believe a bunch of bullshit about diets and weight loss. I had no idea how it worked. So just ate as. little. as. possible.
my 15 year old selfs first attempt to loose weight was exactly this. i had no clue what i was doing, so shockingly i ended up inpatient 6 months later. i didn't even know what mpa was at that point. if someone had taught me about healthy ways to loose weight maybe i wouldn't of fucked up my metabolism like i did
#17
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 06:04 AM
sunflower.com, on 09 May 2022 - 04:58 AM, said:
my 15 year old selfs first attempt to loose weight was exactly this. i had no clue what i was doing, so shockingly i ended up inpatient 6 months later. i didn't even know what mpa was at that point. if someone had taught me about healthy ways to loose weight maybe i wouldn't of fucked up my metabolism like i did
Hey, if it makes you feel better, I'm the one who calculated your TDEE last night. I don't think your metabolism is fucked. It's just that once you're down to 100lbs, you really don't need that many calories to maintain a lower weight. 1200-1300 is average for 100lbs at pretty much any height and health.
It still sucks, for sure though.
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#18
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 10:04 AM
it has nothing to do with how deep someone is into their ED, I don't check how long someone has been here/how many posts they have/etc.
however I also never tell someone to leave because I'm in no place to judge how 'sick' someone is, so I'd much rather give harm reduction advice and vibe together without actively pushing someone to get worse
#19
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 11:13 AM
I get that some people don't wanna give advice to people who are ill, to make them more ill, but the "actual real ED sufferers don't need tips or motivation to restrict" bullshit is sooooo anoying to read as an EDNOS sufferer lol.
The desperation of a binge phase or reactive eating that feels inescapable is brutal enough without also facing belittling invalidation. Having binge phases or reactive eating is literally a symptom of having an ED. Just because someone is looking for "tips" or motivation or whatever to get out of it doesn't mean they're not disordered.
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#20
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 09:48 PM
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 11:55 PM
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I have a youtube channel too!
subscribe if ya want
(going to upload videos soon!.. more ed content and random shit)
https://www.youtube....w_as=subscriber
"Heis,
You are you,
Perfection and goals,
How I long to see you be whole" - S'mores
#22
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 12:12 AM
I think (just speaking from my POV) that I don´t want someone to develop a severe ED that lasts over years or decades (I started the first time to refuse to eat at the age of 9, I am now almost 38) because it´s so, so hard to live with an ED.
But I also think that EDs usually (!) are not a diet that went wrong. I have severe PTSD and the EDs are part of coping with what happened to me when I was a kid and teen. EDs? Yes, I started with severe AN, than b/p, than bulimia and it´s a circle. Sometimes I restrict, lose a bit, then I binge, gain a bit (or too much), then I keep a normal weight and have bulimia (right now it seems that this is again my way...)
I was forced to eat, my throat is covered with scars, I have food I would never touch because of that mentally and physically because some things are choking hazards, others scare me and are triggers.
So if you ask about my diet?
Well, the answer is simple: I am not on a diet, I restrict (or eat, or binge and purge) in MY WAY because I suffer, because I am ill. And due to this illness I maybe call it a diet.
(Maybe it´s different when you get older? When I was a teenager or young adult I didn´t think a lot about the damage, the harm I do to myself, there was less understanding of EDs and mental health than nowadays. My diet (whatever it was, it changed over the years all the time) was just a coping mechanism that worked for ME, but it cannot work for you and others.)
My accountability:
https://www.myproana...h-your-husband/
HW: 69 kgs - 152 lbs
after I tried recovery with the help of medication, and I really, really tried
LW 1: 38 kgs - 84 lbs
as a minor
LW 2: 42 kgs - 92 lbs
as an adult
GW: 47 kgs - 103 lbs
Height: 166 cm - 5.4 feet
- AN-R diagnosed at the age of 9
- AN-b/p diagnosed at the age of 13
- since then a mix of AN and B
- 37, mom of two, healthy BMI
- I suffer, I am not on a diet!
02/25/2022
After two days and 15 hours of b/p (fainted out the third time during a session) smart brain kicked in:
Trying to maintain BMI 19 at the moment.
#23
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 12:18 AM
This website is literally called my pro ana, yet you can't talk about anorexia without having a bunch of people crying and shitting their pants. This place, like any other place on the internet, has become too PC and woke
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#24
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 12:37 AM
babybels777, on 10 May 2022 - 12:18 AM, said:
This website is literally called my pro ana, yet you can't talk about anorexia without having a bunch of people crying and shitting their pants. This place, like any other place on the internet, has become too PC and woke
As an older person it's really fascinating to witness the change in all this.
Teens in the early 2000s were brutal on pro-ana forums compared to now. Fatspo and reverse thinspo was everywhere. Tbh I actually feel like teens now generally are generally nicer people now than back in the day. Like just generally a lot more mindful of hurting each other than my gen. Idk I don't think it's a bad thing really, especially when it comes to EDs. It's crazy but I still have this memory of some asshole teenage girl shaming the shit out of me in like 2003 because I drank orange juice and apparently that was unacceptable for weight loss. I think I was already underweight then. Compared to now it seems so weird having other disordered people just casually nag you. I still see that too here sometimes though.
Sorry for my ramble!
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#25
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 07:49 AM
coldskin, on 09 May 2022 - 04:18 AM, said:
Excuse me what? ElaborateMPA is open for those who want to learn about weightloss as well
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#26
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 08:32 AM
I agree with a lot of what people have said on this thread. Just to chime in, I do find myself sometimes considering if I should respond to a thread or not. On one hand, I want to share experiences and vent about stupid behaviours and find people who can relate, but on the other hand a lot of threads like that border on giving tips. Which I don't want to do, I don't want to make anyone worse or encourage someone / make them think an ED is a great way to lose weight. But there's a lot of overlap between sharing tips and sharing experiences. I guess that goes all the way to the debate of whether ED sites do more harm than good in general.
#27
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 08:44 AM
#28
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 09:28 AM
If you ask how many calories you should be eating at x height and weight for weightloss in 2022, people here are gonna give you a one word answer, or a link to losertown and then send you on your merry way.
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#29
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 10 May 2022 - 06:14 PM
Levi Ackermann, on 08 May 2022 - 12:37 PM, said:
its not necessarily gate-keeping, i think you might be looking at this from the wrong perspective. we'll gladly tell eachother what diets we did, what worked for us, etc. but we won't tell people HOW we did it, if that makes sense?
like we won't give a step-by-step of how to starve yourself, if you have an ED, you already know how to do that essentially.
we're just trying to protect others from developing an ED. a lot of people, ESPECIALLY around this time (before summer, before holidays & the new year) theres a rush of new members, most of which dont actually have an ED, and just want a " fast weightloss diet"
theres a weird line on here that you have to be careful not to cross. we dont want to teach others how to kys, but we also want to help other members.
Step by step on how to starve yourself
1. Don’t eat
2. Don’t eat
3. Don’t eat
Wow that’s a big secret we must keep to ourselves haha
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#30
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 07:27 PM
QuestToSkinny, on 10 May 2022 - 6:14 PM, said:
Step by step on how to starve yourself
1. Don’t eat
2. Don’t eat
3. Don’t eat
Wow that’s a big secret we must keep to ourselves haha
i meant like the mindset and everything, but go off
#31
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Warrior
Posted 11 May 2022 - 03:15 PM
All that's to say, I just don't personally respond with jokes or concern bc I know that wouldn't deter me even when I was a preteen, because I don't want to recover. But I also don't want to give 'tips'because if those people had responded the way younger-me would've wanted (with every 'tip' they have) I probably would've stuck around there and maybe my ED would have gotten more prevalent, faster. At least I was still able to enjoy parts of preteen years not totally consumed by this, probably partially because I wasn't given tips back then. Because of this, at the same time that I don't want to make someone feel like a joke, or like they're not already suffering, I don't want to help them get worse. So the only time I feel comfortable responding is telling someone who probably needs medical attention that they probably need medical attention, or telling someone who's going through something similar to something I've been through not to be hard on themselves because it'll be ok. (Even then I don't respond half the time because social anxiety.) I understand the reasons of people who do respond other ways though.
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update: 5'4.5 (January 2022)
CW: ×100.8lbs×
update: 99 lbs (January 2022)
CBMI: 16.7 - January 17 2022 (from https://www.calculat...tit=0&x=33&y=12 )
LW: 96.6lbs
GW1: 98lbs
UGW: 89lbs
#32
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Posted Yesterday, 11:03 AM
I agree that the line is more of a grey area. IMO individuals in the end draw their own lines. I have my own personal rules about not recommending harmful behaviours, and definitely pointing out what could be very dangerous and why.
So there's the rules, and then there's personal ethics on top of that. Obvs follow the rules, or there are consequences, but do think about what you might be encouraging other people to do to themselves, and whether you can really live with that, as well.
#33
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Posted Yesterday, 12:07 PM
my thread on "motivation to restrict" got locked, because although many were agreeing with me, a few and one person in particular got pretty mad about it and I got invalidated a lot. since I have been struggling with binging I do feel like I cannot stop.i have lost motivation to do ANYTHING in my life too.
maybe I worded it wrong, but I certainly wasn't coming on here to ask for extreme restriction or starvation tips. I know how, ive been doing it for years . I just wanted to know someone else felt the same, to know that I wasn't alone in what I was feeling, and although the topic did in fact show me that im not alone it simultaneously made me feel worse. I didn't expect to be invalidated and im sure the people agreeing with me didn't expect to be invalidated or insulted.
#34
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Guru
Posted Yesterday, 12:13 PM
xxl, on 10 May 2022 - 07:49 AM, said:
Excuse me what? Elaborate
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Technically it's in the rules, but i don't understand why it's allowed either.
Why would someone want to diet in the way i fucking self harm. it's not a diet website, it's a pro ana website.
#35
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Omniscient
Posted Today, 07:43 AM
FernBoi, on 12 May 2022 - 12:13 PM, said:
oh right I forgot about that. I’d still ask someone to politely leave if they were here for this reason. I don’t harass newbies when asking for tips but here for weight loss is offensive.Technically it's in the rules, but i don't understand why it's allowed either.
Why would someone want to diet in the way i fucking self harm. it's not a diet website, it's a pro ana website.
#36
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