#122 
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 08:13 AM
rotten-baby, on 10 May 2022 - 6:30 PM, said:
Yeah, I went into foster care when I was 8, I had 4 long term placememts, my shortest foster placement was less than 36 hours long lol. Then I moved into a "semi supported accomodation" when I was 16 which was also ran by social services and was also awful. I'm also physically disabled so I'm also under "that side" of social services which is also a mess tbh. (My last social worker hadn't even reaf my file so when she first met me she asked "What happened to you? Did you get in an accident or something?" Coz she didn't know about my condition lol. She also asked why I didn't live with my parents which was less funny)Were you in care as well or something similar? I was in a cse home, a therapeutic home and many many emergency placements. It's made me super distrustful sadly. I remember when I came home I never unpacked anything because I was convinced they'd just come and pick me up randomly. I don't think it's right at all, especially not when your dealing with people who are vulnerable and/or literally children.
I think a lot of it comes down to the people at the top, they see an area that can make money easily, social services constantly look for placements and with things like CSE and complex needs they'll often house people in the first place they can find, the social workers are often not too involved with that and just do what they're told. If a kid is a high risk of going missing, suicide, is involved in gangs, anything like that, the top priority is housing them ASAP so they're "safe" but it doesn't really work long term and the issue is random people can just buy a house (or in one of my cases, hire a motorhome), get some inexperienced staff and social services will pay thousands to look after a kid, I saw a thing about one kid who's local authority was paying £20,000 a month. I'm sure a lot of the social workers probably think they're doing what's best and don't want to be sending kids to live 100 miles away from home in completely unregulated homes, but people are able to exploit it.
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I agree so much about how they just dump "high risk" kids in the place that becomes avaliable coz they don't really care. My last 2 sets of carers were awful and had loads of complaints against them (the last set of carers had over 20 years worth of complaints about them and had literally had a girl urgently removed from their care less than 2 weeks before I got put with them (I won't say why she got moved coz it's triggering but lets just say they definitely shouldn't have had any more kids sent to them. Ever. Let alone less than 2 weeks later.) I had quite a few homes that would take in high risk kids just to get more money (and if the kids are non-verbal coz they have severe autism or learning disabilities and if they can't tell anyone they're being treated badly then that helps the carers out too sadly) and they didn't actually spend any of it on us.
They really need to have a better vetting system in place in order to make sure that people are taking kids in coz they want to care for them and that they won't just see them as walking pay checks. I know they're desperate for placements but putting kids in the wrong environment really just causes more trauma and issues, like you said.
It doesn't suprise me to hear other people have had similar experiences in the care system but ugh it's still so fustrating. I'm sorry you got let down by the system too
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#123
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 09:34 AM
But a recovering from bp-er then volunteering at a cake sale is stupid!!! They gave me half the cake that was left over i-
Well, my English teacher drove me to the ks3 building of my school, I made everyone tea and cut them slices of cake, as well as making cute selection tubs of cake. They told me I could take home as much cake as I like to my family as I'd donated some money and helped out for over 2 hours. Originally I was going to take a bit of cake home to eat moderately and share, but all I could think was "Yeah but you have the opportunity to bp, its free food, just start tomorrow" my stupid ed brain always finds a way to convince me to b/p or lose more weight, its not as simple as telling myself "but I'm changing, don't be selfish, I can enjoy food without bp" I did try, I spent ages trying to convince myself not to. I thought of ways to include the cake and cookies into my cal limit but I was surrounded by it and all I could think about was how good I'd feel eating it but how fattening it is, i felt like a junkie looking after someone who was dying. A few people said they loved how confident and social I was, and how kind and helpful I seemed. I'm not, I've used a charity event to fuel my addiction to my eating disorder, I'm the epitome of an arsehole. I even got an offer to work in a cafe they're setting up, where they'll pay me. Then I got 1000 points which equates to a tenner. The most ironic thing is it was for a mental health charity. Jesus christ. Am I a bad person? Probably, but like I always say, tomorrow I'll start fresh.
#124
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 04:31 PM
TraumatisedUnicorn, on 11 May 2022 - 08:13 AM, said:
Yeah, I went into foster care when I was 8, I had 4 long term placememts, my shortest foster placement was less than 36 hours long lol. Then I moved into a "semi supported accomodation" when I was 16 which was also ran by social services and was also awful. I'm also physically disabled so I'm also under "that side" of social services which is also a mess tbh. (My last social worker hadn't even reaf my file so when she first met me she asked "What happened to you? Did you get in an accident or something?" Coz she didn't know about my condition lol. She also asked why I didn't live with my parents which was less funny)
I agree so much about how they just dump "high risk" kids in the place that becomes avaliable coz they don't really care. My last 2 sets of carers were awful and had loads of complaints against them (the last set of carers had over 20 years worth of complaints about them and had literally had a girl urgently removed from their care less than 2 weeks before I got put with them (I won't say why she got moved coz it's triggering but lets just say they definitely shouldn't have had any more kids sent to them. Ever. Let alone less than 2 weeks later.) I had quite a few homes that would take in high risk kids just to get more money (and if the kids are non-verbal coz they have severe autism or learning disabilities and if they can't tell anyone they're being treated badly then that helps the carers out too sadly) and they didn't actually spend any of it on us.
They really need to have a better vetting system in place in order to make sure that people are taking kids in coz they want to care for them and that they won't just see them as walking pay checks. I know they're desperate for placements but putting kids in the wrong environment really just causes more trauma and issues, like you said.
It doesn't suprise me to hear other people have had similar experiences in the care system but ugh it's still so fustrating. I'm sorry you got let down by the system too
thats horrific they placed you there, youd think after the third complaint theyd start looking into it? how they could let it get to 20 years is astonishing, youd really expect thered be some type of rule about looking into it, even if it was just there to protect themselves. Social services are obsessed with taking children away from their families for being unsafe, but dont seem to give a fuck if the place they send them to is also unsafe.
i stayed with a lot of foster careers as emergency placements and i think i was at one for about 36 hours but i hated it so much i had to cry on the phone to my social worker to move me, the man was nice but the woman was rude and other things about that place stressed me out. It was so bad that I was having the weirdest experience, the only way i can explain it is thinking the world was fake, completely forgetting everything about me and my life, feeling really trapped and scared but it was a bit different to dissociation, im usually good at explaining how i feel and knowing whats going on but i have no idea what this was other than an extreme response to stress.
ive witnessed abuse in the care system numerous times, from little things to big things. Ive literally been sat there whilst staff talk shit on other kids in the home, which at the time, didnt really phase me but now its just horrific to look back on. It hasnt been 100% negative but its been more negative than positive, i have some amazing memories but its heavily outweighed by the negatives. i just wish i could do something about it because ive seen kids completely have their lives ruined from being in care, its sad
#125
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Posted Today, 12:41 PM
oh dear im useless, i can only succeed at not bping when i eat under 500 cals but then i bp the next day cuz hunger
end me!!! its hopeless, whatevs, ill just be me fuck it
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