Friday, May 13, 2022

 

★ mist makes an attempt (..again) ★

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#21 ~mist~

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Posted Yesterday, 03:55 PM

12/ 06

3 days and then I have 3 exams back to back. And then a 5 day break. And then 3 exams back to back again. Like what. But then it’s over :D so that’s good

Today I literally had no appetite. I was so stressed and focused on studying that I kinda forgot to eat. Also idk if it’s just me but do you feel like ‘that girl’ when your eating and your like ‘wow I’m not hungry, I’m gonna put this away for later’? BECAUSE I DO. I think it’s all those yt videos I used to watch that was like ‘habits of thin people’ and one of them was always something like ‘my roommate opened a bag of crisps, had one, and put it away’. It makes me feel so in control and like ‘skinny’. I hate how that sounds ugh. But it’s true

Anyways so that’s basically what happened to me today; I made my rice porridge and took a few bites and was like ‘I don’t wNt this rn’ and then had a moment where I was like ‘wow look at me noticing my hunger cues’ as if they arent probably broken and I just took it upstairs to eat later but I was so caught up with studying I forgot and then I felt rlly good abt myself so I didn’t eat it for longer and then MY SISTER WALKED IN AND SAW AND IT WAS LIKE 4pm AND SHE WAS LIKE ‘you didn’t finish breakfast?’ AND I WAS LIKE ‘im gonna eat it later’ BUT I THINK THAT SHE TOLD MY MUM CHZ MY MUM ASKED ME IF I WAS EATING WELL AND I WAS LIKE ‘ahahah yea I just forget cuz exams’ WHICH ISNT A COMPLETE LIE YK BUT STILL. But yea basically I didn’t eat much today and didn’t do anything but study. Gonna be pattern for like two weeks

And I never mentioned! I have a small little baking thing and I haven’t been promoting or posting anything for a while cuz exams but I just got orders! It made me feel so nice cuz they were regulars so it means they like my stuff!

Anyways let’s go:

Breakfast: dak juk (291cal)

Dinner: baked oats (270cal)

Snacks:
Chocolate chips (140cal)
Coffee (50)
Lokum (22cal)

Exercise:

Water: 2l

Steps: 7500

Total: 770 net calories

Song: voltage- itzy

cw: 56.5kg
lw: 46.3kg
hw: 70kg
ugw: 48(?)
height: 166.5cm


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‘My life is actually empty, so I feel like I'm lying to everyone by pretending to be happy on the outside.’ -Sulli

 

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#22 ~mist~

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Posted Today, 01:08 PM

13/06

Remember when I told you these coming entries would be bland? Yeaaa. Literally spent the whole day reading a badly written fanfic and the only reason I didn’t stop was because it was long and I had committed. It wasn’t necessarily bad but there was a lot of world building and the concepts of it made we feel kinda uncomfy. ANYWAYS. Studied a bit. Kinda. Mainly just stayed in bed yk?

These past few days restriction had gotten easier and easier for me. Maybe because I’m holed up in my room and so away from the kitchen and food, or because I’ve lost my appetite due to stress, idk. But it’s how it is. And yk when your on a roll? Restriction just feels so good and then you kinda get tunnel vision and you feel like any little thing can ruin it so you restrict more? That’s where I’m at rn. It’ll probably pass with these exams but it just isn’t ideal.

I actually woke up today and ate these rlly nice biscuits I found. They had chocolate on them, it was great. I weighed them and stuff tho so Ik how many calories it was worth and I was really scared it’d start a binge but it rlly did the opposite. Idrk how to feel about it.

I slept at like 5am yesterday and woke up at 8am and just went on my phone and that laziness kinda followed me throughout the day, so I only did like, half of what I wanted to today. Not too harsh on myself because I’m going to sleep much earlier rn, hence the earlier post. Plan on waking up early and studying

Well, studying after helping my sister. She’s inviting her friend over and got into a big fight with my dad so now I’m gonna help her do what she wanted to do tonight tomorrow morning. I hate arguments. Especially between my older sister and my dad. Ig cuz I kinda grew up with that yk? It rlly disorients me and I can’t rlly focus on anything else but at the same time I want to distract myself so badly. Idk. I hate hearing my dads angry shouting voice from below my room from the living room downstairs. It gives me sm anxiety fr

So I’m sleeping early. It’s avoidance yes but it’s for the greater good cuz I’ll wake up early and be energised and remove myself from the toxic environment rn

Today:

Breakfast: apple (61cal)

Dinner: lentils and rice (232cal)

Snacks:
Chocolate chips (93cal)
Coffee (70cal)
Merci chocolate stick thing (70cal)
Biscuits (150cal)

Exercise:

Water: 1l

Steps: 4500

Total: 677 net calories

Song: lonely boys- txt

cw: 56.5kg
lw: 46.3kg
hw: 70kg
ugw: 48(?)
height: 166.5cm


Accountability


‘My life is actually empty, so I feel like I'm lying to everyone by pretending to be happy on the outside.’ -Sulli

 

<3 <3  <3 <3 <3

 

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