♠ summer xxll ♣
#1 
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 13 March 2022 - 10:37 AM
this summer is huge for me, I want to change myself completely
I been super isolated for the past year and feel like I've completely lost myself and what I stand for...
I'm an ovo - vegetarian (vegan but I eat eggs)
an artist,
witch,
yogi,
longboarder,
stoner,
and a festival girl (going to a big one in July)
and I want nothing more than to lay under the stars with a joint on a warm night and let all my depression melt away
(and also my fat)
~ Stats ~
5'5
waist - 24.5 in
thigh -
hips -
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#2
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 14 March 2022 - 07:38 PM
Tuesday 3/15
breakfast - pb toast, coffee w/ silk creamer
Played red dead until like 3:30
lunch - one rice cake, 3 wasa crackers w/ a1
dinner - pasta w/ vegan tomato + “meat” sauce
alcohol - 5 bud light seltzers (so good)
total | 1,703
net | 1,600
was so bored today, I’ve just been playing red dead and doing hiit to distract myself from depression. Also falling back into minor substance abuse but it’s whatever… as long as I keep my new job I’ll be ok.
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#3
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 16 March 2022 - 11:02 AM
Some days I really wish I never woke up
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#4
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 16 March 2022 - 12:35 PM
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#5
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 18 March 2022 - 11:32 AM
breakfast - coffee with silk creamer
snacks - blue corn chips & hummus
dinner - 3 pieces vegan pizza
alcohol - like 8-9 trulys
total | 1,800
net | 1,685
work went by fast today since we had truck so that was nice. Obviously had get to super drunk cuz I’m an alcoholic and st patty’s day heheh. I've been doing some festival planning/ budgeting and man I might need a second job. Tents are so expensive!
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#6
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 18 March 2022 - 03:25 PM
breakfast - oat milk latte
lunch - veggie sub
alcohol - 4 trulys
total | 1,762
I really need to stop drinking so much... I feel like shit all the time. but anyway I know I'm not restricting right now but I figured I'd start with maintenance cals and then work my way down to 1,400 by may. I only want to lose like 6lbs because my bf prefers me with a little weight on me and I don't want another awful binge phase. my new goal is to drink more waterrr for my skin.
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#7
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 19 March 2022 - 05:12 PM
so drunk right now.. ugh I'm not doing good mentally, physically, spiritually
I feel so sick but apparently not sick enough to drink a whole liquor bottle n eat a ton. wish I could do a log today but I'm scared of how many calories I've had with all the alcohol and food. I'm just so mad at myself for gaining like 9lbs since last summer when I was underweight and actually confident. I really thought I could recover my weight and everything would be fine lol what a joke
currently watching sailor moon and poping random sleeping pills yay
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#8
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 21 March 2022 - 06:53 PM
total | 1,627
too lazy to write the whole log but Sunday was shitty, just felt restless all day. also very hungover
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#9
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 21 March 2022 - 06:57 PM
binged :/
work today was super boring and stressful.. then when I got home I had a couple drinks and a bunch of kratom. I felt super sick so I went outside to get fresh air and yea.. puked on the ground. idk what it’s from but probably too much kratom. also ate a ton a food and feel awful.
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#10
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 22 March 2022 - 09:48 PM
Waist - 24.5
Thigh - 20.5
Hips - 36
I don’t own a scale so that’s what I’m going by
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#11
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 23 March 2022 - 10:35 AM
breakfast - coffee, protein shake
did a 30 min workout
lunch - pb oatmeal, crackers with jam
dinner - falafel bowl
total | 1,451
net | 1,346
did a lot of pacing and a hiit yoga fusion workout. feeling better about the binge yesterday, I’m just gonna keep moving forward. currently putting together pics for a thinspo thread!
guys Chloe Cherry is so cute I want her body and her euphoria clothes. I wish I had enough money rn for a Unif baby tee.
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#12
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 24 March 2022 - 09:07 AM
breakfast - oatmeal w/ pb
lunch - mochi
dinner - butter noodles
alcohol - half a beer
total | 1,580
super buzzed on kratom right now but I know I’ll regret it tomorrow… I’ll probably have to take a laxative lol ig it’s worth it.
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#13
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 25 March 2022 - 11:31 PM
Yesterday I got super drunk but managed to eat really healthy all day. I had a little cereal for breakfast and then a chipotle salad bowl for dinner. I also walked a lot so not worried about Thursday.
but today…. fuck
hangovers make me so hungry and miserable. I just said screw it ate ate whatever I wanted but it’s whatever.
oh and i relapsed on opi*ids again. I’m high as fuck watching this show about that Ukraine nuclear explosion (I can’t spell it lol) it’s so trippy. good news tho is that I finally picked up some weed and got to visit my best friend today, I missed her so much.
anyway next week I just want the eat healthy. like make more salads/ curry and fruits as my main meals also need to cut down on alc.
this is the reality of my ed, I’m not perfect or even restricting at the moment but still it’s one of the only things on my mind.
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#14
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 25 March 2022 - 11:56 PM
i hate myself.
i hate this disorder.
I hate my fucking addiction problems I just want to be happy for once I want to go out on the town and do something and be happy FUCK
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#15
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 26 March 2022 - 08:54 PM
binged
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#16
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 26 March 2022 - 11:22 PM
I’m going to update my measurements on Thursday
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#17
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Advanced Sage
- LocationThe Tardis
Posted 27 March 2022 - 01:13 AM
witchbladecutie, on 25 Mar 2022 - 11:56 PM, said:
update
i hate myself.
i hate this disorder.
I hate my fucking addiction problems I just want to be happy for once I want to go out on the town and do something and be happy FUCK
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way
have you ever considered seeking help?- witchbladecutie likes this
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#18
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 27 March 2022 - 08:47 AM
thittlelighs, on 27 Mar 2022 - 01:13 AM, said:
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way
hey sorry for complaining so much, but I would like to get help one day. I just need to find the right therapist. thanks for saying this tho it means a lot
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#19
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 30 March 2022 - 08:40 AM
3/27 - 3/29
Sunday:
total | 1,500 - 1,700
workout - long walk
Monday:
total | 1,820
Tuesday:
total | 1,700
workout - yoga / cleaning
so I’ve committed to deleting my calorie counter and changed to the shye app. I actually think seeing set numbers on mfp triggers binges for me and seeing pictures of what I’ve eaten makes me eat less.
also I’m coming off of pills again, I really hope that was the last relapse I’m so done with them. I haven’t been drinking heavy either just mostly smoking this week
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#20
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 01 April 2022 - 04:50 AM
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 01 April 2022 - 07:43 PM
Consider it a binge but I just purged
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#22
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 05 April 2022 - 10:16 AM
Trying to make better decisions lol
I still have my job and life is pretty stable. I also got my eyes opened quite a bit about my ed. everyone at work calls me skinny or said I’m “so skinny”
I actually think being isolated so so long made my ed worse because I was alone in my own head almost all the time and my ed voices don’t believe my boyfriend when he says nice things about my body ugh.
Anyway just got to take it easy on the alcohol and try to eat healthier and take care of myself.
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3counting down the days
#1
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 14 April 2022 - 09:14 AM
Goals:
• eat mostly vegan and always pescatarian
• stay active as possible
• stick to yoga routine (5 days a week)
• heavily limit alcohol ( 2 days a week tops)
• read more, watch less tv (especially during meals)
• create more
• get into nature as much as possible
• lose 5-8 lbs
Currently my bmi is around 19
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#2
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 16 April 2022 - 02:06 PM
April 15th
total - 1,650
fasted until 4 today since I had work then got drunk on vodka but it’s aight I’m allowing myself 3 days a week rightttt. Also vodka is one of the best drinks for weight loss so yea. I feel pretty good but yesterday was wild. Bf came home from the bar and was raging, he punched a hole in the wall the we have to fix cuz it’s an apartment lol oh well I love him and he matches my crazy.
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#3
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 20 April 2022 - 10:14 PM
April 18-20
average cals: 1,680
been a pretty ok week so far. starting to hate my job and the manager so sm but gotta keep trying for the summer $… anyway still self conscious about my cellulite and can’t wait to get out of this smog infested dump of a city. Weight wise I’m losing finally. Slowly but oh well better than maintaining like I have been. Got faded tonight but didn’t drink Monday or Tuesday! happy 420 btw
-2lonli
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#4
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 21 April 2022 - 02:57 AM
body check from yesterday, think I look skinnier than I am because of my posture but eh
don’t quote plz :,)
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#5
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 21 April 2022 - 02:57 AM
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#6
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 21 April 2022 - 12:19 PM
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#7
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 24 April 2022 - 02:32 PM
I binged on cheese pizza last night and I feel disgusting about myself. I used to be vegan and lately I’ve just not given a fuck about my morals, I’m so sick of it. I’m done with dairy fr it definitely is addictive. Also it’s SO high in calories it’s just not worth it.
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#8
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 25 April 2022 - 07:33 PM
once again, as I said in my last thread calorie counting is not working! I know what’s good for me and my weight loss but calorie counting is such a comfort to me that I can’t seem to be unattached from it… but I need to. If I want to lose I need to do SHYE PERIOD.
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#9
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 25 April 2022 - 08:17 PM
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#10
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 25 April 2022 - 08:19 PM
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#11
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 26 April 2022 - 08:13 PM
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#12
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 04 May 2022 - 02:44 PM
Once again stuck in a restrict-binge cycle. loveee that for me. I gotta stopppp also was trying to eat only “clean” foods which is terrible for binging obviously. As soon as I starting drinking I lost it and ate a ton of junk and b/p like three days strait.
will update once I finally figure my shit out
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#13
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 09 May 2022 - 08:01 PM
total - 1250
finally a good high restriction day. I also went on a 45min walk. my parents made these super good vegan meat stuffed cabbage leaves. I know it sounds weird but they were delicious.
so ready to do some eclipse makic since it’s the best for a change. going to start preparing my alter/ vision boards now.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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#14
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 10 May 2022 - 06:16 PM
total - 1860
not pictured: two cookies, peep
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#15
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 11 May 2022 - 07:47 PM
total | 1,788
net | 1,680 (hiit)
had terrible drug cravings today so went out and got some kratom but I didn’t realize it was SO expensive like damn I’m broke now. I guess it’s better than withdrawals… even tho the actual drug is cheaper ugh. Anyway should’ve eaten less, I feel so fat and disgusting because of last weekends b/p how did I let myself do that :,(
but hey at least I haven’t drank in four days!
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#16
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 11 May 2022 - 11:30 PM
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#17
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Advanced Warrior
Posted Today, 10:05 AM
went a lil crazy with the drinking but it happens, and at least I didn’t b/p. I think kratoms been helping with that.
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