158lbs -----> 120lbs (30 day fast)
#1 
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Warrior
Posted 12 May 2022 - 02:21 AM
I'm embarking on a 30 day fast, to lose hopefully most of the weight I have gained and get back the control I once had over food. For the past 6 months I have been continuously bingeing and it has completely ruined my life in every way. I am miserable and fat and feel like every day it all just gets worse and worse. I'm giving myself the next 30 days as a last ditch attempt to get out of this mess than I've made. Eating myself to the point of disgust, eating while in floods of tears because I'm so full, eating despite how I no longer recognise myself in the mirror because of how much I've gained, eating from the moment I open my eyes, even if its in the middle of the night, eating the most crappy, sugary junk foods imaginable, eating eating eating despite all I want to do is stop eating and lose weight.... I could go on and on... but all I know is that this has to stop.
I am desperate. Not just for my body but for my mind and my soul too.
I'm only 14 hours in at the moment so its obviously very early and I'm full of optimism. But I just have to remind myself that this is my last hope. If I can do this, I can get myself back again... and I need that more than anything. I will be drinking water, diet soda, occasional Bovril drink (for salt, 8kcal per cup)... and if absolutely desperate, some fresh orange juice or a protein shake, but that will be extremely rare.
I walk for around 45 minutes every day and hope to be able to continue that but will see how things go. I hope to be able to sleep a lot of the time away and find as many distractions as I can. Hopefully the weather is getting nicer now so that might help me get outside even more.
Anyway .... all I want is my old body back... before all this binge eating started, I had been losing weight really well, 24lbs+ and got down to 127lbs, my goal has been 121lbs for a very long time and I want to finally see it happen instead of being this big fat blob who just talks about it all the time.
My stomach is huge, my face is chubby, my legs are like huge kebabs..... it has to end... this is it.
I'll update my how things are going as often as I can for motivation and accountability!
Love, Jovi x
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0121... Here I Come ^ _ ^
#1
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Posted 23 May 2020 - 07:47 AM
Have to get my fatass self back properly on track to get as close to my first goal of 121lbs this Summer.. It's a stretch but I lost 16lbs in one month earlier this year so I think if I really go full throttle I can get close.
Yesterday I had very little to eat; a spoonful of shepherds pie (200kcal max) and a bag of Wotsits (69kcals) was all.
Today I have had a bowl of cereal (rounding up to 250kcals) and will have one tiny slice of pizza later just to seem like I'm having dinner with my fam. This will keep me under 500kcal again for the day.
Under 500kcal per day is the plan now until I'm at 121lbs......it will be amazing to finally hit my first goal and I am not accepting any excuses from myself this time....!
#2
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Warrior
Posted 23 May 2020 - 07:54 AM
This is my only live thread, sorry for the spam folks, my computer froze and for some reason sent off multiples of the same thread > _ <
#3
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Posted 24 May 2020 - 03:00 AM
Feeling pretty good about the last couple days..... stayed on track under 500kcals and will continue.
The only problem I have is falling asleep when I'm super hungry but I know if I just stay awake long enough until I'm sooo tired, my body will eventually fall asleep anyway.
My hair is bothering me a lot. Stupid lockdown no-haircuts for weeeeeks. Ugh considering cutting my own this week... maybe worth a try, or letting it grow some more... IDK.
Besides, when I'm thinner my face will look better and my hair will look better automatically lol...
#4
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Warrior
Posted 25 May 2020 - 08:04 AM
So I wound up cutting my own hair 
It didn't go well 
But I have made contact with a hairdresser friend who is gonna sneakily see me and help fix it up on Wednesday night! I think I'm gonna have to go for a real short, smart looking pixie-cut to fix the damage I've done and let it start over which is fine but I was hoping to be a little skinner before I went that short with my hair. 
But at least it will grow out in a decent shape then and I'll have had it done by a professional.
Eating wise, things are O.K.
Fifth day now below 500kcals. Won't weigh myself until next weekend so hopefully enough time to see a little progress.
I'm fasting today (36 hours+)* to cancel out a few Mike & Ike I ate in the night due to extreme hunger 
Hoping to be at 138lbs by the weekend...fingers crossed...its been IMPOSSIBLE getting under 140lbs recently like actually impossible but I hope this will be the week I break through!
*ETA - Yoghurt (100kcal) Slice of ham (45kcal) total for today = 145kcal
#5
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Warrior
Posted 26 May 2020 - 03:06 AM
Frankie Bridge is so damn motivational. I love her body, her face and ALWAYS her hair.
I'll be going for a short-pixie like this tomorrow. People always say I look like her which is a major compliment but I don't believe it ofc.
I just hope with my fat chubby face I can pull off this cut. But either way its the only way to salvage the absolute mess I made of it when I tried to cut it!!
Caved in and weighed myself.... stupid fucking 140lbs and won't budge. I neeeeeeeeeed to get at 139lbs by Saturday... will try and cram in a couple fasts before then, a 24 at the very least, but maybe a 48. When that number shows in the 130s I am gonna be so fucking happy... its been a long time coming. Still have a long way to go though for 121lbs but every 1lb off is 1lb in the right direction.
Will be around 450kcals total today... some cereal (250kcal rounded up) and a chicken breast (200kcal).
Messed up. Ate a full dinner with family (chicken breast, rice and corn)... pretty healthy but it was a LOT.
Exercised to compensate.
Now fasting for the very minimum of 48 hours, starting now.
#6
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Warrior
Posted 27 May 2020 - 04:02 AM
I'm doing a 72-hour fast now minimum. Then after that, 500kcals a day again. I feel so flabby, my upper arms are like giant slabs of lard hanging off my bones... 
And don't even go there with my thighs.
Yesterday was a royal fuck up. Eating dinner led me to more or less binge in the evening including 2 full-sugar sodas and a whole bunch of cookies/candy ~ Completely ~ disgusted by myself so the only way to get straight back on track is to purge the fuck out of it by fasting. I'm on hour 14 approx which is nothing but I am determined to undo this and still hit 139lbs by Saturday. 
Also, its haircut day, yaaaah! 
Hopefully once that is done and I'm past 24 hours of the fast, I'll feel a tiny bit less gross.
#7
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Posted 27 May 2020 - 11:36 AM
21 hours into my fast now and doing fine.
Haircut was successful! Feel so much better on the hair front... but it was super triggering (as always) looking in the mirror at my giant double chin etc while having it cut. However, I am using this as extra motivation to carry on with my fast and my "diet" in general......ughhh I feel AM so fat and wish I could just magic it all away.
#8
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Posted 28 May 2020 - 01:13 AM
Urrrrrrrghhhhh my stupid fucking body. Scale was at 139lbs this morning for a split second then suddenly flipped to 140lbs at the last fucking second. I can never break in to the fucking 130s no matter what. FUCK SAKE. I swear when I finally get to 139lbs I am never EVER going into the 140s ever again.
I pray it happens this weekend.
Otherwise, I guess I feel alright. Kinda tired. Hour 35 of fast. Will keep going. 
#9
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Posted 28 May 2020 - 11:35 AM
45 hours. Starting to feel really irritable and weak. Will keep going.
#10
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Posted 29 May 2020 - 04:26 AM
I'm not sure I trust my scale but....*drumroll*.....139lbs finally registered today
I stand by my vow that I will never *ever* see anything in the 140s on that scale again. Next goal, getting into the 120s!!!
Hour 60 of my fast. Will keep going til tonight and break it with a yoghurt (100kcals approx) just to be able to sleep.
The after that I'm going to do as much fasting as I can (20/24/48) and when I do eat, keeping it under 500kcals every day.
I have an actual confirmed date (03 July '20) where I'm gonna be seeing a bunch of family and possibly even my OH which has motivated me even more.
Five whole weeks to lose as much as possible.
I lost 16lbs earlier this year in a month so if I really focus I hope I can do something like that again..
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#11
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Posted 29 May 2020 - 11:09 AM
This evening I'm 138lbs, strange but... whatever ...I'll take it.... 
Stopped my fast @ 66 hours (although I've already started another one, 24hrs).
Consumed - yoghurt: 144kcal and cereal: 250kcal = 394 kcal approx.
#12
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Posted 29 May 2020 - 01:06 PM
congrats on entering the 130s!
I felt soooooo releaved when I left the 140s
We're around the same weight (idk how tall u are tho) and you're very motivating! I used to be so good at low restricting and used to do it all the time and now i'm just a lil piggy lol
Good luck on your journey to 121 can't wait to see you hit your goal!!
#13
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Posted 30 May 2020 - 08:16 AM
Hey Fishies! So good to know someone is actually reading my ramblings here lol 
Thank you so much for stopping by. It is a major compliment that you'd say I'm motivating too so THANK YOU. I'm 5'5" - how about you? Just seen you are 5'3" so there's not much in it!
I love that we share our stats more or less. We even have the same goal.... yaaaaaaay for 121lbs.. omg it will be so awesome!!
I'm kinda having a cheat day today because I think its OK to jump-start your body once a week or so...seems to work out OK for me without gain or anything and it gives me a new sense of motivation for the week ahead.
Not gonna go crazy or anything though. Just a "normal" amount of food today.
Annnnd I will dive right back into a 24 hour fast this evening and back on to low restriction with fasting all of next week. 
I was 138lbs today. Next mini goal is 136lbs by next Saturday!
#14
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Warrior
Posted 31 May 2020 - 05:16 AM
Wow, I suffered from my "eating day" 
My stomach was MESSED UP this morning. IDK if my body went in to shock or what but in a way I kinda felt pleased about it because I ...er.... expelled hella lots (sorry for the TMI ) so I'm hoping I basically got rid of everything.
Today I'm back with 24 hours fasting --- a small under >500kcal thing to eat --- and then another 24 hour fast. Back on track for the week ahead to hit the next mini-goal.
Mwahhhhhs to anyone reading for a positive week ahead!
#15
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Posted 01 June 2020 - 11:27 AM
Today has been pretty good. I had three long walks and consumed a yoghurt -(144kcal) - some cereal - (250kcal rounded up) - total 394kcal approx. I've started another 24 hour fast to take me through tomorrow. Feeling lighter but won't be weighing until Fri/Sat to make sure I don't see anything I don't wanna see on that scale.
#16
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Warrior
Posted 02 June 2020 - 05:44 AM
Considering doing another 72 hour fast this week, starting tonight thru Friday night.
Just want to do *anything* I can do to ensure my results stay on track this week... I feel anxious about not losing...
ETA - I've started a 72 hour fast now......am gonna go completely clean, water/clear 0 calories soda if necessary.
Here goes! 
#17
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Posted 03 June 2020 - 06:29 AM
19 hours fasting so far...blah... feels like nothing when I'm doing a 72, like the first part is so slow before you get momentum.
I doubled my Hydroxycut Hardcore this morning and kinda bouncing off the walls though
I received my iPhone upgrade today so that's cheered me up And meanwhile I'm just focusing on this fast and hoping to get at least 137-136lbs by this weekend Lord pleaaaase! I won't weigh myself until Saturday.
Big love to ya'll anyone reading! Xx
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#19
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Posted 04 June 2020 - 02:35 AM
Couldn't resist the temptation of weighing myself this morning ....
..... 137lbs, 39 hours fasting.
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Posted 04 June 2020 - 12:45 PM
Ugh, I've had to reboot my fast as I suddenly got real shaky and started feeling weird - at around 45 hours. I had a small amount to eat (a yogurt, some chicken) and immediately felt better so I rebooted my fast right away and am back doing another 36 hours minimum now. I should maybe stick to 48hours as my maximum fast length as my body tends to go a little weird when I try to go for longer, and I'm just so weak and irritable But 48 hours is usually doable and I think it enough to still help with my results if I do it often enough? Like once or twice a week?
I had a long walk today which always helps offset the guilt of eating.
And if I can just shake off one more pound by Saturday to get to 136lbs I'll be super happy for staying on track.
All in all, I am coping good - seeing any weight loss is so motivating, and although I still have fucking loads left to lose, every 1lb gone makes me feel just that bit better. It's always a slow process so I just have to keep that in mind and remember that I'm heading in the right direction. Once I'm down to 121lbs I hope I will feel the added determination to push myself even further down, back to 103lbs... which could even happen this year...? Christmas goal?
But hitting 121lbs ASAP, is for now, the main focus!!
Sorry I'm kinda repetitive in here, it's all a little mundane in my life right now and my ana stuff is basically all I think about, so instead of just rambling on pointlessly, I've decided to set goals for when I'm allowed to update in here with an actual update..... the next will be at the successful completion of this fast OR making it down to 136lbs, whichever comes first!
Til then! Xx
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Posted 06 June 2020 - 03:19 AM
I've been fasting for 40 hours now and have lost absolutely no more weight.... I'm so disheartened. I've literally been starving and was awake most of the night due to how hungry I felt. I'm not breaking my fast yet. It's just motivated me to carry on longer as I'm off track now for my goals. I was meant to be 136lbs by today and I'm stuck at fucking 137lbs. And every goal I fail to meet, takes me further of course for my va-cay goal in early July which is vital. I just hope things catch up with themselves in a couple days if I just eat nothing/barest minimum and that I'll end up on track again somehow. I don't know what else I can do. I'm ramping up the fasting as much as I possibly can during the week and will forget about any "cheat days" for now.
I spent hours last night watch Mukbang videos which kinda helped though. Will report back when I'm 136lbs (or less) and not before.
#22
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Warrior
Posted 08 June 2020 - 04:44 AM
I know I said I wouldn't update until I was 136lbs but fuck it, here I am. I need something to do and updating here is something to do. 137lbs still today. 45 hours into another fast. Made a cup of tea and drank 1/4 of it then tossed the rest. Feeling weak and irritable and freezing cold. It would all be worth it if I were losing some fucking weight. Everyone else seems to lose 1lb a day or some shit when fasting...that would just be an absolute pipe dream for me... why can't I have a normal fucking body??!
Still watching a bunch of Mukbang vids. IDK why it helps when I'm fasting.
All my family do is eat. They are normal weights I guess.. idk.
I am sooo fucking fed up of lockdown, nowhere to go, nothing to do making starving so much harder.
Ideally will be 134lbs by the coming weekend so will only be having maximum of yogurt a day this week along with as much fasting as possible. But I need to break fucking 136lbs first. I am tired of myself not being able to lose weight and post updates about it when every other accountability I read people are losing 1lb a fucking day doing the same. I couldn't be more hungry. Praying for a 'whoosh' in the coming days.
#23
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Warrior
Posted 09 June 2020 - 02:42 AM
136lbs today.
Finally!! And this was pre-BM (sorry, tmi 
) Still have to shed another 2lbs this week to remain on track for my goals... which is a bit optimistic.... but I'm getting there...
I've now lost 22lbs since I started and have 15lbs to go until my first major goal.
If I'm not fasting (which is near enough constant atm) I am pretty much just having a yogurt (99kcal) and/or a packet of Wotsits (69kcal) for the whole day. And 1 or 2 cans of diet soda.
Man, I was seriously grouchy yesterday due to no sleep the night before.... but today I feel much better and the best start to the day ever is seeing more weight loss right? Yaaaaah
#24
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Posted 11 June 2020 - 07:39 AM
Ya'll, just been laying in the bath listening to my stomach grumble sooooo loud....ngl... I kinda liked it.
24 hours of not eating so far again right now, and I barely had anything yesterday - just a TINY dinner with some chicken and rice.
No change on the scale today, ugh, but hanging in there.
I plan to eat a yogurt a little later this evening and then fast for 48 hours, through Saturday PM.
Ideally I'll hit 134lbs by Tuesday. But IDK. My body is clinging on to my fat as usual.
I'm still so gigantically fat.. weight loss is such a slow process even when you fucking starve.
I hate my enormous body, my arms and legs are pure lard and so is my stomach.
So not much else here to say..
Just been chilling with my dog @ home, watching Mukbangs.. lol...
Plus I went on a super long walk yesterday and today which always helps me feel a little better.
Will update again when I'm 134lbs.
#25
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Posted 19 July 2020 - 04:44 AM
Jaaayyyysuuuuuus.... things kinda went off track there for a sec. But I'm back and I'm more serious about this than ever before.
So I went on vay-kay and had a pretty horrible time exclusively due to my fatness. I feel so self conscious and disgusting and can barely look in the mirror -& photos are enough to make me want to kill myself, I'm serious.
I ate like a fat hog beast the whole time too - I'm not gonna weigh myself as I can't face reality, so all I'm gonna do is start afresh now, hope to be back to where I left off (135lbs) by 19th August. I'm going to be consistently fasting or eating a maximum of 500cals a day. No ifs, no buts. I want to be skinnier than ever and feel comfortable in my clothes and my body and not have this permanently disabling self LOATHING every second of every fucking day. I am a worthless piece of shit and I don't deserve to be alive the way things are right now. I am so wide and broad and I shouldn't be allowed to be seen in fucking public.
Sooo...
Plan:
19 July 2020: Start over. Fasting w/500kcal per day MAXIMUM. Be consistent - no cheat days.
19 Aug 2020: 135lbs maximum. Back to where I was before vaykay. Myyeh. ~ Haircut/Eyebrows?~
19 Sept 2020: 121lbs - slim legs/arms/stomach/face. Feeling better in my clothes.
Birthday/Christmas time - THIN as fuck, people noticing.
I plan for fast for the next 2-3 days to get this off to a decent start.
I am hoping the longer I stick to this consistently the easier it will get to just eat less and less.
I am completely out of Adderall and can't get any more (but at least I'm clean I guess). I'm using an ECA-stack and Hydroxycut Hardcore, not sure they do anything but fuck it I'll use them anyway. I need to get a hold on my own hunger and self control without relying on super expensive drugs this time. I've done it before and I can do it again.
#26
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Posted 23 July 2020 - 04:50 AM
Day 4 since I restarted the plan, been under 500kcals every day this week and feeling better already.
Still not brave enough to weigh myself to see what damage I did when I *overate* for about 2 weeks..... but I'm hoping I'll be able to face up to that within a month.
Have a haircut booked in for 25 Aug so need to work toward that for hitting my first goal of being back to a maximum weight of 135lbs, where I was before I messed up. Can't stand to be in the salon and stare at my fat self again. Hopefully I'll be lower.
Not having any cheat days or any days off at all....its gotta start working, low restriction every. single. day.
I don't feel so gross as I did a week ago but I know it will take a bit of time to recover the damage and get back on the proper track. There is NO way I am spending another fall/winter as a fatass, I hope to be 121lbs *easily* by the fall... and then continue loosing more after that.
#27
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 01:21 AM
#28
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Posted 26 August 2020 - 04:37 AM
Still going for it - low calories every day and added in a 45 minute walk at least once a day, most days. Very minimal cheat days/binges. Hit my goal of 135lbs in time for my haircut day (yesterday) and hit 134lbs today. Next haircut on October 6th and I want to be 126lbs by then, it gives me another 6 weeks to lose 8lbs.
Mentally things are wobbly... very much linked to food and body... but thats the price I'll pay to finally try and feel like I can cope with my body, when it is free of ANY spare fat.
#29
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Warrior
Posted 21 October 2020 - 03:52 AM
Things have been going SLOWLY despite nearly constantly running on next to no calories, but basically still in the right direction. I'm now 130lbs. 9lbs left to go to my first goal.
#30
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Warrior
Posted 03 August 2021 - 02:27 PM
Wow. I came back to visit my journal after 9 months and it's such a trip to be reading it again!
Well, not SO much of a trip given that I'm almost in an identical position after almost a whole 'mother year of ups, downs & general ED fuck uppery which I won't bore you with all the details of tbh!
So here we are again with a SW around 137lbs and absolutely disgusting.
Starting over (again) officially on 08/08 *cus I love that number* but will be phasing myself in to it slowly until then. My goal is still 121lbs which I'll be happy to reach but ultimately yea I wanna get lower than that.
Sorry if I flip between lbs and stone/ I work in both, my only reliable scale is in stones but I like to know what it is in lbs too! I have certain numbers I like and dislike for no particular reasons too.
I can't get my Losertown stats to publish here despite trying like 17 times! But I have them safely on my desktop to compare up against every week w/their timeline.
Plan – 08/08/2021 – 11/11/2021
Using Noom for support and changing of habits.
Eat >1000kcals per day, save 300 calories for bed to be able to sleep.
Physically active but not excessively... mainly walking and normal daily activities.
No more binging or overeating or loss of control in those ways.
Use Tenuate to control appetite until it runs out, I have around a month left.
Pescatarian as much as possible.
Goal #1 – 8 stone 13lbs * MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH TO GET INTO THE 8s*
Goal #2 - 8 stone 9lbs (121lbs)
Goal #3 - Anything under 8 st 8, getting closer to 8 stone slowly but surely.
By my birthday (11 November '21) be at final goal.
Enjoy any food in moderation, to maintain. Food sanity.
Lets do this thangggggg!
#31
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Posted 06 August 2021 - 02:51 AM
My new plan name is 8/8 to 8/8!
{Cos I'm starting on 8/8 and I wanna be 8st 8! Haha I just love cool numbers things IDK #OCD}
So welcome to 8/8 to 8/8 the new season of my journal! Haha! x
#32
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Posted 10 August 2021 - 02:37 AM
So the new plan is now underway
I'm adding a couple more specifics:
- x1 Hydroxycut Hardcore first thing after I wake up.
- x 5mg Ritalin first thing after I wake up to help appetite most of the early part of the day. Can't take a higher dose as I get bad side effects (am prescribed them for ADHD but just abuse them for appetite/speed effects mainly).
- x 1 Diethylpropion mid-afternoon/early evening to take away evening appetite. I have probably a months worth of these left.
- x 1 daily B12 supplement.
- x1 Daily 2 miles+ walk, 10,000k steps. The past weekend I have done TONS of walking, got up to 9 miles one day and 20k steps! I love days like that but I won't go too hard or obsessive on this while I'm massively underrating.
Gonna try and keep my food intake as simple and straight forward as possible.
A small eating window probably after daily 20+ hour fasting.
Then keep the food intake VERY simple such as cereal (porridge, rice krispies) or a small sandwich, some protein, yogurt. A small sweet snack if it will offset binging. Drinking water as much as I can (I despise water! But I will add a splash of sugar free orange flavouring and I got a new water bottle the other day with a straw built in which encourages me to drink way more!)
Otherwise, trying to keep things as chill as I can. Saving money for a vacation. Gonna colour my hair purple for the first time! Looking forward to maybe a new ear piercing on my upper lobes. Gonna set small rewards like that along the way.
I don't think I'm gonna weigh myself for the first 2 weeks... I need to get past this initial grotesque rut and start to see some progress underway.
My Noom trial runs out at the weekend and I don't think I'll renew it, I'm finding it a little stressful logging the meals so I can probably do just fine without it.
So my next weigh in will be on either Tuesday 24th August or Tuesday 31st August depending on how this goes, how I feel etc..... I just have to stay strong and consistent and results will happen!!
#33
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Posted 11 August 2021 - 07:06 AM
Yesterday I ate less than 500kcal and did over 500kcal in exercise according to my watch.
Today so far I've eaten 319kcal (its 3pm now) and plan to have around 200-300kcal later today if required. I have already completed 10k steps/ almost 5 miles of walking (so far 514kcal on my watch in calories burned). Got some awesome little cereal boxes which are a helpful way for me to restrict my calories from cereal (I struggle with portion sizes with cereal haha )
Otherwise everything is going pretty well (I know its still so early but yea, every day that passes by is a day in the right direction and helps me stay motivated to continue) ... I feel so fat and disgusting... but I coloured my hair purple today and it turned out pretty good, and I've got a plan soon to get my upper lobes pierced so the glow up is ongoing in different ways too
And for once in a pretty rare moment I *don't* feel like I have depression which is mega unusual for me but I'll enjoy it while its here haha ... buh bye for now, will update again soon with hopefully a lower weight (caved in and weighed today cos I couldn't resist it, 136lbs, I want to be 132lbs by 24th Aug) ! x
#34
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Posted 12 August 2021 - 07:19 AM
135lbs today. So far (its 3pm) I've only had a couple chunks of watermelon and I've done 9k steps (4 miles walking).
I've taken my Tenuate and Ritalin and drank a bunch of water, so far so good.
I went grocery shopping and got some more canned tuna and some salad stuff plus some rice cakes, pop chips and popcorn (safe foods) just to have them around and know that if I need something to crunch, they're not too bad... and ofc to stay within my calories of under 1000kcal a day no matter what.
While I was shopping, I also popped in and got my upper lobes pierced! They look so good, I'm super happy with them and my piercer was such a lovely person! I had my nose pierced in June, my left helix pierced in July, and now my upper lobes on both sides for August, its been the summer of piercings! But I think I'll stop now Those were all the ones I wanted!
So also with that... a lady who also worked there said I had the most lovely ears she had ever seen Weird compliment but I'll take it!! And then when I was leaving, she said I looked beautiful I mean she was probably talking about my new piercings but whatever I felt so good after that! It was a little embarrassing cos it was a place where they have just started to do piercings and I had like 5 members of staff gathered around watching my piercer and they took pics for their social media and everything (just of my piercings thank goodness, not the rest of my ugly fat self).
So later I'm gonna make a little tuna salad with something crunchy on the side (like a pretzel thin) and from my calculations so far it will bring me to around 800kcal today with around 500kcal burned. It leaves me room for a small bowl of cereal or a protein bar right before bed as I do keep feeling hungry in the night since I started doing this again properly, and that sucks
It's also cos all my meds have worn off and the "normal" hunger creeps right to the surface. 
I keep some Pepsi Max beside my bed and swig a little of that to kill it a little & its going OK.
Feeling good..... I got this! I keep weighing myself even though I said I wouldn't so... maybe 134lbs tomorrow...lets see. x
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#36
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Warrior
Posted 17 August 2021 - 02:09 AM
I set up the app with my goal weight etc and it automatically logs every time you weigh and gives you BMI and body fat percentage etc so that’s really cool! (Up til now I’d just been using the shared family basic bathroom one and I had no idea of it was accurate)
Bad news tho it’s completely changed all my stats 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫 I’m not even gonna write my weight according to my new scale as it’s leaped up a LOT to what I thought it was. So I’m just gonna focus on firstly getting back down to where I thought I was and then know I’m working with a consistent and accurate scale from then on.
I had a pretty good weekend - visited a friend on Sunday and was invited to eat with his family so it was kind of rude to decline but I think I still managed to eat pretty minimally.
Yesterday (Monday) I definitely had less than 500kcal and have been meeting my 10k steps and 2 miles walking minimum every day. Just gotta keep on keeping on and watch this scale DROP once and for all. 🙃
#37
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Warrior
Posted 18 August 2021 - 11:23 AM
I'm down some weight but not gonna talk stats til my new scale weight falls in line with what I believed I weighed before, if that makes sense, cos its so triggering to think all this time I weighed much more! Well, I'm like 2lbs to go to back to where I thought I was before, and then I'm basically back at square one 
But anywayyyyyys, I'm staying in 3 digit calories so anything up to maximum of 950 to be honest is my limit. I reached that yesterday I think but the previous days I was nearer 600kcal. It's very helpful reading al the threads on here where people have got to LW's on high levels of calories, up to say 1200kcal even. Its uncomfy to be at such a "high restriction" mentally .... but I'm going with it and seeing loss every day so far and not binging at all so far. I try to save 250-300kcals for right before bed so I can sleep. My watch is saying I need around 2000kcals on my activity level so I'm in a deficit of at least 1000 per day doing this.
My phone syncing with my scale is also hella motivating, watching its little graph thing and the BMI number etc go down.
#38
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Warrior
Posted 30 August 2021 - 02:04 AM
Water fasting now for as LONG as I can. Hunger is a pain I’ll have to live with. I sicken myself to the core and I can’t go on like this. I have one week left of Tenuate. I won’t weigh until at least this time next week. I loathe myself. I look so disgusting and I AM so disgusting.
A clean new month awaits and it needs to be the month of great progress. I’m tired of feeling like such a pathetic loser and chasing the same few pounds of weight loss around and around for two years. I’m a joke even to myself at this point.
#39
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Warrior
Posted 30 August 2021 - 02:04 AM
Water fasting now for as LONG as I can. Hunger is a pain I’ll have to live with. I sicken myself to the core and I can’t go on like this. I have one week left of Tenuate. I won’t weigh until at least this time next week. I loathe myself. I look so disgusting and I AM so disgusting.
A clean new month awaits and it needs to be the month of great progress. I’m tired of feeling like such a pathetic loser and chasing the same few pounds of weight loss around and around for two years. I’m a joke even to myself at this point.
#40
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Warrior
Posted 30 August 2021 - 06:00 AM
22 hours fasting so far. 47 minutes work out.
After I've water fasted just as long as I can go this week, it's gonna be a maximum of 750 calories per day // 20 hour fasting daily // x2 hydroxycut hardcore // 2 miles+ walking daily.
Weigh in, Sept 7th, measurements Sept 17th.
It's so hard to live in a house with non-ED people who just eat, eat, eat.... and cook, cook, cook.. Urgh.
but I'm so ready to do this. Til' my birthday if thats how long it takes.
I'm gonna reward myself with a little lip filler.....maybe...
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Warrior
Posted 31 August 2021 - 12:20 PM
Sun afternoon - Tues afternoon: 48 hours water fasting. 50 minutes workout.
Tues 31 Aug: Less than 600kcal, 47 minutes workout.
Weds 01 Sept: Less than 600kcal, 50 minutes workout -
weight: 136.2lbs (.2 loss since binge days, 7.4lbs loss since 16 Aug).
Thurs 02 Sept: Can't seem to refrain from weighing in.... 135.4lbs today... 8lbs loss since 16 Aug.
Less than 600kcal. 51 minutes workout.
Fri 03 Sept: No weigh in, I felt fat this morning cos I ate salted popcorn last night (only a little) but it makes me retain water like holy shit. Today, less than 600kcal, 25 minutes workout (lower than usual because I keep blacking out REAL bad when I stand up, and also want a day off here & there so not build too much muscle).
PS: I've booked my lip fillers in for 13th Nov!! But I won't proceed with it unless I'm at my GW!
#42
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Warrior
Posted 08 September 2021 - 07:03 AM
IDK what the f is wrong with me lately, I just keep losing control of myself
Had a really bad few days with various crappy things going on, and felt myself eating just to relieve the stress feelings but then ofc hate myself for doing that and feel worse etc etc etc infinity.
I'm 21 hours into another fast, I wanna go for 3 days if I can and from there I'm gonna go low-carb again to kick my fat ass into ketosis again as although its pretty hard (and expensive), it is something that does give me results as well as helping me control cravings/binging and also helps my mood a lot.
I'm gonna have to spend like £50 buying a load of chicken and stuff to freeze, to get me started on the right foot and the sooner I hit ketosis and see some loss, the easier it will be to stick to it. I lost pretty well on it before and I just need this GODDAM weight to start to move.......................I'm tired of myself chasing my tail around in the same damn circle
Will update when I've been able to weigh in again... (not ready for that today given the eating fest I've been on )
#43
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Warrior
Posted 13 September 2021 - 01:25 PM
I've been eating very low-carb and low calories the past two days. Tested earlier this evening and haven't hit ketosis yet, but hopefully will see that strip change colour tomorrow or Wednesday! Really need to start burning FAT FAT FAT.
Having a very difficult time emotionally atm and eating disorder is just immensely stressful... I kinda feel like I need a massive vacation away from everything, I truly do
But that isn't possible for so many reasons, SO... lets hit ketosis, lets start burning fat properly and I don't wanna weigh in or take my measurements for a couple weeks cos I can't handle the truth and am so tired of getting NOWHERE... I've stocked up on a bunch of protein.. and have just been nibbling that, along with my daily 45 minute walk and water/a couple cans of diet soda, zero sugar.
Will update when I've started noticing any progress...I wanna be 130lbs by the end of September or fucking shoot me.
#44
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Warrior
Posted 28 February 2022 - 11:20 AM
My fucking life.
CBA with details but lets just say, I've been on the biggest and most scary binge cycle of my life and have gained SO MUCH WEIGHT.
I want to cry. And die. I am being 100% honest, this is making me want to die so badly. My body is covered in flab and every step I take feels heavy, I am disgusting and have about 16 chins and I don't recognise myself. I hate myself. I have been so caught up in this that I've been binging while crying my eyes out feeling sick full of food and I just can't do this anymore.
Today onward, 500-700kcals per day with 20 hour fasts daily. Exercise 40 minutes daily if I can. Will update here daily.
01 March 2022 - 101 days to get to 121lbs by 10 June 2022 -
Day 1
20 hour fast
50 mins exercise
1/4 roasted chicken (rounding up to 450kcal) + protein porridge pot (219kcal) = 669kcal (approx, rounded up)
Weight: 155lbs
#45
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Warrior
Posted 03 March 2022 - 08:07 AM
2nd March '22 - Day 02/101 Binge Free -
20 hour fast
80 mins exercise
Salad made with iceberg lettuce, carrots, 1 can tuna, small amount bacon bits (approx 500kcal)
Weight: 154lbs
3rd March '22 - Day 03/101 Binge Free -
20 hour fast
60 mins exercise
Salad made with iceberg lettuce, carrots, cherry tomatoes, small amount of bacon bits, 1 can tuna (500-600kcal)
Weight: 154lbs
#46
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Warrior
Posted 12 March 2022 - 11:50 AM
Life has been so busy and overwhelming I totally forgot to write here in my accountability but here I am back again! I'm sadly only on day 3 of another 'binge free streak' after hitting the most low I'd ever felt on Wednesday when I succumbed to another binge, honestly felt like an alien had taken charge of my whole body and mind and I went in to the grocery store and bought things I didn't even WANT to eat, just binge foods you know, like 2 big sandwiches, chips, chocolate bars, sodas - as soon as I got home I ate it all plus anything else I could, including a whole pack of crackers and a big dinner at night, it just didn't stop and I wanted to cry/die for letting it all happen again. Starting from Wednesday night (now Saturday night so 3 whole days) I have been restricting super lowww, less than 500k cals per day and I haven't binged since then. I have managed to work out a little every day so far but am feeling incredibly weak now, I think its my body adapting to coming off such large overeating and all the sugar etc.
I registered ketosis today, but I am making sure to have around 200 of my calories in the form of a Slim Fast or Ensure shake because it as all of the vitamins and minerals etc... I don't wanna be dealing with the headaches and all that crap. The only other thing I've eaten the past days is a rice cake with a small amount of cheese, and some seeds. I have only been drinking 0 cal drinks. I feel absolutely awful today but I think my body is just adapting, I am sleeping a lot and have the most TERRRRRRRIBLE depression/mood issues going on, I am just so hangry as well. But every time I think about breaking I focus on why I'm doing this and what I need to achieve to get myself where I need to be. Eating won't help that, all it will do is make me feel worse. So this is literally the only thing I can do at this point. Eating anything remotely "proper" will lead me to binge and I can't risk it so I'm happy to just have the majority of the 500 cals with the shakes (I had to buy two types, one is 204kcal, the other one is 229kcal).
I am 151lbs and still as fat as LARD as of today - just am dying to get back into the 140s asap, I won't be happy though even at 140 itself.. it is disgusting af... the only time I will consider coming off low-restriction will be around 130-135 but then still continue just with a slightly higher intake, maybe 800 then. 121lbs by June 10th, no question. Exactly 30lbs to lose.
#47
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Warrior
Posted 14 March 2022 - 07:23 AM
5 days binge free.
147lbs today.
6lbs down in 5 days, I've been under 500 calories every day since I stopped binging.
By 14 April 2022 I want to be a maximum of 135lbs, so thats another 12lbs in the coming 4 weeks.
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