my therapist always said i should try journaling
#1 
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 12:31 AM
hi this is for my rants/vents/whatevers.
a few things you should know.
- my problems are probably very superficial
- i refer to my “adhd/asd assessment incident” a lot.
- in essence they told me “you are to high functioning and smart for that etc. etc. and also seem mentally stable so….. ”
- anyway i cry about that lots because i hate them.
- it was like an expensive trigger that lead me straight to relapse
- not getting accommodations or meds or whatever left me with 0 coping mechanisms (previously working from sheer willpower that I WOULD be getting help in the end. obviously i didnt and so i burned out bad…… hence eating disorder is back baby !!,!,!,!,!)
- cant function might as well get skinny while im at it 🥴🤘
- also i have no defining personality traits so bare with me
basically this is just gonna be a super messy thread for me to scream in.
#2
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 12:37 AM
why is counseling literal the most useless thing lmao
every session with my therapist is just me bullshitting my way through a conversation, talking about mostly irrelevant things.
BECAUSE
everytime i get to the real stuff (s/h, eating disorder, all that fun jazz)
he just doesnt have anything useful to say expect “maybe dont do that”
NO SHIT
IM MENTALLY ILL I CANT JUST FFUCKIGN STOP ?????
actually its not his fault. he doesnt specialize in any of that.
i need a new therapist btw
3+ years have been wasted.
the only thing he can really help with is anxiety. but honestly most of my progress ive made on my own terms.
(probably why its so useless tbh, i just flat out ignore his advice if i think its stupid. im aware this is not helpful in the long run.)
i can deal with anxiety
i cannot deal with my crappy unfocused brain that is falling WAY behind in school for the 6th or 7th year in a row.
i cannot deal with my shit emotional regulation, i am so sick of going from crying my eyes out cause i hate myself so much to feeling like im literally on top of the world- all in the span of 30 minutes
im sick of putting in so much effort all for it to amount to the bare minimum.
UGHHHHH
and most of all im sick of being treated like everything im feeling is “just apart of growing up”
NO OT FUCKINF ISNTN !!,!,!,!,
…
i was gonna write more but then it sounded too cringey lol
not gonna deny that im not exactly emotionally honest about everything, so i cant blame people for not knowing the extent or whatever-
just every time I DO open up i get shut down and brushed off
ew
ironically i dont even feel that mentally ill lmao
mm like everything thats an “unhealthy coping mechanism” according to my therapist is so ingrained into my brain
and ill probably never get better because do i even want to ?
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#3
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 12:44 AM
ALSO OMFG THE COUNSELING PLACE I GO TO HAS A FUCKGF PORN RECOVERY PROGRAM !!!!!!
I C ANT
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 12:45 AM
i mean im not surprised...... my parents picked the place 
(i was 13 when i first started out so i didnt get much say)
actually i cant believe it took me this long to check out the website,
100% confirmed now i really need a new therapist. the whole place is so religion based.
explains why hes so pushy with christianity and religion being some magical saving grace.
one time i told him how happy id been feeling lately (after a bad burnout period) and he gave me a book on how true happiness "cannot be achieved on this earth"
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#5
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Posted 12 May 2022 - 11:50 AM
this probably sounds so bitchy but-
holy shit my dad eats so much ????
im not even talking about meals (though those arent great either at almost 50 years old he SHOULD NOT be eating top ramen everyday), he eats at least 5-10 snacks a day
and its all super crappy stuff like nuts, candy, granola bars, etc.
im genuinely worried about him
he never used to be this bad, hes basically been gaining weight nonstop since this past winter. and he wont go see a doctor. im pretty sure he hasnt had a physical since highschool. he doesnt exercise anymore.
just sit in the basement (which ofc he works from home, but even after its ended he just plays video games or browses twitter)
also,
(this is the bitchy part)
i HATE IT when he eats MY safe foods.
because he'll LITERALLY leave NONE for me >: (
he just eats without caring if others want any
theres no way this isnt disordered
and hes in complete denial its even become a problem
ugh
#6
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Posted Yesterday, 09:50 PM
one time, when i was like 4 or 5, i made a toilet paper roll into a jesus doll and had him attack and get mad at my other dolls.
my mom was pissed because “jesus would never get angry”
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