[54th try] .<110 to <97.
#1 
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Posted 05 May 2022 - 03:26 PM
i've had like 3 accountability forums in the past here but i always feel obnoxious or something and cringe at my posts and delete them all. sad but true. will definitely happen again.
ill post what i want here
idk if i'll post everything i eat, but i'll try to post how many calories i've eaten that day.
anyways, a little backstory. i got sick, i guess, in July of last year. nearly a year of dealing with it, and doctors have just brushed me off since they cant figure out whats causing the pain. I've tried to get a colonoscopy done (TERRIFIED) but something keeps pushing it out. and bc of covid, the appointments get pushed out months further. which is fine, i don't want to get a camera up my ass, and i dont think they'll find out what's wrong with me either.
due to whatever the hell is wrong with my insides, for some reason even though i barely eat more than i was before; my weight shot up around 7 pounds, and has been very rough to go away.
I was at 100-103 before this and now im constantly hovering around 107-110. i hate it. i feel like such a failure, i gave up on fully counting everything and restricting once it wasn't working. with that said, i never started eating more. yes, of course, there's been days here and there where ill have maybe +300 to my intake, but never any binges. i haven't binged in a while, simply because it causes way more pain than i care to deal with.
i hate how even though ive been at this weight before, i had my thigh gap (small but there), but now, its basically gone. i mean its still there, but the tops of my thighs brush against each other now and i feel disgusting. I'm constantly bloated in the stomach and legs. i have pains all the time. The main pain is around the appendix, which is weird. ive been to ER 3 maybe 4 times now thinking its appendicitis, but it wasn't- clearly im still alive. they did a few cat scans, and every time they legit just said they couldn't see my appendix so sent me home. they also sent my mom home with appendicitis, EVEN WITH WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT ELEVATED, and it then ruptured and she could have died because the doctors where i live i guess are just that dumbo. its sad.
i cant exercise because of the pain, its so uncomfortable. i can barely stretch or it feels like my intestines and appendix are ripping. :/ idk what to do about it and doctors are useless. I used to go out walking but all of a sudden my agoraphobia has gotten worse and i feel like if i go out i will be bothered, r*ped, mocked, kidnapped, or assaulted. even shot at. i dont know. its irrational, i'm even terrified to go out onto our front patio. I cant fit into my jeans because of the bloat (hurts around my stomach) so i have to wear skirts and dresses. Which makes me, as a girl, more scared to go outside. this world is so fucked up lmfao.
i only add all of this to the intro because i mean its been a year of dealing with it (almost) and it hasn't gone away so i don't think it will.
theres no excuses anymore, im all i have so i might as well be skinny and comfortable in myself (though, thatll never happen. its just one gw after another.)
on a different note. i love to draw and write.
-
today(5.5.22) i weighed in at 109.4 after eating 543 calories yesterday. ( i was also crying all night, so could also be dehydrated)
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"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
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cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
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#2
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Posted 05 May 2022 - 06:38 PM
5.5.22: 654 calories
my stomachs been hurting all day. ive just been drawing and writing, not really all that hungry or thirsty. i had chicken and potatos for dinner. i mightve logged the potatos more calories than they were but i dont really care. im just gonna finish this chapter, watch videos, and then go to bed i guess
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
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#3
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- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted 06 May 2022 - 11:21 AM
5.6.22 weight: 110.2
ok. dont get it but ok. i didnt eat anything high in sodium. could be the potatos? im also constipated. idk but i just feel disgusting now.
this is how its been these months. i try to restrict and all of a sudden my body goes up a few pounds. but then i dont restrict and it maintains. by dont restrict im still technically restricting. barely eat 1100 cals in all. and thats a stretch. its more close to 800-900.
altho i guess for my bmi and body thats maintenance? eating 1k cals my entire life, considering if i was normal, just to maintain my weight is sad. thats barely a mcdonalds meal. (i hate mcdonalds tho so whatever)
anyways hope it goes down after a bm, but ive never had that luck. i also slept for 10+ hours so sleep cant factor in
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
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#4
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- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted 06 May 2022 - 02:47 PM
just had some popcorn. after avoiding eating for 3 hours via updating my carrd.
now i hate myself for no reason. i hate the summer i feel so hot and sweaty and that makes me feel fat and gross. *clenches fist and shakes it*
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
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#5
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- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted 06 May 2022 - 09:54 PM
5.6.22: 617 calories
once again my stomach was huirting alll day i hate this. especially after dinner it got so worse. i have to keep drinking tea to try and sooth it.
anyways gn heres to hoping that tomorrow i weigh less :/
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
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#6
- Accountability access
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- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted 07 May 2022 - 08:20 AM
5.7.22 weight: 110.4
great. day 2 of restriction and ive gained
love that for me
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
---------------
---------------
#7
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted 07 May 2022 - 09:48 AM
ok my period started that makes a little more sense. this better just be water retention
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
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---------------
#8
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted 07 May 2022 - 07:15 PM
5.7.22: 634 calories
damn the cramps have been bad. most of those calories is just popcorn because thats all i could eat LMAO. and ive had like 3 tea's today- barely any water. ill try to drink alot tonight tho.
also going through a crisis and emotionally spending all my money and its not good but i cant seem to stop because it brings me that 2.5 seconds of joy
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
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---------------
#9
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted 08 May 2022 - 10:39 AM
5.8.22 weight: 110.2
ill cry.
also damn is it actually mothers day or am i being pranked cause i thought mothers day was on the 12th :sob:.
ive wanted to take my mom out to eat but i think she's working today, so that's a bummer.
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
---------------
---------------
#10
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:07 PM
i made my mom pancakes and bacon and fruit for breakfast. i hope she loved
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
---------------
---------------
#11
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted 08 May 2022 - 05:29 PM
5.8.22: 619 calories
i barely be drinking water help
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
---------------
---------------
#12
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted Yesterday, 10:19 AM
5.9.22 weight: 110.8
no bm yesterday again but at the same time i still shouldn't be gaining. i love when 600 calories is maintenance
seriously what am i counting wrong
yesterday i had:
-
3 bags of tea nothing in it: 0 cal
strawberries: .4 cup 19 cals
banana: 62 cals
bacon 1 piece: 40 cals
8 tea biscuits: 218 cals
icing: 50cals
lettuce: 12 cals
carrots: 15 cals
croutons: 21 cals (i had like 2 crushed up)
chips: 84 cals
popcorn: 98 cals
barely half a potato: 85
-
the only thing i could have miscalculated was the potato or the banana. but say they were 50+ more cals each. that's only +100. that's still only 700 cals.
what's wrong with my body rn :/ am i doing something wrong. becasue if i lower my intake and eat at 300 calories i cant stay like that forever
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
---------------
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#13
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted Yesterday, 04:56 PM
i took my mom out to get her nails done for mothers day. (even tho it was yesterday)
been avoiding eating. i feel shit.
i finished a drawing and im gonna try and finish writing something.
I'm also re-watching fairy tail! been a while since I've last seen it.
were going to visit family in the beginning of july. i am nervous. i cant seem to lose weight i dont want to go if im this weight i'll be ashamed. even though logically, no one cares. but i do. i care. ive only had 190 calories today so far.
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
---------------
---------------
#14
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted Yesterday, 07:05 PM
5.9.22: 500 calories
if i somehow weigh more tomorrow its over for me guys
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
---------------
---------------
#15
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted Yesterday, 09:02 PM
theres this fact about izaya that says he weighs himself after every bath.
man. that one gets to me.
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
---------------
---------------
#16
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted Today, 09:52 AM
5.10.22 weight: 110.6 or 111.0
i dont get it lmfao. also my scale said both so whatever guess i basically gained. what am i supposed to do.
this is mad embarrassing LMAO
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
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---------------
#17
- Accountability access
- 1827 posts
Advanced Sage
- Locationizaya's apartment
Posted Today, 08:23 PM
5.10.22: 608cals but im going to say 650cals to be safe.
i was at the ER all day so i didnt eat or drink water until 5pm. and then i could NOT stop being hungry it was awful. now i feel bloated. also no bm. ughh so sick of it!! if i weight more tomorrow i swear.. i literally.. might just die.
"You think you're special? You're not. Everyone lies, everyone hides things...
Nobody makes it through this life being completely honest."
---------------
cw/lw: 97.8
hw: 181 lbs
gw1: 150 bs
gw2: 135 lbs
ugw: 93lbs
5'7
ive lost 50+ pounds and it feels and looks like ive lost none :/
how the fuck am i bmi 15 lol
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