Friday, May 6, 2022

tilldeath before and after

 

tilldeath

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    Posted 03 May 2022 - 12:01 PM

    bored and realised i said id explain the story of why i wanna be 150lbs before i visit my friend. so basically i used to live w my friend, thats how we became friends i didnt know him before i moved in but we are like two peas in a pod. basically after that tenancy ended he moved back to his home town n so i dont see him as often anymore but in early february he came up to where i live n stayed with me for three days. i was like two weeks maybe even less into my relapse then and told him and he just kinda said n did nothing. i think bc i was big he was sort of like not really concerned because ig anyone that isnt educated on eds doesnt rlly get why theyre dangerous i guess like unless someone is already thin people dont really get it. i also think hes extreeemeellyy uneducated on calories so when i said im only eating x amount he wouldve of even known whether that was bad or not. it is not like him to not care, hes seen me in horrendous states and has been there for me through thick and thin. i think its just pure lack of education and also him probs forgetting that i used to have an ed bc i think i only mentioned it once/twice if that when we lived together and he has raging adhd so defo wouldve forgotten. anyway i was like 200lbs when i saw him. i know bc hes a bloke and super unobservant anyway he wouldnt notice a little bit of weight loss, but i dont think it is possible to be completely oblivious to a literal 50lb drop. i’ll be a size uk 10 at that weight and i was a size 16, sometimes an 18. so he cant not notice that. idk why i want him to notice ive lost a dramatic amount of weight. i think part of it is like a fuck you i told you i was struggling and you said nothing even though i literally didnt want help but it still hurt that he is the only irl friend i have that ive told bc i trust him with everything and he had no reaction. like i guess its to prove im ill??? idk. i just want him to sorta think oh shit phoebe isnt okay??? but i still want him to do nothing :’) i think its bc hes the only person ive told so the only person who will know my weight loss is bc im disordered and i want someone to realize that i guess bc as much as friends have been concerned they dont actually know that my weight loss is bc of an ed. i hope that makes sense. but yeah my goal before i see him is to make sure im 150lbs. i rlly wanna see him asap but i just desperately wanna be 150 before i do. 17.8lbs left to go. i hope to get there in two months but i think that’s unreasonable. i might allow 155lbs depending on how long this weight loss takes bc ive been saying since he came up that id come to see him and at this point i just look like a shitty friend. tho i know on the 10th june hes going away for a couple weeks so tbf that does buy me time until the end of june. but i dont think i can leave it much longer than july without looking like a piece of shit :’) if i hadnt had this plateau i feel like i couldve made it but im not sure now. will have to see!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    SW: 215.2lbs (97.6kg) - 21/1/22

    GW 1: 150lbs (68kg)

    GW 2: 125lbs (54.4kg)

    UGW: 110lbs (49.8kg)

     

    210205200195190, 185180175170, 165, 160, 155, 150, 145, 140, 135, 130, 125, 120, 115, 110

    #227 tilldeath

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      Posted 04 May 2022 - 01:03 AM

      4th May 2022:

      weigh in: 166.8lbs!!! v short lived plateau which i am extremely grateful for.

      intake:

      no weigh in just yet as its early. i usually weigh at 11 bc that gives me time to wake up n have a bm but ive had trapped wind pain all night and it wont shift im in so much pain :(

      after 6 hours the pain has finally subsided! i am so fucken happy i have lost, i assume it was a bunch of water weight! had a fibre one bar (cookies and cream flavour oh my god so good) and a small apple (128). gonna have soup for lunch debating having sweet potato fries with it!

      been thinking, there 8 weeks until july 2nd, if i lose 2lbs a week which i think is pretty doable most ppl that diet healthily lose about that right? and im currently according to happy scale losing 2.49lbs a week and thats gone down from 3 due to the 3 days i had of being stuck. so i will lose 16lbs and actually get to 150 by then if i dont hit a plateau or gain. like this might actually be doable lmao

      i also realise yday i said id do intermittent fasting w a 12-6 eating window then proceeded to eat breakfast at 11am

      it is 6:45 and ive just woken up from like a 4 nap and missed dinner, im just gonna have some soup n an egg now bc ik i’ll be hungry later if i dont eat n imma be up till late bc i have napped rip

      dinner was soup n a hard boiled egg (258). the pain hasnt subsided which is odd like it has been 16 hours now surely it shouldve passed if it is trapped wind?? its starting to hurt my chest on the right side when i breathe also it feels like shit. tho it is straight up trapped wind pain like stabbing pain when i move etc its just annooooyingggg

      its 11pm and im still in pain. my mum thinks its gallstones as my sister and dad had them. but i dont have pain in the places my sister n dad did, but it is lower right abdomen which is where the gall bladder is. apparently rapid weight loss can cause it. ik its manageable if thats what it is but i know that lack of a gall bladder can mean it makes it incredibly hard to lose weight and i genuinely cannot deal with that. i dont even know nor personally think thats what it is but im literally crying over the fact that i wont be able to lose weight. this absolutely cant be fucking happening. i think its just gas build up but mums convinced its gallstones and says i need an ultrasound. im so scared and upset

      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

      SW: 215.2lbs (97.6kg) - 21/1/22

      GW 1: 150lbs (68kg)

      GW 2: 125lbs (54.4kg)

      UGW: 110lbs (49.8kg)

       

      210205200195190, 185180175170, 165, 160, 155, 150, 145, 140, 135, 130, 125, 120, 115, 110

      #228 Anna2016

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        Posted 04 May 2022 - 01:59 AM

        Oh I’m sorry, I have that alot too. I try to lay down flat, on my left side - right side - left side - right side and so on. And it usually helps.

        I understand the thing about losing weight before you see that friend again and why. I would feel the same way. But it’s better if we could shift the mindset to just do this for ourselves. And Block out anyone else. It just hurts, doesn’t help.
        You will lose this weight for you, and then feel good about it when you Get there🥰
        <p>My accountability journal: https://bit.ly/2A53rkXtumblr_nsx1kfv0ju1tnws29o1_500.jpg

        #229 tilldeath

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          Posted 04 May 2022 - 03:43 AM

          Anna2016, on 04 May 2022 - 01:59 AM, said:

          Oh I’m sorry, I have that alot too. I try to lay down flat, on my left side - right side - left side - right side and so on. And it usually helps.

          I understand the thing about losing weight before you see that friend again and why. I would feel the same way. But it’s better if we could shift the mindset to just do this for ourselves. And Block out anyone else. It just hurts, doesn’t help.
          You will lose this weight for you, and then feel good about it when you Get there


          its so painful not as bad as it was earlier but still there - movement definitely helped! thank you x

          this is so true, for the most part it is for myself but i cant drop the idea of being a specific weight for when i next see him


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

          SW: 215.2lbs (97.6kg) - 21/1/22

          GW 1: 150lbs (68kg)

          GW 2: 125lbs (54.4kg)

          UGW: 110lbs (49.8kg)

           

          210205200195190, 185180175170, 165, 160, 155, 150, 145, 140, 135, 130, 125, 120, 115, 110

          #230 tilldeath

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            Posted 04 May 2022 - 03:44 AM

            dp

            SW: 215.2lbs (97.6kg) - 21/1/22

            GW 1: 150lbs (68kg)

            GW 2: 125lbs (54.4kg)

            UGW: 110lbs (49.8kg)

             

            210205200195190, 185180175170, 165, 160, 155, 150, 145, 140, 135, 130, 125, 120, 115, 110

            #231 tilldeath

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              Posted 04 May 2022 - 03:47 AM

              body check time! ~10lbs down since my last one :)

              so this is today!
              0898a91d9a1045178cf0cf9707fb1ecc.jpeg


              vs last month. i feel there isnt a huge difference but i think you can tell in my calves and thighs from the side. and in my arms actually.

              7580781bc4fb58a8a52a2a0180628f42.jpeg

              and this bad boy is my sw :’)

              4ba9452c3d0f1bc035b998617f21b7a8.jpeg


              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

              SW: 215.2lbs (97.6kg) - 21/1/22

              GW 1: 150lbs (68kg)

              GW 2: 125lbs (54.4kg)

              UGW: 110lbs (49.8kg)

               

              210205200195190, 185180175170, 165, 160, 155, 150, 145, 140, 135, 130, 125, 120, 115, 110

              #232 tilldeath

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                Posted 04 May 2022 - 10:00 PM

                5th May 2022:

                weigh in: 165.8lbs to my surprise lmao. it first said 165.6lbs which i didnt believe so took the batteries out to reset then it said 165.8lbs then took the batteries out again and it said 165.4lbs which was 100% not correct so took them out again and put in new ones and left it for a bit and it said either 165.6 or 165.8 i cant remember i think .6lbs but im going w the higher measurement bc i dont believe it. this mornings bm was small so im rlly surprised but im 15.8lbs off my gw1 and about 14lbs off a healthy bmi!

                intake:

                gm i am still in a lot of pain. it doesnt appear to be subsiding:( booking a drs apt the second they open i just sincerely hope they can give me one today because i cannot spend another day like this.

                okay drs were fab got an apt so fast n have already been n gone! dr said it cant be gall stones bc its not where the gall bladder is, but it could either be a really bad bout of trapped wind, appendicitis (which he isnt rlly v concerned about bc i dont have a fever and it has gotten better) or ovarian cysts. he said if it gets worse tomorrow or persists over the next couple weeks to come back but for now bc theres no other symptoms hes not v concerned. which is great bc obviously i dont want anything wrong with me its just embarrassing as FUCK that ive been complaining and literally unable to function bc of what is most probably trapped wind :’) i just cant believe its been over a day and i still have pain

                i have 0 energy to update lmao i feel horrendous im so exhausted i need to curl up in bed and sleep but i have a drs apt at 5:20pm.

                so went to my grandparents for lunch today. had pizza, garlic bread and salad. grandma originally gave me a quarter of pizza, i had two slices of garlic bread and some salad (it had avocado in it so i purposely avoided that lol). they really noticed my weight loss so when she offered me the last quarter of pizza and i said no she pulled a face of kinda worry and like come on have it so i did as to not raise suspicion lol so had half a pizza in total, two slices of garlic bread and salad. 0 clue the cals but made today omad bc of that. i couldve benefitted from a higher cal day probably but alas i did not do so and its 7:40pm now so i wont be eating more. im actually not even hungry either but i think its bc the stomach pain is fucking with my hunger cues lmao so i cannot tell. gonna have a green tea and maybe do some uni work i sorta want to for some reason lol

                so checked online the pizza was about 550 cals, idk about the garlic bread but im gonna say today came in at about 900?? maybe 800 but thats quite funny how many cals one meal was :’)))))

                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                SW: 215.2lbs (97.6kg) - 21/1/22

                GW 1: 150lbs (68kg)

                GW 2: 125lbs (54.4kg)

                UGW: 110lbs (49.8kg)

                 

                210205200195190, 185180175170, 165, 160, 155, 150, 145, 140, 135, 130, 125, 120, 115, 110

                #233 anitsirk2.o

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                  Posted Yesterday, 05:07 PM

                  wow!! you have made huge progress in those pics! you never had a big tummy though.

                   

                  oh man, i hope your pain goes away. you're lucky it isn't the gall bladder, i had to have mine removed a few years ago the pain leading up to surgery was blinding.

                   

                  maybe it is just trapped wind that will blow out LOL. if not, go back to the doctor and demand answers.

                   

                  your grandma sounds sweet, 800 calories for the pizza and garlic bread sounds accurate.


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                  #234 something_of_an_aimless

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                  Posted Yesterday, 07:55 PM

                  Sorry to hear about that pain, hon! I've had the same thing, trapped gas sounds so mild but I swear it has been some of the most severe pain I've had. I've considered going to the ER a few times from it, it's crazy. Hopefully it isn't anything serious!

                   

                  Also your progress is absolutely amazing, I'm so jealous of your figure haha. Hope everything works out with the stomach issues!


                  ~Hufflepuff | INFP | 9w1 | They/Them | Pisces~

                   

                   

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                  #235 tilldeath

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                    Posted Today, 01:00 AM

                    anitsirk2.o, on 05 May 2022 - 5:07 PM, said:

                    wow!! you have made huge progress in those pics! you never had a big tummy though.

                    oh man, i hope your pain goes away. you're lucky it isn't the gall bladder, i had to have mine removed a few years ago the pain leading up to surgery was blinding.

                    maybe it is just trapped wind that will blow out LOL. if not, go back to the doctor and demand answers.

                    your grandma sounds sweet, 800 calories for the pizza and garlic bread sounds accurate.


                    thank you so much! that means the world

                    oh gosh that mustve been horrendous - my sister and dad had the same and i was so so anxious because i remember seeing my dad literally curled up in a ball crying and sweating it was awful! ive had the pain since thursday and it is nowhere near as bad but its still there, just a weird dull ache that gets worse when i move a lot. gonna book an appointment on monday if it still continues because it is so odd!

                    my grandparents on my dads side are angels, i love spending time with them so it was nice to be able to put the concern of food aside and just enjoy something she had taken time cooking and have a nice meal!


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                    SW: 215.2lbs (97.6kg) - 21/1/22

                    GW 1: 150lbs (68kg)

                    GW 2: 125lbs (54.4kg)

                    UGW: 110lbs (49.8kg)

                     

                    210205200195190, 185180175170, 165, 160, 155, 150, 145, 140, 135, 130, 125, 120, 115, 110

                    #236 tilldeath

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                      Posted Today, 01:03 AM

                      something_of_an_aimless, on 05 May 2022 - 7:55 PM, said:

                      Sorry to hear about that pain, hon! I've had the same thing, trapped gas sounds so mild but I swear it has been some of the most severe pain I've had. I've considered going to the ER a few times from it, it's crazy. Hopefully it isn't anything serious!

                      Also your progress is absolutely amazing, I'm so jealous of your figure haha. Hope everything works out with the stomach issues!


                      oh my lordy isnt it just?! i remember the first time i had it i was literally sweating from the pain it was awful and i too considered going to a&e i told my nurse and she said her friend actually went due to the pain and they did this massage on the area and she did the biggest fart of her life and then was sent home im defo gonna go to the drs on monday if it persists because id rather be a bit embarrassed that its bad trapped wind then ignore it and it be something important.

                      ahh thank you so so much!!! hopefully it subsides so i can stop constantly complaining hahahaha


                      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                      SW: 215.2lbs (97.6kg) - 21/1/22

                      GW 1: 150lbs (68kg)

                      GW 2: 125lbs (54.4kg)

                      UGW: 110lbs (49.8kg)

                       

                      210205200195190, 185180175170, 165, 160, 155, 150, 145, 140, 135, 130, 125, 120, 115, 110

                      #237 earthmoon

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                        Posted Today, 01:54 AM

                        aw love i'm really sorry you're in pain, how is it going? i had something similar sounding to you and it ended up being pancreatitis, which thankfully went away after a couple of weeks but was awful when it was here.

                         

                        also... just saw your progress pics and

                         

                        AGHH you look incredible!!! your tum is so flat and you've made SO much progress!! you're losing so much around your waist too, like your side profile progress is insane. i'm so jealous in the most loving way i can say that, you look FIREEE


                        🌒🌍🌘


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                        SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50

                         

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                        #238 Choco_Bitch_612

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                          Posted Today, 06:26 AM

                          wow such a huge difference especially in the face! and black is definitely ur color


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                                                                             H: 5'7.5 LW: 150 (2014) SW: 158 (2014)  HW: 216 (Dec. 2019..that's embarrassing) CW: ?

                                                                                                                                             

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                                                                                                                                    Gw 1: 190 lbs (86 kg) BMI - 29.3

                                                                                                                                    Gw 2: 180 lbs (82 kg) BMI - 27.8

                                                                                                                                    Gw 3: 170 lbs (77 kg) BMI - 26.2

                                                                                                                                    Gw 4: 160 lbs (73 kg) BMI - 24.7

                                                                                                                                    Gw 5: 150 lbs (68 kg) BMI - 23.1

                                                                                                                                    Gw 6: 140 lbs (64 kg) BMI - 21.6

                                                                                                                                    Gw 7: 130 lbs (59 kg) BMI - 20.1

                                                                                                                                    Gw 8: 120 lbs (54 kg) BMI - 18.5

                                                                                                                                     UGW: 114 lbs(51 kg) BMI - 17.6 

                                                                                                            MAINTAIN BETWEEN 107-114

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