6
eat no yeet
#21 
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- 11684 posts
0kcal cat
Posted Today, 06:22 AM
okay so this is stupid I know but lately I've been saying yes to distractions to help me cut down on b/p.. but then later I don't want to do the things bc I want to do bulimia things instead and then I have to try and get out of it but being assertive isn't my thing. well I have no problem worming my way out of plans but it's more the guilt afterwards and anxiety that the person is mad and/or disappointed in me. anyway I have something tomorrow and I want to cancel badly bc I need to take lax tonight and I know I'll be up all night pooping but I also don't want to cancel. but if I don't take lax tonight then I can't do it tomorrow because I have plans the day after that I really can't cancel. and I can't just take lax and then risk it and go tomorrow bc I'm not a total psycho and don't enjoy shitting myself in public.. even though it'll probably work in the night I don't want to be functioning on 2 hours sleep. also in a couple weeks I have an event and my stupid ass is determined to lose x amount of weight by then. and I have to be empty first before I start my new plan lmfao realise this sounds deranged and I'm a massive hypocrite because I'm always telling people on here how stupid this very thing is. and nobody even cares about my weight everyone at the event knows about my ed so if anything losing more weight is a bad idea.
tl;dr I am a clown and this thread is turning into nothing more than a warning like who wants to be this embarrassing D:
#22
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- 3117 posts
Omniscient
Posted Today, 06:25 AM
#23
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- 11684 posts
0kcal cat
Posted Today, 06:34 AM
gilgi, on 11 May 2022 - 06:25 AM, said:
i relate so much to all of this, am literally going to cancel sth tonight and sth tomorrow just to indulge in bulimia things. when i‘m in a good mood i just get in over my head and plan lots of things and am optimistic when it comes to recovery, but then it just all ends up overwhelming me. so so sorry you feel this way too. you’re not alone, sending hugs xx
thankyou so much for the support and sorry you can relate to this so much feels like shit how we're constantly in two minds about recovery ughghghgh
ps. can you please delete the quoted bit pretty pleaseee feel so bad asking but I might want to delete stuff it makes me feel better about opening up :')
#25
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- 11684 posts
0kcal cat
Posted Today, 01:04 PM
gilgi, on 11 May 2022 - 06:46 AM, said:
omg yeah ofc, deleted it
and yeah it‘s so shitty. should be obvious that recovery is the best decision but that’s not really how bulimia works ig
thankyou I was so nervous in case I offended you lol sorry I'm so weird
yeah it's definitely becoming clear to me that this is an addiction like any
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