heart in abyss, body in paradise (56kg → 43kg)[with thinspo]
#1 
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Posted 15 September 2021 - 09:04 AM
Since I'm feeling awful about myself I decided that public pressure is the only way I can makes things Work.
My stats:
161cm
cw: 55kg
gw:48 (realistic)
ugw1:45 (playing with fire)
ugw2: 43 (i just like the number...)
My rules:
I'll allow myself 1000kcals daily, plus 300kcals in case I binge
Drink 2L of water
Stretch (I'd like to be able to do the splits by the end of the year, but that's probably unrealistic)
Non-weight related rules:
Wake up at 6am
Study for 10h everyday (I have an entrance exam soon)
Read 10 pages of a book
#2
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Posted 15 September 2021 - 09:08 AM
Starting strong by showing my ultimate failure
Today I had 1082 kcals, but I'll forgive myself, since I'm on my period and I deserved that chocolate milk.
I did drink 2L of water, and I took my vitamins.
I did not stretch, cramps are torturing me.
I barely wanted to get up today.
I studied for 4:30h, which is far from what I intended, but again, cramps...
I did read 10 pages of Wuthering Heights tho (it's one of my favourite books of all time, so it isn't a hardship)
Let's hope for a better tomorrow.
#3
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Posted 16 September 2021 - 12:07 PM
Today was a better day, which isn't saying much because yesterday was a complete mess.
Woke up at 6 am, went back to sleep, woke up at 7:30. I'm pathetic.
According to the app I use, I consumed 923kcal, but then my mum gave me a pineapple desert that I couldn't refuse (she gets sad and angry when I refuse food)
So at the end of the day, this is what I have:
1216kcal
It's much more than I planned for the day but it's ok since it's still under 1300.
I had 2L of water, and stretched.
Study hours: 5:50 hours
I'll read 10 more pages of Wuthering Heights before going to sleep.
#4
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Posted 16 September 2021 - 01:53 PM
Update: Ended up snacking, so...
1430kcal 
))
It's very hard to not just give up and binge, but I know I would regret it.
It's ok, I can do better tomorrow, and I'm definitely not crying rn.
#5
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Posted 17 September 2021 - 11:53 AM
I binged. It feels so bad, I can't even bring myself to check the amount.
I know it's not something to be ashamed of but...I am ashamed. Is this what I've become? Someone with no self control, whose only sense of comfort is when they're ruining themselves?
I wish someone would just live my life for me, I can just be a pretty puppet, with no conscience. I'm so exhausted.
Let's start from beginning. Woke up at 8am, had nightmares all night long, shivering from the cold in my bones. I remember waking up in the middle of one, to go to the bathroom, and seeing a dark shadow in the room. Usually that would terrify me, but I was so out of it, I just thought "if this is some evil thing, just kill me already".
Studied for all of 1:30 hours, as if I had anything better to do.
I'll try reading and stretching before sleep.
The only good thing to tell is that I drank 2L of water...Congrats, I guess.
Tomorrow I'm fasting.
#6
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Posted 18 September 2021 - 11:32 AM
Turns out fasting after years of not doing so...Is not easy.
My head was killing me, so I decided low restricting was more feasible. Also less suspicious.
So we're ending the day with 258kcal, made of strawberries, greek yoghurt and granola.
I'll be able to check my weight next week, but I won't be surprised if it didn't change at all.
#7
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Posted 21 September 2021 - 06:59 AM
I'm 56kg
I gained 1 kg.
I'm assuming I've been counting my calories wrong.
The good news is that I walked for 45 minutes after getting my second dose of the vaccine, so...Yay?
#8
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Posted 21 September 2021 - 11:26 AM
I feel so tired, my arm and head hurts, and I just want to cry. I can't even bother to do anything, so I only studied for 2h.
Just want to go to sleep and not think about anything.
Finishing my day with 970kcal.
I drank 2L of water.
#9
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Posted 23 September 2021 - 04:35 AM
Forgot to update yesterday, but I ate 890 kcal. And I drank 2L of water.
Didn't stretch.
Woke up at 8am.
Studied for 2:30h, yeah embarassing.
Didn't read.
#10
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Posted 23 September 2021 - 10:28 AM
Yesterday was such a hot night, I can't believe spring just started. I just know I'm going to suffer during summer, I can't take the heat.
Woke up at 4am today by my mum because she wanted me to do something for her, went to sleep again, woke up at 7:30.
Ending today with 813kcal.
I did drink 2L, probably a bit more considering how HOT it is today, I really can't stand this.
I'll stretch and read before going to sleep.
Studied for 6:20h.
I'm starting a new book today, I'll read before going to sleep.
#11
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Posted 23 September 2021 - 11:56 AM
Update: Studied a little bit more, ending up with 7:10h. Also, realised I didn't get enough protein, so I ate a boiled egg.
911 kcal for today.
#12
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Posted 24 September 2021 - 11:19 AM
Had such weird dreams throughout the night, but I remember them being kind of fun? So I guess the day started well.
I woke up at 7am and didn't feel tired. Oh the wonders of going to sleep early.
Studied for 6:30 hours.
I'll read before going to sleep.
2L of water: Check
Stretch: Check
Calories for the day: 958kcal
Thinspo for the day:
#13
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Posted 27 September 2021 - 12:56 PM
As each day passes, I become more and more tired. Nothing related my eating, mind you, but my brain...I just can't wait for my exams to be over.
Woke up at 8am, but wanted to stay in bed.
Studied for 6 hours, because I had to take a test. I won't be reading today, just want to sleep.
2L of water: Check
Stretching: Check
Calories for the day: I use two apps, one says 1,150 while the other says 1,019, so you can imagine which one I'll believe.
Thinspo of the day:
#14
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Posted 28 September 2021 - 12:29 PM
I'm done with my exams, so today is already 200% better than yesterday.
Woke up at 7:30am, starting to wonder whether I should just let myself sleep a little late and enjoy it, since uni will start soon and I won't be able to indulge myself.
Forgot to time it, but I studied for more than 5 hours today. I'll be reading before sleep.
2L of water: Check
Stretching: Check
Calories for the day: Apps were different again, one says 746kcal while the other says 857kcal.
Thinspo of the day:
#15
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Posted 29 September 2021 - 10:19 AM
Awful day, which anyone could notice by realising I spent the entire day browsing through MPA while listening to my classes. Depressing, I know.
Woke up at 7am, feeling so tired, just wanted to sleep for another hour.
Studied for 5:11 hours, with a headache and lack of focus but at least I tried. Read like...5 pages of the book I'm currently reading.
2L of water: Check
Stretching: Check
Calories for the day: 1,069kcal(haha nice)
Thinspo of the day:
#16
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Posted 30 September 2021 - 10:37 AM
Don't know what's going on with me this week. Had a dream that I C/S, if that doesn't say about my mental state, idk what will.
Woke up a 7am but laid in bed till 7:30. Studied for 6 hours, will try reading later but I'm not sure I'm up to it.
2L of water: Check
Stretching: Check
Calories for the day: 1,086kcal, decided to stay a bit above my intake because last night I had really sharp pains in my stomach.
Thinspo of the day:
#17
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Posted 01 October 2021 - 02:39 PM
Woke up at 6am but stayed in bed till 7:30, so I was certain that today was going to suck, but surprise, surprise! I did a full 180 (baby~) and studied for 9:30 hours, so I'm very proud of myself. I won't be reading though, my eyes hurt.
2L of water: Check
Stretching: Check
Calories for the day: 985kcal.
Thinspo of the day:
#18
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Posted 05 October 2021 - 07:05 AM
Was too busy yesterday, so I completely forgot about this.
2L of water: Check
Stretching: Check
Calories for the day: 977kcal
#19
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Posted 05 October 2021 - 04:44 PM
Binged, don't know how much, considering I ate 2 slices of pizza I'm going to assume 2000+. Awful day, cried because I couldn't focus on my classes, just want it to end.
#20
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Posted 08 April 2022 - 05:33 PM
so...guess who is not dead? Shocking i know, especially considering no one knows me here but well, these logs show that i exist.
i lost some weight though idk how much, i can only tell because all my trousers are super loose.
i'll start using this again because i don't want to gain weight after finally getting into uni (which i did btw, congrats me)
second thing uhhhh apparently i'm actually 1,63cm so...that's something, however the goal remains being 43kg, because i really do like that number.
wish me luck.
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