💖 heros fast & accountability (◕ω◕✿)
#1 
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Posted 07 December 2015 - 01:21 PM
Hello earthlings, I am heros & this is my thread!
I decided I really needed one after eating horribly over the past week
and exceeding 2000cals several times.
I am starting fresh today!
I will try to post daily but I may not get to it sometimes
(I’m sure you’ll be devastated, reader).
Also some food pics, body pics & thinspo.
Losing weight will give me discipline and make me feel better and more comfortable in my skin and more like my TRUE self.
I want to become the person I’ve always wanted to be. A person I love & admire.
You’re born alone & die alone, kids. It’s very tough to get through life unless you’re good company for yourself.
(¬_¬) Typical teen girl with low self-esteem story. I’ve had eating disorders starting around age 13 & recently gained a bunch of weight from a 2 year alcohol binge (+_+)
I gained about 40lbs from binge-drinking, reaching my highest weight, ever.
The time has come to reverse the damage & hopefully be even better than before.
Sober since 150923
sw/hw: 182lbs
lw: 117lbs
Height: 5'7.3" (170.5cm)
CW: 160bs (74.8kg) BMI: 25. (╥_╥)
BMR: 1563
(160630 edit I am back after 5 months)
170102 edit back after 6 months (I sense a pattern here...)
180 175 170 165 160
155 150 145 140 135
130 125 120 119 118
117 115 114 113 112
111 110 109 108 107 106
For now, here are my repulsive measurements:
(as of 151127)
Waist:31"
Hips:40"
Thighs:23"/17"*
Calf:15"
Ankle:8.5"
Arm:11"*
Wrist:6"
*Thickest/thinnest part of thigh
*Mid-upper arm
All measurements taken vertically.
I've lost 1.5-2" almost everywhere since I started.
I will record more specific losses on this thread, from now on.
#2
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Posted 09 December 2015 - 10:02 PM
Ok, been a couple of days.
I have stayed under 1,500 calories for the past few days, so that’s good.
I barely went over 1k today. On my good weeks (like last month) I was averaging 900-1100 a day, pretty effortlessly.
Last week was a nightmare. I just ate all the bad food (pizza, chicken wings, chips, ice cream) I used to eat and I couldn’t stop. It wasn’t exactly a binge I just ate whatever I felt like throughout the day. I felt super guilty but I told myself it would be the last time and tried to shrug it off. I even considered purging some of it but I refuse to go down that road, again. B/p grosses me out more than anything. It never made me feel better when I did it so I’m trying not to form that habit.
Anyways I have indulged in a treat this week: gelato
I am trying to stay away from dairy but it is so damn tasty. At least the pint is finished today and I only ever ate a serving size at a time. 240 cal /half cup:
Otherwise it’s been good… fruit smoothies, frozen steamed vegetables for lunch, carb for dinner. This week I made miso soup (about 84 cals /cup) and I eat it with 1 cup of brown rice (218 cal /cup), it’s really good! I know it has a lot of sodium in it but oh well it fills me up and my sodium intake is otherwise low.
I log everything on MFP so I don’t feel the need to post all my intake on here (plus I’m lazy).
One thing that is a nice alternative to “water only” are these zero calorie sodas I found called Zevia:
In my roomate’s Star Trek glass. It is sweetened with Stevia so it’s not as unhealthy as regular or diet soda! c: They have a big variety of flavors. Tbh the grape one I bought today is not my fav so I probably won’t be repurchasing. I really like the Cream soda and Ginger Root Beer flavors tho.
Otherwise I drink La Croix which is flavored 0 cal sparkling water when I get bored of plain water. Added bonus is the bubbles tend to curb hunger. Some days I end up drinking like 4 of them lol.
✿ Mood:
I’ve been feeling kinda blah. I am happy that it’s been easy for me to resist over-eating this week, which is a complete 180 from last week. But I am kind of pissed at myself for letting myself get so fat. I’m so annoyed that the scale has not gone down in over a month. I lost a little (182-166lbs) after quitting drinking and eating less and suddenly plateaued. I know that I have to exercise but I haven’t found the motivation to go enroll at the gym.
I meant to go enroll at the gym on Monday and didn’t; then I meant to go enroll today and ended up lazing around at home doing absolutely nothing productive all day (day off from work) because I’m always so fucking tired. I’m hoping I can make myself enroll this weekend.
I’m just so sick of myself. I have no idea what to do with my hair. It’s cut short from all the bleach and the pink has faded now my roots are growing in & I’ve been uninspired to do anything about it so I look ugly af. I haven’t even straightened it in two days. I just wear a hat. I also haven’t even properly washed my face and done my nightly beauty regimen the past few days. I’m seriously tired of looking at my face in the mirror. I’m tired of dealing with my eyebrows that never grow in like I want them to. I’m tired of my pimples and scars that never go away completely no matter how much effort I put into my skin care. And I’m absolutely nauseated at my fat rolls that just don’t seem to shrink. Even if I did lose 15lbs I still have 40-50lbs to lose before I finally feel comfortable in my skin & I haven’t lost a single pound in weeks.
I really need to get into a gym routine (probably treadmill) & do my fast in the beginning of the year. Otherwise I just feel so hopeless…40-50lbs seems like so fucking much. I guess the only positive is that literally no one I come into contact with thinks I’m fat. When I mention I’m on a “diet” (rarely but yeah) they’re like “why? you’re slim!” and I just wanna scream. Yeah I’m slim compared to the disgusting fatass abomination that is the “average American”. 
The ones that keep eating despite the way they’re contributing to their health issues.
There’s this guy that’s come in to my work a few times who must be 400lbs. He can’t even walk without a walker & probably has diabetes. I hear him talking to my co-worker (who is much more friendly than I am) about how he just got out of the hospital & what procedure he had done & what his doctor said & what medication he’s taking so casually, like it’s not a huge issue that he even needs to go through all this because he can’t keep from shoving food into his disgusting face hole. Then he proceeds to casually eat a burger & drink beer in the parking lot. After just getting out of the hospital. I seriously almost threw up in my mouth. I can’t stand that type of person.
My goal seems so far away. I have to keep reminding myself that I have only been sober for about 3 months and that I gained the weight over 2 years so it’s not going to miraculously fall off in such a short period of time.
To conclude, here is my wife Kang Seulgi being flawless:
I need a waist like that soon I cry.
#3
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Posted 13 December 2015 - 11:24 PM
I've stayed under 1,500 cals the past few days as well.
Pretty fricken' sweet, man.
Most of my calories are carbs. (I've been eating so much bread it's illegal somebody stop me)
Still eating lots of fruit & smoothies ♥
I did have a Blake's organic frozen chicken pot pie the other day so still not totally meat free. It's hard, man, chicken and sushi are so delicious. I know it's just nasty fat that's gonna sit and rot in my colon and eventually give me cancer but.....
✿ Anyways.... I've decided that it's picture time! I don't find it interesting to post about food so here are some pics, minus my lovely face. I might post my face one day but rn nah.
Possible NSFW (but honestly, there's so many half naked pics on this site so whatevs)
Scroll at your own risk, mang.
This was me about 3 years ago at my average weight, which usually fluctuated 130-136lbs:
This was NOT my lowest weight. At my lw, I was so depressed & medicated (xanax) I rarely got out of bed, nevermind taking pics. I only found out how much I weighted cuz my mom forced me to go to the gyno due to my lack of regular periods. At the doc I found out I was 117lbs. I was kind of surprised, but I can't say I was happy since I was kind of suicidal (I had just separated from my ex husband) & I wanted to cry because I had finally reached my lw but felt disgusting and miserable.
This was me at my highest weight, earlier this year:
My hips haven't shrunk it's my love handles that grew ;-;
This is me now (today):
I had to blur out a bit of my booty cellulite & scars from when I used to cut so I didn't assault your eyes.
Don't mind my dirty ass mirror... I am a messy type of Virgo. Come at me, bro.
My thighs are best friends xp my thighs love to stick together forever like fuck me what the actual fuck is a thigh gap?
So, I was organizing my drawers & I found some Creepyyeha items I don't get to wear much:
There is a garter belt, a choker, a harness/choker, and a clear spikey belt. They're so fricken cute & I wanna lose weight so I can wear them on special occasions and take cute selfies in lingerie like Yeha does:
insta: @creepyyeha
She models and sells this stuff! Her body is killer omg *sob* I prefer the white & pink stuff rather than black tbh. Her stuff is pretty expensive compared to similar ones I have found but they're super high quality and I back when I bought mine, there weren't as many shops that sold that type of thing (that I knew of). She is the sweetest person, I talked to her on e-mail and she was super helpful and replied really quick.
I can't wait til I can actually wear garter belts and thigh high socks without embarrassing myself.
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Posted 13 December 2015 - 11:32 PM
I hit my image limit for the most so here's more because I wasn't finished gdi
and here is me wearing the garter belt & grabbing the ridiculous amount of fat my inner thigh carries:
I have a flower harness (my fav thing I got from her) that she doesn’t sell on her site anymore:
It looks so awkward on me, now.
If you want some good “reverse” thinspo:
This is what I see when I look down:
❥ kik: Lannanana
✿✿✿✿✿✿
sw/hw: 182lbs
lw: 117lbs
Height: 5'7.3" (170.5cm)
CW: 160lbs (74.8kg) BMI: 25.1 (╥_╥)
BMR: 1563
180 175 170 165 160
155 150 145 140 135
130 125 120 119 118
117 115 114 113 112
111 110 109 108 107 106
❥ UGW 105lbs (48kg) bmi 16.4
I was down to 145 Gained 17lbs since March 25 2016 (when I met my bf)
Fact: Dairy cows are raped by human workers to get impregnated, only to have their babies taken away shortly after birth (cows have a strong bond with their offspring, so they cry out for days), so humans can drink the lactation. They are raped and impregnated over the course of their entire lives, until they collapse from exhaustion... then they are sent to a slaughterhouse to be killed and sold for meat. Video.
Why milk is bad for you in 90 seconds Video.
Fact: Male chicks born on egg farms are immediately killed because they can't produce eggs and are, therefore, useless. Chickens and other birds (like turkeys) are not protected by an humane slaughter law and therefore can be mistreated in any way, without consequence. Female's beaks are cut off when they are young so they won't peck at each other, or break their eggs (chickens tend to eat their eggs when their bodies are exhausted and depleted in attempt to get some nutrients back). Eggs are a chicken's period. They are not for you to eat.They raise cholesterol in humans more than any other food (Which btw only happens when we eat animal products). Leave them alone.
#5
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Posted 14 December 2015 - 10:11 PM
I had two fruit meals today & ramen for lunch.
Citrus fruit for dinner (grapefruit, orange, lemon):
Citrus fruit is so pretty.
It was easy to control my appetite due to the ✧colossal depression✧ that hit me this afternoon.
✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ I got a bad haircut. ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿
I mean, the worst. It is not a haircut that any human should have to endure. I can't recall what I've done to anger the gods but this is just unfair:
&yeah, this is her blow-dry job. It looks even worse in person. This lady shaved half-way up my skull. This is the last time I try to skimp on paying a nice mall salon to cut my hair. I may have to pay double or triple the cash but at least my god damned spirit will be intact.
This haircut should be 2 inches longer, I mean, it looks unnatural and just fucking horrific.
I show this lady this picture of Choa:
and I tell her to take a couple of inches off. I told her it's ok if it was short (I like short hair) and to clean the edges of the undercut I had (that I mean to grow out).
She says so me, "Sure, I've been cutting hair for 30 years.", barely glancing at the photo on my phone.
I'm thinking "Well, damn, that's a lot of experience. I guess I could trust her to give me a decent cut."
Well, kids, this certainly proves that, sometimes, experience doesn't mean shit.
She's had experience, alright. Butchering poor unsuspecting victims' heads, perhaps.
Giving people a sense of dread and dragging their high hopes across the dirt, maybe.
Making people feel like their sense of reality has been shattered & wish they could wake up from this awful nightmare, I guess.
I feel like a doll whose hair has been crudely and experimentally chopped off by a child with safety scissors. If only a barbie doll were a fair comparison to my poor excuse for a decent female form.
I'm fucking devastated, man.
I'm going to have to wear backwards caps and look like a lesbian fuckboi for the next two months (that's the only way I can think of that will cover the nape of my neck well enough).
I'm just gonna go die in a corner.
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#6
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Posted 16 December 2015 - 06:04 PM
Drank one of my favs for breakfast: Mango & apple smoothie
It's amazing how most people never think of putting those together but they taste great together! & they're both in the sub-acid fruit category so they digest well together.
Other than that I've been eating crap. I had 3 blueberry Eggos because it was the unhealthiest thing I bought when I went grocery shopping today. I like to balance my diet of fruit with absolute junk a few times a day so I don't feel deprived. It's hard not to, man. When I eat super healthy the entire day, I end up having this massive urge to eat fast food. Anyone else get that?
Other than Eggos I haven't eaten much, at least. I had half a box of Snocaps and a bag of Funyons.
I also stole two crab rangoons from my brother's chinese take-out so I think I'm done for the day.
I've been drinking 3-5 of these damn 0 cal carbonated drinks a day in attempt to curb hunger. Whenever I have a craving & go to the kitchen to snack, I end up saying "nah" to food and picking up one of these:
That's actually working out pretty well for me. I'm already used to drinking high volumes of carbonated drinks because up until September 23rd, 2015, I was consuming 4-6 beers almost daily so this is a nice replacement!
Alcohol-free 4 lyfe (hopefully)!
✿ Mood:
I was actually looking at some self-harm pics on this site & I found myself getting jealous of some of them because I have to urge to start cutting again but I don't have the courage to leave that kind of scarring on my skin. I know I'm sick but I find them so tragically beautiful, though. I haven't cut since I was about 15 but man.... I am just so self-destructive that I feel like I need some sort of outlet!!!
I quit smoking, I quit drinking, I don't want to get hooked on drugs, I barely ever go out anywhere, anymore, so I don't go partying... I don't do anything wild. I don't do anything dangerous or harmful. I'm not rich enough for a shopping binge. I'm trying to eat healthier and I can't stand the thought of binge-eating or any sort of self harm that has to do with food like consuming high quantities of fattening crap. I just can't do that to myself because that's how badly I want to be thin.
Of course I've thought about b/p but I just can't risk the stuff from the binge not fully leaving my body and having all those extra calories. Not to mention purging used to leave me really tired and my energy & motivation to get shit done is already so low, I don't see any benefit to that kind of obvious self-sabotage.
I haven't dated anyone in over a year (I'm not thirsty I'm dehydrated af I like literally fantasize about almost everyone & sometimes wanna jump someone I'm barely attracted to) so no use in wanting to have rough sex. That would be fantastic. Man, I'm really craving a back-scratching-moan-into-each-other's-mouth make-out session. Of course, even that has it's limits & I am so afraid of losing control and seriously injuring the other person. I also don't trust others enough to leave myself at their mercy. Rough sex is great but it's still not the same kind of release as cutting was.
I might just say "fuck it" and start cutting my inner thighs. But.... I'm hesitant. I'm not as carefree as I was about infections and things, like when I was young. I can't risk or afford a hospital visit. -.- life is hard.
I wonder what mentally stable folk do to self-destruct xD
Exercise?
I swear I'm joining the gym on Friday! No more excuses orz.
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Posted 16 December 2015 - 06:50 PM
Son Ga In's fantastic back-view:
Seolhyun stop being incredibly hot omf:
I'm in love with gorgeous Fei's expressions and her little waist:
I seriously need more Hello Venus in my life JFC:
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Posted 16 December 2015 - 06:50 PM
Hello Venus Alice (waist):
Serously loving Nara's body:
#9
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Posted 19 December 2015 - 06:28 PM
So....I just got done purging instant noodles :/
Idk how to feel about this. I just felt like I "had" to. I couldn't stand it...like... sometimes I will be like "damn, I probably shouldn't have eaten that" but this time I just felt 1000% disgusted and I knew it had to leave my stomach I couldn't not.
I think I got about 1/2 to two-thirds of it out. It's hard to tell due to my inexperience with b/p. I have done it before, several times, in fact. But I haven't done it in ages because I know it's a terrible habit. Not to mention my face (especially around my eyes) get so puffy that it's super obvious that I just threw up. The puffiness takes forever to go down so it's a good thing I'm alone rn.
With the noodles, my total intake for the day was 1,440 cals. I didn't even reach 1000 the past two days & yesterday I skipped dinner because I felt disgusted. I had a slight urge to skip dinner again tonight I guess I shouldn't have ignored it.
I did not plan on purging today, at all. I can do it with no problem but that's the problem. I'm able to do it so effortlessly.
I can't describe the feeling. I had just gotten home, I was sitting there stuffing my face with noodles and watching some k-pop dance practice videos. I felt fine and was enjoying the videos, thinking about how skinny the idols are, but the food was just kinda being shoveled into my mouth (not particularly enjoyable, although I wanted to enjoy it). Suddenly the plate was empty, I was watching the last few seconds of BTS- Run dance practice & I just started sobbing. (I was actually thinking about how baby angel Jimin is always struggling with his weight and a mean comment Hobi made once like telling Jimin he was chubby & everyone is either criticizing him & he's always dieting even though he's perfect & lovely) I got up & was like nope, I can't do this, it has to come up. I chugged a bit of water, went to the bathroom, lined the inside of the toilet bowl with tp, & stuck my fingers down my throat.
I feel a lot better, except for a slight headache. I feel somewhat light-headed and peaceful. I really hope this doesn't become a regular thing. From now on whenever I have the feeling I shouldn't eat - I'll listen to it.
I'm really disappointed because I took my measurements today & I actually gained some inches:
waist: 31 to 32"
thigh: 23 to 24" (largest part) / 17 to 18" (smallest)
everything else the same
Overall I've somehow gained back 3 inches (∩︵∩)
Even though I'm 2lbs lighter than I was the last time I took measurements (back on 1127). Of course, I haven't had much weight loss progress in almost a month. I could just be retaining water, since I have been eating high sodium stuff like ramen and miso....who knows. How much sodium should I be taking in max to avoid bloating??
I'm trying to stay positive but I've been feeling overwhelmingly disgusted at myself the past few days.
Maybe I should stop coming on this forum so much lol (+_+)
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Posted 19 December 2015 - 08:40 PM
Currently obsessed with calculating idols' BMIs (the ones I see as thinspo)
Sunyoul bun from Up10tion:
I'm obseeeeessseeed with this angel
what the hell, man x3 175cm/5'9" & 50kg/110lbs bmi of 16.2 ! ♥♥♥ so low
Oh Sehun aka future husband:
181cm/5'11" & 53kg/116lbs also bmi of 16.2
Lee Taemin:
179cm/5'10" & 53kg/116lbs bmi of 16.5
hit the image limit lol
Park Lizzy:
168cm/5'6" & 46kg/101lbs bmi of 16.3 but she's obviously lost weight recently so it's probably less
Kwon Mina:
160cm/5'2" & 43kg/92lbs bmi of 16.8
#11
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Posted 20 December 2015 - 08:28 PM
My scale keeps telling me I'm 160 today but I don't wanna believe it ? It doesn't make sense that I would be 163-164 for 3 weeks and then suddenly droped 3-4lbs in a day? I didn't do anything different today. I did purge last night but today I ate 1200cals. *shrug* I won't believe it until it say 160 for at least a few more days. If it's true then, yay!! Fricken finally.
Wore my favorite & most comfiest work out clothes today:
I still look horrendous and hate my fucking haircut so much but I felt comfy. Especially since this outfit hides my awful flabby arms (sort of). You can clearly see my disgusting back fat & how my (32") stomach is still so bulge-y I hate it so much. I don't bother to suck it in, why lie to yourself? Just more motivation to lose it. My phone conveniently hides my hideous double chin.
Had a god-damned bread platter for lunch:
a butter croissant (cut in half & toasted) topped with butter, half a soboro bun with cream filling, and a frozen (toasted) aunt Jemima french toast. Total: 358 cals
Bread is my weakness I would eat it for breakfast lunch and dinner if it wasn't so fattening and (unfortunately) devoid of any real nutritional value.
Found out today that my BMR is 1433 and my TDEE around 2020
Idk what to do with this information, yet. Just felt like writing it out here.
I still severely dread even reaching 1500 cals in a day, let alone 2020.
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Posted 21 December 2015 - 01:57 PM
I am currently FREAKING THE FUCK OUT because I've been trying to find out my actual height using my sewing measuring tape. IM NOT 5'8" D:
Depending on where I stand and how my exact posture is I'm anywhere from 5'6.5" to 5'7.5"
I'm just gonna say it's 171cm because it's the one I get most often ??? Idk though....
Maybe I did something wrong....
I'm trying to figure it out but this is horrible TBH
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
My BMI is actually higher than I thought if I'm actually shorter than I thought omfg....
Like I got 5'7.5" at the doctor once and I always rounded up & I forgot whether I was rounding up to 5'8" or if that was my height. I swear I got 5'8" once....
The last time I went to the doctor (like last year), they told me I was 5'7" but I knew it was wrong and thought I was shrinking o-o
Now I'm even more confused. Idk which one to go with. It's easier to say I'm a flat number than saying I'm in between.
I have to figure this out.
In other news, my scale still says I'm 160lbs. I can't believe it so I'm going to say I'm 161lbs for now. I am not ready to cross 160 off the list. I'll cross it off once I'm consistently 159 or less.
But if I'm 5'7" that puts my BMI back up to 25.1 *fricken dies*
*flips table* (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
171cm & 73kg (160lbs) BMI is 25.0
I guess I'll stick with that for now.
#13 Guest_pinky007_*
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Posted 24 December 2015 - 02:36 PM
daumn you're 92 days sober? 
I'm drunk right now so sorry for bothering you!
Wish you all the best 
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Posted 24 December 2015 - 05:00 PM
pinky007, on 24 Dec 2015 - 2:36 PM, said:
daumn you're 92 days sober?
I'm drunk right now so sorry for bothering you!
Wish you all the best
93 days today lmao. Thanks, doll.
I had to stop because I was binge-drinking until I blacked out almost every night. I tried to convince myself I could control it but nope. Had to stop, altogether. You have fun, though! Do a shot for me lol.
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Posted 24 December 2015 - 05:23 PM
Been successfully eating under 1300 cals a day for the past few days & didn't reach 1k, some days.
I've officially reached 158lbs & stayed there woohooo 
Today I had a nice mango smoothie for breakfast, 445 grams, 194 cals, great.
But then my mom had to buy some breaded, fried chicken & pie to "celebrate the holidays", or whatever, since everyone uses holidays as excuses to overindulge.
I thought eh ok I'll just eat this & make sure it stays under my intake. I had 6 pieces with 2T honey mustard sauce & a slice of pie totaling 1,130 calories.
Fine. That still would have put me under my goal. I didn't plan on eating anymore, after that. But I started feeling super uncomfortable.
I couldn't stand that "full" feeling in my stomach. I think it was the pie that did it, more than anything. I felt like a fucking pig & I knew I couldn't just let it be (as much as I wanted to). So I ended up purging again, today. I am pretty sure I got all the pie out and I got at least 2-3 chicken wings out but I know there was something left. I just didn't want to spend too long in the bathroom & I still had to wait a couple of minutes for the redness in my face to dissipate. Also, it wasn't right away, I watched a couple of episodes of Modern Family with my little brother, first. And I had a can of Zevia Ginger Ale, so whatever came out was mixed with that.
I have no idea how many calories remained or how much of it I absorbed but the "full" feeling went away. I feel light-headed and sleepy, but much better.
I really wish I could have relaxed & just "let it go" for today but I could not.
I guess my obsession with getting smaller & not poisoning my body is growing stronger.
My mother did ask me what sort of pizza I wanted (while I was in the bathroom) but I told her I didn't want any so I don't think they ended up ordering it.
Not sure what I'm going to do food-wise for the rest of the day. I just want to take a nap -.-' feeling so glad I'm off work, tomorrow.
My fasting weekend is approaching soon so I definitely need to start restricting more in preparation.
I don't give a shit about xmas but xmas Sunyoul is just too precious to not fawn over:
what the actual fuck
bonus Vixx:
Leo is me
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Posted 25 December 2015 - 11:13 AM
Idk why I'm so obsessive or why I need things to be so "exact" but after more measuring I have decided my height is: Height: 5'7.3" (170.5cm)
Maybe it's better to put it as 5'7.2"? I'm really bad at math :c
Here are some unnecessary pics (because I look the same)
I mostly wanted to make sure I had plenty of different angles.
I JUST WANNA TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK GOD, MY MOM, MY GENES, THE UNIVERSE, & ANYTHING ELSE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LOVELY ABUNDANCE OF CELLULITE. 
158lbs not a big difference but I feel so light this morning ^^' (I went to bed early & slept in today)
This was after drinking my two banana smoothie mixed with half a 14oz bottle of chocolate Zico (coconut water) it's soooo tasty. Total: 278cals
I will NOT be exceeding 800 cals today & it might keep getting lower til my fast on the 1st. Also decided not to exercise until after my fast & watermelon mono because my job is already physical & I don't think I'll have enough energy.
I can't wait until I can put my pics side by side & see some REAL progress!
EDIT: Update at 8:08pm
I am alone in my room for xmas :'D loving life.
I reached 898cals early on in the day (around 1pm) and got really hungry around 6:30 and I didn't mean to but I walked out to the kitchen and ended up binging on some Chinese food my little brother got delivered & left out. I made sure to only grab a little so he wouldn't care: a 1/2 cup container of rice, about 8 pieces of bbq pork, and 3 crab rangoons, total about 400cal
I ended up regretting it AGAIN AN HOUR LATER & purging it out after my roommate came home and really annoyed me.
I got most of it out. It felt like I didn't have much left in my stomach. I literally weighed myself before & after & I went up to 160lbs before then back down to 159 after purging. I think that extra pound is water weight because I drank a lot of water...
I do NOT recommend purging rice omg 0/10 it's so chunky & disgusting you feel like one grain always gets stuck in the back of your throat.
I'm seriously freaking the fuck out. I don't know how the fasting is gonna go if I can't manage to restrict for one evening. I'm gonna have to sleep through most of my fast or something! Certainly can't try to be up doing things & I can't get rid of all the food in my kitchen because it's not just my kitchen. *sigh*
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Posted 25 December 2015 - 03:31 PM
Cheer up sweetie! We're in this together, you can do it ^.^ Don't let it bother you that much, that makes it worse. I'm sorry you had to find out you were shorter, happened to me too sadly so I know the feel.. Chin up, though!
Height: 163cm / 5'4
Start weight: 57kg / 125 lbs (BMI 21.5)
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Posted 25 December 2015 - 06:33 PM
skinnyings, on 25 Dec 2015 - 3:31 PM, said:
Cheer up sweetie! We're in this together, you can do it ^.^ Don't let it bother you that much, that makes it worse. I'm sorry you had to find out you were shorter, happened to me too sadly so I know the feel.. Chin up, though!
Thank you, dear. I try not to let things bother me but I guess I just get fed up. The height thing is not that big a deal because I honestly didn't want to be that tall, anyhow. I was just annoyed because it put my slightly BMI higher! If I could shrink 2-3 more inches, that would be nice. I know a lot of girls want to be taller because you can look thinner at a higher weight but you can look smaller when you're thin. People think you're like really tiny & cute, which I'll never have ;-;
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Posted 26 December 2015 - 02:56 AM
heros, on 25 Dec 2015 - 6:33 PM, said:
Thank you, dear. I try not to let things bother me but I guess I just get fed up. The height thing is not that big a deal because I honestly didn't want to be that tall, anyhow. I was just annoyed because it put my slightly BMI higher! If I could shrink 2-3 more inches, that would be nice. I know a lot of girls want to be taller because you can look thinner at a higher weight but you can look smaller when you're thin. People think you're like really tiny & cute, which I'll never have ;-;
Maybe if you find a giant lol ^.^ But you can be thin and sexy with your height at least! It is so weird that some people want to actually shrink while I'm desperately trying to be taller man..
Height: 163cm / 5'4
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Posted 28 December 2015 - 04:24 PM
skinnyings, on 26 Dec 2015 - 02:56 AM, said:
Maybe if you find a giant lol ^.^ But you can be thin and sexy with your height at least! It is so weird that some people want to actually shrink while I'm desperately trying to be taller man..
sameee girl, im 5'7.5 and i wanna be atleast 5'9 but i used to want to be 5'6 haha not anymoree (:
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Posted 28 December 2015 - 04:45 PM
MaxMilan, on 28 Dec 2015 - 4:22 PM, said:
LISTEN HER BODY IS GORGEOUS!! i love your thinspo (:
ALSOOOOO you have a killer waist!? wthh!!! youre making sooo much progress, keep killing it babe! xx
Omg thank you so much you have no idea how much that means to me ! ;-; no one has complimented my waist in ages! Haha I'm trying to get my figure back and better than ever. I never had love handles in my life until I got to my highest weight & I'm still working on getting rid of them, completely FOREVER FOR GOOD lol
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Posted 28 December 2015 - 05:18 PM
Quick update: Stayed under 900 cals the past couple of days!! I ate too many chips this evening, though, and I felt too full. I wanted to purge but it's so taxing and tiring and I had a headache and sea salt & vinegar would be horrible coming up. I had some Hershey's peppermint kisses this afternoon & purged those though. Didn't feel right.
Not related to diet but: I got into a car accident, Sunday morning. I wasn't really hurt but my neck and shoulders are much more sore & certain spots on my upper back are killing me. Basically a Jeep ran a red light turning into my lane full speed & hit my car near the front wheel on the passenger side. It came absolutely out of nowhere. It was a very chill morning, there wasn't much traffic, & I was just kind of passively driving on "auto-pilot" thinking about stuff. I glanced up coming to an intersection & the light had just turned green (from red, all the cars were still stopped) & This Jeep who was apparently in a rush turned into my lane crashing into me omg. I can still feel the shockwave it was so awful ;-; I ended up being at fault (I won't go into detail...but) I'm pretty pissed & am gonna be out $750, more than likely.
✿ I'm feeling lighter & really optimistic. Despite the stress from this car accident, or maybe due to the shock, I've been able to see things from a brighter perspective today & have been more able to appreciate the little things. I don't want to dwell on this random, awful occurrence. I've got a lot to be thankful for. I've accomplished more than I give myself credit for, this year, and have a good feeling about the upcoming year c:
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Posted 29 December 2015 - 11:29 PM
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Posted 30 December 2015 - 11:58 AM
Starduss, on 29 Dec 2015 - 11:29 PM, said:
Damn sweetie. Sorry about that accident. That absolutely sux. I also wanted to tell you that you have a good positive attitude. You don't let things get you down and you stay determined.
Girl, i cried for an hour atraight the night of the accident. It does suck but I'm thankful I wasn't seriously injured. I'm tired of living my life in depressive moods so I try to spend as little of my precious time on this earth as possible dwelling on negativity, anymore. Sometimes it's hard but ya gotta try and find the light, no matter what.
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Posted 30 December 2015 - 12:00 PM
Starduss, on 29 Dec 2015 - 11:29 PM, said:
Thank you so much cx sometimes I wish my thighs didn't rub together if I had to change one thing (it's uncomfortable) but thank you.Also you have a nice shape.
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Posted 07 January 2016 - 04:12 PM
My fast and mono have been post-poned because I have no self control. ;-;
I ordered a pizza last Friday. I guess I figured since I didn’t overindulge during the holidays like most people did, I deserved a reward. That’s my excuse. I felt like I was doing such a good job that I deserved to binge on crap food. What I stupidly didn’t anticipate was that I would continue to crave crap food after eating crap food (it becomes a vicous cycle & it’s easy to get caught up in.)
So my would-be new year’s weekend fast turned into a carb load, of sorts. Instead of fasting, I had pizza for breakfast, and instead of watermelon I had croissants (all my wonderful guilty pleasures).
Idk if you guys know this but it is damn near impossible to properly purge bread. Idk what it is….as soon as you chew it up it turns into this heavy much that plops into the bottom of your stomach like a rock.
Anyways, I have been freaking out over the past seven days. Constantly in a deep conflict over indulging for “one more day” or finding a way to cut out this madness! I ate until I was full and would crave something and eat again a mere hour or two later. I didn’t count calories until yesterday but I’m pretty sure I went over the dreaded 2000 cal limit, more than once.
Ah well, no use crying over spilled milk, as they say. I have decided to try something new: eating every 2-3 hours.
That’s right, instead of restricting for 4-6 hours (&sometimes breaking down) I am going to eat steadily throughout the day. I’m hoping and praying that this will stabilize my blood sugar and make restriction more tolerable.
YES I will still be restricting. I will still do my best to keep the overall intake below 1000. The only difference is I’m going to try to spread my calories out more evenly. The best way I can think of doing this is with small snacks and fruit.
Fruit is great because it’s low cal and it keeps me hydrated (more water=full feeling) and I don’t feel like I’m eating junk.
The only downside is that I may have to eliminate high cal meals, altogether. OR reduce them to only once a day, instead of twice (which was my old method). So no more 500 cal packages of ramen. That really kind of eliminates junk food that exceeds 2-300 cals. Unless I can have one 500 cal meal & manage to keep the rest of my “snacks” or whatever really low cal.
I honestly don’t want to restrict less than 1000 just yet. I think my stomach expanded after the past few days, anyways *sigh*.
I’ll start tomorrow! I did stay at a reasonable intake the past two days, btw, so I do feel better. :’3
I’m not going to step on the scale for at least another week.
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Posted 08 January 2016 - 06:37 AM
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Posted 11 January 2016 - 09:03 PM
heros, on 08 Jan 2016 - 06:37 AM, said:
Why the hell does it say that nobody follows my thread anymore? Was there some kind of glitch??? ;(((((((
I believe if you don't update for a week, it automatically makes everyone unfollow the thread :c
But your new plan seems solid!! Especially munching on lots of fruit over the day. You'll probably feel good too, and it'll be wonderful for your skin and stuff 
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Posted 29 June 2016 - 04:19 PM
My current goal per day is: 1200 calories (but really I'll try to stay at 800)
My current work out goal per day: 45 minutes of cardio (I mostly do blogilates but maybe zumba).
I really want to be down 20lbs by my next birthday in September. Wish me luck x
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Posted 29 June 2016 - 04:19 PM
So this was me at 145ish a couple of months ago
no big whoop but at least my love handles were dimishing TT___TT
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Posted 30 June 2016 - 11:32 AM
I thought that by my age, I would finally have been able to make a choice. I do want my life to be good for something. I want to be proud of something but I can't even make myself look the way I've always wanted to be.
Right now, my hair is super short from all the stupid experimenting, my acne has come back just for fun, and all the progress I've made since January 2016 was for nothing because I've gained it all back ("new relationship" weight).
I feel like if I can't lose weight I won't have the confidence to go out and make something of my life. I'm so impatient.
Had a strawberry smoothie with unsweetened almond milk for breakfast and a tofu "chicken" and avocado sandwich for lunch.
I'm at 444 cals so far and it's only 2:30pm. I wonder if I'll be able to make it.
I feel so restless.
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Posted 03 January 2017 - 12:32 AM
I am absolutely determined to get to my UGW in 2017!! Preferably before my next birthday (hell, preferably before summer!).
I need to lose at least 20lbs by April and I already calculated that there are about 13 weeks til April and I would need to lose 1.5lbs a week to lose 19.5lbs by April. 3500 calories equals 1 pound, so you need to be deficient 5250 a week to lose 1.5lbs. Depending on your bmr (which is pretty accurate for most people).
My BMR is supposedly 1495 so I would have to eat 750 calories a day (if I'm not doing anything but laying around) to have a deficiency of 5250 per week.
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Posted 03 January 2017 - 12:59 AM
Lisa from that newish YG group Black Pink is pretty good thinspo.
She is super cute, I love her.
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Posted 03 January 2017 - 11:56 AM
So here is what I did on m first day "back". 01/02
I ended up having vegan "grilled cheese" for breakfast. Basically I spread veganaise on some toast, sprinkle cheese on each slice, and toast it in the toaster over. It turns out really good. Indistinguishable from dairy cheese IMO. Plus no cows were harmed!
It's pretty addicting but honestly, I do regret having this as my first meal of the day because it came in at 466 calories including 8 ounces of chocolate almond milk.
I told myself I was going to stay under 750 for the day but that certainly was not the case yesterday. I will forgive myself, of course. It's almost to be expected on my first day restricting lower than I have been. I could have had way less calories with a smoothie, though. Or even oatmeal.
So, it was a holiday and my fiance was off work so we were together all day. That was all the more reason I ate plenty. I wanted to make extra sure he saw me eat. I casually mentioned that "I started my diet today". And he shrugged it off. He knows I am unhappy with my weight but I'm sure he would oppose restricting as low as I plan to (at least at first).
I cook dinner for us every night so I'm going to have to plan my calories around that. It would be too weird and inconvenient if I stopped eating dinner with him. Dinner last night was pasta with red sauce & mushrooms, and a side of sauteed yellow squash, zuchinni, garlic, onions, italian seasoning, and vegan italian sausage links (cut up) by the brand Lightlife. It was really tasty and I weighed my food on the scale as carefully as I could. It came out to 188 calories and I stopped myself there, claiming I was "full". It is true that I am generally a small eater. I can't stomach too much in one sitting. I definitely could have eaten more in this case, though. I'm used to eating until I'm satisfied but where has that gotten me?
After dinner I had 1/4 an 88% cacao Endengered Species brand chocolate which ended up being 105 calories. I need to stop this habit of needing to eat something sweet after dinner. It's pretty annoying and unnecessary.
So then I did my nails in ombre lol at least I tried:
Since my sleeping schedule is completely effed up, I stayed up after my fiance went to bed. I have come into the habit of making smoothies a few hours before bed. Fruit is the perfect choice to me for a before bed meal because I don't go to bed starving but I don't feel gross and full. I know some people on this forum has said they enjoy the feeling of starvation. Well, I'm not quite there, yet. It's pretty uncomfortable for me. So I had a lovely half of papaya blended with two dates and water, coming in at 228 calories.
With a grand total of 987 calories (and no exercise). Not too bad. My biggest mistake was having such a high calorie breakfast. I might try to reserve my bigger calorie intake for dinner with the fiance.
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Posted 03 January 2017 - 02:31 PM
Some Victoria's Secret thinspo (something not kpop related for once lol)
Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner (I just realized what a gorgeous body she has)
Kendall is just drop dead gorgeous to me.
Josephine Skriver wins the award for cutest booty ever. Goals!!!
Sui He and her long thin limbs!
Bella Hadid I thought her outfit was one of the coolest looking in Paris!
So pretty!!
I love Cara Delevingne!!!
If I could switch bodies with anyone in the world I would want to wear her skin lol (we already have similar body structure I think) she's so unique and sooo gorgeous! I love her fricken face! My eyebrows are nonexistent until I draw them in lol
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Posted 03 January 2017 - 02:32 PM
So I just found out this happened. Seulgi (Red Velvet), Momo (Twice), and forgive me but I'm not sure who the other girls are...
It's an Infinite Be Mine cover!! One of my all time fav groups and one of my all time favorite people (Kang Seulgi.. we are married).
My wife Seulgi just looks incredible oozing charisma..
fml
And some wonderful male Kpop thinspo.
Youngjae (BAP), Minhyuk (Monsta X), Bam (Got7), and Minhyuk (BTOB) doing a cover of Miss A's Bad Girl Good Girl.
Can we just appreciate how amazing these boys look. Reminds me of how I would kill for Bam Bam's legs.
And Minhyuk (Monsta X) looks so incredible but I absolutely adore him in general. His "ears" look so cute!
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Posted 03 January 2017 - 09:52 PM
I've always loved the song and choreography for Miss A's Bad Girl Good Girl! Their cover was AMAZING *__*
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Posted 03 January 2017 - 11:54 PM
Kanra, on 03 Jan 2017 - 9:52 PM, said:
I've always loved the song and choreography for Miss A's Bad Girl Good Girl! Their cover was AMAZING *__*
Yesss they were so good omg. That song is a classic ^^' it was one of the first songs I seriously tried to learn the choreography for. It's harder than it looks lol.
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Posted 04 January 2017 - 12:36 AM
heros, on 03 Jan 2017 - 12:32 AM, said:
I am absolutely determined to get to my UGW in 2017!! Preferably before my next birthday (hell, preferably before summer!).
I need to lose at least 20lbs by April and I already calculated that there are about 13 weeks til April and I would need to lose 1.5lbs a week to lose 19.5lbs by April. 3500 calories equals 1 pound, so you need to be deficient 5250 a week to lose 1.5lbs. Depending on your bmr (which is pretty accurate for most people).
My BMR is supposedly 1495 so I would have to eat 750 calories a day (if I'm not doing anything but laying around) to have a deficiency of 5250 per week.
2nd day back Tuesday 01/03 let's see if I can log on here every day this week.
I tried to start off breakfast smarter by choosing a smoothie. I was a banana-date with peanut butter, maca, and cacao powder. I just mix in a bit of water (I keep my bananas frozen) and viola. Total calories 355
I didn't really eat lunch since I had a late breakfast. But my snacks throughout the day consisted of 6 Water crackers, 2 graham crackers, 1/4 dark chocolate bar (same one from yesterday), and 1 cup of cashew milk all totaling 268
For dinner, I tried this Kale, white bean, and potato soup I found on pintrest. It's pretty simple to make. I made it a Recipe on MFP and determined the entire thing would consist of 6 servings. I carefully weighed all the ingredients as I was adding them to the pot. Then I weighed the pot with the soup in it (3915g) and I weighed my bowl filled with soup. Later on, I subtracted the weight of the bowl (183g) from the weight of the soup & bowl (488g) and I measured the pot empty (1567g) and subtracted that from the total weight of the soup. I came up with a figure that told me how much equaled one serving (because MFP doesn't tell you). So 3915 - 1567 / (488 - 183) = 7.6 Not quite 6 servings so instead I divided the total soup (2348) by six which gave me 391.3g (that would allow me to eat 86g extra to get to a serving).
One serving is 165 calories and I had 1.5 servings totaling 247 calories, according to MFP.
I know there is only so much accuracy I can get from weighing things and having MFP tell me how many calories it is.
But it's really my only option. All in all, it brought me to 1032 calories.
I walked at a moderate pace for 40 minutes and MFP tells me that I burned 162 calories
so that brings my total down to 870 calories.
According to my calculations that leaves me 678.6 calories per day for the next 5 days if I want to reach my deficit this week.
I know I didn't need the snacks. I even felt like I was just snacking out of boredom and habit and I didn't even really want them but I ate the snacks anyways *shrug*. I would have probably been more reluctant if I hadn't walked on the treadmill. The thing is who knows if I really burned that amount of calories and who knows if I really actually ate that amount of calories. I'm just desperately hoping all this pays off.
I really, really want to see the scale be 20lbs lower by April. (I'm an atheist but) Please God, I'm begging you.
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Posted 04 January 2017 - 01:01 PM
Kanra, on 04 Jan 2017 - 07:33 AM, said:
Following back! I saw the Sehun and Taemin photos on the first page and wow... ^O^<3
P.S. Orange Caramel is awesome. I like After School in general (including the graduates)
Ikr sometimes I can't believe Sehun and Taemin are real people lol. SM does have a reputation for having the some of the skinniest idols (but Idk if that's true). Oh Sehun is like my dream guy he is so fricken handsome & perfect in every way (just don't tell my fiance lol). Well besides Jeon Jungkook from BTS, of course. And my 10 other kpop dream guys. I'm still the same age as a lot of them (although Kookie is a baby).
I really liked After School, as well. It's unfortunate that they basically stopped promoting. I thought Kahi was like gorgeous and such a great performer!! Lately I wonder if even OC is coming back again. Have you heard of the other Pledis groups Nu'Est and Seventeen? They're really cute ^^'
I've been into kpop for 5 years I don't like to think that I'll outgrow it. I probably won't actually be attracted to the groups as they get younger and I get older but there's no reason I can't enjoy the music. I actually was a huge fan of Jrock as a teen Idk if you've heard of any Japanese bands. I thought I would never outgrow that. It's not that I outgrew it I just found Kpop to be more upbeat because like... it is. Bands like Dir en grey kept me in this perpetual dark mood and they're super talented but like... yeah I like brightness and happiness there is enough trouble in life that I don't want to constantly dwell on it.
Ok I'll stop babbling. c: and thanks for following I lost all my followers because this site has a thing where if you don't post for 6 months it unfollows everyone automatically.
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Posted 04 January 2017 - 04:50 PM
heros, on 04 Jan 2017 - 1:01 PM, said:
Ikr sometimes I can't believe Sehun and Taemin are real people lol. SM does have a reputation for having the some of the skinniest idols (but Idk if that's true). Oh Sehun is like my dream guy he is so fricken handsome & perfect in every way (just don't tell my fiance lol). Well besides Jeon Jungkook from BTS, of course. And my 10 other kpop dream guys. I'm still the same age as a lot of them (although Kookie is a baby).
I really liked After School, as well. It's unfortunate that they basically stopped promoting. I thought Kahi was like gorgeous and such a great performer!! Lately I wonder if even OC is coming back again. Have you heard of the other Pledis groups Nu'Est and Seventeen? They're really cute ^^'
I've been into kpop for 5 years I don't like to think that I'll outgrow it. I probably won't actually be attracted to the groups as they get younger and I get older but there's no reason I can't enjoy the music. I actually was a huge fan of Jrock as a teen Idk if you've heard of any Japanese bands. I thought I would never outgrow that. It's not that I outgrew it I just found Kpop to be more upbeat because like... it is. Bands like Dir en grey kept me in this perpetual dark mood and they're super talented but like... yeah I like brightness and happiness there is enough trouble in life that I don't want to constantly dwell on it.
Ok I'll stop babbling. c: and thanks for following I lost all my followers because this site has a thing where if you don't post for 6 months it unfollows everyone automatically.
Before I had heard of EXO, Sehun had caught my eye. It was during their Growl era I think? I used to follow more male kpop groups than female but now that I'm mainly looking for thinspiration and pretty dances, I haven't caught up with the newer ones. I've heard of Nu'Est and Seventeen. Sometimes I think I'm too old to relate to their fanbases D:
I was into jpop as a teen. Kpop is more catchy! I didn't know that MPA had that unfollow feature...
Who are some of the other 10 kpop dream guys that you like? XD
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Posted 05 January 2017 - 11:55 AM
Quick Intake log for 01/04
I had a papaya-banana-date smoothie for breakfast totaling 354 calories. For dinner I sauteed some potatos and green beans in Smart Balance with garlic and salt (really yummy) and I also made some frozen fishless fish filets lol. They taste surprisingly similar to real fish filets I've had. Only six come in a pack and I only had one because that is all I could stomach. My stomach seems to be shrinking, I can't eat too much at once.
I weighted my plate and it ended up being a mere 329 calories and I was stuffed (I was starving before).
However, my snacks throughout the day ended up totaling 463 calories. I know, I'm doing a great job keeping it under 750.
Total cals - 1146 and no treadmill.
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Posted 05 January 2017 - 05:51 PM
Fishless fish
heros, on 05 Jan 2017 - 11:55 AM, said:
Quick Intake log for 01/04
I had a papaya-banana-date smoothie for breakfast totaling 354 calories. For dinner I sauteed some potatos and green beans in Smart Balance with garlic and salt (really yummy) and I also made some frozen fishless fish filets lol. They taste surprisingly similar to real fish filets I've had. Only six come in a pack and I only had one because that is all I could stomach. My stomach seems to be shrinking, I can't eat too much at once.
I weighted my plate and it ended up being a mere 329 calories and I was stuffed (I was starving before).
However, my snacks throughout the day ended up totaling 463 calories. I know, I'm doing a great job keeping it under 750.
Total cals - 1146 and no treadmill.
Fishless fish filets? I didn't know that such things existed! I'll have to check them out.
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Posted 05 January 2017 - 10:50 PM
Kanra, on 04 Jan 2017 - 4:50 PM, said:
Before I had heard of EXO, Sehun had caught my eye. It was during their Growl era I think? I used to follow more male kpop groups than female but now that I'm mainly looking for thinspiration and pretty dances, I haven't caught up with the newer ones. I've heard of Nu'Est and Seventeen. Sometimes I think I'm too old to relate to their fanbases D:
I was into jpop as a teen. Kpop is more catchy! I didn't know that MPA had that unfollow feature...
Who are some of the other 10 kpop dream guys that you like? XD
Idk that is just what others told me.
At first, I was the same way - mostly male groups. But then my little bro got into kpop and he listened to mostly girl groups. And I just caught on he told me to look some up and I did. I already knew groups like After School and 4minute and SNSD. But I think the first girl group I really got into that made me love girl groups was AOA. Or maybe it was Girl's Day or f(x). Hm..
My other favs in Exo happened to be two of the ones who left the group: Tao and Kris! I love them so much. As far as Exo Baekhyun is like, the cutest. I have a huge thing for nice voices and his is just.. absolute bliss lol.
You really made me think when you asked me that question, dude. I was going to make multiple posts breaking down my top 10 kpop dream guys lol. I still might do that but my list is currently disorganized. Idek if I have 10 because I feel like there's too many choices. I have to narrow it down and why.
So... probably in the next few days there will be list numbered from dreamiest to somewhat. In dramatic form because this is my thread and I'll do what I want.
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Posted 05 January 2017 - 11:09 PM
Another speedy log for 01/05
I want to get better at taking nice food pics that I can post on here and be all stylish.
So I "binged" on a baguette today. Idk about you guys, but when I have already ruined a day (calorically speaking) I just look for more ways to make it worse lol. So I also binged on 20 nutter butters, which are surprisingly vegan.
I was pretty upset at myself because this morning, I started the day right with a delicious bowl of oatmeal with Raisins, cinnamon, coconut sugar, and green apple slices. It was heavenly and it was only 330 calories.
Then I had a small peach and frozen strawberry smoothie, 105 cals.
When I made my bf dinner, I avoided eating it, at first, because I was afraid of going over. Then when I was putting the leftovers away, I said "screw it" and made myself a small bowl. I didn't measure anything but I over-estimated the cals, to be safe.
It was all Gucci and then I decided to eat a baguette because it was there lol
then drank some chocolate almond milk and my cals sky-rocketed to 1503 total.
I've legit been trying to think of what else I can binge and I'm not even hungry. I wasn't hungry when I ate the bread or the cookies, either. Just... I have no clue. They were there.
And that, kids, is why you never keep binge food in the house. (Well... I had bought that baguette to slice up and toast with olive oil and pair with a dinner soup but I forgot to soak the beans overnight and it was just a mess)
Thankfully, we mostly shop for food we absolutely need, lately.
So I have no more binge food and maybe I can still do damage control over the next few days.
I'm going to see if my bf will take me to Rawkstar Cafe sometime this weekend. They're a fully raw vegan cafe and they have the most amazing stuff. It's one of the only places we can go out to eat anymore and actually enjoy ourselves. Not many vegan restaurants in my area.
I'm too lazy to be fully raw, there's too much chopping involved, I imagine. I already hate chopping the veggies I cook. I couldn't go full raw, anyways, I love my cooked foods. Although I'm sure it's like the healthiest way to eat, ever, and it's delicious... but only if prepared properly and it's just too much effort. For right now, anyways. One day I might consider it.
I really need to exercise.
Mini ramble: You know something I've realized, yo guys. I don't hate myself enough. I think you need to really kind of self-deprecate to restrict super low, am I right? I am not calling anyone out or saying that people who restrict hate themselves. I just feel like, I'm too lenient on myself. If I haven't quite reached my cals I say it's ok I can have a little more. Once I've reached my cals and I'm still hungry I shrug and think "I'll just diet harder in the future".
Idk maybe I'm just a massive procrastinator lol. I've procrastinated losing weight for the last few fricken years. I've hated being fat, I've had mental breakdowns and cried about it and vented and made promises to myself that I would definitely change this time. This time will be different. Well.... maybe this time will be different. So far, it feels familiar. And I consider myself an optimist. I can't even imagine how self-deprecating some people are. Ok bye.
#52 Guest_Kanra_*
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Posted 06 January 2017 - 10:43 AM
It is WAAAAY better not to self-deprecate because that's the road to spiraling totally out of control and not being happy even if you reach a GW. Your mentality I think is well-suited for when you transition to maintenance. A lot of people can't handle it because they absolutely completely hate themselves.
On another note, I was so shocked and sad when Kris left. Baek is probably my favorite left in EXO because you're right.. he's cute and has a nice voice ^O^. I like Key from Shinee because he is open about having low self-esteem regarding how he looks and feeling the constant need to diet. Taemin is a dancing prodigy and it's cool that he sings now as well. But since the older generations like DBSK are fading away, I think he's one of the best male dancers in kpop currently.
Can't wait to read your list!
- heros likes this
#53
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Posted 07 January 2017 - 04:44 PM
1/06 intake log
Let's make this one the fastest ever. My bf stayed home and craved fishles filets and fake crab cakes (I also had a slice of baguette) so that was 419 cals
My bf and I always get dinner at Whole Foods during our weekly shopping trip. So I had two vegetable Samosas totaling 680 cals
We were out running errands most of the day so I didn't really snack. Later that night, I couldn't sleep so I did the treadmill for 50 minutes at 3.0 speed (Idk if it's mph or kph) but according to MFP I lost 203 cals
With the deficit that's 896 cals for the day ^^'
#54 Guest_Kanra_*
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Posted 07 January 2017 - 08:25 PM
50 minutes is a lot! I haven't had samosas in like 18 months.. kind of have a craving now haha.
#55
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Posted 09 January 2017 - 12:22 PM
Kanra, on 07 Jan 2017 - 8:25 PM, said:
50 minutes is a lot! I haven't had samosas in like 18 months.. kind of have a craving now haha.
They're good but I guess they're fried? So they have a lot of cals. I actually had never had them before I found them at Whole Foods.
#56
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Posted 09 January 2017 - 12:51 PM
Ok, I haven't logged in two days, because weekend, so...
01/07
Saturday Total - 1435 Net - 1110 calories
So I ate a little much (actually I didn't... I just ate too many cals) and I blame the leftover samosa. I am glad I gave the second one (I always buy 4 and have two a day) to my bf. I have been feeling pretty deprived the entire week. I mean, I guess it's to be expected at first, and I guess I was normally eating way more than I thought and grossly estimating my cals.
So I ended up exercising for a grand total of 80 minutes. What I like to do it go on the treadmill for 25 minutes, rest for an hour or whatever, then go on the treadmill again. Somehow it is tiring the first time and the second time I can go way longer. Treadmill said I burned around 365 but I always go with MFP and it said I burned 325.
01/08
So I did something I highly regret: stuffed my face. I did end up stopping and being like what am I doing? Why did I do that? I had a vegan pizza and thy are relatively small (think Totino's party pizza size) and I thought I could finish it by myself. Since my bf had his own. I had the first half and I was perfectly satiated. But I continued eating because it was in front of me. I seriously regret that and I'm going to stop doing that. I ate almost the entire second half (almost two-thirds) and I stopped and gave the rest to my bf. That was a hard lesson because it turns out an an entire pizza is 1110 calories. I estimated I ate 2.5 servings (out of three) so 925 calories.
I also had some Junior mints because I had already ruined the day, so why not ruin it more?
Didn't exercise. Total 1753.
The week of Monday, 01/02 to Sunday 01/08
Net Average: 1157
Thank goodness I exercised. My MFP is still set to 1200/day because I don't want my bf seeing that I have it set lower in case he sees my phone. according to Net I stayed under weekly goal by 298 but without exercise I'd have gone over by 392.
According to my set goal of 750/day or 5250 a week, I went over by 2849. Not too terrible, I suppose.
Let's break it down again so I can gain some motivation. Maybe next week I can go down to 900/day and the week after that 750. Because honestly, I feel too deprived. My stomach isn't used to such restriction, I had been eating whatever I wanted for almost a year! It's very hard to adjust, at first. So, whatever. Try for 900 next week and we'll get to 750, eventually. I may not lose as much as I had planned, but it'll come off eventually.
I need to lose at least 20lbs by April and I already calculated that there are about 13 weeks til April and I would need to lose 1.5lbs a week to lose 19.5lbs by April. 3500 calories equals 1 pound, so you need to be deficient 5250 a week to lose 1.5lbs. Depending on your bmr (which is pretty accurate for most people).
To quote myself, again. Week 2 out of 13 begins TODAY. I have to stay dedicated.
Let's try something different. Let's say I have 900/day this week. It "feels" like a higher limit and less depriving.
Mistakes I made last week:
♥ eating high calorie foods!! such as pizza and samosas
♥ not enough veggies
♥ too many refined carbs like bread
♥ eating unnecessary junk like chocolate
♥ eating with my eyes and not my stomach
♥ not exercising as much as I should. it should be every day
5250 x 12 = 63,000 Should be my deficit after the next 12 weeks.
(BMR) 1495 x 7 = 10465 x 12 = 125,580 - 63,000 = 62,580
I should not consume more than 62,580 calories within the next 12 weeks.
So if I do 900 x 7 = 6300
62,580 - 6300 = 56,280 / 11 = 5116.36
5117 is how much I would have left to consume per week if I divided it evenly.
5117 / 7 = 731
So if I eat 900 for 1 week I would have to jump down to 731/day the next (2nd) week & from then on (with 11 weeks to go).
OR
If I wanted to I could eat 900 for TWO weeks and...
6300 x 2 = 12600
62,580 - 12600 = 49,980 / 10 = 4998 / 7 = 714
So I would have to eat 714 on the 3rd week & going forth (with 10 weeks to go).
Now, let's just say we are successful and eat 714 by the 3rd week. Would that make up for our first week?
I went over my calorie goal by net 2849..
5250 - 2849 = 2401 that's 343 cals a day (in 7 days)
So if the last week I could muster the strength to go down to 714 - 343 = 371
Could I handle eating only 371 for an entire week? Only time will tell.
OR
If I took one day out of every week to eat a little less.
343 / 12 = 28.58
So let's say this week instead of eating 900, I only eat 870.
And continue deducting 30 calories from one day a week.
That would make up for the first week, nice and easy.
I'm not even taking into account the amount of exercise I'm going to be getting over the next 12 weeks.
Either way, I would prefer lower the amount of cals. I want to speed up my weight loss.
#57
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Posted 09 January 2017 - 02:29 PM
I'm in desperate need of thinspo so here is my flawless wife, Seulgi
I ultimately want to be thinner than her but like she's pretty & adorable n so gorgeous o m g
#59
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Posted 10 January 2017 - 10:13 AM
I'm really sad Kanra deleted TT she was the only one who responded to my thread, anymore lol. That's just my luck.
Food log for Monday, 01/09, Week 2
I woke up and didn't give af so I had some crackers with hummus
(it was a new pack so I just weighed it after I was done eating, had about 3oz).
Then I ate some chocolate and nutter butters because it was there and I was upset about how I did on Sunday (emotional eating, much?).
Why did my bf buy me chocolate I know he loves me and thinks it makes me happy but like don't do that ! TT
So easily hiked up to 837 for breakfast.
Then I came to my senses. Posted stuff on here. Focused on some thinspo and felt a renewed motivation!
I don't always eat lunch, anyways if my breakfast is big.
While I was preparing dinner, I had a little coconut-date roll from the whole foods bulk bin, they're so good! (but I shouldn't have eaten it.)
Then I had a couple of peaches while my quinoa was cooking. 161
Side note: I did decide to try and incorporate quinoa at every meal, especially where I used to eat white basmati rice! And also try and eat more beans, legumes, and nuts throughout the day. I really want to try higher protein because
from looking at my macros last week I found out my protein intake it at only 6% (!!)
I know there's all these vegans out there doing 80% carbs (80/10/10) but like I don't think it works for me.
I need more lean mass.I've always been high carb and way too flabby and soft!
I made a recipe similar to this one I found on pintrest, but I usually never follow the measurements.
I just come up with my own (reasonable, in my mind) ratios of ingredients and make sure I weigh them along the way.
It was a quinoa, pinto bean, green onion avocado, cilantro, lime bowl and I added red bell pepper instead of cherry tomatoes
but I think the tomatoes would have been better. My bf tried some and we might make that again, for dinner. Total 272 cals
Thanks to breakfast, I was already nearing my current daily limit of 900. So I got on the treadmill! I ended up doing
105 minutes (at varying speeds)
and burned 428 calories according to MFP.
Total intake - 1270
Net total - 842
So exercise did bring me back down below my goal of 900 but. I gotta be careful not to rely on that. My plan is still to restrict.
I need to lose as quickly as possible lol. At least, for now. I hope to at least reach my goal of losing 1.5lbs a week to lose 20lbs by April!
I see my post count is back down to 305 when it was 340 the other day -.-'
It's dumb to care about it (I know it's happening to everyone) but I don't want my post count to keep going backwards
#60
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Posted 11 January 2017 - 01:34 AM
So, I've been listening to Kpop for a good five years, now. My first thinspo was watching SNSD videos, over and over.
I was really impressed by Exid's bodies when I watched the dance practice for 'Up & Down', a couple of years ago.
But they've gained weight.
I used to be inspired by Orange Caramel, a lot, especially Nana and Lizzy
but I don't think they're coming out with anything new, anymore. (Pledis hasn't announced anything.)
Hyuna was another go-to but I think she's gained weight too (her weight fluctuates).
So, while I had AOA (Mina and Seolhyun...Choa got fat)...
I needed some fresh thinspiration.
Along comes Black Pink.
In love with all of them but find Lisa...
...and Rose...
...especially thinspiring
I am literally obsessed with watching Lisa and Rose move.
In all my years of kpop I think they are the best thinspo I have ever found.
Lisa is the blonde with the bangs and Rose is wearing the pig-tails and mesh:
They look really good here too (and this is my fav song by them):
L o L
What's interesting is you can see their legs were a little thicker last July
(and the other two girls look thinner) but that could be just me.
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Find contentAbout Me
I am a VirgoII/week of enigma rising Leo w Sag moon | INTP | life path #8 | born in the year of the Snake :･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧
vegan Kpop nerd, wiccan, health, beauty, & astrology enthusiast
no one can tell me what to do (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
EDNOS since 2002
brazilian gaypop fan living in the us
Jeon Jungkook owns my soul
I hate myself a lot less nowadays
despite not being very small
so I think that getting smaller
will make me hate myself even less
Sober since 150923
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UGW 106lbs bmi 16.1
I really want to be teeny tiny & carefree
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Current obsessions:
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Sunyoul's abs:
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✿ Kim Hyuna is my Goddess ಥ‿ಥ *･ﾟ✧
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✿ Kwon Mina and Park Lizzy are my angels (=゜ω゜)☆
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✿ Park Junghwa is my girlfriend (｡♥ω♥｡)
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✿ Kang Seulgi is my wife ♥╣≖‿≖╠♥
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