Husband Found My ED Journal - AND Read IT! Retyping Here for Accountability
#161 
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Posted 30 April 2022 - 07:36 AM
181
Okay seriously I've been like 181 - 183 for like 2 weeks, so I guess I've hit my first real plateau UGH. Today I plan on having a really eventful day at work and a pretty high intake day in general. Yesterday afternoon my boss mentioned that he forgot Administrative Assistant Day (even though none of us really qualify for that title) so he wanted to let us all go out for an hour long lunch that was paid for by the company, which was really nice, but then I got scared lol. The other girls picked a restaurant that has NO calorie information on their food and it's all fried stuff, burgers, and the like.
But today turned out SO much more eventful than I could have ever guessed. I'm going to paraphrase all this so it's not so incredibly long everyone here gets bored reading, but just bear with me!
First of all, it started as a normal busy Friday. My boss then decided at 8:30 AM that he was going to take the day off and go hit up some breweries in the next state over! Which was totally random, but good for him. He's been stressed out and making everyone miserable, so he needed the day off. Plus that meant the rest of us could have an enjoyable Friday in peace. I was running all around between shipping and the front office though all morning. I had hit like 6,000 steps by 10 AM.
Around 11 AM the other girls wanted to go ahead and go to lunch, so we did. I ended up getting a seafood dish, which wasn't great, but it wasn't bad but I again kicked myself for not just getting a salad like I originally planned. All of the salads had a bunch of shit I didn't like or didn't want, though. So I figured seafood would be my next lowest calorie option. Once we left though I couldn't find anything in MyFitnessPal that was remotely close to what I had eaten so then I panicked thinking I over-ate. Honestly I think I over-estimated but that's better than under-estimating and gaining in my opinion. We all ended up getting drinks, too. Which drinking at 11:30 AM and then having to go back to work wasn't my idea of fun by any means, but they kind of bullied me into it since they both got one. I got a double vodka chilled and sipped on it with a Diet Coke to drink. It was really smooth, actually but I started feeling it quickly!
After we left the restaurant, the girl that was driving wanted to go by her house to do something for her cat and then me and the other girl decided to help her move this ping pong table that the girl who was driving has been bitching about in her back yard because it had all rotted and broke apart and she couldn't move it to the curb for the trash guys to pick up. She was waiting on one of us to offer to do it, I'm sure. She's one of those types who can't do anything independently. So we got out and moved it for her just to be helpful all the way to the trash can at the curb and back to work we all went. When we got back I still had a lot of work to do so I was getting to it and then suddenly I got a phone call from one of our trucking brokers. We were expecting a truck to come pick up and he said "Look, I don't know that the driver is going to make it when we said, can I send you some money for beer or something to bribe you guys into staying?"
HELL YEAH!! One thing about my place of work, we all like to drink lol. So he sent me $40 to get a few cases of beer! I went to the gas station and got the goods. We were all talking about staying over and having a drink anyway, and what's more perfect than FREE alcohol lol. I was nervous, though, to have a beer because of the lunch I had, but luckily the gas station had the Bud Light Next beer, which are zero carb and only 80 calories. So I didn't feel too guilty about having one of those.
Once I got back to work I was really surprised that my co-worker who's been out in shipping because he and his wife had a baby were there! They brought her up for us all to meet and I got to hold her! It's so weird holding a new baby even though I have a baby of my own, I forgot what it's like when they're that small! They didn't stay long, though because the baby started getting hungry and I'm sure his wife was exhausted. She looked good, though, and like your average fresh, puffy new mom. I know I felt disgusting for weeks after I gave birth, and she probably did too. She's only 4'8" tall so she definitely got round. We talked about breastfeeding and all and she surprised me by saying, "I've gotten so fat with this baby I can't even recognize myself. You look so good since I last saw you, how have you done it?"
I kind of balked and didn't know what to say but thank you and I've just really been watching what I eat and walking a lot until I can get back into working out once I lose more weight. She looked sad, though, like I had some miracle to losing post-baby weight lol.
Once they left I tried to get my work done because it was almost 3 PM by that point already! I didn't get to work for long, though, because at 3:40 PM one of the workers called the office and told us there was a BABY ALLIGATOR outside in the front office parking lot. WHAT!? We don't have alligators just pop up very often around here! So we all had to go check that out, and I'll be damned if there wasn't a juvenile alligator right in front of my car! We didn't really know what to do lol so we called the fish and wildlife office and animal control and finally we ended up with 4 police squad cars, the game warden, and animal control all over the place trying to catch this little bitch. It was so funny watching all these overweight grown men trying to wrestle an alligator, can't even lie. Once they finally caught him and got his mouth taped up, they let us all touch him. Nobody but me wanted to and he was surprisingly really soft! I've never been that close to an alligator so that was really cool and they let us take pictures with him! Then they released him in a nearby pond. Hopefully it's the one he came from or we might be seeing him or the mama or daddy again soon!
After all that excitement it was pretty much time to clock out, so we all had a beer and waited on this truck to show up, which he finally did around 4:30 PM. I went and got him checked in and then went straight to the daycare to get the baby. My husband had already gotten home and let the dogs out. I was sleepy from drinking even though I didn't get drunk or anything so while the baby took her little catnap I took one too. When I got up I made us some frozen chicken tenders and fries because I did NOT want to cook anything, and we had a really chill night. The baby also started saying "mama" for the first time EVER tonight, which made me so happy lol.
Best day of work ever, to be honest. Only at my place of work. We should really have a reality TV show lmao.
Breakfast - 157
- Protein coffee
Lunch - 816
- Grey Goose vodka - 118
- deviled crab - 380? I honestly don't know if it was more or less
- cheese grits as my 1st side - 145
- steamed broccoli as my other side - 93
- Bud Light Next - 80 (technically had this after work but I decided that I was going to drink it after lunch)
Dinner -410
- 17 individual Checkers fries - 180
- 3 Perdue chicken tenders - 230
Daily total - 1,383
Managed to get almost 15,000 steps today so maybe I'll break the plateau? Probably going to maintain lol.
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#162
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Posted 30 April 2022 - 07:16 PM
TheHollowBones, on 30 Apr 2022 - 07:36 AM, said:
lmao hes kinda cute thoooo
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#163
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Posted 01 May 2022 - 04:56 PM
typicalsara, on 30 Apr 2022 - 7:16 PM, said:
Right?! I wanted to take him homelmao hes kinda cute thoooo
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#164
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Posted 01 May 2022 - 05:01 PM
Saturday, April 30, 2022
181 still! Wtf
You guys this is wild that I'm still 181. When am I going to break this plateau 
next week I think I'm going to do OMAD all week and see if I can get back on track with the weight loss chart. I haven't gone to the bathroom since like this past Wednesday either so that's definitely not helping.
Today I caught up with an old friend from high school. We haven't talked to each other in almost 10 years and it was kind of weird. She's changed for sure but I mean we all have. It was nice to catch up though. I couldn't help but be pleased with myself to see that she's gained a buuuunch of weight and I'm smaller than the last time she saw me. Sick, but I couldn't help thinking it.
So I got to her house around 11 am and ended up leaving around 2 PM. She also drinks a loooot now so we did a few shots, which was welcoming because most of my friends don't really drink like I do. Once I got home though I finished up all the laundry and took a nap while the baby did and then my husband got home from work and we went grocery shopping and grabbed Arby's for dinner. I'm also hoping having higher calorie days today and tomorrow will help me break into the 170s but I guess I'll see. The chart predicts 180 lbs by May 4th. And I'm SO FREAKING CLOSE.
Other than that it was a chill day and I'm glad.
Breakfast - 157
- protein coffee
Lunch - 620
- pizza at my friend's house but I was still hungry when I got home - 330
- leftover egg rolls (2) - 290
Dinner - 970
- Arby's Ruben sandwich - 680
- Buffalo chicken slider - 290
Daily total - 1,747
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#165
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Posted 01 May 2022 - 06:31 PM
Sunday, May 1, 2022
181.6
Okay some temporary food weight gain may be a good sign that there will be a drop! At least for my screwed up body lol.
Today was suuuuper busy and long, though. We got up early and prepared to make the hour long drive to my husband's mom's house to see her since we didn't get to on Easter. She made lunch that was sooo not great. Pork chops with potatoes, mac n' cheese, creamed corn, dinner rolls, and squash. I really tried to eat it but it was so flavorless. I ended up basically just eating rolls, corn, and mac n' cheese. The squash was okay but everything was just lacking flavor. Even my husband agreed and she's usually a great cook so that was weird.
After her house though we drove aaaaaall the way back to our town to see my husband's best friend and his wife and aaaall of our friends were there with their babies, six kids total. Last week was his best friend's birthday so this was kind of his party. It was fun and so great to see everyone and their babies! They made hamburgers and hot dogs with pasta salad and potato chips but I was still so full from lunch I couldn't even think about eating. I shared a hot dog and pasta salad with the baby even though she ate most of it. I might have had a bite of each but I didn't think it was worth logging. I really just wanted to try the pasta salad (someone's world famous recipe, I had to see if it was better than mine. It wasn't lol). I tried to food log the most accurately that I could but it's so hard when I can't sit there and measure things out.
We got home from all the festivities around 8:30 PM and I FINALLY had to poop! It's been way too long so maybe tomorrow I'll be 180?! Wishful thinking because I just weighed before I showered and I was 184 lbs from all that food and water today. I also didn't get many steps today either, only about 8,500. But I'm exhausted and I need to wash my hair then it's back to work in the morning for another shitty week, ugh.
Breakfast - 357
- protein coffee - 157
- like 10 Hershey kisses? - 200
Lunch - 1,031?
- dinner rolls - 240
- creamed corn - 107
- Mac n cheese - 300
- Brownie - 129
- banana pudding - 210
- I really tried to eat the pork chop and potatoes that were cooked with them but it was so gross I couldn't so I didn't log that even though I took a few bites of each
- squash - 45
Daily total - 1,388 but I feel like I'm grossly underestimating. Now that I'm going to bed though I realized I'm pretty hungry lol. Oh well, skip dinner wake up thinner right?
I ended up pacing before bed to get to my 10,000 steps after I washed my hair and then I couldn't sleep because I worked up a sweat lol.
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#166
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Posted 01 May 2022 - 11:41 PM
Hiii! I'm so sorry I've been MIA, but congrats on the BM! Fingers crossed tomorrow will break the plateau <3
#167
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Posted 02 May 2022 - 10:53 AM
Bleak Cucumber, on 01 May 2022 - 11:41 PM, said:
Hiii! I'm so sorry I've been MIA, but congrats on the BM! Fingers crossed tomorrow will break the plateau <3
Thank you, Bleak!! I have GOT to catch up on your thread! It's been about a week since I've read yours too!
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#168
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Posted 02 May 2022 - 10:55 AM
EID MUBARAKKKK!!! <333
I hope you had a great dayy!
#169
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Posted 02 May 2022 - 10:56 AM
TheHollowBones, on 02 May 2022 - 10:53 AM, said:
Thank you, Bleak!! I have GOT to catch up on your thread! It's been about a week since I've read yours too!
<33 You haven't missed much babe, I haven't been posting much. Exams are killing me and now the flu. It never ends I swear (facepalm)
#170
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Posted 02 May 2022 - 12:04 PM
Monday, May 2, 2022
182
New week, new month, I'm ready for the day surprisingly when I woke up this morning! I was so energized and feeling light when I got up today. I'm not even phased by the number on the scale this morning because I'm hoping it's temporary.
I tried SO hard to get my husband to take the last two taco quesadillas for lunch today, but he didn't want them so no OMAD for me today, I'm taking them for lunch and then I'll do OMAD the rest of the week. If it goes well and I don't have a lot of leftovers from dinner going forward for the rest of the month (I'm planning on not making enough dinner this month to have a ton of leftovers but we'll see) I'm going to see if I can manage to do OMAD most of the time and see how that goes. I'll drink snake juice during the weekdays at work and just eat dinner. Weekends will continue to be maintenance days and I won't worry about eating over 1,500 calories on Saturdays and Sundays.
I also really need to start getting back into Pilates and start trying to tone up again now that it's getting hot, seriously. Even just one video a day. It's a new month so I'm going to print out the Blogilates calendar right now and try to at least do one video a night or maybe during work on my lunch break or something. I'll print the advanced calendar so that it's 3-5 videos a day in case I'm feeling ambitious a few days and want to do more than one video lol.
I can't believe it's May already. The baby's birthday is in 18 days! I still have a few more things I want to buy for decorations and then all that's left is buying food. And of course the party tent. I'm really hoping it's not screwed up when it gets here so we can put it together easily and re-use it for plenty of parties in the future. I'll be kind of glad when all this birthday shit is over with, though. I need to keep paying down debt with a vengeance instead of moving money from my savings account to pay for the party. I intend to put it all back in there by the end of the month, but you never know what could happen. I still want to get with the drywall guy and see what it would cost to replace the ceilings before we have all these people at our house, but I suppose it might have to wait until later this year.
We still have so much debt and if we have any hopes of buying a new house in the next year or so we have to get serious about paying off debt. I'm already there, but of course my husband isn't as worried about it as I am since we have our separate finances. I don't care if I have to pay off every cent of his debt and mine by myself and it takes me 15 years. I mean I'm exaggerating and I would love for my husband to chip in with all this crap we have, but I don't know how that will go. The sooner we're debt free, the easier it will be to save money, send the baby to college, buy her her first car all payment free. Just like I predicted with my husband's tattoo, now he's all freaking out that he doesn't have any money to pay his bills this week because he didn't plan ahead and save up when he booked that tattoo in the first place literally last year.
One day at a time, I suppose. Today after work I need to make a meat market run so I can keep stocking up our deep freezer that once held breastmilk. It's been fun just going to get a few packs of meat every week and see that stash grow. Not buying meat while at the grocery store these past few weekends has made grocery trips waaaay cheaper and the meat market is right there on my way home so I'm not having to go out of my way or anything. Besides being poor and fat still, life actually is pretty good.
Breakfast - 157
- Protein coffee
Lunch - 548
- last two taco quesadillas. 400 for 4 tortillas, 1/2 cup of ground beef filling (93), about half a cup of cheddar cheese (55)
Dinner - 352
- Irish beef stew - 1/4 of a cup - 43
- 1/2 cup of garlic mashed potatoes - 140
- Going to drink the other half of the dark beer I'll use to cook the stew - 169
Daily total - 1,057
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#171
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Posted 02 May 2022 - 12:10 PM
Bleak Cucumber, on 02 May 2022 - 10:55 AM, said:
EID MUBARAKKKK!!! <333
I hope you had a great dayy!
Bleak Cucumber, on 02 May 2022 - 10:56 AM, said:
<33 You haven't missed much babe, I haven't been posting much. Exams are killing me and now the flu. It never ends I swear (facepalm)
Oh no! I hope you get over it quickly!
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#172
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Posted 03 May 2022 - 01:01 PM
Tuesday, May 3, 2022
181.4
Weight is finally heading back down! Maybe tomorrow I'll be 180 FINALLY. Today I only drank one water bottle of snake juice at work (40 ounces), so I'm really looking forward to dinner because I'm starving. I'm making chicken piccata and I have a big ass bottle of wine since they didn't have any of the smaller ones at the grocery store when we went this past Saturday. Since it's an OMAD day, I'm treating myself to the rest of the bottle if I can stomach it once I make the sauce for the noodles. I'm looking forward to making it because I haven't before, I hope it's as good as my co-worker's that she made last week! Because I tore it UP.
My boss has really been an ass today at work and I really wanted to walk out of the door this morning and just quit, but I can't do that. Yesterday I forgot to note that he had engraved bracelets made for all of us that have been here for 5 years or more. It was really sweet, actually and today he chose to be an absolute dick to everyone, especially me for some reason. Gotta take it out on someone I guess, but why me.
Last night I also got a message from my god brother. He lives 6 hours away, but is actually in my area for the next two days for work. He asked if he could come visit today! I'm excited, I haven't seen him since his sister (my godsister) got married in September of 2021, so it's been almost 8 months since I saw him last. I'll have to update later on tonight how that goes!
Breakfast - 157
- protein coffee
Dinner - 795?
- planning on having 2 glasses of chardonnay, maybe more -250
- chicken piccata served over one serving of angel hair pasta - 545
Daily total - 952ish
I honestly probably had like 3 and a half glasses of wine, but I don't want to log it and see the total intake number, which is so dumb because I still drank it lol. I did manage to take about 13,000 steps, though before the day was done so maybe that will make up for the calories from the wine. One of my co-workers texted me before I went to bed too and asked if I wanted to have what they made as my lunch for tomorrow. It sounded really good and I felt guilty for saying no, so I agreed. It's some type of chicken, bacon, and mushroom alfredo so honestly I'm kind of excited to try it, no OMAD tomorrow lmao. Also probably really fattening, though so I'll have to make it a point to get in a lot of steps tomorrow. I also still have not done a single Pilates video yet this month.
My godbrother stayed over for literally 2 hours though and it went by SO fast while we were catching up that it felt like he was barely there. He told me he's actually going to be in my state again on vacation for the whole week of the baby's birthday, so we'll get to catch up again soon because he'll come back for her party! He literally got to our house 10 minutes after I got home though. I was outside letting the dogs out and was frantically trying to start dinner when he popped up. I started cooking dinner and we had some drinks and chatted in the kitchen. He had to drive 3 hours back to his job straight from my house after he left, too! He drove a total of almost 7 hours just to come see us! After I got dinner to a good stopping point I ran to the daycare and got the baby since he wanted to see her too, of course. She was so terrified of him LOL and she's never done that before!
Once I got the baby from daycare home and settled we decided to video call my mom and surprise her, since she didn't know that he was here! I wish I could have gotten a picture of her face because it was priceless. It was a good night, though. I'm really glad I got to see him.
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#173
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Posted 03 May 2022 - 01:46 PM
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I have a youtube channel too!
subscribe if ya want
(going to upload videos soon!.. more ed content and random shit)
https://www.youtube....w_as=subscriber
"Heis,
You are you,
Perfection and goals,
How I long to see you be whole" - S'mores
#174
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Posted 04 May 2022 - 08:23 AM
Heisenbυrg, on 03 May 2022 - 1:46 PM, said:
Following
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THE QUEEN <3 thank you! It's a lot of reading over here, but we all gotta vent right lol
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#175
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Posted 04 May 2022 - 10:42 AM
Wednesday, May 4, 2022
180.8!
But I don't want to get super excited about this weight YET since I got pretty wine drunk last night, this number is probably only from being dehydrated. We'll see what I weigh tomorrow though after eating this alfredo for lunch and then I can't even remember what I'm supposed to be cooking for dinner tonight. I think I'm making goulash, which is another pasta dish. Sigh. Maybe I have something else that's on the dinner menu this week that's a little lighter I can make instead. I'll have to see when I get home because I truly cannot remember what meals I had planned.
Today has been pretty chill, thankfully at work. No irrational outbursts from my boss at least and the day is actually going by pretty quickly. I just ate that alfredo too and it was SO GOOD. Totally worth the calories but I definitely feel like I ate more than I logged I would imagine only because I have no idea if they used any oil or cream in their cooking. Someone took my measuring cup at work too and I can't find it in the breakroom, so I logged one cup as a serving, but I'm not sure if it was more. I hate that crap.
Breakfast - 157
- protein coffee
Lunch - 465
- chicken, bacon, mushroom alfredo pasta
Dinner - 506
- Ended up making goulash. If you haven't heard of it, it's like meat, tomato sauce, macaroni noodles, and cheese. Basic. I logged one cup as a serving, which MFP says was 256 calories, but idk about that
- Finished the chardonnay I got to make chicken piccata on Tuesday night. There were two glasses left - 250
Daily total - 1,128
We'll see if I lose tomorrow! SOOOO CLOSE TO 180 I can literally taste it.
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#176
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Lord Heisenburg
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Posted 04 May 2022 - 01:42 PM
TheHollowBones, on 04 May 2022 - 08:23 AM, said:
THE QUEEN <3 thank you! It's a lot of reading over here, but we all gotta vent right lol
Yessss we do!! I love me some reading haha
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I have a youtube channel too!
subscribe if ya want
(going to upload videos soon!.. more ed content and random shit)
https://www.youtube....w_as=subscriber
"Heis,
You are you,
Perfection and goals,
How I long to see you be whole" - S'mores
#177
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Posted 04 May 2022 - 09:35 PM
Oh gosh, you're almost breaking through to the 170s! I'm so happy for you, despite the bumps the loss has been SO consistent 
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#178
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Posted 04 May 2022 - 09:37 PM
TheHollowBones, on 03 May 2022 - 1:01 PM, said:
Tuesday, May 3, 2022
My godbrother stayed over for literally 2 hours though and it went by SO fast while we were catching up that it felt like he was barely there. He told me he's actually going to be in my state again on vacation for the whole week of the baby's birthday, so we'll get to catch up again soon because he'll come back for her party! He literally got to our house 10 minutes after I got home though. I was outside letting the dogs out and was frantically trying to start dinner when he popped up. I started cooking dinner and we had some drinks and chatted in the kitchen. He had to drive 3 hours back to his job straight from my house after he left, too! He drove a total of almost 7 hours just to come see us! After I got dinner to a good stopping point I ran to the daycare and got the baby since he wanted to see her too, of course. She was so terrified of him LOL and she's never done that before!
Once I got the baby from daycare home and settled we decided to video call my mom and surprise her, since she didn't know that he was here! I wish I could have gotten a picture of her face because it was priceless. It was a good night, though. I'm really glad I got to see him.
That's amazing, I hope you had a great time! It's always very memorable when we meet the ones close to us after not seeing them for a long while <3
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#179
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Posted 05 May 2022 - 09:51 AM
I love that you get down to the raw side of yourself.
I think sometimes that's the most helpful.
I've struggled a lot with depression, ED, among other things, especially since having my son (who will be 7)
These entries are so relatable. Thank you for having the courage to share them.
Following.
#180
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Posted 05 May 2022 - 12:25 PM
Heisenbυrg, on 04 May 2022 - 1:42 PM, said:
Yessss we do!! I love me some reading haha
Yay! Hopefully you'll love it over here as much as I love your accountability
Bleak Cucumber, on 04 May 2022 - 9:35 PM, said:
Oh gosh, you're almost breaking through to the 170s! I'm so happy for you, despite the bumps the loss has been SO consistent
GIRL, thank you!!! I'm so ready to see the 170s on this damn scale! Maybe tomorrow since I'm doing an OMAD today!
Bleak Cucumber, on 04 May 2022 - 9:37 PM, said:
That's amazing, I hope you had a great time! It's always very memorable when we meet the ones close to us after not seeing them for a long while <3
It was so nice. It really did make my heart feel so full for once instead of feeling so empty
L0LLIR0T, on 05 May 2022 - 09:51 AM, said:
I love that you get down to the raw side of yourself.
I think sometimes that's the most helpful.
I've struggled a lot with depression, ED, among other things, especially since having my son (who will be 7)
These entries are so relatable. Thank you for having the courage to share them.
Following.
I'm so glad you find my entries relatable! I feel like a lot of times on here accountability threads don't have much about who we're really reading about and it's strictly just intakes and then beating themselves up about what they ate. I mean I do that too but there's other substance here lol. For me I feel like it's really important to talk about how we feel every day and sometimes write about it. Sometimes I don't get to do that at home with my husband even though we talk about everything, my ED and my ED thoughts are not things I feel comfortable talking to him about. Obviously lol. I've struggled a lot too and this site is such a safe space for me. I'm so glad you find my thread valuable <3
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#181
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Posted 05 May 2022 - 01:06 PM
Thursday, May 5, 2022
180.2!
You GUYS! SO close to 170s! IDK what happened, but today absolutely flew by. I did OMAD today so I'll come back and update later. My co-workers arranged a fish fry tonight at someone's house so we're having fried fish. My husband won't get off work until pretty late, so I'm getting off work and it'll just be me and the baby going.
Update the next day: it was really fun! I hated that my husband couldn't come with me, and everyone there missed him too. I was trying to juggle the baby by myself, feed her, and keep her happy all while trying to make myself a margarita and enjoy the company. That was kind of tough but she was really great! I'm happy about that because she didn't take a nap on the way there like I thought she would have and I was nervous that she was going to get cranky before it was even time to eat. I tried to just get a little small scoop of everything to try, but it still ended up maxing out my entire calorie budget for the day. I'm glad I decided to do OMAD today because it could have been even MORE calories, I have no idea. That's the one thing I absolutely hate about potlucks. People bring homemade and store-bought stuff and I can't just sit there and look at all the nutrition labels before I get anything without acting suspicious.
Breakfast - 157
- protein coffee
Dinner - 1,032
- one piece of fried brim - 146
- scoop of potato salad - 150
- like half a scoop of baked beans with bacon - 46
- 8 French fries - 55
- I logged a scoop of coleslaw, but I didn't eat it all because it was kind of gross - 87
- 3 jalapeno hushpuppies - 130
- 3 onion rings - 170
- I logged a pre-mixed margarita since I don't know how many oz of margarita mix and actual tequila I put in my cup, which came in at - 227
Daily total - 1,189
I hope I don't gain a ton of food weight from this tomorrow. I weighed in at 183 after my shower tonight, but we'll see.
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#182
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Posted 06 May 2022 - 10:31 AM
Friday, May 6, 2022
180.8
Whew, not as bad of a gain as I was thinking after all!
I woke up feeling really nauseous and STARVING though for some reason so I decided to bring my chicken piccata noodles that are left from Tuesday night to work to just put something on my stomach. After I finished my coffee I was still feeling the same. I planned on having another OMAD day today but I didn't think I'd be able to make it through on just snake juice. On top of feeling so nauseated my head is killing me too, like the headaches that I normally get from hunger. But today is going by pretty fast thankfully but I've been kind of "snacky" since eating those noodles as part of my breakfast. Maybe I'll get a decent amount of steps in and won't feel too hungry for dinner. I think I'll make pork chops and potatoes tonight, really easy to prepare and lower calorie than the other dinner options I have left for this week.
I'm ready to relax tomorrow for sure, it's been a long week. I feel like this week has been 6 months long. But I really need to clean the house up GOOD tomorrow while my husband is at work. I also need to get in contact with a termite control company, I've suspected I had termites and these little bugs mysteriously popped up on the stove the other night. I think they're termites. SO one more thing to add to the never-ending list if I'm right. I put some of them in a little plastic baggie in case I don't see them again before the pest control people come. I looked in all of my wood cabinets, though and I don't see anything. No termite droppings, no tunnels or whatever it is they dig, nothing. God, I wonder how much that shit costs?
Breakfast - 688
- protein coffee - 157
- chicken piccata noodles (IDK if this is accurate. I have a 40 oz container measured in liquid ounces, so I logged it in liquid oz?) - 56 for the lemon/wine sauce and 475 for the noodles = 531
Lunch - ?
- I don't even want to go through the headache of calculating three bites of potato salad, like 3 French fries, and one bite of sheepshead fish. They brought all the leftover fried fish, hushpuppies, and sides from last night to reheat in the oven today in our breakroom. I took a few bites here and there just because everyone was asking why I didn't want to eat anything.
Dinner - 328
- the dish I made is creamy pork chops and potatoes but all of the entries in MFP seemed too high so I tried to log each ingredient separately. Probably woulda been better off using the one entry for the whole dish, but eh. 1/2 cup of potatoes, 1 pork chop, and the creamy gravy part is evaporated milk, cream of mushroom soup, chicken broth, Liption Onion Soup Mix, and some other seasonings topped with fried onions
Daily total - 1,016
Not going to drink any alcohol this weekend, hopefully. I was invited to a wedding tomorrow afternoon and that friend from high school I caught up with last weekend invited me over to a cookout, but I don't know that I want to go to either one, honestly. Guess I'll see how I feel about all that tomorrow after I clean the house and hopefully finish all the laundry.
Also, I want to have a 3 day fast on snake juice next week. The baby's birthday is approaching so quickly and I know that I won't hit my weight goal by then. I'd really like to try so my husband might just have to suck it up when I tell him I'm fasting. At least the grocery bill should be relatively cheap since I won't be eating, but we'll see. My co-workers know that I occasionally fast so at work it shouldn't be a huge shock. And my husband knows I'm into fasting too, but I wonder if he'll say anything with his kind of recent discovery of my ED?
Feeling SO lazy you guys. Plus the weather is terrible and all I want is to go to sleep really early but it's only 6 PM as I'm updating right now. Sigh. Baby is taking her catnap and husband is in the shower so at least it's quiet and I can put my feet up for a few minutes.
Once my husband and I got in bed last night, we had a really intimate moment that was actually a lot of fun and I feel like it kind of "rekindled" our flame. We were kissing and I pulled back and I asked him if he remembered what our first kiss was like when he came to pick me up from my house for our 3rd date (hint: magical). He kind of laughed and said, "what do you mean? It was just a kiss! But it was pretty damn sweet."
After that we stayed up for like 2 hours playing this memory game where we kept asking each other questions about things that have happened in our relationship, or what one of us was wearing when something big happened. Kind of like 20 Questions. It was actually really fun and it brought back a lot of memories for both of us that were kind of buried away in time. There were even some things he asked me that I had forgotten about and I have a great memory! It was really sweet and a really nice way to end our night.
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#183
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Posted 06 May 2022 - 10:27 PM
I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is this snake juice you keep mentioning? haha
It seems so interesting but I was wondering if it was a juice you make at home or buy (like a brand)
#184
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Posted Yesterday, 07:12 AM
Bleak Cucumber, on 06 May 2022 - 10:27 PM, said:
I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is this snake juice you keep mentioning? haha
It seems so interesting but I was wondering if it was a juice you make at home or buy (like a brand)
It's a method of fasting created by a guy named Cole Robinson! Here's his website! You can make it or you can buy it, but it's easy to make and I got all of my ingredients off of Amazon so I wouldn't have to look for them at the grocery store.
It's basically adding electrolytes and sodium to your water so that you can fast for long periods of time easily without all of the negative side effects like headaches, weakness, and muscle cramps. The longest fast I ever did was 21 days using snake juice and I lost almost 40 lbs if I remember correctly, but I was also at a high weight at that time too. You just have to sip it instead of chug it, it's also best tasting when it's cold otherwise it kind of tastes like tears or sweat. If you chug it, it will run right through you and you will stay on the toilet lol.
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#185
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Posted Yesterday, 07:31 AM
Saturday, May 7, 2022
179.2!!!!
OMG YAY! FINALLY!!!!!
I was SO excited when I woke up and saw this!! I hope I don't ruin it today by eating too much lol. But I also plan on moving around a good bit so I'm sure that I'll burn it all off just by moving around and cleaning plus I'd like to take the baby for a walk after her first nap this morning because after all this rain that we've had this week it's beautiful outside and not too hot.
My husband is at work today until 3 PM and I've been cleaning since the moment I woke up and doing laundry. I started feeling kind of dizzy around 9 AM so I'm eating the rest of that chicken, bacon, mushroom alfredo my co-worker gave me while I write this. It's not too much, but enough to give me the energy I need for the rest of the day until dinner. I'm making fried chicken tenders, mashed potatoes, and creamed corn for dinner. That shouldn't bring me up to too many calories if I keep the portions of the sides small. It's 10 AM right now and I've already almost hit 3,000 steps so that's a good sign for a weekend. I usually don't get my steps in until much later in the day.
Last night the baby figured out how to crawl finally! That was really exciting and so amazing to watch and my husband managed to get it on video. On the negative part of that, though, it looks like she's also figured out how to pull herself up in her crib to sit so she won't go to sleep as easily as she usually does. That also means we need to figure out how to lower the mattress before she figures out how to pull herself up to stand and throws herself out of the crib! So like right now I put her down for a nap and I've already been in there twice to lay her back down because she was sitting up! Crazy baby. Still really cool though! I wonder if she'll figure out how to walk before her birthday?
Breakfast - 462
- co-worker's chicken, mushroom, and bacon alfredo
Dinner - 730
- Cheese and bacon quarter pounder burger - 630
- Some fries, probably 20 - 100
Snack - 130
- 2 fun size mini packs of M&Ms because I really wanted something sweet
Daily total - 1,322
I don't plan on eating lunch today (and I didn't!), but we'll see how I'm feeling in a few hours after I take that walk. Sometimes on the weekends when I go for a walk it makes me feel so sick for some reason, probably because of how hot it gets where I live. I'll have to come back later and update if anything else interesting happens today when my husband gets home but if not, I'm hoping for a pretty relaxing yet productive day.
I hope I can stay under 180 this weekend! GAH I'm so hyped, yay!
Change of plans for dinner; my husband wanted to go out and get dinner at a drive-through and he actually suggested we go to the liquor store and get some alcohol and have a drink after we put the baby down! Very surprising and not what I planned, but I was cool with it. So we went to town, hit the drive through liquor store, I ran into the supermarket to get some mixers, and then we got McDonald's, which was severely disappointing and flavorless. But at least I wasn't tempted to eat all of my fries because they tasted like cardboard lol. I did scarf down the burger though despite how dry and gross it was because I was starving.
Once we got the baby to bed I made this drink I found on Pinterest called Ocean Water. It was Malibu rum, blue raspberry vodka, and Sprite Zero. It was pretty good and I only had one but I didn't log the calories of the drink because I couldn't find the nutritional values on the vodka for some reason, even on Google. We went outside and burned a whole bunch of boxes that we've had sitting on our back porch. The weather outside was really windy and cool though so then my husband started freaking out about catching the forest on fire lol. I wasn't concerned though and it was a nice change of scenery for a Saturday night. I managed to get 12,000 steps in today, so maybe tomorrow I won't have gained too much.
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#186
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Posted Today, 06:41 AM
Sunday, May 8, 2022
179.4!
I was crossing my fingers when I stepped on that scale this morning! After I took a shower last night I was all the way back up to 184 pounds! I was really freaked out by that but it is what it is. By that time it was too late to purge anyway so I would have just had to deal with the food weight if I weighed more this morning. Although I felt really gross and bloated from the McDonald's last night when I woke up, I'm really surprised I didn't gain more food weight. I'm glad though!
It's Mother's Day too, which means happy Mother's Day to all the mamas who might be following here. Even with my ED, this is the best time in the world. Last year I was still pregnant for Mother's Day but my husband still found a way to make me feel special and this year was no exception! He went all out making sure that I got a gift and a card from both him and the baby. When I woke up at 6 AM this morning he was in the kitchen doing his thing with my gift and he told me to go back to bed! So I actually did and slept in for another hour or so. It was kind of nice and the cards he wrote were super sweet, they made me tear up a little bit!
Last night I also mentioned to my husband that I wanted to do a three day fast starting tomorrow and he was totally not even phased by that. SO starting tomorrow I'm doing a 3 day snake juice fast and I'm excited! I wonder just how much weight I might lose in those three days? I also wonder how I'm going to survive without my morning coffee though?
Speaking of coffee, yesterday in the mail I got a voucher in the mail from the beef broth company that I've been using in my coffee and they are sending me another 1 pound jar of the powder for free! So that was really cool because I'm almost out and I was going to buy more next week! Couldn't have been timed more perfectly.
Today I'm just waiting for my husband to wake up though so we can go grocery shopping and then tonight I'll make those chicken tenders that I planned on making last night. I still have some laundry to finish up and yesterday the only thing I didn't get to do was mop, so I'll probably do that before he wakes up and just use the rest of the day to RELAX.
Breakfast - 157
- protein coffee
Daily total - ?
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#187
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- Locationnear the equator, in a really hot place
Posted Today, 10:19 AM
Oh my goshh congratulationsss!! Finally down to 170s, I was praying for you <33 
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