lil shithead is recovering and getting buff
#1 
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Posted 08 May 2018 - 04:32 PM
Hi, I'm Everest aka lilshithead and this is my accountability.
Note: Recovery stuff starts on page 14. I want to keep this accountability going even as I try to recover.
Basics about me:
- 5'5"
- strength training and getting some cardio in every day is my thing
- highest weight was 160 (overweight BMI), lowest was 88 (BMI in the 14s)
- current weight
11911610510399 BMI 16.5 - I don't want curves or boobs.
- have been diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in the past
- I'm on testosterone (raised as a girl, not so much a girl) which helps my metabolism, i think
- I like drugs a lot
- Currently trying to recover and build muscle.
I will be updating this frequently with my ramblings and food/exercise/recovery stuff.
Rules (changed for attempting recovery):
- no purging if I overeat
- strength train daily
- do cardio daily, but don't force yourself to burn tons of calories
- eat at or just above TDEE in order to gain muscle
- try not to compensate for overeating, at least not overcompensate
- do not weigh yourself often
- allow yourself to feel negative emotions about eating so you can work through them
- try to avoid looking at thinspo/comparing yourself to others
I am doing this (recovery) on my own, though my therapist knows about my ED and obviously wants me to recover
i'm a mess as you'll find out if you read any of this
TW for thinspo and mentions of purging, lax, drug use, suicide
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5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#2
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Posted 08 May 2018 - 04:57 PM
some nice andro thinspo
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#3
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Posted 09 May 2018 - 01:54 PM
Food from yesterday:
Dinner only. Indian food (600) plus cookies (400) = 1000.
Walked over 10,000 steps, did some strength training
Today so far:
No food (5pm). Planning on having some thin crust veggie pizza and a salad for dinner, aiming for under 1000.
Already walked over 10,000 steps, did some rollerblading, a little strength training
Today was stressful but it got better. Sometimes things just get too real and you start to feel unsafe -- from other people. I'm used to feeling unsafe from myself but it is rare that I feel threatened by others in a general sense (I feel threatened by others like highly masculine dudes when I'm out and about).
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#4
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Posted 09 May 2018 - 01:56 PM
some more thinspo!
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#5
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Posted 10 May 2018 - 04:59 AM
weigh in: 118.2 lbs
Yesterday:
- walked over 10,000 steps, worked out
- ate ice cream (200), salad (250) and pizza (450) = 900 cal
- overall not a bad day!
I will update this later as the day goes on.
Update: had 2 beers (400) and a few bites of a burger (200) = 600 cal total for today. Was also pretty physically active!
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#6
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Posted 10 May 2018 - 05:00 AM
leg goals
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#7
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Posted 11 May 2018 - 05:27 AM
ultimate transmasc thinspo/fitspo
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#8
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Posted 12 May 2018 - 05:13 AM
Yesterday:
Walked 5000 steps, did some cardio, did some strength training but not a top workout day.
Ate 2 tacos (500), 3 mini thin crust pizza slices (300), 1/2 pint of halo top (140) and had a beer (150) = 1090 calories.
Not the best but also not the worst - no binges.
Today:
weighed in at 117.2! going hiking and hopefully sticking to my limit. will update later!
update:
ate 1/2 chicken wrap (250) and pita with hummus (200) with 3 ciders (450) = 900
happy with today
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#9
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Posted 12 May 2018 - 05:16 AM
more legspo because why not?
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#10
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Posted 13 May 2018 - 08:19 AM
hello!! although im not trans we share similar body goals and by the looks of it taste in thinspo too, so just letting you know ill be following your accountability!
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#11
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Posted 13 May 2018 - 09:36 AM
WEIGH IN THIS MORNING: 116.8 lb!
Super happy to see the scale consistently going down, though I know tomorrow I could "weigh" more on the scale just because of water retention, etc. Trying to not get too caught up in the daily numbers because I know bodies constantly fluctuate. Still, thrilled to be losing.
Currently 12:30 pm, have been super hungry all morning and am super hungry now but won't let myself eat until dinner (I intermittent fast and only eat one meal a day at night, unless I get caught up in lunch plans). Having some caffeine, nicotine, and green tea extract to hopefully soothe my empty stomach. I have been very productive with work today, but not very active, though I have been doing a little strength training intermittently throughout the morning and will continue to do so this afternoon. It's so hot outside I don't want to do any cardio, ugh.
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#12
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Posted 13 May 2018 - 09:38 AM
some thinspo on the more femme side of things
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#13
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Posted 14 May 2018 - 06:24 AM
Ugh. Overate last night. Probably had around 1900 calories yesterday. I guess it's not horrible because that was probably my TDEE but it was super salty food so I gained a lot of water weight. Literally like 5 pounds of food/water weight overnight. I know it's not real but holy shit it is not helpful.
Not drinking tonight. I don't need those extra calories. I'll update this later!
_______________________________________________________________
lmao @ "not drinking tonight." i'm having wine (350) and had three small squares of thin crust pizza earlier (200). Trying to not eat any more....
also did over 15k steps today and my full strength training routine!
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#14
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Posted 14 May 2018 - 06:26 AM
collarbone/neck/jawline goals
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#15
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Posted 14 May 2018 - 05:15 PM
this is how i want to look
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#16
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Posted 15 May 2018 - 09:52 AM
ugh I ended up eating last night but my daily total was still around 1200 which was well below my TDEE yesterday, at least.
today: still need to strength train, did 30 min of cardio and walked around 2 miles so far.
ate 200 calories for lunch - part of a tiny piece of thin crust pizza and most of a small tabouli salad with greens, a pinch of feta, and a bit of dressing (roughly 100 each for how much of it I ate). It was also delicious, which always helps. still hungry but not as bad as before. done until i have my beer tonight and hopefully won't eat anything on top of it.
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#17
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Posted 16 May 2018 - 04:58 AM
yesterday after i had that 200 cal lunch i drank 3 beers (500? 600?) but ended up purging one because i did other drugs too and was too fucked up so we'll say i had 500 of beer which brings me to 700 total yesterday. weighed in at 117.2 even though i know i could not have gained weight. trying to fast today and/or tomorrow. we'll see. i want to fast before i have to get weighed at the doctor's office on friday...
will update later!
___________________________________________________________
motherfucker i ordered pizza and ate around 1200 calories worth of it. today's TDEE was like 2200+ though and the T should speed up my metabolism even more but it's still so early (6:20 pm) and i feel like i'm gonna end up eating more. fuckkkk i can't eat. no more food. no more. or i'm gonna fucking start purging again and i can't do that. not again.
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#18
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Posted 16 May 2018 - 04:59 AM
i wanna be a skinny skater dude
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#19
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Posted 17 May 2018 - 02:23 AM
i've been up since fucking 2 am because i went to bed at 6pm lmao because i was so anxious i took a shitload of klonopin
good thing is i didn't eat any more yesterday, so it finished out at 1200 w/ a 2200+ TDEE so i can't get too down on myself about it
right now working on my etsy (PM me if you're interested) and drinking black coffee at 5:22 am. considering going for a sunrise walk, waiting for my fitness tracker to arrive in a couple of days! then i can post all of my stats just through photos.
________________________________________________________
trying to fast today, will update on how it goes
update as of 1pm (remember I've been up since 2am):
LIQUID FAST - zero or almost zero calorie drinks only
Did an adequate amount of strength training
Just took laxatives (epsom salt - I swear by it)
12,000 steps so far
Consumed:
- 3 cups of black coffee
- 2 servings of iced green tea, unsweetened
- powerade zero
- monster ultra zero
Update @ 6:30 pm
Lax haven't worked yet and they're supposed to work in like 30 mins more max! wtf
drank more green tea, a ton of water, currently having a powerade zero
trying to go to bed early tonight so i don't eat
__________________________________________________
fuck, i didn't fast, i ended up eating like 1200 calories. oops. intermittent fasting is a bitch because it expects me to eat like 1000 at night but at least my TDEE was pretty high. plus what i had was mostly protein and vegetables, even if it was a lot.
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
#20
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Posted 17 May 2018 - 02:25 AM
bella hadid thinspo!
5' 5"
hw: 165 BMI 27.5
lw: 88 BMI 14.6
cw: 99 BMI 16.5
RECOVERING + BUILDING MUSCLE
not a girl
My ramblings/food/exercise stuff:
https://www.myproana...ty-with-thinspo
🍓I'M GoinG fErAL haHa🍓
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Posted 07 June 2021 - 06:57 AM
So I know I've gained 20 WHOLE POUNDS from between mid 2019 ~ 2021 and the more I think about it the more I CAN'T HANDLE IT
IT'S SOOO EMBARASSING NOT ONLY EVERYONE I KNOW MAINTAINED OR LOST WEIGHT BUT I'VE GONE OUT IN PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE THIS??? (EVEN THOUGH IT WAS LITERALLY ONLY LIKE 3 TIMES) MY LIFE IS OVER‼️
I NEED TO LOSE IT ASAP; THE THING TRIGGERING ME THE MOST RIGHT NOW ARE MY ARMS AND THIGHS AHHH PLS I KNOW IT CAN'T BE "THAT BAD" BUT NOW LOOKING BACK AT IT I WAS SO TINY 💔 I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT I WAS BIG I WAS LITERALLY ONLY 100 POUNDS
AND THE WORST THING IS I'VE NEVER BEEN SKINNY, I WAS ALWAYS CHUBBY AND OVERWEIGHT SO WHEN I GAINED THIS SH!T BACK IT FEELS EVEN WORSE LIKE I'M JUST A LAZY B!TCH THAT DOESN'T HAVE SELF CONTROL 💔
Sometimes I wish I had a group of friends that were mindless like me sometimes so that we could chat about superficial things stressing us out, like The Fashion Club from Daria
ᐢ. ֑ .ᐢ sigh~
💌 I Love You All! 💌
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Posted 01 December 2020 - 07:22 PM
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Posted 01 December 2020 - 08:15 PM
. It always makes me smile when I see posts like these. It reminds me that there's always good out there.Sent from my SM-N960W using Tapatalk
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Posted 06 December 2020 - 11:23 AM
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Posted 29 January 2021 - 10:22 AM
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Posted 06 February 2021 - 06:19 AM
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Posted 06 February 2021 - 07:21 AM
Aw, thank you you're so sweet. I hope you have a nice day.
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Height: 5'7
HW: 170.6
CW:162.6 (was 163.6)
GW: 150s
LW: 99
https://www.wattpad....with-depression
Sometimes I feel like the mirror is my only companion.
-Mirror, Mirror Off The Wall by Kjerstin Gruys, Ph.D.
#12
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beauty behind the madness
Posted 07 February 2021 - 09:18 AM
awwww this is so cute thanks
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Posted 08 February 2021 - 01:01 PM
♡stawbaby♡, on 08 Feb 2021 - 12:33 PM, said:
I hate MPA for not giving me notifs but I really do love you all
🥺🤬❤️
this post made my day! 
also just wondering... is that Saki in your profile picture?
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Posted 08 February 2021 - 01:24 PM
655321, on 08 Feb 2021 - 1:01 PM, said:
this post made my day!
also just wondering... is that Saki in your profile picture?
Yup! I remember seeing Saki and loving how adorable she was until I read the manga for myself...
I still love her tho 💔
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Posted 08 February 2021 - 02:59 PM
♡stawbaby♡, on 08 Feb 2021 - 1:24 PM, said:
Yup! I remember seeing Saki and loving how adorable she was until I read the manga for myself...
I still love her tho 💔
Yeah I definitely agree! I loved her ending but it did make me cry :')
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Posted 13 September 2021 - 11:13 PM
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