๐๐ฝ๐๐พ๐๐ - ๐ฎ๐ต๐ฒ'๐ผ ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ธ๐พ๐ท๐ฝ๐ช๐ซ๐ฒ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฝ๐
#1 
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Posted 25 January 2022 - 08:18 AM
about me:
- 19 y/0
- she/they pronouns
- sw: 165lbs
- cw: 108.6 lbs (as of last weigh in, 1/12/22) 19.2 bmi EDIT: weighed 110.4 after eating/drinking today, and about to start my period
- 5'3
- pear shaped body type
- mid-high restriction (900-1300)
- full time student - psychology major
- works at grocery store
- art and reading are my hobbies
- cat lover
goal weights:
100 lbs by 3/15/22 17.7 bmi
93lbs by graduation (mid may 22) 16.5 bmi
i'm making this accountability bc my insta got deleted.
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#2
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Posted 25 January 2022 - 08:22 AM
things that are important:
do skincare/hair care/makeup daily
study/work on schoolwork daily
exercise daily (work is considered exercise)
green tea and hella water daily
reduce animal by-product consumption
listen to weight loss subliminals daily
(i have a yt playlist of 50+ subliminals related to weightloss, glow up, academic success etc)
things i will be trying:
fruit monos
longer fasts
yoga
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#3
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Posted 25 January 2022 - 09:17 PM
jan 25 update:
breakfast: 1/2 apple, 1 banana, coffee
snack: string cheese
lunch: homemade hummus wrap (wheat tortilla, hummus, spinach, bell pepper, cucumber, carrot, paprika), 1/2 apple, some bell pepper & cucumber slices
snack: cara cara orange
dinner: air fried tofu w sauce, fried rice w edamame and corn
dessert: 1 dark chocolate pb cup
total calories: 1348
worked 7h
drank green tea
light exercise before work
did all skincare
did homework and studied
listened to subliminals
going to try an apple mono tomorrow since im off work. ill have apples and coffee. gonna be going out w a friend so that will keep me occupied.
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#4
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Posted 26 January 2022 - 07:46 PM
jan 26 update
weight: 110.6
breakfast: coffee
snack: brown sugar almondmilk latte (idk the cals, counted as 100)
lunch: apple + string cheese
dinner: bean burrito w soy cheese + veggie sausage, 2 fries from bf's plate, 2 bites of cake
snack: 1 hichew. 1 dark choc pb cup, 3 whisp cheese snacks
total calories: 950
went to the museum and cafe with friend
drank green tea
did skincare and makeup
did hw and studied
listened to subliminals
apple mono did not go as planned. felt sick and wanted protein for dinner. have to get up early for work tomorrow so prepared my lunch already. will probably skip breakfast or have smth very light. started my period which kills my appetite and hopefully weight will go down once its over.
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#5
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Posted 29 January 2022 - 06:42 PM
jan 29 update
took some days off here cause i overate... mix of bad sleep and period.
didnt weigh today.
breakfast: vanilla almondmilk latte from dunkin, sugar free jello
lunch: apple, seaweed snack, string cheese
snack: 1 high chew
snack: hummus and 10 reduced fat wheat thins
dinner: air fried russet potato w hot sauce
snack: trail mix, hummus and bell pepper
total calories: 1010
my grandma died today of complications from covid-19. my grandpa died about 2 weeks ago from covid as well. it made it really easy to restrict. i dont get along w my mom but seeing her cry like that broke me. i've been so depressed and overworked. today was my off day. all i did was see my mom, scroll socials, and go grocery shopping. almost broke down in the grocery store, it was overwhelming. my mom bought me a semicolon ring? and talked to me about my suicide attempts? she never brings it up so i was sooo confused
grocery haul:
6 bananas
3 potatoes
2 avocados
1 bell pepper
1 navel orange
rice cakes
4 packs sugar free jello
1 lean cuisine meal
2 instant noodles
reduced fat wheat thins
gardein orange 'chicken'
black beans
chickpeas
ingredients for alfredo
i was very triggered so i didnt buy much for myself which should help me lose lol.
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#6
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Posted 31 January 2022 - 10:03 AM
jan 30 update
prepare to be disappointed in me
weighed 108.2lbs
breakfast: apple and coffee
lunch: hummus wrap
snacks: sugar free jello, popcorn, trail mix, 2 cookies, 1 hi chew
dinner: rice noodle soup, tofu, edamame
total: 1980 calories
i felt so ashamed and ended up engaging in emotional eating. my emotions have been all over the place since my grandma died. i feel so empty and heavy and numb, on top of the regular numbness i always feel. not to mention nic withdrawals, period, moving stress, etc. i called out of work yesterday crying like an idiot. i was so embarassed but its so human to be upset when youre going thru a loss? sundays are the busiest days and i just knew i couldnt handle it. i just want to feel better bc these emotions are consuming me and i cant handle it. i have work today and i want it to go good but i have no motivation or desire to go and put my stupid customer service face on. i have laundry sitting here that i havent folded for days. i know opposite action and all that but its just so hard rn. im barely keeping my head up under these stressors. if i want to lose weight i need to act like it and stop stuffing myself. i gained 0.8 since yesterday. i feel so huge.
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#7
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Posted 31 January 2022 - 10:07 AM
following xx
i can tell you are going through a lot right now, please be easy on yourself as you deal with this loss. i am sending you love and good vibes <3
click my eggs/dragons pls > 
< click my eggs/dragons pls
they/she
an-r & arfid dx, dk what i am now
!!! ethical vegan !!!
insta: @llafleurartt
stats in the spoiler <3
#8
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Posted 31 January 2022 - 03:14 PM
thenarcissus, on 31 Jan 2022 - 10:07 AM, said:
following xx
i can tell you are going through a lot right now, please be easy on yourself as you deal with this loss. i am sending you love and good vibes <3
thank you love bug ๐ญ๐
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#9
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Posted 31 January 2022 - 09:40 PM
jan 31 update
weight: 109
breakfast: string cheese + coffee
lunch: lean cuisine spinach and mushroom pizza + 2 caffeine water packets
snacks: dried apricots + cheese cracker snack, gum and mints
dinner: homemade minestrone soup (bf's sister made it, so cals are guessed)
total: 1161
today was a better day. off work tomorrow so i can restrict more lol. didnt plan on soup for dinner but hey it was good. worked hard today and tried to put my all in at work to keep my mind off stuff. breaking down pallets is hard on me. also did some hw, been falling behind lol. listened to subliminals. did some exercise before work. been obsessed with 10cal caffienated water mixes. havent been drinking green tea but ive been having a lot of water so im ok with that. skincare and makeup has been 50/50 but im gonna wash up for bed after this. took rhodiola and vitamin d today and i think it contributed to my better mood.
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#10
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Posted 01 February 2022 - 07:55 PM
feb 1 update
did not weigh in
breakfast: banana
lunch: 3 rice cakes and 3/4 avocado with spices
snack: nori and sf jello, later conversation hearts, later applesauce
coffee break: unsweetened iced coffee from dunkin
dinner: 1/2 russet potato air fried, and 1 serving of takis
total: 1056
wanting to reduce my limit even further. my bmr is only about 1400. my tdee is around 2000. if i reduce my cal limit to 1200 i can lose quicker. i feel like i should eat less. i snack too much... if i eat a bigger breakfast i wont snack so much i think?? gonna try that. today i went on a walk, then went to the treadmill and walked 0.8 miles, jogged 0.2 miles. drank alot of water today. overall had a good day. no work today or tomorrow. on thursday i have to get dinner w my bf's family... think its gonna be homemade mexican type dishes. ugh just feeling so embarassed about my weight cause its like im ALMOST skinny... i hope my weight has gone down tomorrow. if i keep eating around 1000 cal i should see a difference sooner or later, right?? did the bare minimum hw. i'll grind on it tomorrow. i had errands to run today so i didnt make it a priority. EDIT: just saw the 12-3-30 thing on tiktok… i wanna try it so bad lol. i don’t think i can do it on 12 incline but i can try!!! for reference i usually keep the treadmill on 5-6incline. so maybe ill start with 8 and work my way up.
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#11
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Posted 02 February 2022 - 06:06 PM
feb 2 update
weigh in: 107.2 lbs
breakfast: banana and coffee w sf syrup
snack: miso broth w edamame, navel orange
lunch: spicy garlic instant noodles, bell pepper w hummus
snack: 1/3 serving trail mix, 6 conversation hearts
dinner: veggie and cheese sub with wheat bread, avocado, provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, pickle, bell pepper, vineagrette (estimated cals on this. menu said 380. i counted it as 450)
total: 1260
workout: 20 min on treadmill, a little over a mile. started at 8 incline, increased to 8.5 after 7 min, increased to 9 after 5 more min. 3.2 mph speed. got triggered while listening to california girls by katy perry (?) which motivated me to go past a mile lol. my legs are sore. will probably take a break from the treadmill tomorrow since i have work and plans. also did some crunches and squats.
tomorrow i work at 6am so i got a bang to take to work with me. and we are having dinner for my bf's sister's birthday. his mom is making food and there will be cake... ugh. i'll probably take something super light for work so i can restrict all day that way i hopefully wont gain??? sooo nervous about it. then again i may go to the treadmill bc i want to burn some calories before this dinner.. i'll have like 30 min before my bf gets off work to exercise... but then i will have to shower and get ready again so idk. maybe ill just exercise inside (crunches squats yoga etc) it wont burn as many cals but it's better than nothing... i wish i could lose faster. but i already get sooo irritable and hangry on high res. my cravings get sooo bad and i get binge urges that make me so anxious and snappy. im not even physically hungry just mentally craving stuff. and i feel spacey a lot, thanks abilify. in brighter news my day was pretty good, i accomplished some stuff with hw and feel some motivation to keep working on it. did my laundry that i have put off for a week. got dressed cute again today. packed some stuff bc im moving. so yeah hoping tomorrow goes well. wish me luck for this dinner party.
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she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#12
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Posted 02 February 2022 - 06:08 PM
also forgot to post this grocery 'haul':
3 apples
boca "burgers"
amy's kale cheese bake bowl
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#13
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Posted 03 February 2022 - 08:42 PM
grocery haul pt 2
vegan tikka masala
mini mango mochi (vegan)
5 protein bars
mexican style cauliflower rice
berry medley (frozen)
3 all natural fruit strips (like a fruit rollup)
sparkling water
dried apricots
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#14
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Posted 03 February 2022 - 09:02 PM
feb 3 update
weight:108 
breakfast: banana, boca burger w lowfat cheese
lunch: powercrunch protein bar, bang drink, apple
after work snack: bagel w cream cheese, 1 serving trail mix, 4 mochi
dinner: 1 'enchilada' (tortilla filled w refried beans, topped w shredded cheese), rice, ginger ale can, slice of cake
total: 2376
feeling terrible about how today went. cals are estimated to the best of my ability. i know i am going to gain. my bf was home as soon as i got home. in fact he beat me home. and he wanted me to eat w him. i was already feeling hopeless and out of control today w eating so i said fuck it and ate more than i should have. i worked for 7h today but it felt more like hardly working aka less calories burned. i work 10-6 tomorrow and need to work on hw before work so i cant really exercise. im not going to weigh tomororw. it will just make me depressed. i will weigh in a few days. today ive been making plans with girls i vaguely know to try and get more female friends. one girl happens to be one of my biggest irl triggers and i think she has ed aswell. we were talking about what we wanted to do and she said go out to eat i said i kinda hate going out to eat she said me too lmao i told her it was awkward and needs to be private and she agreed and said it felt like taking a poop in public. i couldnt agree more. but now i have plans w 3 different people!! 2 coffee dates and a dinner w this other girl and her friends towards the end of the month. weirdly i judge my comfortableness/intimidation based on if i perceive the other persons size or personality to be worse/better than mine. i feel intimidated by 2/3 of these girls and probably most of the other friends the one girl will bring. but all of these girls have always been sweet to me (the ones ive met atleast)!!! in other news i had a good time going out to the dinner gathering, despite the massive bloat and stomachache i have now. i ordered myself some cute clothes and i ordered most in size small. xs usually fits but idk the body dysmorphia is kicking in lol. hoping for better days, eating wise, upcoming. eating more protein led me to feel way more satisfied, and not hungry at all. just gonna take this day as a metabolism boost and maybe digestion helper lol. on the 5th i will be able to go to the gym before work. anyways thats my update instead of doing my hw.
EDIT: just remembered my MIL made me 2 enchiladas and brought one home and im literally just going to throw it out on the 5th. i hate to do that but im not eating all those calories..
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#15
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Posted 04 February 2022 - 08:53 PM
february 4 update
did not weigh
breakfast: dunkin iced coffee (2 shot vanilla, 3 cream, splenda)
snack: orange juice
lunch: boca burger w cheese, power crunch protein bar
dinner: mexican style riced cauliflower, chickpeas, 2 mini mochi
snack: 1 oreo, naked smoothie
total: 1325
did morning skincare
drank hella water
listened to subliminals
did hw
been having a bad day. back pain, stomach aches, depressed and crying all day. called out of work again. sooo fucking embarassing and ashamed of myself. luckily i pushed myself to try and do things to cope- i showered, talked to my mom, painted my nails and toenails, went out and got myself coffee (bought my bf 2 donuts, the heart ones), journaled, drew, exercised, took vitamin d, emailed my old therapist to setup an appt, and even signed up for a local online ed support group. and i even accomplished some hw today too. didnt realize that tomorrow is the weekend and i will have to be with my bf and his family all day... i really like them but living w them for 6 months and still being uncomfortable and cramped is miserable for me. i feel that way w my own family too, but ive never had to share a room, and never had a space this small for a family of 4. i feel very privileged that i grew up in a pretty big house and then an apartment. despite how poor we were. but we are moving into a 2bd this month for just me and him, and that will be so wonderful. our kitchen is gonna be big too which is very important to me. im super obsessive about the cleanliness and organization of the kitchen. ugh i hope i can keep my job so i can afford it!!! i dont mean to keep calling out im just losing my mind. i think the nic withdrawals are about to go down and if i keep trying to cope i should be ok... my bf bought us weed today and we are gonna smoke in a bit.That should help my mood too. i gave myself the naked smoothie so i wouldnt eat any solid food, bc i know i will get the munchies. my bf brought me home cheetos, oreos, and 2 smoothies, and a stuffed monkey cause he knew my day was going bad. anyways hope anyone reading has had a good day.
new daily goal: brush teeth (dont judge)
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#16
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Posted 09 February 2022 - 11:33 AM
february 8 update
took days off of here bc i was binging. i am so ashamed. ive gained almost 3 pounds. today i weighed 109.8.
breakfast: frozen berry medley + coffee
lunch: 3 pieces of pizza
snack: gingerbread oatmilk latte w my friends
dinner: tomato a-z soup and wheat thins
total:1165
in the course of a few days i took 2 lax pills. yesterday afternoon i took 1 lax. therefore im not going to take more for a few weeks. i overate massively for 3 days. it caused me to become extremely bloated, sick, uncomfortable, and i still kept eating. i have therapy today. i wanted to lose some weight before i went but thats not going to happen. maybe next time i will be smaller. im gonna try to plan my next therapy for february 23. thats like 2 weeks to lose. if i could just stick to my limit i would have already been close to my gw. i have 1 month to lose almost 10 pounds now and i dont know if i can even do it. im quitting my anti depressants. im going to be only eating 2 meals a day max, not eating past 8pm. i feel repulsed by my body. on the bright side i had a good day with my friends yesterday. we got coffee and went thrifting. i got some cute stuff. too bad i will look ugly in it, cause im huge.
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
#17
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Posted 09 February 2022 - 08:55 PM
will fix format later
weighed 109.8 and want to puke bc of it
breakfast: frozen berries + half a bell pepper
lunch: popcorn
snack: diet coke & 2 Oreos
dinner: air fried tofu w dipping sauce, miso, edamame, a few bites of rice, 3 mini mochi
had therapy. therapist said my symptoms are ocd-like and she agrees with me- she does not think i have bipolar disorder or paranoid personality disorder or even agoraphobia/social anxiety. she gave me a workbook for OCD fears and exposure. and when i was leaving she said “i know you’re having a hard time but you still seem like you’re doing much better, just your appearance, your demeanor, using coping skills etc, you seem much better than when we first started seeing each other”. that was SO fucking triggering. i can’t stop thinking about it. i need to sleep but im not tired at all and im just thinking about what my therapist said feeling disgusted with myself. i move into my own place in exactly a week. me and my bf went out and bought alot of stuff for our apartment today. feeling better overall, but rn im really anxious and sad. i know I won’t be able to sleep and i have to wake up at 4am for work. just want to cry. i feel massive, i keep getting random cramps and pains, feeling sick and heavy. im so scared my organs are like damaged.
she/they
NEDA crisis chat link: https://www.national...ontact-helpline
chasing a body i know that i'll never outrun.
19 y/o • ed since 2011
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